CharlieGirl
02-20-2009, 05:10 PM
Hi all. Glad to have found this site and hope it will be helpful. I am the wife of an alcoholic. I will try to keep my story brief.
I met my husband in 2004 and we were married a little over a year later. When I first met him he was very honest about his past but had been sober for 4-5 years. I was a little leery getting involved with a recovering alcoholic at first, but as things progressed I became more comfortable with his sobriety. He said he could never promise he would never drink again but that he would work very hard to stay sober. I let him know before we were married that reverting back to drinking would be a deal breaker and he accepted my terms.
Things were great until late 2007. His dad was living with us for a while but returned to his home in Nov 2007 (he had just had surgery for cancer). My husband was in a dead-end job where we lived and decided to go where the better jobs were. He did get a job but it involved a move across country, so he left in Nov 2007 to start his job while I stayed behind to sell the house.
During one of our frequent telephone conversations in Dec 2007, I noticed a change in him, very subtle, but I picked up on it right away. It occurred to me to ask him if he was drinking, but dismissed it as I felt confident he would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage.
I moved across country in Mar 2008, and was not in our new apartment for one month before I caught him drinking. I caught him red handed. He told me he had just started drinking again the day before we were reunited, and since he had never lied to me before, I believed him. He promised he would go to AA, seek counseling, whatever it took, but he never followed through.
In May 2008 he went to Texas, along with his brother, to be with their father who died the day before our anniversary. Before he left for Texas I expressed my concern that this situation would cause him to drink. He was not happy with me voicing my concerns, but I learned after the fact that I had every reason to be worried. He did drink again while in Texas, his brother knew it, but no one bothered to tell me. When he returned from Texas everything seemed fine.
In July 2008 I caught him again. He tried to deny it to my face, tried to lie to cover his butt, but he was busted. The next day I quit my job, packed my stuff and drove back cross country and stayed with my family. I made it clear to him that I left not so much because of the drinking, but because of the lying. That I could not tolerate. We had a few nasty conversations while I was driving back home, few of which he remembered because he continued to drink after I left. He also admitted that he lied about when he started drinking; he started in December, just as I had suspected, because he was lonely, bored, and stressed from his new job.
A week after I left he started attending AA daily, found a sponsor and started seeing a therapist. He sobered up, was very apologetic and remorseful, and promised me that he would continue doing what he was doing to stay sober. After a three and a half month separation, we reconciled for two reasons: he was about to have surgery that would leave him incapacitated for a while, and also because I realized that I loved him, and aside from this isolated incident he was still a terrific husband, friend and companion. I felt he deserved another chance.
Well last night I caught him again. He returned from an AA meeting and sat beside me on the sofa. I could smell it, even through the cologne he used to try to mask the smell. I started shaking inside. I went into the bathroom, did a quick cursory search and found a bottle of vodka in his bathrobe pocket. I confronted him with it. He said he had two bottles hidden that he bought before I left him the first time, and he had forgotten all about them until he was looking for something else and happened upon them. So he took one of them with him to the meeting and drank it on the way home, and had the other bottle ready "in case I wake up with a hangover in the morning." I told him he HAD to start going to AA every day and that he needed to contact his sponsor ASAP.
He mentioned last night that he would look for an apartment for himself, that he would rather do that than to drag me through this again. Right now I am unemployed, having a hard time finding a job due to the economy. I WILL NOT go back home, as my mother was royally PO'd when I decided to reconcile, and she made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with him. Besides, I really like where I now live and decided that even if he and I split I am staying here.
There's much more that I can talk about, but as I'm trying to keep this as short as possible, I've said enough already. I'm looking for insight, advice, anything to help me deal with him and this situation appropriately.
I met my husband in 2004 and we were married a little over a year later. When I first met him he was very honest about his past but had been sober for 4-5 years. I was a little leery getting involved with a recovering alcoholic at first, but as things progressed I became more comfortable with his sobriety. He said he could never promise he would never drink again but that he would work very hard to stay sober. I let him know before we were married that reverting back to drinking would be a deal breaker and he accepted my terms.
Things were great until late 2007. His dad was living with us for a while but returned to his home in Nov 2007 (he had just had surgery for cancer). My husband was in a dead-end job where we lived and decided to go where the better jobs were. He did get a job but it involved a move across country, so he left in Nov 2007 to start his job while I stayed behind to sell the house.
During one of our frequent telephone conversations in Dec 2007, I noticed a change in him, very subtle, but I picked up on it right away. It occurred to me to ask him if he was drinking, but dismissed it as I felt confident he would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage.
I moved across country in Mar 2008, and was not in our new apartment for one month before I caught him drinking. I caught him red handed. He told me he had just started drinking again the day before we were reunited, and since he had never lied to me before, I believed him. He promised he would go to AA, seek counseling, whatever it took, but he never followed through.
In May 2008 he went to Texas, along with his brother, to be with their father who died the day before our anniversary. Before he left for Texas I expressed my concern that this situation would cause him to drink. He was not happy with me voicing my concerns, but I learned after the fact that I had every reason to be worried. He did drink again while in Texas, his brother knew it, but no one bothered to tell me. When he returned from Texas everything seemed fine.
In July 2008 I caught him again. He tried to deny it to my face, tried to lie to cover his butt, but he was busted. The next day I quit my job, packed my stuff and drove back cross country and stayed with my family. I made it clear to him that I left not so much because of the drinking, but because of the lying. That I could not tolerate. We had a few nasty conversations while I was driving back home, few of which he remembered because he continued to drink after I left. He also admitted that he lied about when he started drinking; he started in December, just as I had suspected, because he was lonely, bored, and stressed from his new job.
A week after I left he started attending AA daily, found a sponsor and started seeing a therapist. He sobered up, was very apologetic and remorseful, and promised me that he would continue doing what he was doing to stay sober. After a three and a half month separation, we reconciled for two reasons: he was about to have surgery that would leave him incapacitated for a while, and also because I realized that I loved him, and aside from this isolated incident he was still a terrific husband, friend and companion. I felt he deserved another chance.
Well last night I caught him again. He returned from an AA meeting and sat beside me on the sofa. I could smell it, even through the cologne he used to try to mask the smell. I started shaking inside. I went into the bathroom, did a quick cursory search and found a bottle of vodka in his bathrobe pocket. I confronted him with it. He said he had two bottles hidden that he bought before I left him the first time, and he had forgotten all about them until he was looking for something else and happened upon them. So he took one of them with him to the meeting and drank it on the way home, and had the other bottle ready "in case I wake up with a hangover in the morning." I told him he HAD to start going to AA every day and that he needed to contact his sponsor ASAP.
He mentioned last night that he would look for an apartment for himself, that he would rather do that than to drag me through this again. Right now I am unemployed, having a hard time finding a job due to the economy. I WILL NOT go back home, as my mother was royally PO'd when I decided to reconcile, and she made it clear she wanted nothing more to do with him. Besides, I really like where I now live and decided that even if he and I split I am staying here.
There's much more that I can talk about, but as I'm trying to keep this as short as possible, I've said enough already. I'm looking for insight, advice, anything to help me deal with him and this situation appropriately.