Topic: Powerless 1/4/09 - 1/10/09

[admin]

This is one of my favorite readings from the Daily Reflections book:

Powerless Daily Reflections, p. 11

POWERLESS

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become
unmanageable.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An
admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of
the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power
and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people
think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am
powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But
I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not
powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am
not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I
have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones,
and the world in which I live.

Below is a share I gave at another site online several years ago and it still holds true for me today:

Being the good, stubborn alcoholic that I am it was hard for me to accept that I was powerless in the beginning, that I can't control alcohol and then I had to accept that I can't control people, places, things, situations. After coming to AA for a while and getting a sponsor and working through the Steps a change occurred on the inside of me. I had lived in he!! enough and I desired to live a peaceful, calm, serene etc life. I eventually learned to take responsibility for myself, my actions and my reactions. Today I have the tools, the spiritual kit, the principles that I use and apply in my life in dealing with others and life's situations. I strive for progress not perfection. Today I don't have to react negatively to people, things or situations just because they are not like I would like them to be. Today I can react positively. Today I am responsible for myself - I am responsible for how I look at life, how I treat others, how I deal with situations. Things - people - life is not always going to be the way I want it but today thanks to the program of AA I have been taught how to live life sober and not have to drink over anything or anyone. I have been through a few many things since I have been sober and clean and I have not even had the thought to drink to enter my mind. The slogans help me also - this too shall pass - easy does it but do it - first things first - live and let live - let go and let God - keep it simple. A transformation has occurred in me which hopefully reflects to the world outside of me and I believe it does - at least others have said they have seen the change occur in me. Believe me I am not always perfect at striving for progress and most of the time when I am not at my best is related to HALT - I am usually hungry, angry, very seldom am I lonely but I am tired. I did not know the things in my drinking years that I know now in sobriety about how I let things, people, the past affect my life. I was very immature seeking only to make everyone and everything pay for everything that had been done to me. I was a very resentful, hateful, revengeful, mistrusting you name it person. Today I am full of love, care, positivity and yes there have been many times I have asked what would God do? Today thanks to the program and God I can be the person I desired to be for many years deep down inside - to love others and be helpful to others - to be a good person. Today I am responsible for myself. Thanks for letting me share.

[sioux]

Someone gave me this little dity many years ago, and I think it is appropriate share on the topic today:
G-D, GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
COURAGE TO CHANGE THINGS I CAN
AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO:



SOME THINGS I CANNOT EVER CHANGE:
My age, who my relatives are, my eye color, my height, my childhood experiences, my inborn talents, my nature, someone else’s abuse of alcohol or other drugs, whether the sun will shine, my job history, what I will inherit, how my parents feel, yesterday’s lost opportunities, how long I will live, who forgives me, how my parents treated me, how much I am loved, the past.


SOME THINGS I CAN CHANGE:
The youthfulness of my spirit, who my friends are, my hair color, my weight, my adult experiences, my achievements, my character and behaviors, my reaction to someone else’s use of alcohol or other drugs, whether my eyes will shine, my job possibilities, what I will bequeath, how I feel, my ability to act on today’s opportunities, how well I will live, whom I forgive, how I treat my own children, how much I love, the future.


I thank G-d for my growing ability to make choices today.

[rebosman_99]

my last month and days in my addiction were a living hell. The obsession was
so bad that even when I was drinking I was obsessing on the next drink. I would
start thinking of ways to be able to have enough alcohol to get me through tomorrow,
today. I couldn't even talk to people without my mind wondering off into thought's
of how much I needed a drink.
Mornings I would wake up in tears, screaming " pleases, please don't let me drink to day,
I just can't, but to no avail, I would reach over, grab the can sitting on the nightstand
that I wasn't able to finish the night before on account that I had finally passed out and went into a state of no more pain or obsession, and I would drink that warm, flat, stale beer just to be able to get up and face my life again. By noon I would be drunk.
I took a leave of absence a few months prior however I forgot to tell anyone I was taking this leave, including my boss. I just never showed back up to work. I couldn't. My obsession was so bad I could not concentrate on anything else except how I was going to get that next drink.
I had great enabler's in my life. I could always convince the people around me to get me to store for more alcohol. I really think they thought I would die or even kill for alcohol. Maybe I would have. I don't know cuz it never got to this.
However I still continued to foxhole pray every morning asking for something to change. Not knowing that what had to change was everything. And thinking that
God wasn't listening to me at all. I was being made a mockery. I would soon die to my disease a lonely man. The dispear was so unbelievable. I was in a state of total hopelessness, I truly did wish for the end. I was POWERLESS and my life was definately UNMANAGEABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on July 10 2008. Something was different but yet my surroundings had not changed. A can of beer on the nightstand awaited me. I dropped to my knee's and prayed again like every morning. I grab the beer and walked to sink and poured that demoned fluid, which yesterday I considered a precious liquid of life, down the drain.
A spiritual revolation was happening in my life and I the obsession to drink was gone.
I manage to make my first meeting that day and have not had a drink since then. I finally broke the familiar pattern and became willing to try something new and I found it in A.A.
Since then I have made an abundance of meetings. I learned that everytime I say yeah but about suggestions, I am making excuses for my disease. I have not found any, any good reason to pour alcohol into my body again.
My son of 19 years old died dec. 4 08. A nightmare for any parent. It nearly devastated me. However I could find no comfort in even thinking a drink would be away to deal with the pain I was in and am in daily. He was my life, my everything, my bestfriend, and I was finally able to be a good dad and father and give him a memorial and funeral he deserves.
Today I am powerful as long as I don't drink but once I put alcohol in me the powerlessness is released and the obsession rules me again.
sam

[Chewi]

I am beginning my recovery yet again with a date of 1/4/09. Back to step 1 and admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. I have printed out "sixteen relapse syptoms to watch out for" and put it on my desk! I am starting my first step by studying this list, because I am usually up to several items on the list by the time I relapse. I have fought and fought being in AA. I don't want to go, I don't want to do the work. But I now realize that it must be an ongoing part of my life. And that is okay now. I have to do the daily spiritual work. Otherwise I am quickly back in denial, and quickly back in the obsession. I recently read, that if you have nine problems and pick up a drink, you have ten! It is so true. I went though a lot of things in the last two years, and totally lost my serenity. Now I want to work to get that back. Thank you so much for the previous shares; they help me a lot!
I am so grateful to find this forum, and grateful that people are here sharing to help others. And thank you for allowing me to share.

[annalittlebit]

I knew I was Powerless at the moment when I quit drinking in 1983----I kept believing that for 20 years----I had 1 beer in 2003 and it took 5 years for me to face the fact that I was Powerless FOREVER---If you ask me what he!! is I would tell you it would be me sitting eternally in front of this computer--alone and drinking beer from morning til night---------Thank God that's not where I am today----------------I Will Always Be POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL !!!!!!!! Thanks

[Solène]

It was really hard for me to accept that I could not control my brains - I had had the belief that if I was 'intelligent' enough I could eventually drink normally and not do all those dangerous, destructive and crazy things I felt ashamed and despaired about the next day.
One day I had a terrible blow to my inflated ego and I broke down emotionally so bad (physically there was not much worse to do) that I prayed every day not to take this first drink - it worked for 9 month and God then guided me to AA (I really did not want to go) avoiding a relapse. In AA the first thing I admitted was that I was powerless over alcohol and that never ever I should touch this first glass no matter what ( one day at a time) and this took away my obsession.
From then on I was able to work the program and realize that all the people and things that I desperately tried to control were in fact uncontrollable and that my thinking was wrong.
God bless you :42:

[cookster]

I knew for quite a while that I was powerless over alcohol but I had a big problem with part two, the part about my life being unmanageable. :16: My destructive alcoholic personality would not let me admit for a long time that my life was indeed out of control. One of my many character flaws I discovered while doing my fourth and fifth steps. By the grace of God I finally surrendered and became active in AA. Only now do I really realize just how out of control I was. I have come to believe that only my Higher Power and AA meetings can keep my life manageable and today I try to parctice the twelve steps in my daily life.

[DavidNOLA]

I knew I was powerless for a long time.
I was pulled over and blew under the limit for a DWI only because I was on my way to drink after maintaining all day long. To make a long story short, I was still arrested and am grateful I was.
If they had let me go on a few traffic charges, I would have been right back out there.
Instead, I found a meeting and picked up a copy of the Big Book.
And finally learned I needed to surrender my life and will over to the care of God. Because when I looked back a lot of great things happened when I did.
Today I am grateful to be able to enjoy life again. I've read around 15 books since getting sober. That is around 10 more than I read over a 5 year roller coaster ride.