jollygirl
03-06-2009, 06:25 PM
So I made the first step last night (and a 50-lb weight lifted from my body) and sat my husband down and told him I have been addicted to opiates for over two years now. He was pretty in the dark as he is in the military and deployed quite a bit. I assumed once I told him he would be furious, but he just came over to me with tears in his eyes and hugged me saying he was proud of me because he knew that took a lot of courage. I was shocked by his reaction. He immediately called detox centers and found one in a town an hour from our house. He got a babysitter for our kiddos and off we went. I will say I was still pretty phased because I did not see my night going like that once I told him. I thought he would get mad and we would talk about it all night and then I didn't know what would happen.
I have been taking 20-40 each of Hydro/Ultram pills , on top of Klonopin and my other prescribed meds a day. We showed up at the detox center, unfortunately they did not do opiate detox so they sent me to the nearest ER. The ER there would not admit me for detox but got me a bed for this Tuesday in a hospital about 2.5 hours away from where we live (we live in a small town). I went and saw my primary care dr this morning with my husband and we told him EVERYTHING, he was extremely understanding and gave me enough meds to get through until Tuesday when I get to the detox (though my husband is now in charge of my meds). The detox center doesn't want me to detox ahead of time, something about needing everything in my system for insurance purposes (screwed up I think, but not my rules). I can't really detox on my own, I've tried in the past and ended up seizing.
I feel pretty bad today physically because my husband is giving me my meds like they are supposed to be taken instead of every hour like I used to, but emotionally I feel hopeful for the first time in years. My family and close friends have really surrounded me with love and support, I did not give them enough credit before, I expected to be "in trouble" if they ever found out, but instead I have found compassion.
One other thing, my husband and I are children's pastors and I work in the social work field so I was deeply ashamed and felt so hypocritical that now I am so relieved. My pastor has been awesome, and all I can say if anyone is reading this that still hasn't let their loved ones know at least give others the opportunity to love and help you...and save your life.
I still have an extremely long road in front of me, but I'm at peace knowing this road ends in better life and not death. I have been afraid for my life the last few months as my addiction grew greater and greater, I had just accepted the fact that my life was probably going to be ending soon and now I have hope.
I just wanted to introduce myself and will probably be visiting these boards quite a bit between now and Tuesday when I enter detox because I am having a hard time with cravings, and even though I am still taking the Hydro/Ultram/Klonopins until Tuesday I have decreased the amount by about 1/2 and am suffering the ill effects of that. So instead of sitting around thinking about the pills all day I thought I'd get on here and read through the forums.
Your Sister in Recovery (soon!),
H
I have been taking 20-40 each of Hydro/Ultram pills , on top of Klonopin and my other prescribed meds a day. We showed up at the detox center, unfortunately they did not do opiate detox so they sent me to the nearest ER. The ER there would not admit me for detox but got me a bed for this Tuesday in a hospital about 2.5 hours away from where we live (we live in a small town). I went and saw my primary care dr this morning with my husband and we told him EVERYTHING, he was extremely understanding and gave me enough meds to get through until Tuesday when I get to the detox (though my husband is now in charge of my meds). The detox center doesn't want me to detox ahead of time, something about needing everything in my system for insurance purposes (screwed up I think, but not my rules). I can't really detox on my own, I've tried in the past and ended up seizing.
I feel pretty bad today physically because my husband is giving me my meds like they are supposed to be taken instead of every hour like I used to, but emotionally I feel hopeful for the first time in years. My family and close friends have really surrounded me with love and support, I did not give them enough credit before, I expected to be "in trouble" if they ever found out, but instead I have found compassion.
One other thing, my husband and I are children's pastors and I work in the social work field so I was deeply ashamed and felt so hypocritical that now I am so relieved. My pastor has been awesome, and all I can say if anyone is reading this that still hasn't let their loved ones know at least give others the opportunity to love and help you...and save your life.
I still have an extremely long road in front of me, but I'm at peace knowing this road ends in better life and not death. I have been afraid for my life the last few months as my addiction grew greater and greater, I had just accepted the fact that my life was probably going to be ending soon and now I have hope.
I just wanted to introduce myself and will probably be visiting these boards quite a bit between now and Tuesday when I enter detox because I am having a hard time with cravings, and even though I am still taking the Hydro/Ultram/Klonopins until Tuesday I have decreased the amount by about 1/2 and am suffering the ill effects of that. So instead of sitting around thinking about the pills all day I thought I'd get on here and read through the forums.
Your Sister in Recovery (soon!),
H