New year, new life! [Archive] - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

alcoholrehabcoach

12-31-2008, 07:01 PM

Wow! What a year!

For me, 2008 will go down as being one of the most challenging, and also one of the most rewarding years of my life. Learned a ton, made a lot of new friends, became closer to the people I love, attracted all kinds of wonderful abundance and incredible opportunities into my life...And I think most importantly, I became a better person by holding my Self to higher standards than I ever had before.

My favorite things I learned this year were:

1. If you want to get results like you have never seen before, then you must become something you have never been before.

2. More than 90% of people who set a goal fail to achieve it. But more than 70% of people who make a promise are able to keep it. What that means is, our brains have more leverage to keep a promise, then to achieve a goal.

Now, by simply making little promises to myself instead of calling them "goals", I not only relieve a lot of stress, and increases my chances of success, but I am also more careful about what I promise!

For example, earlier today I was thinking I would promise to do a whole bunch of free online webinars, exclusively for alcoholics, once a week every week for the next 12 months...but now I've decided to only commit do doing 12 free webinars, and then see where it goes from there.

So rather than making another New Year's Resolution, and rather than setting another crazy goal, I am simply going to make this promise to myself and each of you:

Starting the second week in January, I'll be doing some free online coaching for alcoholics. This will be a way for people to anonymously get some professional help on a weekly basis, totally free of charge, and without incurring any long-distance telephone charges.

I'll let you know the details as soon as it's set up. Meanwhile, what is one small promise you can make to yourself or someone else for the next little while? (Be sure to put a deadline or expiry date on your promise, so you can minimize any stress and measure how well you did!)

Have a Divine 2009!!!

:1::12::42::mrgreen::tongue::lol::D:smile::idea:

Keep up with Mike on Twitter. It's fun! (http://twitter.com/FollowMike)

BIG AL

12-31-2008, 11:15 PM

Great post mike.I am promosing to be debt free this yr,i read this to my wife(post)and she got alot out of it also

alcoholrehabcoach

01-01-2009, 10:32 AM

Great post mike.I am promosing to be debt free this yr,i read this to my wife(post)and she got alot out of it also

Great promise, Al!

Would you like some coaching to help you become debt free this year? (For you, no charge! We can do it right here in this thread!)

BIG AL

01-01-2009, 02:09 PM

sure great deal

Rockin Big Daddy

01-01-2009, 04:45 PM

A year from now
Where will you be a year from now? Where would you most like to be?
There is so much you've learned and experienced on your journey to this day. Imagine what you can now do with it all.

This new year is a grand opportunity, filled with promise and possibilities. Choose now the very best of those possibilities, and know that you have the power to bring them to life.

You will spend this coming year moving in one direction or another. Commit now to making that direction the one that will take you toward what you sincerely desire.

Life in each moment is influenced by your presence and participation. As this new year unfolds, continue to make that influence a positive and fulfilling one.

Consider today where you would like to be a year from now. For now is the beginning of the year in which you can truly make it happen.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-01-2009, 05:03 PM

...I am promising to be debt free this year.

Okay so the first thing we gotta do is beef up this really important promise of yours.

To begin strengthening your resolve and attracting vital resources to you that will help you keep your promise, tell me:

1. The exact date in 2009 that you are promising yourself you will be debt free on. Write it like this:

I am debt free on <fill in the date>.

2. Describe a detailed, emotionally charged image that will serve as proof that you are debt free on that particular day. For example:

On July 1st, 2009, my wife and I are standing in the kitchen, and I am kissing her with one arm around her waist, and one hand holding my balance statement high above my head!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 01:50 PM

Too hard? Too nutty?

Here's a couple of tips:

1. If you can't say it, you can't have it.

2. You'll see it when you believe it. Not the other way around.

A few years ago, Walt Disney's grandson was walking around Disneyworld with a promoter. The promoter said "Imagine what old Walt would say if he could see this place now."

The grandson replied: "Walt saw it first."

snugsnug

01-02-2009, 02:07 PM

BIG AL

01-02-2009, 03:08 PM

No mike not too hard I welcome working with you again I think you have LOTS to offer.I am on nights at the plants for few days so i come home check mail and go to bed get up and work.give me couple days and we wll et right on it please bear with freind i need the help i have made a commit to start cutting up credit cards .i will be putting in massive amount of hours this weekend

paulm

01-02-2009, 04:31 PM

Visualization is one major key to success. What is the point of dreaming if you don't see yourself in the winners circle already... you will stay devoted if you see you've already won. Just by paying those bills every month, the sacrifices will seem worth it if you know that is another rung on the ladder to achievement. (Kind of like one step at a time, reaping the rewards all the way thru)

No promises to make to myself this year, I should have between 8-10 promises at a minimum.

I have one big life changing thing going on, I need to change stuff about my life and it starts with my surroundings. Finding a social circle of people that contribute to my feeling worthy and significant... something inside says, "It starts with you". I believe it I just don't know how to get started. so the inner child is stomping his foot saying, "NO, I'm not going to"

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 05:58 PM

...Finding a social circle of people that contribute to my feeling worthy and significant... something inside says, "It starts with you". I believe it I just don't know how to get started....

You just did! You've got your circle started! You can certainly add me to that circle of people who believes you are worthy and significant and knows you have a ton of things to offer!

And as you continue developing that knowledge within yourself, no doubt your circle of friends and influence will rapidly grow to include many more people as well.

Paul I am proud to have you as a friend. Here's to each of us raising the bar instead of raising a glass in 2009!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 06:08 PM

Hey Mike I will take you up on that promise.

We are in the process of opening a Recovery Enhancement Program. We applied for and received a United Way start-up grant to do some case management.

I want to have our first 12 clients on their way to a better life.

On December 15, 2009 me and the rest of the folks involved with Ward Street Mission-Recovery Enhancement Program will be handing our clients certificates of completion.

Is this the type of promise you can help coach?
Sterling c.

OUTSTANDING!!!

Yes! I can and will definitely help you keep that promise! That's a nice, crystal clear image of what you will achieve. Great job, Snug! Now that you've made a promise, the next step is we have to be certain of your reasons. We have to be sure that this is YOUR promise and not anybody else's. Remember that if you alone are making this promise, then you alone are responsible for keeping it, no matter what anyone else ever thinks or says or does!

So before we go any further, how do you feel about making and owning that promise totally by yourself?

:162:

:wink:

:1:

snugsnug

01-02-2009, 06:31 PM

OUTSTANDING!!!

Yes! I can and will definitely help you keep that promise! That's a nice, crystal clear image of what you will achieve. Great job, Snug! Now that you've made a promise, the next step is we have to be certain of your reasons. We have to be sure that this is YOUR promise and not anybody else's. Remember that if you alone are making this promise, then you alone are responsible for keeping it, no matter what anyone else ever thinks or says or does!

So before we go any further, how do you feel about making and owning that promise totally by yourself?

:162:

:wink:

:1:

I feel great about owning it. And I should, I am the only employee right now.

On December 15 2009 I will hand out the completion certificates to my12 clients.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 07:21 PM

Nice!

Now let's get some leverage on ourselves to make sure we keep our promises!

What we need to do now is come up with a whole bunch of positive and negative motivators to ensure we go the distance.

And the reason I'm saying "we" is because I want you to know that I'm not telling you to do anything I'm not willing to do myself. So let's start with some positive motivation.

Give me a number. Tell me how many positive reasons you are now going to list, that will compel or inspire you to keep your promise. Pick a number, and then as long as you are willing to match me reason for reason, then I will list as many of my own reasons as you would like to see, for why I'm going to keep my promise, too. Got it? Give me a number...

:15:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 08:15 PM

And HEY!

How 'bout all you other lookyloos out there? Anybody else have any promises to keep?

Or a couple of weeks from now, are you just gonna be looking back at yet another New Year's Resolution lost?

Step up!

:275:

snugsnug

01-02-2009, 08:36 PM

paulm

01-02-2009, 08:47 PM

Thanks Mike, I appreciate that. I can see that value this site has a contributor to the feeling of worthiness, and I totally missed it until you pointed it out. for the good you do I am proud to call you a friend as well.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-02-2009, 09:07 PM

Okay twelve it is!

Here's 12 feel-good reasons for why I'm going to keep my promise of doing twelve weeks of webinars to give people some free online resources, coaching and support to help them with their drinking problems.

1. It's gonna feel SO GOOD hearing all the success stories and personal breakthroughs that participants will be sharing.

2. Its gonna be fun finally hearing the voices of so many people I've been communicating with in type.

3. I get to share even more of the amazing things I've learned.

4. We teach best what we most need to learn, so by sharing this knowledge with others I reinforce it for myself.

5. I'll make a bunch of new friends by doing this.

6. New opportunities will undoubtedly open up for myself and everyone who participates.

7. I get to connect with more people on a weekly basis.

8. I'll make many new distinctions and discover even more ways of helping people.

9. It will further develop my organizational skills.

10 It will further develop my technical abilities and presentation skills.

11. It will further strengthen and reinforce my identity as a leader.

12. It is congruent with my purpose of laying down guidelines for people to uplift themselves, and it is consistent with my passion for helping people become more response-able for their own health, wealth and happiness.

That's 12 positive reasons for why I'm going to keep my promise. What are yours?

snugsnug

01-03-2009, 10:41 AM

For the next twelve months I will work toward getting and helping 12 clients with resources they need.

1. In doing this I will get to spread the message of Jesus Christ.

2. In doing this I will get to meet at least 12 other folks just like me, who need some help.

3. In doing this I will build up the reputation of WSM-REP.

4. In doing this I will enhance my case management skills.

5. In doing this I will feel better about myself for helping others.

6. I will build up my network for referring clients.

7. I will be doing something constructive that will help others.

8. I will be exposed to new opportunities in the recovery community.

9. It’s going to be exciting seeing others succeed.

10. It’s going to be an opportunity to gain new organization skills.

11. It’s going to get me out of the house other than church and meetings.

12. It’s going to let me use some of the schooling I have been getting these last few years.

OK coach, that was a tough task, I guess I get what I asked for. Next!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-03-2009, 12:10 PM

OK coach, that was a tough task, I guess I get what I asked for.

ASK! And ye shall receive!
SEEK! And ye shall find!
KNOCK! And the door shall be opened!

Next!

Great attitude. NEXT!

List 12 NEGATIVE motivators! Twelve bad things, thoughts, feelings or consequences that will surely happen if you DO NOT keep this really important promise to yourself.

And guess what, Snug. You get to go first this time! :eek:

snugsnug

01-04-2009, 06:33 AM

I did ask, and I received!
I did seek, and have found!
I was knocking, and the door opened!

12 negatives about not meeting my goals for 2009;

1. I will loose the opportunity to spread the Gospel to some new people.

2. I will not get to meet at least twelve new people this year.

3. I will not gain the reputation I need to keep WSM-REP going.

4. I will not get to use my new skills as a case manager as much.

5. I will not get to help those that need help.

6. My network will not grow as I need it too.

7. My self-esteem will go down because I did not complete my goals.

8. My confidence will not grow because I did not meet my goals.

9. My chance to get new opportunities in the recovery community will be hindered.

10. Not meeting these goals will isolate me from the others involved in this project.

11. Not meeting these goals will keep me from setting new goals.

12 Not meeting these goals will disappoint me!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-04-2009, 11:25 AM

Outstanding!

Here's mine:

1. If I don't keep this promise I'm going to lose all credibility with whoever is following this thread.

2. Losing credibility here will set off a downward spiral of events that will prevent me from adding value.

3. When I don't add value to people my confidence erodes, my self-worth diminishes, I start doubting myself, and more bad things start to happen.

4. Breaking my promise goes against my nature.

5. It is inconsistent with the truth of my identity and my understanding of the power of the word.

6. It would totally suck to sound like a fool in front of all these people.

7. If I can't even keep this little promise there is no way I'll achieve my goal of making $50,000 income this month.

8. If I can't manage this project where it is so easy for me to help people, then how can I manage all the other ventures I am currently involved in.

9. God is watching.

10. This is the year I take adding value to a whole new level, and breaking this promise would throw off my entire year.

11. People are depending on me.

12. It's pathetic not being able to keep a simple promise to myself, and I left pathetic behind a long, long time ago.

Instead, I am going to remember the truth of my identity and enjoy sharing my gifts with others!

I AM AWESOME!

:171:

http://twitter.com/FollowMike

alcoholrehabcoach

01-04-2009, 11:26 AM

Okay Snug...

So now we've each got our leverage to succeed, and we've put our intentions out there for God and all the world to see. We have each clearly defined our promise.

So now we need a plan. Call it a Promise Plan. There are six steps to creating a reliable plan, and I'm happy to say we have both already completed the first four steps! First, I'll explain and recap the steps that we have taken, and then I'll ask you to recap yours.

Creating A Promise Plan

1. Know WHAT I want. I want to lay a foundation for helping many more alcoholics on a weekly basis, while using my time even more effectively in this area. Specifically, I want to start by giving people another free resource that they can anonymously rely upon, and I want to practice giving people far more value than they expect.

2. Know WHEN I will have it by. I will have completed this project on April 4th, 2009

3. Know WHERE I will be when it happens. Over the next 3 months, I will be in many different cities, so in this case, where I will be is making things happen online. Where I will be at the end of this project, is right back here in this forum, telling everyone how I did.

4. Know WHY I want this promise to happen. I just came up with a whole list of positive and negative reasons for myself, and I've got all those reasons posted up in a place where I can see them everyday, so what I'm gonna do now is just pick one of my most compelling reasons and state it again right here: If I break this promise to myself everything else will collapse and I will have to leave this place to go and find another alcoholics forum to start all over again because in this case failure is not an option. I have no other choice except to fulfill my promise, because I really like being here, learning, helping and connecting with all these people.

Now give me a recap of the first four steps of your Promise Plan, Sterling.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-04-2009, 11:42 AM

Guys you all need to understand something:

It's not what you know that matters. Its what you do with what you know that matters.

I typically charge $400 per hour to people who frequently pay to hear this same information that I am giving to you for free. The people who can afford to pay that kind of money, already understand the power of taking action. SnugSnug and I are taking some definite action, so one way or another we're going to see some definite results.

My question to you is...

Why are you even reading this thread, if you are not even willing to make a little promise to yourself?

Why aren't you taking some kind of immediate action? Why are you just sitting there? Why are you wasting your time? Why are you still kidding yourself? I'm telling you knowledge isn't power. Knowledge applied is power.

The day I started keeping my promises to myself was the day my life changed FOREVER! IMMEDIATELY! PERMANENTLY! And your promise doesn't even have to be anything long or hard or difficult! It can be a promise for a day or a week or even for an hour. But I recommend you go ahead and stretch yourself a little. Expand your comfort zone. Let's hear your little promises to yourself and let your Maker know what you intend. He/She/It will reflect back to you whatever you project.

Are you gonna keep on projecting fear? Or is this the year you finally step up and experience the truth of who you are and all that you can be?

:219:

http://twitter.com/FollowMike

snugsnug

01-05-2009, 10:14 AM

Hey Mike, for what it's worth, I figure if you were charging me for this exercise I would owe you about $2,000.00 so far. You said you charge $400.00 an hour and I know I have an easy five hours tied up in this already.

I am not complaining, actually I am enjoying the challenge to me, for me, to improve my confidence and integrity. You see I do suffer from low-self esteem sometimes and this is giving me some of it back.

Just putting my personal struggles out here for my CRF family to scrutinize is terrifying alone, much less in a challenge. This is much different than an NA meeting or sharing in church.

The fear of the unknown, or the fear of not knowing who will be "lurking-around" this forum and reading our stuff is quite real!

I thank you for this opportunity. I will even step out there a little further and say when we, my family and I are stable and able we will pay for some of these sessions as we can.

Here is the first four steps in My Promise Plan;

Know WHAT I want. I want to Get the Ward Street Mission-Recovery Enhancement Program (WSM-REP) off the ground and the first step is the case-management department. So I want to develop the case-management department of WSM-REP. In doing this promise I will interview, asses and accept 12 clients by the 15th of Dec. 2009.
Know WHEN I will have it by. I will have the WSM-REP case-management department running and will have completed/discharged my 12th client by Dec. 15th, 2009
Know WHERE I will be when it happens. Over the next 11 months I will be in Guilford County, NC, concentrating in the community where WSM-REP is located, but I will not turn away clients from surrounding communities that qualify for services.
Know WHY I want this promise to happen. I want this to happen primarily so that the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be spread through the helping of people in need. I want this to happen so that the Holy Name of Jesus Christ will be glorified by giving back to the community. I also have put this promise out here, and everywhere, so failure is not an option in this endeavor.
In the Name of Christ,
Sterling

paulm

01-05-2009, 10:36 PM

Why are you even reading this thread, if you are not even willing to make a little promise to yourself?
Why aren't you taking some kind of immediate action? Why are you just sitting there? Why are you wasting your time? Why are you still kidding yourself? I'm telling you knowledge isn't power. Knowledge applied is power.

Ouch! that hurt Mike. I want so badly to jump in again. because of my fear that I can't. Man that's not like me, I am usually the first to jump in with some BullS!@# just to sound good. I am stumped and for the first time in a long time, speechless.
:6:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-05-2009, 10:55 PM

Just putting my personal struggles out here for my CRF family to scrutinize is terrifying alone, much less in a challenge. This is much different than an NA meeting or sharing in church....Here is the first four steps in My Promise Plan...

OUTSTANDING!!!

:84:

Great job, my friend.

Step 5: Know who you'll need to help you.

Next thing is to remember that we can't do it alone! So now each of us needs to make a list of all the people we can think of who are ESSENTIAL to the process. And we don't even have to know the names of those people yet, and we don't even have to know everyone we'll need. All we need to know are the kinds of people we need in order to get us started.

If we already know the names of those people, great! Then we can just go ahead and ask them. And if we don't know who they are yet, then at least by knowing the kind of people we'll require, then we can set about to find them. So whether it's 1 person or 100 people you require, you start with a list of all the different people that you are certain your promise will not work without. For this particular promise, I need 3 people. You may need more or less.

Here are the 3 people that I need to start:

1. An alcoholic who wants some free, anonymous personal coaching via online webinar.

2. An alcoholic who also wants to quit smoking.

3. A co-host to help me with the show.

I will also need many, many, MANY more alcoholics to join us on a weekly or even an occasional basis, so there is plenty of room for all

The co-host is a paid position for one hour of work per week, and I'm going to offer it to Sterling first, because there will be a ton of benefits to the person who I select for this, and I'd like to reward Sterling for stepping up, but only if he is interested.

Anyone else who wants to volunteer for the other two positions, or if you simply want to sit back and watch the webinar, then add a comment here or send me a private message, and I'll send you the link so that you are able to participate anonymously. More about this later, right now my only focus is Sterling.

Okay, Snug. Now it's your turn:

Who are some of the people you will need in order to keep this vitally important promise to yourself?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-05-2009, 10:58 PM

I am stumped and for the first time in a long time, speechless.
:6:

If you're looking for something to say I got two big ears waiting to hear your promise plan...

:40:

BIG AL

01-05-2009, 11:52 PM

HEY MIKE WHEN U GET TIME IM OFF AND READY TO WORK ON THE THREAD FOR HELPING ME WITH MY PROMISE TO BE DEBT FREE.SEEMS U MAY BE TIED UP SO WHEN U GET TIME BUDDY BE BLESSED.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-06-2009, 12:26 AM

HEY MIKE WHEN U GET TIME IM OFF AND READY TO WORK ON THE THREAD FOR HELPING ME WITH MY PROMISE TO BE DEBT FREE.

Okay so the first thing we gotta do is beef up this really important promise of yours.

To begin strengthening your resolve and attracting vital resources to you that will help you keep your promise, tell me:

1. The exact date in 2009 that you are promising yourself you will be debt free on. Write it like this:

I am debt free on <fill in the date>.

2. Describe a detailed image that will serve as proof that you are debt free on that particular day.

:11:

snugsnug

01-06-2009, 09:35 AM

Hey coach, one of the many blessing I have received since being clean is the ability to turn over some of my load. I am working on, not being in charge, to the best of my ability. So when you ask me who I will get to help me, thats as easy as one, two, three. I ran on self-will and isolated myself so long, that the slogan "Never alone, never again" is mine! Being a part of a team is what I have been craving. We are after all, One Body, One Christ!

Here are the people I need to meet my goal at WSM-REP case-management department;

1. I need Jesus Christ to be always present, and in charge.
2. I need one spiritual advisor (already have) to counsel me when issues come up that I have no experience with. Also my spiritual advisor will help me with any of my unfinished business that I may have come up during my time with the new clients.
3. I need one director/boss (may have) to hold me accountable for my time and the money I spend towards helping clients.
4. I need one un-biased person, say coach, for me to bounce situations and ideas by, not necessarily for suggestions or advice, but just too share what may be going on that I am not sure about, or excited about.
5. I need one successful client (will have) that is willing to volunteer getting the word out about WSM-REP.
6. I need one other substance abuse professional that knows me; I can seek professional advice from, not my clinical supervisor, but a peer. I may have this person picked out. I just have to ask.

BIG AL

01-06-2009, 11:56 PM

I am debt free on 12/31/09 I go to look and my wallet and noticed that i have no credit card left,(capital one,conns,cit finnancial,wal mart,sears,jc-penny,valero gas card,or none of the 2 home depot cards.I recieve my stament in the mail saying i paid last payment on truck and i walk into kitchen and she says she is so proud of me for paying off loan at bank,and I tell her that the money that i borrowed from my 401k is all payed back and we can now afford to go to see the ball drop at times square this yr and pay cash for it.Oh and this yr we wont be paying for christmas for 2 yrs like last yrs we had.And my next sons college tuition will be payed in advance instead of installments after he starts becouse we are out of debt and ther money we spent on monthly payments we gave ourselves a huge raise:D

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 12:29 AM

"Never alone, never again..."

Great job, Snug and thanks for your call.

Further to our telephone conversation, I would be honored to be your unbiased friend to help you keep your promise, and thank you very much for agreeing to be the co-host on my weekly webinars.

But first, we still have some work to do on our personal promise plans. So I look at my promise, I look at your promise, and I look at Big Al's promise, and after all is said and done, once we have our big beautiful vision and all our compelling reasons and all the people we need to help us, there is still one question remaining:

7) HOW!

How the heck am I gonna do it! How am I gonna go the distance! How am I going to figure everything out!

Well here's the secret:

YOU CAN'T KNOW YET! NOBODY CAN! There is no possible way you can predict in advance everything you will need to do. Think of it like this:

If you were to get in your car and drive across the country, across the state, or even just drive a couple of blocks across town, is there any possible way, that you can possibly see in advance and all at the same time every turn and bump and squirrel and pedestrian and stop light and bird and car and truck or bus that might happen to pull in front of you all along the way, while you are still sitting there parked in your driveway?

Heck no! At best, all you can do is see a few hundred feet in front of you, and TRUST that the road you are on will lead you there! Yeah you can look at a map, but the map is not the territory is it! All that live action stuff isn't going to show up any map, just like all the things you will encounter in working to keep your promise, can not be plotted in your plan!

Hmm....

Now before we go any further, Snug, tell me how you feel about that.

:162:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 12:37 AM

I am debt free on 12/31/09...:D

Nice job Al. Next come your reasons. Why is it ESSENTIAL for you to keep this promise to yourself?

Give me some positive and negative motivators just like Snug and I did earlier in the thread.

paulm

01-07-2009, 10:28 AM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 11:12 AM

a small promise I can make is to be a better listener. I have this uncanny ability to shut out someone when I heard enough. they'll keep chatting and I'm on to the next thought drowing them out.

does that qualify for this discussion?

YOU BETCHA!!!

Nice job Paulm!

What I recommend is you take that promise and really run with it for awhile. Give yourself a target for TODAY that will prove to you that you have been a better listener TODAY, and then tomorrow you can start to build on it.

Once you have kept your promise for today, come back and tell us how it felt. Right away you will see your quality of life beginning to improve.

What do you hear me saying?

paulm

01-07-2009, 11:28 AM

I hear you saying I should give myself a target for today of how to listen effectively and enhance my communication with others, then I should analyze where I was successful. Is that correct?

for today, I will put into practice some techniques in active listening, I will pay attention to the tone and posture of both myself and the person I am communicating with and ask questions that will help me understand that what I think the other party is conveying is what I am hearing.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 11:45 AM

Perfect!

And afterwards you're gonna come back and tell us how it felt, right?

Meanwhile, here's something else to help you...

I have this uncanny ability to shut out someone when I heard enough.

Tell me the polar opposite of that statement, whether you believe it's true or not.

paulm

01-07-2009, 11:53 AM

Yes I will check back to let you know how it felt.

"Tell me the polar opposite of that statement, whether you believe it's true or not. "
I am encouraged to listen to everything someone has to say, because I am interested in them.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 12:00 PM

I am encouraged to listen to everything someone has to say, because I am interested in them.

Do you have any references in your life for when that has actually been true?

paulm

01-07-2009, 12:15 PM

At one time it "Just Was". along the way I quit feeling so much for others. If what I've been feeling this past few weeks is an indicator, I am starting to be genuinely interested in others.
stating today I will incorporate in my meditations. " how I can restore my passion for others."
So to put a time frame on it, by 1/26/09 I want to have a measurable difference of how I view myself and others so I feel that conversations with others add value to my career and my life.

snugsnug

01-07-2009, 12:21 PM

How the heck am I gonna do it! How am I gonna go the distance! How am I going to figure everything out!

Well here's the secret:

YOU CAN'T KNOW YET! NOBODY CAN! There is no possible way you can predict in advance everything you will need to do. Think of it like this:

Hmm....

Now before we go any further, Snug, tell me how you feel about that.

:162:

How I feel about not knowing yet, or how I feel about how I am going to figure these things out?

I have stepped out on faith, to do something different today, so I'm not sure.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 01:04 PM

snugsnug

01-07-2009, 01:21 PM

How do you feel about taking so much on faith? And how do you know when you are taking TOO MUCH on faith? Is it possible to take so much on faith that you get yourself in trouble?

How do you decide when it is time for action, and when it is time for caution?

I don't know! But what I do know is that my God said;
"He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much." - Luke 10 Faithfulness is about dependability, loyalty, trustworthiness, and consistency. Just one day of unfaithfulness can ruin all the days of faithfulness, because faithfulness means being faithful all the time.

"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith..." Hebrewa 12;1-2
To just get started sometimes can be our biggest challenge.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

I guess the answer is, are you going to help me, or hurt me?

An action is something done or performed; act; deed, and caution is to give warning to; advise or urge to take heed.

I would hope you would not hang me out to dry here at CRF.
Sterling

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 01:24 PM

PaulM,

Fasten your seatbelt.

On the one hand, you have a belief that says:

I have this uncanny ability to shut out someone when I heard enough.

On the other hand, you have a belief that says:

I am encouraged to listen to everything someone has to say, because I am interested in them.

Do you see you still hold both of those beliefs even as we speak? The fact is, there is always a choice about what we're going to believe, and it's our beliefs that drive our behavior.

How do you act when you believe "Look before you leap." You take caution.
How do you act when you believe "He who hesitates is lost." You take action.

If there is always a choice about what you can believe, than we might as well believe things that empower us rather than enslave us.

So which of those two two beliefs will actually serve you better, and...

...to put a time frame on it, by 1/26/09 I want to have a measurable difference of how I view myself and others so I feel that conversations with others add value to my career and my life.

Between 1/7/09 and 1/26/09 what are 2 things you can actually measure on a daily or weekly basis, that will show how you're improving?

Nice job, PaulM. Congratulations on stepping up. Your examples of leadership are contributing value to more people than you can know.

:85:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 01:30 PM

I would hope you would not hang me out to dry here at CRF.

Yeah, you're taking a heck of a lot on faith! :eek:

:wink:

Fortunately, in this case, you also know enough to ask a very high quality question:

"Will this hurt me? Or will it help me?"

Boy, I bet there's a few people in this forum who would benefit from asking THAT question a little more often! Folks if you think Snug has given us a really valuable question here to help us make decisions, then let's see your thanks underneath his post. He is totally putting himself on the line here, not just for himself, but also for each of you.

paulm

01-07-2009, 01:59 PM

on the one side the uncanniness about shutting people out is an observation, I haven't viewed it as being a belief system, though it's worth considering. It has been, maybe a defense mechanism, at a minimum it's been a sign that I am trying to protect myself by not letting someone in close enough to hurt me.

What I do hold value in and what gives me hope is that most people are genuinely good, and value relationships.

so 2 things that could prove to be measurable is my ability to:
1. respect their opinion
2. learn from their knowledge something that will help me better understand how I can better serve them.

have I slighted you on this one, or should I dig for another one.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 02:20 PM

I haven't viewed it as being a belief system...

"I have this uncanny ability too <insert any statement>..." That sounds like a belief to me, even if only a small one, but then I probably wouldn't have described it as uncanny.

No need to give it all the weight of being a belief "system". Far better to just minimize it's impact, keep it in it's place, and focus more on your uncanny ability to "respect other people's opinions." That will serve you better.

have I slighted you on this one, or should I dig for another one?

Not in the slightest! Did you want to?

As you and I both know, here's what's most important:

What I do hold value in and what gives me hope is that most people are genuinely good, and value relationships.

so 2 things that could prove to be measurable is my ability to:
1. respect their opinion
2. learn from their knowledge something that will help me better understand how I can better serve them.

Beautiful.

snugsnug

01-07-2009, 02:24 PM

Yeah, you're taking a heck of a lot on faith! :eek:

:wink:

Fortunately, in this case, you also know enough to ask a very high quality question:

"Will this hurt me? Or will it help me?"

Boy, I bet there's a few people in this forum who would benefit from asking THAT question a little more often! Folks if you think Snug has given us a really valuable question here to help us make decisions, then let's see your thanks underneath his post. He is totally putting himself on the line here, not just for himself, but also for each of you.

You still haven't answere the question from post #33>

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 02:34 PM

paulm

01-07-2009, 03:41 PM

[QUOTE Not in the slightest! Did you want to? QUOTE]

Not deliberately, I didn't have anything else to add to it. I want to get through this without inserting any BS just to fill space.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 03:43 PM

You're doing great so far!

And thank you because its a really good reminder for me not to get too full of myself, either. That's a sure invitation for another one of Life's humbling little lessons. I've discovered that He/She/It sure has a way of putting me in my place whenever my ego gets overinflated.

paulm

01-07-2009, 04:01 PM

The Will it help me, or Will it Hurt me phrase, really struck me.
I am starting to wonder what I am willing to contribute to relationships with others.
In analyzing things I found that I am concerned with whether some one will add to or diminish my self worth.... In the fellowship they talk about fear of people will leave us, that promise didn't have to materialize for me because that problem never existed. Now I see it clearly has become a problem that I have. I believe a fear of people has happened becuase I have under valued people for so long.

I have had daily interactions with others every day of my life, I am by no means a recluse. Why all the fear?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 04:13 PM

If I was always concerned with whether or not other people were adding or diminishing my self worth, then I would always be living in fear as well.

Constantly seeking the approval of others, being afraid of saying or doing something wrong, living in fear of being hurt, depending on other people to show me that I have value, and needing other people to tell me what I am worth? Wow! What a nightmare!

If I did that I'd still be earning minimum wage working as a dishwasher!

Thank goodness you woke up!

paulm

01-07-2009, 04:44 PM

I guess that was a long way for me to say, I have been skeptical of people and wondered how what they say toward me would affect me.. I made it sound way more dramatic than it really is, I do have a relationship that affects me that gravely, and it carries over into how I interact with others, to a certain extent as it probably is supposed to. It sounds as I am afraid of everyone that certainly isn't the case, I suspect you can judge that by my candidness here.
I do wonder however, how what I say will be perceived, therefore I don't participate in as many conversations as I once did.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 04:51 PM

Well like I said, I'm very glad that you have decided to pipe up here.

Now what do you suppose happened to Big Al? Ya think he's still working on his reasons?

snugsnug

01-07-2009, 05:25 PM

my post 43 was your answer to your post 42 which was your answer to my post 33

:4:

My essential question was: "How do you feel about taking so much on faith."

Your essential answer is: "I ask will It hurt me, or will It help me."

Except instead of saying "It", you used the word "you", which was in reference to "me", but was internally represented as "he." Or were you really thinking "He"? As in...

Will God help me, or will He hurt me?

What do you think? Is He helping you or is He hurting you right now?

My God does not hurt, only teaches and train. Times will not always be easy, but they will be character building indeed.

I don't people please as much now as as I did in the past.

You mentioned "action" and "caution" I guess I was a tad bit concerned with this words.

In all honesty I do not think you "coach" will hurt me, you apparently have a passion and knack for helping. Your views and tactics may be a bit controversial or radical, but what the hey, so were Jesus'.

So we have our 7step plan, now what?

BTY I have signed up my first client and have one in the wings.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-07-2009, 07:30 PM

Beautiful. Now we rest. Spend time with our loved ones. Come back at it again when all of us are fresh.

Thank you. Bless you. Sweet dreams.

Talk to you again tomorrow.

paulm

01-08-2009, 10:26 AM

Outstanding Snug, way to go!

paulm

01-08-2009, 11:02 AM

Good morning all, I am back and refreshed. I failed miserably in putting any of this stuff into practice at home, with one huge exception, I listened intently to my daughter and used reassuring words that let her know I am listening and I want to hear more. It felt pretty awesome to be honest. With my wife I need to try much harder.

at work, I am staying silent a few seconds longer, waiting to see if someone has finished speaking before I ask for more information, or just interject my voice...

BIG AL

01-08-2009, 07:34 PM

Back on nights till friday really sorry.been a hectic weekend and week please be pateince

alcoholrehabcoach

01-08-2009, 10:17 PM

My friends,

Stephen Covey once wrote that "Your plans may turn out to be useless. But the planning process is invaluable."

I believe that's true because in the development of our plans, we begin to see what is truly most important to us.

Very seldom do things actually go as planned. But there is nothing more reassuring than our ability to make decisions. Our ability to determine what things actually mean to us, and then choose a course of action that is consistent with our level of self-esteem. An action that reflects how we regard ourselves. I know that when I am consciously making choices, I am always doing the very best I can, with what I have to work with. Sometimes my best simply isn't good enough to get the results that I desire, and then I have to make another choice. Do I settle, or do I strive? There is nothing wrong with either.

Right now I have many things on my mind. People dealing with alcohol, drugs, suicide, affairs, a person with spinal injuries, another person homeless...Lots of people coming to me for help. While doing my best to help these people, and while making all these plans to help people even more, sure enough, Life starts throwing me bigger and bigger challenges. Today I was dealt a crushing blow. The details of my pain are not the subject of my focus. My focus is on my values, and the things I feel are most important. I'm telling you this because right now I have a choice. I can choose to nurse this pain all night, just curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep...

Or I can choose to keep my promises. I can choose to keep my promises to myself and the people that I care about, even though I'm hurting, and even though it's really tough.

I can choose alcohol, drugs, pills...
I can choose to get angry and upset...
I can choose to feel sick...
I can choose to feel sad...
I can choose to feel sorry for myself...
I can choose to numb the pain...

Or I can choose to finish this post.
I can choose to finish what I have started.
I can choose to hold myself to a higher standard.
I can choose to be myself. My real self. My authentic self.
I can choose to keep up.
I can choose to continue doing my best to be all that I can be.

So now I'm going to take a 15 minute break, and then come back and pick up where we left off.

Snug, PaulM, Big Al, Annalittlebit, Rockin Big Daddy, and anyone else who has been following us in this thread...

There is always a choice.

http://www.twitter.com/followmike

alcoholrehabcoach

01-08-2009, 11:15 PM

Okay especially since it's only the guys who are stepping up here and putting their promises on the line, this thread is about to take a hard right turn.

No more hand holding. You want to make things happen in 2009? Then quit your whining.

From this point forward, at least in this one, very important thread, I'm not pulling any more punches. Keep up. Don't keep up. Your choice. I'll tell you what to do, and if you ask I'll tell you why to do it, but in this thread I have no more time to waste.

Guys, its time to pick up the pace. You want to make your dreams come true? You want to improve your quality of life? You actually want to be able to keep your promises to yourself and other people instead of making more excuses? Here is more of what it takes:

Mike's 12 Step Formula for Success:

1. Identify what I want FOR ME! Not to do it for somebody else.
2. Don't call it a goal, call it a promise.
3. Clearly define my promise.
4. Keep MASSIVE leverage on my Self. Use both positive & negative motivators.

5. Create a promise plan in writing. My plan must include:
a) WHAT I want.
b) WHEN I will have it by.
c) WHERE I will be when it happens.
d) WHY do I want this promise to happen?
e) WHO do I need in my life to help me keep my promise?
f) HOW am I going to do it?

6. Review my plan daily, especially my list of motivators.
7. Keep on telling myself I will succeed.
8. Tell others about my promise!
9. Envision the results, and see the actual images with me in the picture.
10. Whenever I am challenged by a chore, envision the results again!
11. START!
12. Keep up.

These are reliable steps to success. Continue posting in this thread and I will continue doing everything I can to help you understand and follow them.
This thread is where the real value is. It is the most profound and effective of anything else I've said, because this thread demands that you take action.

Here's where you will see a side of me that gets sh*t done. If you like it, great. If you don't, find another thread.

Gitchyer motor runnin'...
Head out on the high way!
Lookin' for adventure...
And what ever comes our way...

http://www.twitter.com/followmike

alcoholrehabcoach

01-08-2009, 11:24 PM

PaulM - You need to celebrate. Great job with your daughter. Pick another target tomorrow.

Big Al - You need to pick a smaller target and make a promise you are certain you can keep.

Sterling - Trial run this monday at 8:00 pm. just you and me to start.

Annalittlebit - Would love to see you share with the group what you shared with me today. You're a leader! Step up! Tell us what you want in '09 and let us help you get there!

Rockin' Big Daddy - I heard ya knockin but the door is already open! Come on in and join us!

Yeah baby! Let's get this party started!

:171:

:152:

:154:

:151:

:295::295::295:

http://www.twitter.com/followmike

paulm

01-08-2009, 11:38 PM

sorry about your pain, it's no joke, I deal with it daily myself.. I choose to listen to my DR. and My body, if I need the pain reducers, I have to take them sometimes, hopefully you make the best choice for you.

that was absoultly fabulous though, Mike.

Little darlin' gonna make it happen
in whatever comes our way
fire all your guns at once
and explode into space

OK Pick up the tempo.
boom tap, boom tap, boom tap, boom
rush thru the reamining bars, right to the end.....
Ok all at once, hit it
BORN TO BE WILD!!!!!

annalittlebit

01-09-2009, 08:46 AM

Well Mike---I gotta say that in my eyes--You're the leader----But I'm extremely flattered that you also see me in that position--I never have----But I will step up and will be back a little later to do so-----Take Care Mike---I'm really glad that you're here!!!!

snugsnug

01-09-2009, 09:56 AM

[quote=alcoholrehabcoach;126062]
No more hand holding. You want to make things happen in 2009? Then quit your whining.

I have no more time to waste.

Guys, its time to pick up the pace. You want to make your dreams come true? You want to improve your quality of life? You actually want to be able to keep your promises to yourself and other people instead of making more excuses? Here is more of what it takes:

This thread is where the real value is. It is the most profound and effective of anything else I've said, because this thread demands that you take action.

Here's where you will see a side of me that gets sh*t done. If you like it, great. If you don't, find another thread.

quote (http://www.twitter.com/followmike[/quote)]

edited for my use;

Sprung from cages out on highway 9,
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected
and steppin' out over the line
Baby this town rips the bones from your back
It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we're young
'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
and strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
'Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
girl I want to know if love is real

The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight
but there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we'll live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don't know when
we're gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go
and we'll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us
baby we were born to run

Hey Mike I have a conflict on Mon Jan 19th, I am speaking at an NA celebration from8-9 so we could do it about 10 or Wed. or Fri.

BIG AL

01-09-2009, 11:50 AM

Ok mike lets see,maybe i can rearrange my promise.lets shoot for i promise to atleast have my credit cards paid off by 1/31/09.this seems attanible if I cut corners and stick to paying more than the minumum some and pick one at a time to pay off.Sorry mike i will be on days for 2 weeks i just got really busy at work hit 120 hours this week.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-09-2009, 11:58 AM

No need to apologize, Al, you're not hurtin' me any.

My only purpose here is to give you my very best. I have no attachment to whether or not you follow me on this path. It's all you, Buddy. I'm only here to help. Now it sounds like you have made a much more attainable promise for yourself. Great job. I bet that feels a whole lot better. So here's my next question for you:

Having come this far in keeping up with me, paulm, and snug, what do you think is the next step for you to take?

BLATANT HINT: Review post #63

DaveH

01-09-2009, 12:38 PM

Mike,
Although I don't contribute to this thread, I do read it. Your use of the word "promise" has caused me to have one of those aha moments that I enjoy. About 7 years ago I had a mentor suggest that I write a business plan each year for my own life, taking into account all things; relationships, finances, spirituality, etc. etc. Writing it down and checking with it regularly caused a huge improvement in my life. My plans became "real" and my wishes/dreams became accomplishments close to 75% of the time, which was a vast improvement over my personal history. Your writing has caused a shift in my thinking, my perspective. What might happen to my 75% success rate if I viewed my plans as promises to myself? Anyway, thanks alot for what you write, I always find it thought provoking.
Regards,
Dave H

alcoholrehabcoach

01-09-2009, 02:31 PM

Thank you, Dave.

I really appreciate hearing that.

paulm

01-09-2009, 02:50 PM

paulm

01-09-2009, 02:56 PM

mike the 12 step to success are a good tool
I have it printed on my desk and have reviewed several times already.
printing a second one for the home office.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-09-2009, 08:04 PM

as far as what you and I have been discussing. I'm ready to continue. I think I've made a concious effort to put my ego in check when talking with others, I have made some progress in that area professionally, at home I've put it into practice and I recognize it takes consistent effort on my part to succeed.

Paul,

You're well on your way. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, and as they say "keep on coming back." Keep us updated on your progress.

Mike

annalittlebit

01-10-2009, 07:45 AM

I'm sorry that I didn't get to this yesterday but was having computer problems---This is what I had shared with Mike in answer to his question of What good things did I percieve I got from smoking----
"I actually felt that smoking calmed my nerves---I've always known better as when growing up my Dad was Ex Dir of Am Cancer Soc--He caught me smoking when I was 16 and I was forced to read the Surgeon General Report when it was determined that smoking caused lung cancer---That meant nothing to me---And then it just became a "Habit" that I wasn't willing to give up---Since quitting drinking (1-21-08)I've been on a real Health Kick--Quit drinking--Improved eating habits--Getting More Exercise---Smoking was the last to go and at 10PM today I'll have 60 days---I've NEVER Felt Better--And the way I quit smoking was to Make It Essential"
I started on all of these improvements to my health because they were long overdue---I then found out that I have to have additional surgery to my right arm--So they became a promise to my self to be in the best possible health I can be in by January 28th--which is the date of my surgery---The recovery will be difficult at best--And at my age (63) these things are what I can do to make it as easy on me directly as possible---Indirecty it'll all be easier on my family who will be helping me along.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-10-2009, 07:59 AM

That's wonderful, Anna!

How did you "Make it Essential" to quit? What did you do or tell yourself?

Also, instead of smoking, what are some things you now do to calm your nerves?

Thank you for sharing!

annalittlebit

01-10-2009, 03:38 PM

It has always been pretty much of a "no brainer" that I Chose not to do--- so once the thought to quit again started creeping into my mind I set a quit date and started reading--Things about Why People Smoke--Why they continue to smoke--And refreshed myself on all of the health issues (My Dad would have been proud) I also put it out there so that my friends were aware--That made it real---I scrubbed down the room where I smoked and beefed up my walking------The more exercise the more likely not to want a cigarette-------I made up my mind that this wouldn't beat me---And now I picture myself in my future a "Non-Smoker" :D As far as my nerves---I'm actually calmer without smoking---I think walking plays a big part in that---If I do get stressed I put my mind somewhere else----I've been a very Spiritual person and that's what I rely on to "Keep The Peace"---I think that's all Mike---Thanks

BIG AL

01-11-2009, 01:19 AM

Ok mike back here on sat night and had a heck of a day.Went out today to take care of bills and start to catch up and ended up with new motor for boat, battery and some others stuff that wasn't cheap.maybe im not ready or williing to do what it takes to be debt free.Ounce i started looking at motors i got really into it.Maybe I can just start over again fresh and try not to spend.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-11-2009, 08:07 AM

Maybe I'm not ready or willing to do what it takes to be debt free.

No "Maybe" about it. You're NOT ready.

Your options are:

1. Continue clinging to your old identity, and totally give up on your fantasy of ever getting out of debt.

2. Strengthen your resolve to keep your current promise, and actually follow the 12 Step process that I have outlined.

3. Make an even smaller promise to do something that you know you are ready for.

Let me know which path you choose.

BIG AL

01-11-2009, 07:45 PM

SPENDING Makes me feel good.I thought to myself after all I been threw this last yr I deserve this.Ok new deal lets take this one thing at a time.Tonight i am going to cut up Wal-Mart card.and make a promise to pay it off.After I get that one payed of i will start on next one.But first comes cutting up after i get threw with working on flooring wich i bought last yr that cost over 2000$ tonight I am getting out wallet and cutting.I do love them mike.to be honest with you something about having a wallet full of credit cards makes me feel important.My pastor told me that we buy things to impress people we dont even like or know what you think about that?

admin

01-11-2009, 09:30 PM

Don't feel alone. At the end of 2008 I went to my mother in law for help with our finances. It took swallowing pride to do that and courage. We have paid off alot since then and are getting ready to pay off some more. This is a one day at a time thing for me. I am praying to God for help with this. I know I have to keep the credit cards out of my hands and stay away from the stores. I didn't get this way overnight so change takes some time but it is a change I desire and a change that can happen. Please help me God. :195:

I heard this one lady say in a meeting several years ago that when she was making the change to stop spending she would fill her cart up and then take out everything that she really didn't need and usually wind up walking out of a store without buying anything. It is part of learning to discipline ourselves which can be difficult but it can be done.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-11-2009, 10:25 PM

SPENDING Makes me feel good...something about having a wallet full of credit cards makes me feel important...we buy things to impress people we dont even like or know

Let's tuck all that away for a minute and we'll come back to those thoughts later.

For now, tell me about any specific time in the last 5 years, when somebody in your family came to you for help, they were certain they could count on you, and you did not let them down.

BIG AL

01-11-2009, 10:52 PM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-11-2009, 11:11 PM

My mom had a stroke and her meds were very expensive over 600$ and i paid for most of them and made sure my dad had food and everything he needed during hospital stay.They are on SSI and are on tight budget.they always count on me for help

What do you call this quality within yourself that lets your parents and other people know that they can count on you?

What is that character trait within you, Al?

paulm

01-12-2009, 11:36 AM

I have a wallet full of cards too, two are used, one has a big balance, and the other just has some car repairs and christmas present on it. about $600.00 balance on the small one, I aint sayin' what the big one is, but I say this to let you know my ego has me carry around about 100G in credit with no want or ambition to use it, just a big ego I guess. I will say it's about 90% or more of my credit limit is unused..
Thank go, My heart couldn't handle it

alcoholrehabcoach

01-12-2009, 11:58 AM

my ego has me carry around about 100G in credit with no want or ambition to use it...I will say it's about 90% or more of my credit limit is unused.

Sounds like a solid wealth strategy to me. Creates feelings of security, abundance, self-control, comfort, resources, possibility...

Having 90% unused credit is an awesome goal for anyone to work towards no matter the scale and amount of money they are working with. $100 available credit with only $10 being used, or $100,000,000 available credit with only $10,000,000 being used.

Thank you, Paul! You've really given me something to think about. I can now look towards improving my own debt ratios, with a more inspiring and measurable target!

:33:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-12-2009, 12:01 PM

Tonight Sterling and I are doing our first trial run of our new weekly webinar to help people break bad habits and addictions.

Next Monday we'll open the doors to all of you. Stay tuned!

snugsnug

01-12-2009, 12:26 PM

Tonight Sterling and I are doing our first trial run of our new weekly webinar to help people break bad habits and addictions.

Next Monday we'll open the doors to all of you. Stay tuned!

Yes we are, and I am excitedly anticipating it, should be very resourceful as well as insightful. The first webinar will be Monday Jan. 19 @10pm est. The rest of them will be at 9pm est.

pray for His wll!

Sterling

Mike is the link I got from habitbusters the same link for tonight? phone #?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-12-2009, 01:34 PM

Yes we are, and I am excitedly anticipating it, should be very resourceful as well as insightful. The first webinar will be Monday Jan. 19 @10pm est. The rest of them will be at 9pm est.

pray for His wll!

Sterling

Mike is the link I got from habitbusters the same link for tonight? phone #?

Yep! See you then!

BIG AL

01-12-2009, 11:18 PM

That trait would be dependable.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-13-2009, 12:15 AM

How does that make you feel? Knowing you are "dependable."

paulm

01-13-2009, 12:32 PM

hey Guys / Gals, is it me, or did things get very quite around here?

snugsnug

01-13-2009, 03:29 PM

Well Mike ,alcoholrehabcoach, and I did our dry run for the webinar. I think it went exceptionally well, considering I could not figure out how to log on:mrgreen::lol:

We will be giving the webinar every week. Next week, Mon. the 19th we will start at 10:00 pm est. The rest of the webinars (11) will be on Monday's at 8pm.

I will post the link as soon as it is sent to me.

I invite and encourage all of us to tune in and ask some serious questions about breaking habits and addictions, permanently.:29:

See you then!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-13-2009, 08:01 PM

Okay looks like we're ready to go.

Here's the purpose of these webinars:

1. Provide additional guidance, support and resources for people who are seeking help with their drug and alcohol problems.

2. Help individuals find a way to permanently break their bad habit or addiction, in a way that works for them.

Here's the details for anyone who is interested in watching the webinar. You will need to provide your name and email to register, but your information will never be revealed so you can watch, and even participate, with complete confidence. Your name and identity will remain anonymous.

Free Online Webinar for Alcoholics, Addicts & Smokers

Join us for a Webinar on January 19

Space is limited. Reserve your Webinar seat now at:

https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/925059337

Join Mike Highstead, CEO of HabitBusters, and Sterling Cannon of The Ward Street Mission Recovery Enhancement Program, to help you permanently break any unwanted habit or behavior, in a way that works for you. Receive professional guidance, resources, and support for your food, drug, smoking, alcohol or any other addiction, anonymously, and totally free of charge.

Title: Free Online Webinar for Alcoholics, Addicts & Smokers
Date: Monday, January 19, 2009
Time: 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM EST

After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar.

See you there!

:42:

BIG AL

01-13-2009, 10:52 PM

being dependable makes me feel good about myself that people call on me in need and know ill be there.theres prides alot of pride in being able to somewhat take care of my parents

DavidNOLA

01-13-2009, 11:09 PM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-14-2009, 12:06 AM

SPENDING Makes me feel good...something about having a wallet full of credit cards makes me feel important...Maybe I have a need to impress people.

being dependable makes me feel good...that people call on me in need...theres a lot of pride in being able to somewhat take care of my parents

Now this is something I can certainly relate to. Spending money I don't have, in order to impress or even take care of other people. I know the very real pressure of needing to take care of my family. And I also know the pressure of feeling that need to give people the impression that I'm always a stand up guy, who never fails to look out for others, and is always totally in control.

But I know that simply isn't true. There are many times I struggle and fall and hurt myself and other people. Even with all the love and the very best intentions in my heart. Whenever that happens, whenever I make such critical errors in judgment, I like to step back and re-evaluate my approach. Try to get a handle on the things that are TRULY most important to me. So let me ask you this:

When you are flying in an airplane, whose oxygen mask does the stewardess tell you to put on first: yours, or your child's? Why?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-14-2009, 12:14 AM

Same here. I just put my nephews to bed around 30 minutes ago.
My sister needs the help and I need to spend time with my nephews.
I have to make sure they have a dependable uncle that can mentor them.
I know I sure as hell could have used one!

Hello David,

Welcome to the thread. Very happy to hear from you.

Just wondering...do you have any mentors now?

BIG AL

01-14-2009, 10:05 PM

We put the mask on ourselves first becouse we have to help ourselves before we can help others.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-15-2009, 08:20 AM

How might that knowledge help you with your unbridled thoughts and spending habits?

paulm

01-15-2009, 11:45 AM

the use of the word unbridled is so approprite, I have what I perceive as unbridled guilt when I can help others but don't. that apparently is a problem within me that I need to resolve. time to make a list to bring to the therapist.

BIG AL

01-15-2009, 03:26 PM

Maybe if i knew what the problem was i could apply a solution and attempt to control my out of control spending.

paulm

01-15-2009, 03:59 PM

I wish I had an answer for my wife's out of control spending. you reach a point I guess where you feel I'm this deep, what the hell's another $20, $30, (3 lattes $12). my answer has always been if you ain't got it don't spend, credit is a vicious circle. it's a sign of an undisciplined person. once it's out of control and the spending continues, you're in trouble, (just feeding another disease). I'd suggest working the steps on this one, Start at 1. it's made my life unmanageable, then very quickly do a 4th on it. you need to see and feel what it's doing to you.. It's a very difficult one too, just like food you need it to survive, having control over this one is paramount because just like booze, it kills people.
people reach a point that they are so in debt, then lose their ability to pay, (i.e market crash, Job Loss, etc) and then drive themselves to suicide.
I am learning that my finances are dwindling, due to some out of control spending, I am killing myself to pay it down so in the event of Job loss, I don't lose my credit, Home, etc.. * THen again if the job and house go I would love to be 700Grand in debt and screw them all, but chances are I won't.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-15-2009, 09:11 PM

Maybe if i knew what the problem was i could apply a solution and attempt to control my out of control spending.

Before we get to that, let's go back to this:

Tonight i am going to cut up my Wal-Mart card.and make a promise to pay it off.

1. Did you cut up your Wal-Mart card? Yes or No?
2. Did you make a promise to pay it off? Yes or No?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-15-2009, 09:28 PM

the use of the word unbridled is so appropriate, I have what I perceive as unbridled guilt when I can help others but don't. that apparently is a problem within me that I need to resolve. time to make a list to bring to the therapist.

Sounds like this is the same conversation I am currently having with Al. Do you want to keep on discussing all your problems, Paul? Do you want to keep on adding to your LIST of problems to explore and continue wading through? Or are you ready to find solutions?

If you are ready to find solutions, then tell me this:

Step 1! Identify What You Really Want or Need.

We know what you don't want! You don't want to feel unbridled guilt! So what do you want instead?

BIG AL

01-15-2009, 10:36 PM

I cut and i did make the promise

paulm

01-16-2009, 09:05 AM

What Do I really want? an excess of cash, sure million(s) would be great, just so I can continue meeting my obligations, that's so unlikely. If I can maintain right where I'm at and ride out this economic slump that will be sufficient

What do I need? I have a desire to help others, I need to pull in the reigns a bit and meet my own needs first. Us unbiblical as it sounds, I am finding the need to take care of my self and my family most important. you see the money I gave away to help someone else out, is never going to be paid back by that person, they are incapable of paying me. But I have been taught that God gives back ten fold, that is a truth I am witnessing; fear of financial failure, the reality that a job loss is probable, lead me to think that I should be more concerned about my family's financial concerns first.

paulm

01-16-2009, 09:18 AM

as far as wants, here is my wish list:
I want a guitar,
an amplifier,
some new sneakers,
a gym membership,
a coulple of work out uniforms
8 hours a week to practice my instrument,
10 hours a week for meetings and fellowship, (including CRF/ ASK MIKE)
9 hours a week to surf facebook,
56 hours a week to sleep,
and about another $9 per hour more in income.
and to not feel so guilty when I know someone's struggling financially and I cannot help them right now. (unless the agree to pay me back)
$$ to take my family away 2 weeks a year.
I'd like to get back to skiing in the winter ( just a couple of times, not every weekend)
I'd like to get out golfing in the spring and summer
I'd like time to get to the Dr's to have a few things looked over.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-16-2009, 02:33 PM

Al, Paul,

Congrats to both of you! You are definitely making things happen. Al, your integrity is building by keeping your word to yourself. Paul, you are showing more respect for yourself by clearly stating what you want.

Here are my current thoughts. Until our needs are met, they continue driving our behavior. If we have a need to impress, to control, to spend...or even to love, to help, to give...we are compelled to act in ways that get us what we need. When dealing with other people, I see there is always a choice between Selfishness, Rational Self-interest, and Selflessness.

Being Selfish is when you look to meet your needs, without giving a hoot about others.

Rational Self-interest is when you know your needs are already taken care of, so you are free to help others. Or not!

Selflessness is when you recognize that the other person is you. There is no separation. We are One.

Beyond any intellectual discussion, my intuition or feeling is that each of us could now put these words into action, by telling some people that we love, some things that we really love about them. That's what I am going to do, anyway. Gonna start with a list of things I love about my mom, and give it to her the very next time I see her. Those are things my mom deserves to hear.

What are some things you love about someone, and what are you going to tell them? What can you do to show them? And what else can you do to show them?

And by the way, do you know what happens when you start giving more? You start getting more!

paulm

01-16-2009, 02:55 PM

I love my wife's ability to know that she needs space, I want to continue encouraging her to find out what she needs to make her happy, even at the risk of losing her

Dad- Thank him for two things, His generosity when I needed financial help and for cutting me off when he needed to take care of his bills.

mom- lets think that one over a bit..

What I want to do for them:
Make some plans with my wife to do two or three things together, as well as do something just for her, that doesn't cost any significant money. Buy her a trinket from the baby for certain.

mom/dad- get them an anniversary gift so the don't feel forgotten, eventhough I was with my father all last weekend Mom wasn't there, and she needs to be remembered.

BIG AL

01-16-2009, 09:54 PM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-16-2009, 10:44 PM

That's the spirit! Way to be, Al!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-17-2009, 12:34 PM

Guys,

Let's check in and give each other an update on the progress we've made since putting our promises in writing for all the world to see.

On Jan 1st, 2009, my promise was to do 12 free webinars to help people with their drinking problems. I promised to have those webinars completed by April 4th, 2009.

I did my first webinar with SnugSnug on Jan 12, and now I have another one scheduled every monday night for the next 12 weeks, which means on April 6th, I will have done 13 webinars. I knew the first trial run would only be with one person. And I expected there might be 9 or 10 to sign-up for the first official presentation. Instead, we now have over 100 people who have signed up for the first webinar, being presented Monday night!

So far, one of the best things I have gained from this exercise, is that it has required me to raise my game in terms of organization, delivery, content and value. So I am feeling very grateful for all the love and support I continue receiving in this forum. Plus, I now have many things accomplished, that would otherwise still be dreams. Makin' it happen, baby! I'm making my dreams come true!

How 'bout you Snug? What was your promise again, and what has happened FOR YOU so far?

Mike

snugsnug

01-17-2009, 03:36 PM

snugsnug

01-17-2009, 06:10 PM

My promise was to have 12 clients by Dec. 09. Well I have three right now. One is in DUI school and the other two are only minimal services. But nonethe less they are clients. I have interviewed two other and am waiting on some more information.
I will be right back.

By Dec 2009, I expect to have this promise completed sooner than I could have expected. i almost feel like stepping out there and adding another promise to the mix. But I just can't set myself up for failure today.
thanks for the help and encouragement.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-17-2009, 07:44 PM

How 'bout you Paul? Al?

Feel like recapping your progress with your promises so far?

admin

01-18-2009, 05:32 AM

I AM TIRE OF RELYING ON CREDIT i GOT MY SELF IN A CYCLE OF PAYING AND USING AS PART OF MY BUDGET.TO BE HONEST WITH YOU WE BRING IN BETWWEN 130K AND 150K A YEAR AND HAVE NOTHING SAVED AND OWE ALOT.i WANT TO GET AWAY FROM CREDT.AND WE WANT TO BUY NEW HOUSE BUT ARE INVOVLED IN THE VICIOUS CREDIY CYCLE.DONT CARE ABOUT BEING MILLIONARE JUST NOT LIVING AT MY FULL POTENTIAL OR MAXAMIZING MY MONEY.BUT AFTER THE WAlMART CARD COMES THE HOME DEPOT AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.ONE CARD IS A BEGINNING

I hear ya Big Al. I am going to pray for you. I just recently paid off some more bills thanks to my mom in law. We still owe on some bills. I just started on paying off our Walmart cards this month. We're paying those off on our own. I did pay off a couple of credit cards last year. Do understand that any money we have gotten from my mom in law was not just given to us. We have to pay it back but thank goodness with a much cheaper interest rate. It's the interest rates on those credit cards that hurts so bad. Now comes the part of getting use to paying cash and not using credit cards. It's a one day at a time deal. I have found that God does help me with this in His ways. Remember - we didn't get this way overnight - at least I didn't. May take some time to turn it around but it can be down one step at a time - one day at a time.

BIG AL

01-18-2009, 11:07 PM

I FEEL LIKE RECAPPING

alcoholrehabcoach

01-19-2009, 06:41 PM

I FEEL LIKE RECAPPING

Let 'er rip, potato chip!

alcoholrehabcoach

01-20-2009, 03:17 PM

Thank you to all who attended last night's webinar, and thank you especially to Sterling and Tammy for helping make the event such a huge success.

This morning, as I was debriefing myself on the presentation, I had many unexpected thoughts and feelings come up. For those of you were there last night, you may recognize this as an opportunity for me to stop, take a breath, and reflect upon my thoughts and feelings before deciding which way to go.

Right now I am feeling blessed. Ready for anything. That is NOT how I was feeling this morning. This morning I was confused. But I knew that feeling "confused" could only lead to even more confusing actions. Fortunately, my life is now set up where I was able to take all the time I needed this morning to sort through my confusion. So I gave myself a break, took off all the pressure to DO anything for awhile, and instead, just BE. Be myself. Be happy with myself. Be present with myself. Be open receptive, clear, unassuming. At peace.

Taking a few minutes to just sit still and breathe, to tap into my own personal resources, to connect to my highest power...it was very good for me. Besides totally clearing my mind and revealing the next several steps along my path, it help me made sense of the things that were confusing me.

So again I just want to thank you all for allowing me the time and space in this highly supportive environment, to totally be myself. To share what I have learned, to connect with other people, and to help me hold myself to an even higher level.

We teach best what we most need to learn.

Bless you for being you.

Mike

Jatt

01-20-2009, 06:45 PM

Hi Mike! I listened to your webinar last night, and I really like your ideas. Good old fashioned common sense ideas. I got my husband to listen to the webinar too, and he also agrees with your way of dealing with ourselves.

The guy on the tight-rope, now there's a guy who has control over his own mind.:mrgreen:

I've been sober almost a week, and I'm not able to attend AA, so the webinar was something I needed.

Thanks so much.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-20-2009, 11:22 PM

Jatt

01-21-2009, 01:44 AM

Thanks Mike. A new belief I've been working on for a few months is "I can change my life for the better". I've felt completely without hope for a few years now. No goals, no desire to live.

I have severe back pain. Alcohol took away my pain and allowed me to function, gave me the ability to work. It worked great for quite a few years. But the booze has taken quite a toll on my body, my mind, my spirit.

I finally decided to try and get help from doctors for my back pain, and began going to physical therapy. I have begun to believe that there are other ways, better ways than alcohol to control my pain. I am beginning to believe that I have a right to take care of myself. I am beginning to believe that I can have faith again. Not just hope, but faith that life can be good, faith that tomorrow can be a good day, faith that I will find the right path for releaving my pain.

Now that I think of it, I took action with that tiny little faith when I decided to give up the booze. I am now having faith in myself to stay sober each day. Faith that I can do it.

All of your teachings pretty much line up with the thoughts that have been in my head for a few months now. So when I read your 7 steps, it was a confirmation that I am on the right track.

My biggest problem is trying to take action on these new beliefs. Giving up the booze was a big first step, but I feel like I have a long road ahead of me. That's kinda scary. But again, it brings me back to my need to have faith that I can accomplish the things I need to accomplish.

snugsnug

01-21-2009, 06:34 AM

Thanks Jatt!

Really appreciate your feedback. Stay tuned, as we'll be doing another free webinar every monday night for the next 11 weeks, 9:00 pm Eastern Standard Time from this point forward.

Congratulations on almost 7 days straight! What are some of the new beliefs you are now working on developing for yourself?

Hey Mike, I have been advertising 8pm but 9 may be a better time, what do you think?

I just need to go to a few websites and change the time.

paulm

01-21-2009, 08:42 AM

sorry I missed the webinar, needed to get some sleep, was still trying to shake off a cold.
I'm over the worst of it the lingering crap is just irritating.
sounds like it was a success, I hope to join you monday..
as far as recapping, I feel like I'm making progress in my efforts. I can't believe how stuck in my head I've been when conversing with others. it's a hard habit to break but the awareness is helpful..

paulm

01-21-2009, 09:44 AM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-21-2009, 05:45 PM

Here's the link for next week's webinar...

Free Online Webinar for Alcoholics, Addicts & Smokers

Join Mike Highstead, CEO of HabitBusters, and Sterling Cannon of The Ward Street Mission Recovery Enhancement Program, to help you permanently break any unwanted habit or behavior, in a way that works for you. Receive valuable tools, resources, guidance and support for your food, drug, smoking, alcohol or any other addiction.

Register for the next session by clicking the link below:

Mon, Jan 26, 2009 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM Eastern Standard Time
https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/821017660

Once registered you will receive an email confirming your reservation, with instructions for participating anonymously from your computer.

Jatt

01-21-2009, 07:55 PM

HI Jatt, you appear of pretty sound mind for you length of soberiety. I dervied hope from your sharing. Keep posting you are sure to get a lot out of this because you certainly are putting a lot into it.. keep up the faith everyday that you can do it for just another day.

Hi Paul, thanks. Well I'm feeling mighty weak tonight, dealing with strong cravings and some anger that I can't "have just one to relax".:frown: How long do these cravings last? Weeks? Months?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-21-2009, 08:21 PM

...dealing with strong cravings and some anger that I can't "have just one to relax".:frown: How long do these cravings last? Weeks? Months?

The cravings will last until you find a better way to meet whatever needs that your drinking was previously fulfilling. Remember that until our needs are met, they will continue driving our behavior. Do yourself a favor and work with me on this question:

Do you want a drink?

Or

Do you want to relax?

Or

Do you want something else entirely?

What are the positive feelings you believe that drinking is going to give you?

snugsnug

01-21-2009, 08:22 PM

hey jat, physiologically cravings shouldn't last more than 21 days after that it could be psychological. For me the key was to replace some behaviors. Replace the bahaviors I did while I was using with new behaviors.

Keep sharing where you are and don't isolate, call your network read some and pray and meditate. these are all good behaviors.
sterling

Jatt

01-21-2009, 09:22 PM

The cravings will last until you find a better way to meet whatever needs that your drinking was previously fulfilling. Remember that until our needs are met, they will continue driving our behavior. Do yourself a favor and work with me on this question:

Do you want a drink?

Or

Do you want to relax?

Or

Do you want something else entirely?

I often have trouble even knowing what I need/feel. I ran the H.A.L.T. thru my head and realized I hadn't eaten anything, so I got some ice-cream and that seemed to help. I had a somewhat stressful day, had to pay a lot of bills.

I've always "rewarded" myself with a few drinks after a stressful day. The clock hits 5:00pm, I'm exhausted, have a few drinks while making a nice dinner, relax and have a nice dinner. I physically can't stand in the kitchen and cook without drinking, coz if I do, I will get in the worst god-awful pain.

So here's what I think I want:

Physical and mental relaxation.
A reward for sitting at this desk paying bills.
The ability to cook a meal without getting into a ton of pain.

What are the positive feelings you believe that drinking is going to give you?

Drinking will give me freedom, freedom from pain, freedom to do what I want to do. Without the drink I get into pain after about 20 minutes on my feet. I'm in a lot of pain right now, just sitting here. A few drinks would take all that away.

To tell the truth, I'm really pissed to have to live in pain. So I guess my anger is not really because I can't have a drink as much as it is anger at being in pain.

Jatt

01-21-2009, 09:44 PM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-21-2009, 09:55 PM

Nice job, Jatt

You've given yourself a lot of great stuff to work with. First, let's look at your language patterns because your choice of words, especially the tense that you are speaking in, reveals a lot about your beliefs...

Some of Jatt's Beliefs:

I physically can't stand in the kitchen and cook without drinking, coz if I do, I will get in the worst god-awful pain.

Drinking will give me freedom, freedom from pain, freedom to do what I want to do.

Without the drink I get into pain after about 20 minutes on my feet.

I'm in a lot of pain right now, just sitting here. A few drinks would take all that away.

These are beliefs you have constantly reinforced for yourself time and time again. You have countless references to support the validity of those beliefs, and I am sure you have no problem whatsoever convincing yourself that all those things are absolutely true.

In fact, for you, right now they ARE completely true! Right now, there is just no way on earth that me or anyone else is ever going to convince you that drinking doesn't relieve your pain. You already know it does!

So instead of fighting that knowledge, let's just put it safely on the shelf for minute. You can always just pick that belief up again even easier than picking up a bottle. And if you really want to go back to believing that drinking is the very best way for you to get all these feelings that you want, then of course you are totally free to go back and continue doing what you've been doing.

The choice is forever and completely totally up to you. So now, being fully aware of that, being finally able to see that drinking is nothing more than a strategy for you to get these feelings that you desire:

Physical and mental relaxation.
A reward for sitting at this desk paying bills.
The ability to cook a meal without getting into a ton of pain.

Let's talk about some other ways that you might be able to get these feelings that you desire. Any ideas?

Jatt

01-21-2009, 11:24 PM

Thanks for your help Mike. I've been sitting in my recliner chair, trying to relax, trying to get my mind off drinking. I've been in a real mental tizzy, my mind totally focused on having a drink. I feel like a 2 yr old, having a mental tantrum with myself, demanding a drink. I finally heard my "negative" voice saying no. A weak no, but strong enough to take the edge off.

One option I have is taking medication, but I'm afraid of it. The docs gave me lots of drugs for pain, but I never took them because I was afraid of combining drugs and alcohol. But now that I'm not drinking, I know I could safely take a pill. But I'm afraid a medication might take away my will power, what little I have. I dunno. One of the medications I have is Lorazepam. It's supposed to help with alcohol withdrawal symptoms. But I can't tell if I'm going thru withdrawal symptoms, or what.

I'm sure there are other options, but I can't think of any right now. I think I'm just tired.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-22-2009, 01:28 AM

Just the fact that you are now consciously assessing your options is a really big win. Celebrate your success, validate your progress.

You are on a new path now, Jatt. There will be many challenges along the way.

Remember to focus on all the good things you are doing. "The better you feel about yourself, the better you do for yourself."

Sleep well.

Jatt

01-22-2009, 11:50 PM

snugsnug

01-23-2009, 07:02 AM

Hi Mike, thanks so much for helping me last night! I"m happy to say I didn't have a drink last night, and none tonight. I took a lot better care of myself today, better diet, rested good last night, took my vitamins today.

I'm beginning to understand the importance of having a sponsor. If you and Sterling hadn't been here for me last night, I might have caved and drank. It was like my brain wasn't working, like the booze grimlins had took over my thought processes. Having you guys talk me thru things made a big difference.

I also think I need to write things down, like a list of options I can read if/when I get into a brain tizzy again.

Again, thanks Mike and Sterling.:smile:

A wise man told me one time, everyone needs a guide on the side, someone they trust.

I am not too sure if you are a religious guy or a christian, or one that believes in Jesus. This is not the point, the point is in His time on earth he gathered up some followers, there were 12 in all. He taught and trained these guys and when they were ready to go out in the world, Jesus sent them out in "pairs", "by twos".

We as men were created to walk with each other whether you are a Christian or not, we should walk with another man.

The honor was mine to have been there for you platt, that is what I do, help!
sterling

Jatt

01-23-2009, 09:19 PM

Thanks Sterling!:smile:

paulm

01-25-2009, 09:18 PM

A lot of awesome stuff is happening in this forum over the past few 24's.
I am hoping to get home in time to join the Webinar on Monday night. I think I need to out myself here and say I'm a little messed up in my head right now. I am obsessing a little about a few things, I have a bit of the Poor Me's ( we know what that means, pour me one eventually, right), and I can't honestly say the idea of drinking hasn't presented itself either. So armed with all that negativity I have one option call on a power greater than me.
I went to a meeting tonight and heard a girl's story, totally identifying with the loss of self, and I have a huge problem that I have a huge love for the fellowship of AA but very little in common with the problem of alcoholism. My NA meeting choices aren't great in my area, so I am stuck. I am plagued with this deamon that wants me to drink because I sure as hell can't get high, at least not safely. the way I was at my bottom of my drugging is so, so scary, I don't want to return to that guy. plus honestly I don't want to piss hot and lose a good job either... I have very little in terms of desire to stay clean today, nor do I have a compelling desire to use... I guess I'll come out and say it, I'm F!@ked up! I wil pray for acceptance and guidance tonight.. I just felt I should dump, hope I didn't stink up the joint.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-26-2009, 10:10 AM

...I'm a little messed up in my head right now...I have a bit of the Poor Me's...totally identifying with the loss of self, and I have a huge problem that I have a huge love for the fellowship of AA but very little in common with the problem of alcoholism... I guess I'll come out and say it, I'm F!@ked up! I wil pray for acceptance and guidance tonight.. I just felt I should dump, hope I didn't stink up the joint.

Paul,

You are not your thoughts. You are not your behavior. You are bigger and better than both. You simply don't have a strategy yet, for getting the results and feelings you desire. You are still using either substances or substitutes to mask your dependence on other people. You are depending on other people to give you the feelings of love and acceptance you desire, instead of remembering the truth of who you are. Instead of being certain of your own magnificence. Instead of being an expression of Love itself.

Right now you are projecting fear. But remember that the opposite of fear is love. If you like, we can explore the topics of love and power together in this thread, or even in the webinar tonight. To start, tell me more about this "power greater than yourself" that you referred to. If you feel that is your only choice, then let's test it out to be sure it really works FOR YOU. What do you know FOR CERTAIN about that power?

paulm

01-26-2009, 01:47 PM

I have grappled with the God concept for a long time, I come to a point where I feel I have to surrender, usually when the crap gets too deep and I'm uncomfortable. so right now I don't know any other way. attempts to return to the GOD of my childhood where halfassed and I usually ended up taking my will back. So I guess the 12 steppers told me it has worked for them and I am grappling trying to find that Power.
So I call the HP, God and in accordance with His principles, (love thy neighbor, etc), I try to help another human being, without motives that it should come back to me..

I don't know for certain, nor do I have a Strong faith or dependance upon Him.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-26-2009, 06:55 PM

I have one option: call on a power greater than me...

...I don't know for certain, nor do I have a Strong faith or dependance upon Him.

With a strategy like that, you're right. You are f***ed. Let me help you find a better strategy.

The way I see it you only have two options right now:

A) Find something you can tap into that is greater than your challenges.

B) Continue being beaten by your challenges.

Never mind what that "something" is for a minute. Do you feel you have any other options besides A or B?

Stick with me on this, Paul. You are closer than you think.

paulm

01-26-2009, 08:48 PM

I don't believe all things are black or white if that's what you mean.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-26-2009, 09:05 PM

Is anything black or white?

paulm

01-26-2009, 10:20 PM

NO! I was trying to say there is always something else. I've been hard on myself and some of the people I see have made progress and I want some of what they have. I am doing the foot work. If taking the step to turn my life over will give me that, then it's a small price to pay.

paulm

01-26-2009, 10:31 PM

Yes, I think the people in the halls, AA NA who practice the steps develop some freedom from the disease. I think that being faced with the dilemma to use or stay in pain that the all encompassing GOD Concept needs to be taken seriously as a viable choice to not have to use or stay in pain.
If I choose to do something for someone else but have no faith some would say what's the use, and feed me the speal, faith without works is dead; for me it's one of those I'd rather have Loved and Lost than never to love at all. I'm afraid I may be acting Naive in this approach, but my ass is on fire and I don't know another way

alcoholrehabcoach

01-27-2009, 11:07 AM

...I'm afraid I may be acting Naive in this approach...

Acting Naive how? By taking this approach, what do you fear might happen?

paulm

01-27-2009, 06:05 PM

I get images of the Mooney's selling flowers in an airport. I cringe when I think of organized religions. Part of me thinks 6 billion people can't be wrong, the other side sees that some are being misguided like a lamb to the slaughter house and because someone says it's in the good book, they spout it off and scream with conviction "You're going to hell",

paulm

01-27-2009, 06:08 PM

ok I can be serious now..
I think you're asking what do I fear if I don't turn it over. Is that right?

alcoholrehabcoach

01-27-2009, 07:21 PM

I am asking:

"What is it that you fear, about believing in a power that is greater than your challenges? What do you feel is the risk, or what is the potential downside of believing in such a power?"

The more honestly you can answer that, the sooner you will solve the problem.

paulm

01-28-2009, 01:54 PM

I didn't actually think or believe there is a fear there. examining it further, maybe I do fear giving up control, or fear being wrong about the presence of God.
My belief system has been people who lean on religion are weak, and I fear I am weak now and don't want to commit to something that could in the end turn out to be a complete waste..
I guess my struggle is with believing in existance of Christ and my issue with organized religion.
the fact that I need something stronger than Booze or drugs; stronger than me, makes me feel weak and I don't want to be misguided by another's belief; which is what I'm doing when I listen to people's "believe that we believe" or "use my higher power until you gain faith in your own".
So when I pray for the desire to use to be remove, or acceptance of a situation, or serenity, or the Lord's prayer, what is the God of my understanding. Just God, a spirit greater than me. that is all I know. It's not The Almighty Christ, or Buddah, or anyone with a name attached, Just God. That used to be good enough. Now in my search to personalize Him, I'm getting more lost.

DaveH

01-28-2009, 02:53 PM

paulm,
Your use of the word 'weak' reminded me of something that occurred in my own recovery journey. I had read the bible a few times and been exposed to Christian beliefs as a young person. I did believe in God and I believed in Jesus. I accepted much of the tenets of the faith. But much of what I read mystified me, it just didn't make sense. And much of what people said sounded like empty platitudes. Then I was introduced to the 12 steps. In my case the 12 steps helped me make sense out of what I had read in the bible. Can there be anything more confusing than the statement made by Paul in the NT "When I am weak, I am strong" The day came in my own life when I could finally identify with things I had read and then they started to make sense to me. Admitting my own powerlessness and asking God to reveal himself is what worked for me. And in all honesty I was surprised by the faith that grew out of my admission. Don't know where your journey takes you, but I wish you well. And I can assure you it won't be boring.
Regards,
DaveH

alcoholrehabcoach

01-28-2009, 04:08 PM

What is the God of my understanding. Just God, a spirit greater than me. that is all I know.

That used to be good enough.

Now in my search to personalize Him, I'm getting more lost.

2 questions:

1. What has changed? Why is "Just God, a spirit greater than me" no longer good enough? Is there something you now want or need beyond your previous understanding or awareness?

2. Why personalize Him/Her/It? Have you not yet learned that God is by definition undefinable? He/She/It is Limitless. Boundless. Timeless. Beyond categories. Beyond labels. That means any attempt to label, limit or define It, must be acknowledged as nothing more than our own personal need for certainty. A way to give ourselves a handle on something that is bigger than our minds can handle.

How 'bout this: Consider God as an acronym for the Creative principals of the universe. G.O.D. = Generate, Organize, Deliver/Destroy.

Or consider just expanding on the definition that previously worked FOR YOU! Never mind anybody else's path or definition. What is a practical understanding of God that YOU believe can actually help you solve your problems?

paulm

01-28-2009, 04:52 PM

That God is good, Loves me, cares about me, gave me a heart and compassion, allows me to LOVE my neigbor and care for my brother (brethren, you know what I mean). all that is attributable to GOD as I understand him.

paulm

01-28-2009, 04:56 PM

why let other's definition inside my head, I don't know. I am attracted to something they have and if I'm still in pain until I reach a jumping off point and turn it over, I think Maybe mine is fake. The christians would have me believe that mine doesn't exist if that's the case then I got to be this good kind and generous all on my own: I don't think so.

Thanks for your time on this one BTW, you are helping me recapture something:

flick

01-28-2009, 05:34 PM

Hi Mike, Paulm, 2. Why personalize Him/Her/It? Have you not yet learned that God is by definition undefinable? He/She/It is Limitless. Boundless. Timeless. Beyond categories. Beyond labels. That means any attempt to label, limit or define It, must be acknowledged as nothing more than our own personal need for certainty. A way to give ourselves a handle on something that is bigger than our minds can handle. I can recal quite clearly trying to give God "definition"; a face, a label (mother/father/? etc) even boundries....tried to "understand" who and what He is.

Acceptance of God simply as God (Keep It Simple) has been one of the key factors for me in coming to an understanding that God just is.

Mike has put it well in that by trying to give God any definition it is our own need for certainty.....when we 'let go' of our need we are able to move into acceptance.

Two things that may assist you in acceptance are an "Attitude of Gratitude" and "staying in the moment; in the here and now".....searching for answers of who or what can and most likely will continue to confuse....He is greater than we can ever "Understand"...He is everything and everyone.

In trying to define we are 'leaning on our own understanding', using a thinking that is most likely built upon the past and highly likely built upon dysfunctional thinking that comes with addictions. By staying in the moment and accepting what is we can learn to "be as one" with God.

I find that when we feel lost or out of place with God the question of "who has really moved?" works well, as you'll always find it is you and not God that has moved......that is when I find getting back to an "Attitude of Gratitude" helps enormously....for even the smallest things, the simplest things; it will bring you 'in tune' (so to speak) with God. And hey if calling Him/it her etc are too much stick with the HP idea....why let other's definition inside my head,personally, I feel that it is the same with a lot of 'given things' in life; sure listen to what 'others' (including me) have to say, but don't necessarily "take it all on board"; a bit like parenting..everyone has their own ideas...take what you need and leave the rest behind....as as for thinking that yours is fake...who is to question or tell you that????

"Be Still and know that I am".....listen for the quiet voice, stay in the moment (leave yesterdays out of it, don't go into the future) and you'll come to know God the way God wants you to.(not as anyone wants you to :195::195:

p.s.maybe I do fear giving up control, or fear being wrong about the presence of God.
My belief system has been people who lean on religion are weak, and I fear I am weak now and don't want to commit to something that could in the end turn out to be a complete waste..
I guess my struggle is with believing in existance of Christ and my issue with organized religion. FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real....I struggled big time with giving up control....it's about letting go of our will and leaning on God's will.....and yes I too felt that leaning on religion was weak...old belief system and a totally dysfunctional one was what gave me that belief in more recent times. "Let Go and Let God" comes to mind...."Trust in the Process"......it's worth it!!!:wink:

alcoholrehabcoach

01-28-2009, 05:55 PM

Beautiful. Thank you, Flick.

alcoholrehabcoach

01-28-2009, 06:03 PM

alcoholrehabcoach

01-28-2009, 06:04 PM

Thanks for your time on this one BTW, you are helping me recapture something:

Your welcome. And may I suggest that perhaps it is time to change your signature and start focusing on something other than the past. Otherwise YOU are destined to repeat it. What else can you focus on, what else can you proclaim, that will truly serve you better?

paulm

01-29-2009, 02:11 PM

I can focus on the fact that God is granting me gifts, has blessed me with healthy children and a job to support them. I profess that I need to allow acknowledge His blessings and quit questioning whether He cannot be proved or disproved. I feel it's ok to just exist and keep praying to what I percieve God is, and keep doing better everyday; even when I don't feel like it.
Just For Today, I will allow myself to pray a prayer of thanks, and ask for God's guidance.

flick

01-30-2009, 01:56 AM

Just For Today, I will allow myself to pray a prayer of thanks, and ask for God's guidance. :1:

paulm

02-02-2009, 09:48 AM

I spent two days in complete observance of myself and working on concious contact.. through talking about my journey here and with a group of people this weekend, I noticed it's me who's moved, it's me who's been hurt, it's me that, being a addict, wants what I want when I want it, not trusting in the process, or acknowleding the absence of my connection with my HP.. Now armed with those facts about me, and having made room in my heart, I see that that empty void that I filled with drugs, replaced with god ( who I turned my back on) and the love of my fellowship, (who I also turned my back on) my journey became tough because even with a sponsor in my life I chose to do it alone and with a hardened heart...
I love you all for where you are on your journey, for accepting as I am, frail and sick and giving love and encouragement.. you're awesome

alcoholrehabcoach

02-02-2009, 02:00 PM

...Now armed with those facts about me, and having made room in my heart...with god...and the love of my fellowship...
I love you all...

Beautiful! Glorious! YOU are an AMAZING man! Very nicely done!

Now let's start building on that foundation...

...accepting as I am, frail and sick

Fine. Dandy. You're an addict. You're sick. You're weak, you're frail, yadda yadda yadda...just like every other person on the planet, you have all those potential feelings burbling away inside of you.

The biggest challenge I see with that, is you are currently IDENTIFYING with those feelings!

You are saying I AM sick. I AM frail. Great! You want to stay that way? Or is it finally time to move on?

You're definitely on a roll here, Paul, you are on a path that can totally set you free, so here is your next level:

What else COULD you identify with, besides being weak and sick and frail and addicted?

paulm

02-02-2009, 06:00 PM

the empty hole I've had, as I try to fill it with the love expressed by others, gets overwhelming and the scared part of me wants to run and hide and the first feeling I've felt was I don't deserve their love or well wishings. when in fact I had been denying I need it wholeheartedly.
because I don't quite know how to love myself, some of the first thoughts were, I'm useless, I suck, etc... all negativity which did what it's supposed to make me feel so bad that I want to run, hide, keep secrets and become isolated enough that I want use drugs or drink.
So I can identify with being a part of something positive, loved for and cared for. I can recognize my positive contributions, and that I am not alone..

paulm

02-02-2009, 06:06 PM

also what I had expressed about being frail and sick, is in reference to the past weeks post and I was saying thank you for recongnizing the sickness and not beating me up, allowing me to grow. The journey just beginning now, I won't worry about what was just what can become of me through the daily renewal, through which my prior experience shows me works, in bringing me closer and closer to God, not farther away and alone.

I hope that made sense

alcoholrehabcoach

02-02-2009, 08:21 PM

:84:

snugsnug

02-03-2009, 05:55 PM

Hey Mike just an up-date on my promise plan;

Hey Mike, for what it's worth, I figure if you were charging me for this exercise I would owe you about $2,000.00 so far. You said you charge $400.00 an hour and I know I have an easy five hours tied up in this already.

I am not complaining, actually I am enjoying the challenge to me, for me, to improve my confidence and integrity. You see I do suffer from low-self esteem sometimes and this is giving me some of it back.

Just putting my personal struggles out here for my CRF family to scrutinize is terrifying alone, much less in a challenge. This is much different than an NA meeting or sharing in church.

The fear of the unknown, or the fear of not knowing who will be "lurking-around" this forum and reading our stuff is quite real!

I thank you for this opportunity. I will even step out there a little further and say when we, my family and I are stable and able we will pay for some of these sessions as we can.

Here is the first four steps in My Promise Plan;

Know WHAT I want. I want to Get the Ward Street Mission-Recovery Enhancement Program (WSM-REP) off the ground and the first step is the case-management department. So I want to develop the case-management department of WSM-REP. In doing this promise I will interview, asses and accept 12 clients by the 15th of Dec. 2009.
Know WHEN I will have it by. I will have the WSM-REP case-management department running and will have completed/discharged my 12th client by Dec. 15th, 2009
Know WHERE I will be when it happens. Over the next 11 months I will be in Guilford County, NC, concentrating in the community where WSM-REP is located, but I will not turn away clients from surrounding communities that qualify for services.
Know WHY I want this promise to happen. I want this to happen primarily so that the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be spread through the helping of people in need. I want this to happen so that the Holy Name of Jesus Christ will be glorified by giving back to the community. I also have put this promise out here, and everywhere, so failure is not an option in this endeavor.
In the Name of Christ,
Sterling

I have four active clients, and two more in the application process. Tommorrow I will interview them and check their eligability and appropriateness. If all is well I will be 1/2 way through my goals. Thanks for helping me get all of this in perspective.
Sterling

alcoholrehabcoach

02-03-2009, 07:20 PM

All you folks who are sitting back there in the wings whining about your woes, cursing your fate, crying over your losses, and complaining about the quality of your life, could learn a thing or two from Sterling.

Here's a guy who is stepping up, following through, putting himself on the line, risking failure, facing the unknown...

...even through his challenges he's making his dreams come true. He's getting the results he wants.

Take action. Don't take action. The choice is totally up to you. All I'm saying is, if you are not where you want to be right now, then what are you SAYING you are going to do about it, and what are ACTUALLY doing about it?

Thanks for your inspiring example and update Sterling. I'm proud to have you as a partner.

Mike

flick

02-03-2009, 08:15 PM

Awesome stuff Stirling, bro you are a miracle.

a wee note re the self esteem, something to think on; there's been much discussion on this topic elsewhere that I've been involved in and I've come to see and accept that it is not our job to esteem ourselves(self) that's something that we leave to God, when we not only think we know but accept that He loves us just the way we are (warts and all) then we have no need or use for self esteem. I believe the deeper we go in our walk with Our Heavenly Father the less needy we become for any external affirmations...our ego is not who we are in God, our self is the ego; based on what/who we "think" we ought to be; and that thinking more often than not comes from dysfunctional old belief systems.

Just my thoughts there. Food for you maybe. with Love and respect, Felicity

flick

02-03-2009, 08:20 PM

I noticed it's me who's moved, it's me who's been hurt, it's me that, being a addict, wants what I want when I want it, not trusting in the process, or acknowleding the absence of my connection with my HP.. Now armed with those facts about me, and having made room in my heart, I see that that empty void that I filled with drugs, replaced with god ( who I turned my back on) and the love of my fellowship, (who I also turned my back on) my journey became tough because even with a sponsor in my life I chose to do it alone and with a hardened heart...:15:well done!!!!!:29::29::1::42:

snugsnug

02-03-2009, 10:33 PM

I am so glad you are coming back around felicity, I truly love you.
Sterling

flick

02-04-2009, 04:38 AM

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s219/crickett4/2.gif
thank's, I love you a big heap too brother, grateful to be here.

snugsnug

02-04-2009, 07:15 AM

[quote=alcoholrehabcoach;129857]All you folks who are sitting back there in the wings whining about your woes, cursing your fate, crying over your losses, and complaining about the quality of your life, could learn a thing or two from Sterling.

I have done my share of whining, but at some point I just realized it wasn't getting me anywhere but angry.

Here's a guy who is stepping up, following through, putting himself on the line, risking failure, facing the unknown...

I did pick up on something I heard, a pain shared is a pain lessoned. So I shared my pain and went on my mission to keep moving forward.

...even through his challenges he's making his dreams come true. He's getting the results he wants.

I am not going to harp on my challenges, I am going to harp on getting out of my victom mode and getting into my successful, helpful mode. I am most joyous when I am helping. God has put some people in my life to take away that pain and replace it with hope.

Thanks for your inspiring example and update Sterling. I'm proud to have you as a partner.

Thanks for challenging me to step out of my tidy little box. I you too my friend.

Sterling

Rockin Big Daddy

02-04-2009, 11:24 PM

Make progress
Today is your opportunity to make progress. Right now is the moment to begin.
If you're not quite sure how you'll proceed, go ahead and get started anyway. The way to work out the details is to jump into the work.

Each moment that flows quickly into your life will flow out again just as quickly. While you have it, you can transform that moment into a lasting accomplishment.

Make a little bit of progress, again and again. Soon, you will have created great value.

You can do it, because you are alive and aware and willing to get where you wish to go. Whatever your situation, whatever your circumstance, you can make something positive and valuable out of it.

Choose now to make progress, and allow a positive momentum to take hold. Feel the joy of being the immensely creative person you can surely be.