Re:I am brand new to this...I need help.

[amc3535]

I am 27 years old and I am a "raging" codependent. I dont even know if I can go so far back as to remember when this all started, (obviously my childhood) I am fighting back tears right now because I just want to feel "normal" what is normal??? I dont even know what it is to be normal, to have a "normal" relationship.......i don't and it makes me cry.
I feel a mess, I dont feel good enough for a man to love me, truly love me.
All I want is for my anxiety to go away, and it wont. I am on medications (Zoloft and adivan) for my anxiety but it doesnt help, nothing ever does.
I enter into relationships and than the anxiety gets so bad that it feels like i am going to die.
I have been having this sickening anxiety for the last week and i feel like i am going to loose it, i called into work today because i was up all night feeling nauseated, just wanting control, and i dont know where to go to get it.....i want a friend someone to understand me, emailing this makes me sick, i just feel alone and def. dont feel normal. please can anyone help me? i will answer whatever questions are asked.........thank you.

[rockangel]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to some degree. Are you in a relationship now? And is this (or past) relationships with an addict? Or, are you just suffering from anxiety attacks?

RA

[Booky]

I am 27 years old and I am a "raging" codependent. I dont even know if I can go so far back as to remember when this all started, (obviously my childhood) I am fighting back tears right now because I just want to feel "normal" what is normal??? I dont even know what it is to be normal, to have a "normal" relationship.......i don't and it makes me cry.
I feel a mess, I dont feel good enough for a man to love me, truly love me.
All I want is for my anxiety to go away, and it wont. I am on medications (Zoloft and adivan) for my anxiety but it doesnt help, nothing ever does.
I enter into relationships and than the anxiety gets so bad that it feels like i am going to die.
I have been having this sickening anxiety for the last week and i feel like i am going to loose it, i called into work today because i was up all night feeling nauseated, just wanting control, and i dont know where to go to get it.....i want a friend someone to understand me, emailing this makes me sick, i just feel alone and def. dont feel normal. please can anyone help me? i will answer whatever questions are asked.........thank you.

:16: The anxiety sure does sound like a codependent fueled from low self esteem and lacking healthy boundaries and no real connection with a higher power.

I would suggest you finding a Codependency group like CoDA (http://www.codependents.org/) and a great online group is linked HERE (http://dailystrength.org/c/Codependency/support-group) and some times an Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.org/english.html) group will help too.

Can you describe the anxiety? like is it about your self or about your partner? or is it anxious over things and actions? is it paranoia or a psycosis?

My own anxiety use to get so intense in personal contacts that I felt like fainting from fear or my own terror, but I have learned some healthy boundaries that helped me change all that.

Here are some helpful boundary links: 1 HERE (http://www.atthefence.com/winter2005/boundary.htm), 2 HERE (http://www.psybersquare.com/family/family_boundary_rejection.html), 3 HERE (http://store.cloudtownsendstore.com/boundariesbook1.html).

And that boundary book can be got at the public Library or online, and we all have to do our homework.

:1:

[amc3535]

Thank you for your help......My anxiety is about almost everything in my life. I hit "rock bottom" in August, (I have an eating disorder, bulimic) and so obsessed with my looks and being rejected by others that I moved in with my dad and my brother. At first everything was fine, than I finally got a job December first and its so stressful - driving over an hour in traffic to work and its snowing so bad and my dad is making me feel guilty because i am moving to a different state (ma lives there and my boyfriend) and he says these comments that drive me crazy, like its not always about me. he says i am selfish and it upsets me. i am 27 and my dads 50. he thinks that i am all better now that i moved back home because i have a job and just because..and i am not just better. i am not selfish atleast i dont feel that i am.........i have always given to others., but why does he still say these things to me, when they bother me so much?? am i just to sensitive? why cant i have a normal relationship with my father and siblings, when u dont make fun or call names??
My dad was super emtionally and verbally abusive growing up, and he is a great guy and i even feel guilty talking bad about him on here........
And than i started to see my "ex" who is an alcoholic and a porn addict, and we used to live together and my anxiety got so bad from staying with him
for a few days and i had nowhere else to go, i feel trapped in this tiny apartment but i am going to be moving in a few months so i have no choice but to stay here.
i shut the door in the apartment and everyone makes fun of me, they treat
me like i am a child, telling me i hibernate and why dont i come out of my room, and all i do is give them the power to make me feel like a child,
and i dont know how to not feel like a piece of crap.
I was also in an abusive relationship for 3 years.....18 until i was 21 and i dont know if i have ever "recovered" from the trauma of that.
The guy I am seeing in the different state is a great guy, but when he doesnt answer his phone, i panic and think he is out messing around and in reality i am the one doing that with my ex. i cant be alone i feel like it will be the end of the world or something.
the guy i am seeing doesnt like being on the phone and its hard for him yet we have a deep connection atleast i think we do, half the time i dont even know because i have so much anxiety and he says he cant love me until i move there because he cant fall in love over the phone. and he also smokes marijuana too much and it is starting to bother me too..........
most of all i just hurt.......i hurt because i want to be loved and i think being loved will cure everything and i know that it wont deep down.
i dont want to be made fun of by anyone.......thats a reason i am moving
away, i dont think its exactly "healthy" here..........and i am getting depressed and my life just feels pointless.
I dont even know what to do or what to think. i am going to see my boyfriend tomorrow and coming back on sunday.
i will def. look into those books. thank you so much.
my anxiety is like super hard to explain, mostly my heart races so bad and i get nautious and sometimes the room starts to spin......
how old are you? thank you again. take care.

[Booky]

:D Hi, I am 52 years old so I am around the age of your Dad.

For the eating disorder I would recommend becoming a true vegetarian, and I am a veggie guy myself and I love it. But I say to do it for the animals and not for health as the intention does make a difference, see PETA link HERE (http://www.PETA.org).

And I find that family members like you Dad and siblings do call names and say hurtful stuff as their way of controlling you and controlling each other. I had 12 siblings and we fought with words too - mean hateful words.

They say things like you are "selfish" or whatever simply because they do not approve of what you are doing and they want you to do as they believe (feel) to be right. That is what "controlling" means, and the words (like selfish) are to create the feeling of "shame" in you so then you will do as they want (their want is also their feeling). They are trying to control you though shaming.

It is dysfunctional and it certainly is not a nice thing to do, but most families do such crap and we can not change them.

But you can change yourself by seeing the words as their way of expressing love, and it has worked before in their past and they must have learned the dysfunction by having other people doing it to them. Our siblings learned it from our parents and the parents learned it from our grandparents, and codependency is very much a family dysfunction.

My parents had the codependency traits and they gave it to all 12 of us siblings, I was number 6 of 12.

I am not certain about my Dad's condition as he died when I was 17 but my Mom was the BIG carrier of the codependency in my family, and she was the middle child of 3 girls and her Mom (my maternal grandmom) died in childbirth and that child died of pneumonia at 6 years, and my Mom and her 2 year elder sister were raised as adopted by her Aunt (my great-Aunt) and it appears the 2 girls (my Mom and Aunt) were not treated well at that time.

My Mom is 86 now and waiting (praying) to die (it is a dysfunction) and she is in big-time denial so she will not tell us what ever really happened in her childhood, and she stubbornly will not tell much of anything else. My 11 siblings are all in some degree of denial too. Their ages range from 43 - 59 as I am 52 in the middle, and the codependency does last a lifetime if one does not treat it correctly.

And I already said it in the previous post that boundaries really do work because boundaries will increase the self esteem and it will also bring one closer to the realities, and closer to God.

Most likely you do not have a strong relationship with God so faith is harder to use but the true God is never so far from us. My family of origin had an evil nasty God and there is a difference from the loving Father God that cares about all His children.

:12: