dalin
01-01-2009, 06:40 AM
If I am not the problem..then there is no solution
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My recovery started out as a sad victim story.It remained that way as long as I was the one in charge of my recovery.
My first look at recovery was when I was in the Navy,and kept showing up to work high,or sometimes not showing up.My usional disfunction,
completely making my life unmanagable.
I went to Captains Mass,wich is what happens when you dont live up to your responsibilities.The captain put me an assignment to make these meetings on the base with these guys that had drinking problems three times a week,and being restricted to the ship the rest of the time for 3 months.
When the three months were up,I continued to go,as well as making some NA meetings with a freind there that seemed to believe that folks there seemed closer to our age,and well,hipper than the old folks at the drunks group.
That was in 86.So basicly,I loved the program when I could sit back and quote the text.
I was told thatI couldnt sit on the Basic Text and work the program by ass-mosis.
So I had to work hard enough to hit a bottom hard enough that I was willing to stop digging.I went to meetings,all
varieties,untill I was willing to get real and stick to the fellowship that stuck to me.NA had my disease written all over it.
I had been an NA member that would drive to other meetings in far off places.I got clean,and made meetings,then someone would piss me off,a girlfreind would brake up,or I would get caught screwing around,and I would use.
Eventualy I got a good sponsor,that had a good sponsor,and began staying in touch with these guys.It made a huge difference in my program.
They told me that everything after but was bull****.They were willing to be real with me.They got close to me.We talked about real issues.Life on lifes
terms.
I stayed clean for 3 years.I was taught how to work the steps on a problem.I practised the principles to the best of my ability,and my willingness.
As things moved on,I sponsored other addicts the way that I was sponsored.An addict that does not understand the steps will not
stay clean.As a sponsor,I was shown that it was my job to make sure that my sponsees understood the steps,and to the point that they could explain them to me,and could make me understand it in laymans terms.There understanding,not worlds,or there areas,or freinds.
But good enough that they could work it with a newcomer.
Two years later,as I was growing in my life
I had a stroke.It messed me up.My hands lost alot of there manuverability.I had to learn to speak,eat,and had to greive not being able to drive,basicly my old lifestyle altogether.I went through a period
of grieving.I couldn't drive.I could not even write,wich was one of my talents that I used often.I was a creative writer.It was a talent that started out as my journal writing.
That year my sponsor died as well.He was the one person that new me inside and out.For the first time,since being abandonned by my
father my first year of shool,I had learned to trust another man.
My grief was doing a full time job on my depressed,newly disabled addict.
So basicly I did lots and lots of praying.I lived with my parents in Louisiana,in an area with no NA meetings.I lived with them untill my Higher Power gave me the willingness and the ability to make freinds
and move on.
I was shown to stay connected,no matter what it took.With whatever tools
I had,as well as the willingness to pick up others.I prayed,and got helped.
Through the internet,I got contacts,and in 89 moved to Georgia,and got my new sponsor.I still have him today.
The romantic relationship that I had with the person that I met on line in Georgia began to have problems,and seemed to fall apart about the same time that my settlement from social security that I got about the stroke.My brain was still new and untrained,and probobly about the same maturitly level as a 14 year old kid.The relationship fell apart and I left,feeling hurt and used.A normal feeling for me. I did not use,but it showed me that alot of folks sit in the rooms of recovery and dont change.All I can do is try and seek healthier freinds.Pray and act.
My new sponsor has been there for me.
He is an awesome guy.We went thru the steps and traditions together.He sponsors alot of addicts worldwide.We relate.He cared about me.We both
love NA literature.We have written literature with some of the original
literature group that started putting together the Basic Text.We have worked on some literature about recovery in NA that has readers all over the world.I have also edited an NA Newsletter for two years,as well as done some online service work.
This situation I am in allows me to sponsor guys from different countrys.
I stay in touch with my sponsee brothers,that I love alot,and that I am contantly learning from.These addicts are helping me break out of the isolation.
I grow spiritualy,sometimes against my own will.
I was shown the older ways how to work the steps and traditions.Have used the official guide,but I always use what feels more comfortable in a situation.I do what it takes to help anyone that I can.
My Higher Power gives me the tools I need to work through life.
I know the steps always start out with surrender.Always
trying to control the uncontrolable.Sometimes it can be a battle.
Some say acceptance is the answer to all there problems,but
I know I cant accept something I am trying to control.Finaly,when my butt is whipped I get to the point of surrender.It can be a tiring battle.
So I accept my disease,I accept the powerlessness over my addiction,in whatever form it is taking.
Then I begin to see which way my Higher Power is working in my life this time.He is always there in some form,that huge lifeforce the Universe has.As long as I am surrendered .My God is there,and the biggest denial
wont let me ignore him today.
I find that almost magical flow.It feels positive,follow it.
So I develop faith that the program can help me when I am willing.
So my surrender is re-enforced when I am willing to turn my life over to spiritual principles of recovery.
Action is now required. If I don't change, I will be miserable and return to using drugs.
The actions suggested by the NA program can change my personality and character..if I am willing.
honestly examine myself, writing down what I have done and how I have felt.
I reveal myself completely to my God and to another human being, telling all of my most secret fears, angers, and resentments,all the stuff that can fill those sleepless nights.
I begin to behave differently and become ready to be changed by my God into the sort of person He wants me to be,to the best of my willinngness and ability.
I have begun to develop a reasonable self-image, based in reality, by asking to be relieved of my shortcomings,my sick spiritualy transformed survival skills.
By amending the wrongs I have done to other people, I have learned how to forgive myself and others.
I review my behavior regularly and correct my mistakes as soon as possible,to the best of my willingness and ability.
I am continually developing and expanding trust and faith in spiritual principles.The more I practise them the better I feel.
I give to others, sharing myself, and our program, and try to live the principles that I learned.If I cant show you,then I am not living it.
I live in a different country than the one I got clean in.
I am a worldwide addict.But just like my southern accent,
some things about my program are my way of recovery.Stick around,you will find yours.
And like my old sponsor said alot,
"If I am not the problem,then there is no solution"
Thanks for helping me stay clean.
I know that my disease filters thru my thought process.
Nothing changes if nothing changes,and if my thoughts
arent spiritual,they wont be to practical.
This is an awesome spiritual,not religious program.Through sponsorship,and through my own spiritual path,I have been
shown that everyone has the right and responsibility to find a Higher Power that speaks to there heart.
Thank God that the program does not give me the right to be a "Recovery Cop",trying to make sure my sponsees,
or anyone else has the "right God".
When I am able to back up,and get myself humbled and spiritualy centered,and pray to be used as a guide,and I can
practise the spiritual principles,and accept the God that lives in the heart of everyone in recovery.God has many names.
Sort of like water.
Water is everywhere & in all living things - we cannot be separated from water. No water, no life. Period. Water comes in many forms - liquid, vapor, ice, snow, fog, rain, hail. But no matter the form, it's still water.
Human beings give this stuff many names in many languages, in all its forms. It's crazy to argue over what its true name is. Call it what you will, there is no difference to the water. It is what it is.
Human beings drink water from many containers - cups, glasses, jugs, skins, their own hands, whatever. To argue about which container is proper for the water is crazy. The container doesn't change the water.
Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it iced, some fizzy, some with stuff mixed in with it - coffee, whatever. No matter. It does not change the nature of the water.
Never mind the name or the cup or the mix. These are not important. What we have in common is thirst. Thirst for the water of Life! As it is with water, so it is with God.
Learned this from Rober Fulgum.
So I can simplify,and know that in sponsorship,I sponsor many men from many parts of the world where they were taught from childhood to
drink the same lifesaving stuff with a different name than what I was taught as a child.Water is water.God is God.My sponsor told me to keep
things simple.It has worked.
Things that aren’t of a spiritual nature wont fly,so alot of my time today is spent in conversation with other addicts. You recovering folks
can lovingly call me on my stuff.
"Earth poeple" lack that talent.
Isolation kills.
You folks help me work that third step.
Thank you for helping me recover.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My recovery started out as a sad victim story.It remained that way as long as I was the one in charge of my recovery.
My first look at recovery was when I was in the Navy,and kept showing up to work high,or sometimes not showing up.My usional disfunction,
completely making my life unmanagable.
I went to Captains Mass,wich is what happens when you dont live up to your responsibilities.The captain put me an assignment to make these meetings on the base with these guys that had drinking problems three times a week,and being restricted to the ship the rest of the time for 3 months.
When the three months were up,I continued to go,as well as making some NA meetings with a freind there that seemed to believe that folks there seemed closer to our age,and well,hipper than the old folks at the drunks group.
That was in 86.So basicly,I loved the program when I could sit back and quote the text.
I was told thatI couldnt sit on the Basic Text and work the program by ass-mosis.
So I had to work hard enough to hit a bottom hard enough that I was willing to stop digging.I went to meetings,all
varieties,untill I was willing to get real and stick to the fellowship that stuck to me.NA had my disease written all over it.
I had been an NA member that would drive to other meetings in far off places.I got clean,and made meetings,then someone would piss me off,a girlfreind would brake up,or I would get caught screwing around,and I would use.
Eventualy I got a good sponsor,that had a good sponsor,and began staying in touch with these guys.It made a huge difference in my program.
They told me that everything after but was bull****.They were willing to be real with me.They got close to me.We talked about real issues.Life on lifes
terms.
I stayed clean for 3 years.I was taught how to work the steps on a problem.I practised the principles to the best of my ability,and my willingness.
As things moved on,I sponsored other addicts the way that I was sponsored.An addict that does not understand the steps will not
stay clean.As a sponsor,I was shown that it was my job to make sure that my sponsees understood the steps,and to the point that they could explain them to me,and could make me understand it in laymans terms.There understanding,not worlds,or there areas,or freinds.
But good enough that they could work it with a newcomer.
Two years later,as I was growing in my life
I had a stroke.It messed me up.My hands lost alot of there manuverability.I had to learn to speak,eat,and had to greive not being able to drive,basicly my old lifestyle altogether.I went through a period
of grieving.I couldn't drive.I could not even write,wich was one of my talents that I used often.I was a creative writer.It was a talent that started out as my journal writing.
That year my sponsor died as well.He was the one person that new me inside and out.For the first time,since being abandonned by my
father my first year of shool,I had learned to trust another man.
My grief was doing a full time job on my depressed,newly disabled addict.
So basicly I did lots and lots of praying.I lived with my parents in Louisiana,in an area with no NA meetings.I lived with them untill my Higher Power gave me the willingness and the ability to make freinds
and move on.
I was shown to stay connected,no matter what it took.With whatever tools
I had,as well as the willingness to pick up others.I prayed,and got helped.
Through the internet,I got contacts,and in 89 moved to Georgia,and got my new sponsor.I still have him today.
The romantic relationship that I had with the person that I met on line in Georgia began to have problems,and seemed to fall apart about the same time that my settlement from social security that I got about the stroke.My brain was still new and untrained,and probobly about the same maturitly level as a 14 year old kid.The relationship fell apart and I left,feeling hurt and used.A normal feeling for me. I did not use,but it showed me that alot of folks sit in the rooms of recovery and dont change.All I can do is try and seek healthier freinds.Pray and act.
My new sponsor has been there for me.
He is an awesome guy.We went thru the steps and traditions together.He sponsors alot of addicts worldwide.We relate.He cared about me.We both
love NA literature.We have written literature with some of the original
literature group that started putting together the Basic Text.We have worked on some literature about recovery in NA that has readers all over the world.I have also edited an NA Newsletter for two years,as well as done some online service work.
This situation I am in allows me to sponsor guys from different countrys.
I stay in touch with my sponsee brothers,that I love alot,and that I am contantly learning from.These addicts are helping me break out of the isolation.
I grow spiritualy,sometimes against my own will.
I was shown the older ways how to work the steps and traditions.Have used the official guide,but I always use what feels more comfortable in a situation.I do what it takes to help anyone that I can.
My Higher Power gives me the tools I need to work through life.
I know the steps always start out with surrender.Always
trying to control the uncontrolable.Sometimes it can be a battle.
Some say acceptance is the answer to all there problems,but
I know I cant accept something I am trying to control.Finaly,when my butt is whipped I get to the point of surrender.It can be a tiring battle.
So I accept my disease,I accept the powerlessness over my addiction,in whatever form it is taking.
Then I begin to see which way my Higher Power is working in my life this time.He is always there in some form,that huge lifeforce the Universe has.As long as I am surrendered .My God is there,and the biggest denial
wont let me ignore him today.
I find that almost magical flow.It feels positive,follow it.
So I develop faith that the program can help me when I am willing.
So my surrender is re-enforced when I am willing to turn my life over to spiritual principles of recovery.
Action is now required. If I don't change, I will be miserable and return to using drugs.
The actions suggested by the NA program can change my personality and character..if I am willing.
honestly examine myself, writing down what I have done and how I have felt.
I reveal myself completely to my God and to another human being, telling all of my most secret fears, angers, and resentments,all the stuff that can fill those sleepless nights.
I begin to behave differently and become ready to be changed by my God into the sort of person He wants me to be,to the best of my willinngness and ability.
I have begun to develop a reasonable self-image, based in reality, by asking to be relieved of my shortcomings,my sick spiritualy transformed survival skills.
By amending the wrongs I have done to other people, I have learned how to forgive myself and others.
I review my behavior regularly and correct my mistakes as soon as possible,to the best of my willingness and ability.
I am continually developing and expanding trust and faith in spiritual principles.The more I practise them the better I feel.
I give to others, sharing myself, and our program, and try to live the principles that I learned.If I cant show you,then I am not living it.
I live in a different country than the one I got clean in.
I am a worldwide addict.But just like my southern accent,
some things about my program are my way of recovery.Stick around,you will find yours.
And like my old sponsor said alot,
"If I am not the problem,then there is no solution"
Thanks for helping me stay clean.
I know that my disease filters thru my thought process.
Nothing changes if nothing changes,and if my thoughts
arent spiritual,they wont be to practical.
This is an awesome spiritual,not religious program.Through sponsorship,and through my own spiritual path,I have been
shown that everyone has the right and responsibility to find a Higher Power that speaks to there heart.
Thank God that the program does not give me the right to be a "Recovery Cop",trying to make sure my sponsees,
or anyone else has the "right God".
When I am able to back up,and get myself humbled and spiritualy centered,and pray to be used as a guide,and I can
practise the spiritual principles,and accept the God that lives in the heart of everyone in recovery.God has many names.
Sort of like water.
Water is everywhere & in all living things - we cannot be separated from water. No water, no life. Period. Water comes in many forms - liquid, vapor, ice, snow, fog, rain, hail. But no matter the form, it's still water.
Human beings give this stuff many names in many languages, in all its forms. It's crazy to argue over what its true name is. Call it what you will, there is no difference to the water. It is what it is.
Human beings drink water from many containers - cups, glasses, jugs, skins, their own hands, whatever. To argue about which container is proper for the water is crazy. The container doesn't change the water.
Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it iced, some fizzy, some with stuff mixed in with it - coffee, whatever. No matter. It does not change the nature of the water.
Never mind the name or the cup or the mix. These are not important. What we have in common is thirst. Thirst for the water of Life! As it is with water, so it is with God.
Learned this from Rober Fulgum.
So I can simplify,and know that in sponsorship,I sponsor many men from many parts of the world where they were taught from childhood to
drink the same lifesaving stuff with a different name than what I was taught as a child.Water is water.God is God.My sponsor told me to keep
things simple.It has worked.
Things that aren’t of a spiritual nature wont fly,so alot of my time today is spent in conversation with other addicts. You recovering folks
can lovingly call me on my stuff.
"Earth poeple" lack that talent.
Isolation kills.
You folks help me work that third step.
Thank you for helping me recover.