alcohol and drugs.... then me.

[Silla]

Hi Everyone,
I'm an addict. I questioned it because I was only 25, decided I was just being a normal, experimenting young woman but I was lying to myself.

I was drinking almost every night, alone in my apartment. I was popping prescription pills. I may have lost some friends - I isolate while I'm using so that no one sees. So I'm not in contact with them any more.

I'm an honest person, deep down. My best friend knows at least some of what's going on, I've always been blatantly honest about how I feel - she can't see it from my perspective and she's not an addict so she can't understand it. She thinks I should just remember all my strengths and stop. I mentioned if I ever got really desperate, I'd buy pills on the street and she said that if I ever did, she'd call the cops. I've never done that, but I'm scared she'd go through with that. My best friend. I know she's scared for me though.

I've started NA. I want to do it for her. But I know that won't work, I have to want to do it for me. And I don't know if I want to do it for me.

[jollygirl]

I think you are absolutely right that it is not going to work if you don't want to stop. I'm by no means an expert on this, I'm not starting detox until Tuesday, but I think everyone has to have their own moment where they decide enough is enough and seek help. If other people had really known how much I was taking and had tried to stop me it would have meant nothing to me because I wasn't ready. I just had to realize that I had too much to live for and I didn't want to accidentally overdose (which was always in the back of my mind) and I had to face the fact of how bad the problem really was. I think you are already halfway there with realizing that there is something going on, but no one else can give you the desire to quit, that's something you will have to find from yourself.

I just joined this board yesterday, you will find so much love and support here while you are on your journey!

[Bob-J]

Hi Silla,
welcome! Getting into the rooms of Recovery is the first Giant step, I have found its not for who or why we come, as long as stay for Ourselves.

Love Bob.