shydawg
02-04-2009, 03:36 PM
I realized that if nothing changed, nothing would change
Staying clean for the long haul
I got clean when I was sixteen years old, not because I wanted to, but because I was forced into treatment by my parents. Prior to that, I lived in a nice suburb and never had to live on the streets, never ate out of dumpsters, was never arrested, raped, or molested, and I never sold my body for drugs. I was an above-average student on the high school gymnastics team. I knew my using was getting out of control, but I didn't think I was an addict. I thought addicts were people who shot heroin or did all those things I'd never done. My goal in life was to finish high school, go to college, and live like John Belushi and the characters in the movie, Animal House. Beyond that, I really had no goals.
After about two weeks in rehab, I had a spiritual awakening. I realized that if nothing changed, nothing would change. I wanted to be something in life, but I didn't know what that was. I didn't have any direction at home from my family, nor did I have a suitable peer group to point me in the right direction.
I left rehab thirty days later and immediately started going to meetings in the area. NA was small back in 1982. We only had two meetings a week in my area. We didn't have much literature; the Basic Text hadn't been published yet, so we used the Little White Book and borrowed other fellowships' literature to get a better understanding of the steps. My first sponsor had five years clean, and we began working the steps. She was very involved in service and taught me the importance of giving back what was freely given to me. As I was starting the recovery process, the hardest thing for me was learning how to behave like an adult as I was becoming one. There were not a lot of young people who stayed clean in NA when I first came around, so most of my recovery peers were older than me. Most were in their forties, but a lot of them had what I wanted: peace, serenity, family.
It has now been twenty-five years since that first day in rehab, and I have not picked up since then. I am now forty-one myself, and I have had an amazing journey. I am a miracle, and I have gratitude in my life every day. Relapse is not a necessity and has not been a part of my recovery. I have dealt with hopelessness, desperation, shame, guilt, and embarrassment in recovery; whatever has crossed my path, I have forged ahead and kept going with as much dignity as I could. I have made many mistakes throughout the years, but I have also made so much progress. My dreams have come true and have far surpassed what I thought possible. I am now married and have a son. I have nice things, a white picket fence, great friends, lots of fun, and many choices of meetings to attend. We have about 140 meetings each week within thirty minutes of my home. I continue to stay in service at the group and area levels. I sponsor fellow addicts, and I continue to spread the message of recovery wherever I go. I am blessed with a God of my own understanding who guides and protects me always. I am simply the luckiest girl in the world!
Shelly SS, Nevada, USA
Staying clean for the long haul
I got clean when I was sixteen years old, not because I wanted to, but because I was forced into treatment by my parents. Prior to that, I lived in a nice suburb and never had to live on the streets, never ate out of dumpsters, was never arrested, raped, or molested, and I never sold my body for drugs. I was an above-average student on the high school gymnastics team. I knew my using was getting out of control, but I didn't think I was an addict. I thought addicts were people who shot heroin or did all those things I'd never done. My goal in life was to finish high school, go to college, and live like John Belushi and the characters in the movie, Animal House. Beyond that, I really had no goals.
After about two weeks in rehab, I had a spiritual awakening. I realized that if nothing changed, nothing would change. I wanted to be something in life, but I didn't know what that was. I didn't have any direction at home from my family, nor did I have a suitable peer group to point me in the right direction.
I left rehab thirty days later and immediately started going to meetings in the area. NA was small back in 1982. We only had two meetings a week in my area. We didn't have much literature; the Basic Text hadn't been published yet, so we used the Little White Book and borrowed other fellowships' literature to get a better understanding of the steps. My first sponsor had five years clean, and we began working the steps. She was very involved in service and taught me the importance of giving back what was freely given to me. As I was starting the recovery process, the hardest thing for me was learning how to behave like an adult as I was becoming one. There were not a lot of young people who stayed clean in NA when I first came around, so most of my recovery peers were older than me. Most were in their forties, but a lot of them had what I wanted: peace, serenity, family.
It has now been twenty-five years since that first day in rehab, and I have not picked up since then. I am now forty-one myself, and I have had an amazing journey. I am a miracle, and I have gratitude in my life every day. Relapse is not a necessity and has not been a part of my recovery. I have dealt with hopelessness, desperation, shame, guilt, and embarrassment in recovery; whatever has crossed my path, I have forged ahead and kept going with as much dignity as I could. I have made many mistakes throughout the years, but I have also made so much progress. My dreams have come true and have far surpassed what I thought possible. I am now married and have a son. I have nice things, a white picket fence, great friends, lots of fun, and many choices of meetings to attend. We have about 140 meetings each week within thirty minutes of my home. I continue to stay in service at the group and area levels. I sponsor fellow addicts, and I continue to spread the message of recovery wherever I go. I am blessed with a God of my own understanding who guides and protects me always. I am simply the luckiest girl in the world!
Shelly SS, Nevada, USA