Clean or not?

[TeagansMommy]

Hello everyone. I am new to this group. I have been sober since the birth of my daughter on November 19th of this year. Seeing her suffer through NAS made me feel so small as a person and, even though she was withdrawing from a LEGAL, LEGIT prescription of Methadone, I felt so guilty. Since her birth, or should I say shortly thereafter, I have been taking a different medication, Subutex, to help me stay clean. I wonder though, do people in NA still consider that clean? Maybe you all can answer that for me? At any rate, I am an extremely grateful addict who is happy to be here!!

[little one]

Welcome and Glad you are here... :42: I don't think I can answer your question as to why they still consider it clean time... but I would think maybe it doesn't give you the rush or high that an addict seeks for... it just helps the symptoms of withdrawl, if taken as prescribed. I can't really say though since I have never taken anything to subside withdrawl symptoms.

If I may ask... how long do you have to take prescriptions to stay clean? I am sorry that you had to watch your baby go through that I hope everythings alright now, stay strong.

Again welcome and Keep coming back!:85:

[zoomie]

I do not have any experiance with your topic,but I wanted to say hi and congrats on your baby.

[yukonm]

:67: I am glad you are here.

[BIG AL]

You are sober or clean when you say you are.You may hear thoughts back and forth i would say no.some would say yes.But to thine own self be true.In my OPINION We do or can use them to keep us alive during detox but at a point we do not take these things.Dont get me wrong there are those wo do have mental disorders that take things.And to be honest with you i would say the are full of it for taken that stuff.But after a recent bout with chemo i had some mental breakdowns and ended up taken atavan and some sleeping medicine becouse of sever side effects like depression and anger to the point of thoughts of suicide.So i got some sort of picture of someone with a chemical imbalance could go threw or react so i think different now.I no longer take the meds becouse chemo is done and i no longer need them.Again TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE.

[TeagansMommy]

Welcome and Glad you are here... :42: I don't think I can answer your question as to why they still consider it clean time... but I would think maybe it doesn't give you the rush or high that an addict seeks for... it just helps the symptoms of withdrawl, if taken as prescribed. I can't really say though since I have never taken anything to subside withdrawl symptoms.

If I may ask... how long do you have to take prescriptions to stay clean? I am sorry that you had to watch your baby go through that I hope everythings alright now, stay strong.

Again welcome and Keep coming back!:85:

Hmmm..I'm not sure how long I will be taking it. I do know this though, it does NOT make me high or give me any type of rush whatsoever as methadone did. This drug is used simply to ease the physical and, yes, to some degree, the mental withdrawals. I haven't heard of anyone using this medication to get "high" but, then again, I don't claim to know how it affects everyone, just how it affects me. I assume that, after the Dr feels that I am ready psychologically as well as physically, he will be taking me off by slowly weening my dose.
Thanks for your concern for my daughter, as well as for myself. I truly appreciate it. She is fine now. She had to come home from the hospital on phenobarbital after being in there for 2 months but, she's alright now. I'm amazed at just how well she bounced back. Babies are amazing, wonderful little creatures! Again, thanks for everyone's concerns and welcomes. I am soooooooooooooooo grateful for the fellowship!!!

:42:"Keep coming back because it works if you work it and sucks if you don't!" :42:

[paulm]

I don't have experience with this one, I do have an opinion though.
We hear all the time that, "so and so is doing such and such how can they do that and call themselves clean!"
some people have to toot their own horn and tell people all the good stuff their up to and show how good of recovering addicts they are; I've done it too, and left to my own devices I will again.
It's this easy: some are sicker than others, physically, mentally, and spiritually. What works for you may not work for me for any reason. You are an addict when you say you are, you are clean when you say you are, it's not my business to tell you are or aren't, you will get to the point that the medication isn't necessary to ward off the cravings. It's my hope you can stay away from your drug of choice. It sounds like by using Subutex, you are delaying the inevitable withdrawl off of drugs. It's not anyones job to tell you when you should do it, that's between you and your doctor. Nor should I interfere with your recovery by drawing into question whether you're clean or not, It's just not that important, it's more important that an addict feel good about themselves and proud of their accomplishments, Just that much sooner will they become a more responsible and productive memeber of society.

You see, our ego's get so big sometimes and it's at that point I'm most susceptible to relapse. It's when I help someone else I'm on a more spiritual plane and less likely to want to use. When I talk about someone else, judge them and take their inventory, I'm not focusing on me, my addiction and my spiritual growth.

[nisijoey]

I don't have much experience except that I am married to an addict/alcoholic. I just felt the need to congratulate you on the effort you are making and the strides you are taking. I think it is wonderful that you are able to do this and congratulations on your daughter. Babies are gifts given to us for a reason and someone felt you deserved that blessing. The only experience I have with an addict taking something to help them get clean is a good friend of mine who got addicted to pain pills and something for post partum depression. She has had to take something to help her go thru the withdrawals and it seemed to help her come back to the person she was before all of the addictions. I will pray for you and your child that you have a wonderful life together with many blessing thrown your way. I agree with everyone else that only you and your doctor can know when it is time for you to come off that medicine and when the time is right, it will happen.:12::85::12::29::12:

[clean42day]

I just wanted to welcome you and congratulate you on your willingness and openness.:29:

the fact that you came here to a recovery board to share your story, seek guidance, and want to connect to others shows a huge amount a desire and willingness to want to work the program of recovery. WELCOME! AND HUGS

I won't split hairs with you over the meds you are taking.
I also believe you are an addict when you say you are and you are clean when you say you are.

the requirement to belong to any 12 step fellowship - IS THE DESIRE.

you know in your heart - if the meds are an unhealthy dependence or not - and only you can know if they are helping or hurting you.

and only you can know where the fine line between addiction and recovery is.

I was told by my own sponsor - if you are taking meds as prescribed and not manipulating the doctor to get them....and quit when your suppose to.....

then your behavior is within the guidelines of staying clean.

She has breast cancer right now and is on some of the hardest stuff imaginable - I can't fathom someone telling her that she has "lost" her 26 years of clean time - over that.


Thanks for being here. :42:

light and love

Gail

[shrubbery]

I will not get into my own humble opinion on anything given - "even samples" by a doctor - to anyone in any 12 step program. NA is reworking its booklet In Times of Illness and expects to have it on line at the beginning of March 2009 until May 2009 for review by the fellowship. The original booklet is over 15 years old and they have written a bulletin etc. about certain meds etc.

My "hardest" difficulty while working this program was when two years ago my doctor gave me two sample containers of VIAGRA (worth about $60) and told me if I needed more just to let him know. ****, and my S.O. has been dead since 1994, and I do not even think about a 13 step.

I have narcolepsy and cataplexy, I have been prescribed Cylert, Rilalin, and now Adderall. The doctor knows I am an addict and that I was a multi item abuser, but in order to function ... drive a car, walk around and up and down stairs at home I DO NEED the medication. When I am involved in a homegroup I let others know so that they do not start slapping me around when I fall over in the middle of discussion or "Zone out" and am not easily re-awakened.

I actually have only one thing that I hate about my life in recovery. It is that in order to live it to its fullest I must obey my doctor... and if I question his input I can get 2 more medical opinions (as per suggestion by my sponsor). When/if meds are prescribed for me and I can afford them with my medical coverage I must purchase them. However, if the medication is a prn it is with much trepidation that I ever take it unless such situations as are about to be revealed occur.

I ended up in the hospital in the last 7 years in shock at least 3 times because I was unwilling to admit how badly I was in pain, and/or take medication written for me. The last time the doctor gave me a choice 302 involuntary committment-giving up a chance to retain my guns etc- or taking prn meds as directed.

So why was I in so much pain? Well, when you are not expecting to fall down when you are walking up or down a set of stairs, or outside -- and you do, it is amazing the brusies you find when you awaken. Being a guy who lived with two hernias for over 25 plus years until the pain got too great and stomach problems etc. I was just ripe for the "doctors" in AA and NA to tell me you are only clean when you remove all the drugs. Thanks a lot idiots!!! Most doctors are idiots too; because they "Practice" all the time on their patients.

[clean42day]

shrubbery - there are alot of well meaning people in the programs of recovery who simply don't have all the facts, nor have they walked a mile in your shoes and fallen.

too many times in my addiction I let drugs and other people manipulate my reality. I don't allow that kind of manipulation today. When I am in doubt - I run it by God, my sponsor, and a couple of very close freinds who have proven to be trustworhty individuals who have my best interest at heart.

I feel for you and your safety and your health are too precioius to put on the line for the so called "doctors" of the fellowships and their opinions.

When People get upset with me for speaking my mind and being who I am - I just tell them to make sure they put me on their resentment list and pray about it, and then I try my best to give them to God.

please take good care of you. :42:

light and love

Gail