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01-03-2009, 04:30 PM
Wisdom for Today
There are days, and then there are days. This was a tough lesson to learn in early recovery. I would go for days and even weeks where life seemed to be heading in a good direction, then WHAM! – a bad day would hit me in the face. Sometimes it would be cravings or urges to drink or use that seemed to come out of nowhere. Other times it would be because I got into a fight with my spouse. Sometimes grief would just seem to creep into my day and slowly surround me. It really didn't matter what the reason was; I was suddenly in the middle of a struggle.
It was during these times that my character defects would like to come out and play. It was like trouble invited more trouble to the party. It was hard not to get back into my old behavior and use my old, unhealthy coping skills. This is when I would remember the words my sponsor gave to me, "Remember to breathe." He was referring to his conversations with me about only paying attention to things that could affect my breathing, in other words, things that could kill me. I knew that going back to my old ways of thinking, feeling and behaving would lead me back to using. I knew this could affect my breathing. So on bad days I would remember to breath and go back to the basics of recovery. Believe me it was not perfect, but I am still breathing today. Do I know what to do when I am having a bad day?
Meditations for the Heart
Going back to the basics for me means using the slogans, prayer, meetings, phone calls and anything that works. On bad days I get knocked off center, so I go to a pace that can help me get centered again. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. I calm down and quietly go through the steps one at a time. I use what I need to use – admitting powerlessness and unmanageability, believing that God can restore sanity, turning it over, whatever it takes. I ask for help, and I reach out to others. I have seen this process work for me again and again. It doesn't change what is going on in my life, but it changes how I am looking at it. It changes me. So, I remember to breathe. What will I do to get myself back on track when I need to?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I have come to realize that not every day is meant to be filled with sunshine. Help me to weather the storms in my life and use the tools that work. Sometimes when I grow fearful, it is like I stop breathing. Help me always to remember to breathe in Your Spirit and seek Your strength. Guide me this day, and lead me to the people I need in my life.
Amen.
-----
NA Just For Today
The Love of the Fellowship
"Today secure in the love of the fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are."
Basic Text p. 89
When we were using, few of us could tolerate looking someone in the eye-we were ashamed of who we were. Our minds were not occupied with anything decent or healthy, and we knew it. Our time, money, and energy weren't spent building loving relationships, sharing with others, or seeking to better our communities. We were trapped in a spiral of obsession and compulsion that went only in one direction: downward.
In recovery, our journey down that spiral path has been cut short. But what is it that has turned us around, drawing us back upward into the open spaces of the wide, free world? The love of the fellowship has done this.
In the company of other addicts, we knew we would not be rejected. By the example of other addicts, we were shown how to begin taking a positive part in the life around us. When we were unsure which way to turn, when we stumbled, when we had to correct a wrong we had done, we knew our fellow members were there to encourage us.
Slowly, we've gotten the feel of our freedom. No longer are we locked up in our disease; we are free to build and grow and share along with everyone else. And when we need support to take our next step, it is there. The security we've found in the love of the fellowship has made our new lives possible.
Just for today: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible.
-----
You are reading from the book Food for Thought.
Three Meals a Day
For most of us, abstinence from compulsive overeating means three measured meals a day with nothing in between. Before we joined OA we often ate one enormous meal, all day long. Through this program, we find the discipline to eat according to our needs rather than our self-destructive cravings.
Unless a doctor has told us differently, we do not need more than three meals a day. As we practice this pattern, we retrain our overgrown appetites and learn to function in the real world. We can eat with our families instead of secretly snacking and bingeing.
We plan our three meals for the day, write them down, and report them to our food sponsor. Then, instead of nibbling here and there and thinking about food all day, we can forget about eating except when it is time for a planned, measured meal. As we acquire disciplined eating habits, we find that other areas of our lives become more ordered and productive. Freed from the bondage of self-will and impulse, we are guided by the sure hand of our Higher Power.
I am grateful for the order and sanity OA has brought into my life.
-----
You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A tip-off to an abusive family system is a situation in which nobody ever apologizes. --Karen Shaud
When we get a tip-off, we can open the door to a whole new way of looking at the world. The tip-off about apologies can help us learn to have a healthier family. It is hard to apologize, but with practice, it will get easier. We are learning that we can make mistakes, and admit them, and that other people will accept our apologies. In the same way, we are learning we can accept others' apologies. Apologies are sometimes hard to make. It helps to keep in mind that we make them as much for ourselves and our own growth as for the person we apologize to. We are not worthless just because we make mistakes, but we increase our value t
o ourselves and others by being able to recognize them and apologize.
You are reading from the book Touchstones.
There is no method or discipline or system of any kind that can ever command the spirit to be present. --Tom Sampon
A man in the process of growth and recovery asks the question, "How shall I develop a relationship with my Higher Power?" The first answer is usually, "You can decide to be open to the spiritual messages that come your way." Some experiences in life can be mastered and directed, as in performing a task or going on a trip. We can have other experiences only by being receptive. They come our way, as in the growing of a friendship or the unpredictable events on a trip.
To be receptive, we must not be so busy with what we can control that we fail to notice all the experiences, which are there for us. Our senses need to be open to see what is around us and hear what is in the air. We must breathe in the beauty and pain of life. When there is a message in our experiences, let us read it and not demand it fit our narrow, logical minds.
Today, I pray that I will be open to receive the spirit on its own terms.
You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Once I knew that I wanted to be an artist, I had made myself into one. I did not understand that wanting doesn't always lead to action. Many of the women had been raised without the sense that they could mold and shape their own lives, and so, wanting to be an artist (but without the ability to realize their wants) was, for some of them, only an idle fantasy, like wanting to go to the moon.
--Judy Chicago
There are probably not many of us, in this recovery program, who grappled with life as straight on as Judy Chicago did. It is likely we didn't understand that we could mold and shape our lives. How lucky we are to be learning that now with the help of the Twelve Steps and one another. Each day we are confronted with many opportunities to make responsible choices, reasonable decisions. These choices and decisions are the molders, the shapers, of who we are becoming. Our identity as women is strengthened each time we thoughtfully make a choice. The action we take through making each choice gives our identity more substance--our wholeness as women is guaranteed through these choices.
Many opportunities to make choices will arise today. I can be thoughtful and make choices that will lead to my greater wholeness.
You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.
Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.
Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.
We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.
We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.
We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family's issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.
Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we're addressing our issues.
We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them - where it belongs - and deal with our own issues.
Today, I will separate myself from family members, lama separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.
This is your TIME for JOY! Know that it is here and now. --Ruth Fishel
God help me to stay sober and clean today!
There are days, and then there are days. This was a tough lesson to learn in early recovery. I would go for days and even weeks where life seemed to be heading in a good direction, then WHAM! – a bad day would hit me in the face. Sometimes it would be cravings or urges to drink or use that seemed to come out of nowhere. Other times it would be because I got into a fight with my spouse. Sometimes grief would just seem to creep into my day and slowly surround me. It really didn't matter what the reason was; I was suddenly in the middle of a struggle.
It was during these times that my character defects would like to come out and play. It was like trouble invited more trouble to the party. It was hard not to get back into my old behavior and use my old, unhealthy coping skills. This is when I would remember the words my sponsor gave to me, "Remember to breathe." He was referring to his conversations with me about only paying attention to things that could affect my breathing, in other words, things that could kill me. I knew that going back to my old ways of thinking, feeling and behaving would lead me back to using. I knew this could affect my breathing. So on bad days I would remember to breath and go back to the basics of recovery. Believe me it was not perfect, but I am still breathing today. Do I know what to do when I am having a bad day?
Meditations for the Heart
Going back to the basics for me means using the slogans, prayer, meetings, phone calls and anything that works. On bad days I get knocked off center, so I go to a pace that can help me get centered again. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. I calm down and quietly go through the steps one at a time. I use what I need to use – admitting powerlessness and unmanageability, believing that God can restore sanity, turning it over, whatever it takes. I ask for help, and I reach out to others. I have seen this process work for me again and again. It doesn't change what is going on in my life, but it changes how I am looking at it. It changes me. So, I remember to breathe. What will I do to get myself back on track when I need to?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I have come to realize that not every day is meant to be filled with sunshine. Help me to weather the storms in my life and use the tools that work. Sometimes when I grow fearful, it is like I stop breathing. Help me always to remember to breathe in Your Spirit and seek Your strength. Guide me this day, and lead me to the people I need in my life.
Amen.
-----
NA Just For Today
The Love of the Fellowship
"Today secure in the love of the fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are."
Basic Text p. 89
When we were using, few of us could tolerate looking someone in the eye-we were ashamed of who we were. Our minds were not occupied with anything decent or healthy, and we knew it. Our time, money, and energy weren't spent building loving relationships, sharing with others, or seeking to better our communities. We were trapped in a spiral of obsession and compulsion that went only in one direction: downward.
In recovery, our journey down that spiral path has been cut short. But what is it that has turned us around, drawing us back upward into the open spaces of the wide, free world? The love of the fellowship has done this.
In the company of other addicts, we knew we would not be rejected. By the example of other addicts, we were shown how to begin taking a positive part in the life around us. When we were unsure which way to turn, when we stumbled, when we had to correct a wrong we had done, we knew our fellow members were there to encourage us.
Slowly, we've gotten the feel of our freedom. No longer are we locked up in our disease; we are free to build and grow and share along with everyone else. And when we need support to take our next step, it is there. The security we've found in the love of the fellowship has made our new lives possible.
Just for today: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible.
-----
You are reading from the book Food for Thought.
Three Meals a Day
For most of us, abstinence from compulsive overeating means three measured meals a day with nothing in between. Before we joined OA we often ate one enormous meal, all day long. Through this program, we find the discipline to eat according to our needs rather than our self-destructive cravings.
Unless a doctor has told us differently, we do not need more than three meals a day. As we practice this pattern, we retrain our overgrown appetites and learn to function in the real world. We can eat with our families instead of secretly snacking and bingeing.
We plan our three meals for the day, write them down, and report them to our food sponsor. Then, instead of nibbling here and there and thinking about food all day, we can forget about eating except when it is time for a planned, measured meal. As we acquire disciplined eating habits, we find that other areas of our lives become more ordered and productive. Freed from the bondage of self-will and impulse, we are guided by the sure hand of our Higher Power.
I am grateful for the order and sanity OA has brought into my life.
-----
You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A tip-off to an abusive family system is a situation in which nobody ever apologizes. --Karen Shaud
When we get a tip-off, we can open the door to a whole new way of looking at the world. The tip-off about apologies can help us learn to have a healthier family. It is hard to apologize, but with practice, it will get easier. We are learning that we can make mistakes, and admit them, and that other people will accept our apologies. In the same way, we are learning we can accept others' apologies. Apologies are sometimes hard to make. It helps to keep in mind that we make them as much for ourselves and our own growth as for the person we apologize to. We are not worthless just because we make mistakes, but we increase our value t
o ourselves and others by being able to recognize them and apologize.
You are reading from the book Touchstones.
There is no method or discipline or system of any kind that can ever command the spirit to be present. --Tom Sampon
A man in the process of growth and recovery asks the question, "How shall I develop a relationship with my Higher Power?" The first answer is usually, "You can decide to be open to the spiritual messages that come your way." Some experiences in life can be mastered and directed, as in performing a task or going on a trip. We can have other experiences only by being receptive. They come our way, as in the growing of a friendship or the unpredictable events on a trip.
To be receptive, we must not be so busy with what we can control that we fail to notice all the experiences, which are there for us. Our senses need to be open to see what is around us and hear what is in the air. We must breathe in the beauty and pain of life. When there is a message in our experiences, let us read it and not demand it fit our narrow, logical minds.
Today, I pray that I will be open to receive the spirit on its own terms.
You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Once I knew that I wanted to be an artist, I had made myself into one. I did not understand that wanting doesn't always lead to action. Many of the women had been raised without the sense that they could mold and shape their own lives, and so, wanting to be an artist (but without the ability to realize their wants) was, for some of them, only an idle fantasy, like wanting to go to the moon.
--Judy Chicago
There are probably not many of us, in this recovery program, who grappled with life as straight on as Judy Chicago did. It is likely we didn't understand that we could mold and shape our lives. How lucky we are to be learning that now with the help of the Twelve Steps and one another. Each day we are confronted with many opportunities to make responsible choices, reasonable decisions. These choices and decisions are the molders, the shapers, of who we are becoming. Our identity as women is strengthened each time we thoughtfully make a choice. The action we take through making each choice gives our identity more substance--our wholeness as women is guaranteed through these choices.
Many opportunities to make choices will arise today. I can be thoughtful and make choices that will lead to my greater wholeness.
You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.
Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.
Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.
We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.
We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.
We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family's issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.
Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we're addressing our issues.
We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them - where it belongs - and deal with our own issues.
Today, I will separate myself from family members, lama separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.
This is your TIME for JOY! Know that it is here and now. --Ruth Fishel
God help me to stay sober and clean today!