dalin
02-03-2009, 04:17 AM
This is not NA Fellowship-approved literature and should be treated as the shared experience of recovering addicts in Narcotics Anonymous
The Twelve Traditions In Relationships
“We keep what we have only with vigilance, and just as freedom for the individual comes
from the Twelve Steps, so freedom for the group springs from our Traditions.”
Tradition One
“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on N.A.
unity.”
››In Relationships‹‹
“Our common welfare should come first. A healthy loving relationship depends
upon our unity.”
Unity means that the two of us make one whole. Ask yourself: Do I think of my
partner and myself as a unit? In the Basic Text it says that The spiritual part of our
disease is our total self-centeredness. Are you selfish or self-centered with respect to
your marriage or relationship? Do you think in terms of our house, our cars, our bank
account, our dogs, our furniture? Or do you think in terms of my car, my money, my
phone, my stuff? If you are thinking mostly about yourself, you are not likely to have
a relationship with another person that will bring you joy and happiness.
Unity begins with each individual. Having a solid relationship with a Loving Higher
Power within is vital to expressing unity in a relationship. If you are following the
guidance and will of God, as you understand him, you are more able to participate in a
healthy loving relationship. Why? Because a working relationship with God provides
faith and faith removes fear. And when wee have a conscious contact with God,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Wee are
freed from our destructive self-will.
Unity requires harmonious cooperation. Unity demands a willingness to listen to the
ideas, feelings, and opinions of the other with an open mind. Unity means sharing
views and not insisting on promoting our own way as the only way. Unity is a must in
A healthy loving relationship. This is not to say that we do not have our
disagreements and conflicts; we do. Whenever people get together there are
differences of opinions. However, we can disagree with- out being disagreeable. Time
and time again, in crises we have set aside our differences and worked for the
common good.
There are at least three areas in a relationship where wee believe there must be union:
The intellect, the emotions, and the genitals. There should be attachment in all three
areas. You should find your partner intellectually stimulating, emotionally attractive,
and sexually enticing.
While we often think of unity as a feeling or a condition, unity doesn’t just “happen.”
The unity underlying our common welfare requires personal commitment and
responsible action. For example, when we accept personal responsibility for
supporting our relationship, we further the unity and enhance the common welfare of
the relationship. Our commitment to unity strengthens our relationship, allowing us to
build A healthy and loving relationship. Relationships flourish in this atmosphere of
hope. The love grows and our common welfare increases as a result of our united
efforts.
Unity cannot automatically preserve itself. Like personal recovery, we shall always
have to work to maintain it. Here too, we need to apply spiritual principles such as
honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, humility, Selflessness and, above all,
vigilance. So we must ponder carefully the experience others have already had of
trying to work and live together. Relationships can go on benders too. With these
spiritual principles, that are indispensable we are well on our way.
As members, we use the spiritual principles for guidance. That guidance engenders a
sense of unity that strengthens our ability to reach out to others, enhancing our
common welfare. Some of the principles that seem particularly important to unity
include surrender and acceptance, commitment, selflessness, love, and anonymity. As
we practice these principles, we will find others that strengthen unity as well.
Surrender and acceptance open the door to unity. As our trust in a Higher Power
grows, it gets easier to let go of our personal desires and stop fighting for what we
want. With an attitude of surrender, working together in a group becomes easier.
Tradition one presents a picture of addicts working together worldwide to support
each other’s recovery. We try to remember this goal in all our actions, as individuals
or as groups. If we find that our personal desires or the aims of our group conflict with
that ideal, unity asks us to surrender our own desires and accept guidance that
enhances the greater good of Narcotics Anonymous or our relationship. Only by
deciding to be part of that whole can we support the unity so essential our relationship
and to our personal survival.
Commitment is another essential ingredient in unity. Personal commitment to our
shared sense of purpose is one of the ties that bind us together. When we know that
we belong in the relationship, and when we make a commitment to stay, we become a
part of the greater whole.
Commitment to our relationship is a decision supported by our belief in NA as a way
of life.
Selflessness is another indispensable element in unity. The principles we learn in the
steps help us let go of our selfishness and lovingly serve the needs of others. To keep
our relationship healthy, we place the needs of our relationship ahead of our own
personal desires. The same principle applies to our affairs as a group. Setting aside
what we may want as a group, we think about the needs of the fellowship and seek
ways to support our common good. Our ability to survive as a unit depends on our
unity. Love is a principle that is expressed in the practice of goodwill toward one
another. We contribute to unity in our relationship by exercising loving care in the
way we speak and the way we treat one another. We try to share our experience,
strength, and hope. An atmosphere of love and care in our relationship helps us feel
comfortable and safe. The love we show each other attracts us and strengthens us all,
fueling our sense of unity and common welfare.
Anonymity, the spiritual foundation of our traditions, supports relationship unity as
well. When we apply anonymity to the First Tradition, we overlook the differences
that would separate us. We learn to set aside our prejudices and focus on our
common identity as addicts. Each of us has an equal right to and responsibility for the
well-being of our relationship.
Just as anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our traditions, the unity spoken of in
the First Tradition is the practical foundation on which we may build strong and
successful relationship. Each succeeding tradition builds upon the strength of our
unity as a unit, recalling the vital importance of the common welfare to each
individual member .With unity as our practical foundation, we find that our
relationship with one another is more important than any issue that may arise to divide
us. No problem or disagreement is more significant than our need for each other’s
support. The fundamental importance of our common welfare strengthens our
understanding of all the other traditions. Many questions can be answered simply by
determining how the action we contemplate will affect the unity of the relationship.
Will it serve to divide us, or will it bring us closer together?
By striving to see beyond our individual ideas and the interests of our own, we come
to understand that the common welfare of all must come first. Through our trust in a
loving Higher Power, we find the strength to work together toward our shared goal A
healthy loving relationship. In the unity that grows in trust, we are ready to work
together for our common good.
We must live and work together as a group to ensure that in a storm our ship does not
sink and our members do not perish. With faith in a Power greater than ourselves,
hard work, and unity we will survive and continue to carry the message to the addict
who still suffers.
A searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves on Tradition 1
· What am I willing to sacrifice for our relationship?
· What affect do my actions have on our relationship? On our family?
· Am I a giver or a taker?
· Do I do unifying things? Or am I quick to criticize? Slow to praise?
· Do I use silence as a refuge or punishment while expecting my mate to read
my mind?
· Do I listen when my mate has something to say?
· Do I admire and approve of my mate? Does he/she know that?
· Am I a healing, mending, integrating force in our marriage / relationship or
am I divisive?
· Am I a peacemaker? Or, because of my own insecurity, is it critical to my ego
that I be right?
· Can I be flexible? Flexibility is taught by nature. You will see the trees bend in
the wind. You will see that tree branches are flexible. To be rigid is to break.
When we have life problems it is good for us to be flexible. Sometimes we
need to flow with what is going on. If we resist, it becomes more painful. We
need to be on the path of least resistance. Water flows down the mountain
through the path of least resistance. Electricity flows through the path of least
resistance. Power flows through the path of least resistance.
· What must my mate do to accommodate my insecurity? My ego? Can he/she
have both male and female friends? Can he/she go wherever he/she wants with
whomever he/she wants, mostly whenever he/she wants?
· Do I try to be understanding when my mate rubs me the wrong way or does
something that upsets me or am I abrasive and rageful?
· Do I spout platitudes about love while indulging in and secretly justifying
behavior that bristles with hostility? Do I sneak around and do things that I
know my mate won't like or that will violate our values.
· Do I share all of me - good and bad? Or do I have secrets?
· Have some privacy. We do not advocate emotional nudity. We all need a
well-placed emotional fig leaf at certain times. Never, never will we suggest
that anyone "let it all hang out". You may say that doing so makes you feel
better. Well, so does throwing up, but it's hard on the people around you.
Applying spiritual principles
How am I Applying?
· Surrender
· Acceptance
· commitment
· selflessness
· love
· Anonymity
The Twelve Traditions In Relationships
“We keep what we have only with vigilance, and just as freedom for the individual comes
from the Twelve Steps, so freedom for the group springs from our Traditions.”
Tradition One
“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on N.A.
unity.”
››In Relationships‹‹
“Our common welfare should come first. A healthy loving relationship depends
upon our unity.”
Unity means that the two of us make one whole. Ask yourself: Do I think of my
partner and myself as a unit? In the Basic Text it says that The spiritual part of our
disease is our total self-centeredness. Are you selfish or self-centered with respect to
your marriage or relationship? Do you think in terms of our house, our cars, our bank
account, our dogs, our furniture? Or do you think in terms of my car, my money, my
phone, my stuff? If you are thinking mostly about yourself, you are not likely to have
a relationship with another person that will bring you joy and happiness.
Unity begins with each individual. Having a solid relationship with a Loving Higher
Power within is vital to expressing unity in a relationship. If you are following the
guidance and will of God, as you understand him, you are more able to participate in a
healthy loving relationship. Why? Because a working relationship with God provides
faith and faith removes fear. And when wee have a conscious contact with God,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Wee are
freed from our destructive self-will.
Unity requires harmonious cooperation. Unity demands a willingness to listen to the
ideas, feelings, and opinions of the other with an open mind. Unity means sharing
views and not insisting on promoting our own way as the only way. Unity is a must in
A healthy loving relationship. This is not to say that we do not have our
disagreements and conflicts; we do. Whenever people get together there are
differences of opinions. However, we can disagree with- out being disagreeable. Time
and time again, in crises we have set aside our differences and worked for the
common good.
There are at least three areas in a relationship where wee believe there must be union:
The intellect, the emotions, and the genitals. There should be attachment in all three
areas. You should find your partner intellectually stimulating, emotionally attractive,
and sexually enticing.
While we often think of unity as a feeling or a condition, unity doesn’t just “happen.”
The unity underlying our common welfare requires personal commitment and
responsible action. For example, when we accept personal responsibility for
supporting our relationship, we further the unity and enhance the common welfare of
the relationship. Our commitment to unity strengthens our relationship, allowing us to
build A healthy and loving relationship. Relationships flourish in this atmosphere of
hope. The love grows and our common welfare increases as a result of our united
efforts.
Unity cannot automatically preserve itself. Like personal recovery, we shall always
have to work to maintain it. Here too, we need to apply spiritual principles such as
honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, humility, Selflessness and, above all,
vigilance. So we must ponder carefully the experience others have already had of
trying to work and live together. Relationships can go on benders too. With these
spiritual principles, that are indispensable we are well on our way.
As members, we use the spiritual principles for guidance. That guidance engenders a
sense of unity that strengthens our ability to reach out to others, enhancing our
common welfare. Some of the principles that seem particularly important to unity
include surrender and acceptance, commitment, selflessness, love, and anonymity. As
we practice these principles, we will find others that strengthen unity as well.
Surrender and acceptance open the door to unity. As our trust in a Higher Power
grows, it gets easier to let go of our personal desires and stop fighting for what we
want. With an attitude of surrender, working together in a group becomes easier.
Tradition one presents a picture of addicts working together worldwide to support
each other’s recovery. We try to remember this goal in all our actions, as individuals
or as groups. If we find that our personal desires or the aims of our group conflict with
that ideal, unity asks us to surrender our own desires and accept guidance that
enhances the greater good of Narcotics Anonymous or our relationship. Only by
deciding to be part of that whole can we support the unity so essential our relationship
and to our personal survival.
Commitment is another essential ingredient in unity. Personal commitment to our
shared sense of purpose is one of the ties that bind us together. When we know that
we belong in the relationship, and when we make a commitment to stay, we become a
part of the greater whole.
Commitment to our relationship is a decision supported by our belief in NA as a way
of life.
Selflessness is another indispensable element in unity. The principles we learn in the
steps help us let go of our selfishness and lovingly serve the needs of others. To keep
our relationship healthy, we place the needs of our relationship ahead of our own
personal desires. The same principle applies to our affairs as a group. Setting aside
what we may want as a group, we think about the needs of the fellowship and seek
ways to support our common good. Our ability to survive as a unit depends on our
unity. Love is a principle that is expressed in the practice of goodwill toward one
another. We contribute to unity in our relationship by exercising loving care in the
way we speak and the way we treat one another. We try to share our experience,
strength, and hope. An atmosphere of love and care in our relationship helps us feel
comfortable and safe. The love we show each other attracts us and strengthens us all,
fueling our sense of unity and common welfare.
Anonymity, the spiritual foundation of our traditions, supports relationship unity as
well. When we apply anonymity to the First Tradition, we overlook the differences
that would separate us. We learn to set aside our prejudices and focus on our
common identity as addicts. Each of us has an equal right to and responsibility for the
well-being of our relationship.
Just as anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our traditions, the unity spoken of in
the First Tradition is the practical foundation on which we may build strong and
successful relationship. Each succeeding tradition builds upon the strength of our
unity as a unit, recalling the vital importance of the common welfare to each
individual member .With unity as our practical foundation, we find that our
relationship with one another is more important than any issue that may arise to divide
us. No problem or disagreement is more significant than our need for each other’s
support. The fundamental importance of our common welfare strengthens our
understanding of all the other traditions. Many questions can be answered simply by
determining how the action we contemplate will affect the unity of the relationship.
Will it serve to divide us, or will it bring us closer together?
By striving to see beyond our individual ideas and the interests of our own, we come
to understand that the common welfare of all must come first. Through our trust in a
loving Higher Power, we find the strength to work together toward our shared goal A
healthy loving relationship. In the unity that grows in trust, we are ready to work
together for our common good.
We must live and work together as a group to ensure that in a storm our ship does not
sink and our members do not perish. With faith in a Power greater than ourselves,
hard work, and unity we will survive and continue to carry the message to the addict
who still suffers.
A searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves on Tradition 1
· What am I willing to sacrifice for our relationship?
· What affect do my actions have on our relationship? On our family?
· Am I a giver or a taker?
· Do I do unifying things? Or am I quick to criticize? Slow to praise?
· Do I use silence as a refuge or punishment while expecting my mate to read
my mind?
· Do I listen when my mate has something to say?
· Do I admire and approve of my mate? Does he/she know that?
· Am I a healing, mending, integrating force in our marriage / relationship or
am I divisive?
· Am I a peacemaker? Or, because of my own insecurity, is it critical to my ego
that I be right?
· Can I be flexible? Flexibility is taught by nature. You will see the trees bend in
the wind. You will see that tree branches are flexible. To be rigid is to break.
When we have life problems it is good for us to be flexible. Sometimes we
need to flow with what is going on. If we resist, it becomes more painful. We
need to be on the path of least resistance. Water flows down the mountain
through the path of least resistance. Electricity flows through the path of least
resistance. Power flows through the path of least resistance.
· What must my mate do to accommodate my insecurity? My ego? Can he/she
have both male and female friends? Can he/she go wherever he/she wants with
whomever he/she wants, mostly whenever he/she wants?
· Do I try to be understanding when my mate rubs me the wrong way or does
something that upsets me or am I abrasive and rageful?
· Do I spout platitudes about love while indulging in and secretly justifying
behavior that bristles with hostility? Do I sneak around and do things that I
know my mate won't like or that will violate our values.
· Do I share all of me - good and bad? Or do I have secrets?
· Have some privacy. We do not advocate emotional nudity. We all need a
well-placed emotional fig leaf at certain times. Never, never will we suggest
that anyone "let it all hang out". You may say that doing so makes you feel
better. Well, so does throwing up, but it's hard on the people around you.
Applying spiritual principles
How am I Applying?
· Surrender
· Acceptance
· commitment
· selflessness
· love
· Anonymity