shrubbery
03-12-2009, 03:53 AM
Tonight I got on the telephone with someone who has over a decade of clean time and is just starting to get his own food service business off the ground and running. He has listened to me before when I have tried to bring something to the homegroup that was affecting other homegroups using the same facility and the specific homegroup that he and I are a part of (at least until we tell them any different).
What has happened is that there is someone in the one homegroup; who in my esteemed friends opinion thinks that I am the devil incarnate. To that I have a good laugh, after all I am human - not a fallen angel.
Short story long, whenever I can get around this "Hater" and listen to him chair a sub group I get into the group and listen, share, care, talk from my own experience. He has 5+ years of recovery and his experience is deep, but his honesty in admitting that he cannot forgive his father for the death of one of his two brothers is IMHO so obvious it has to hurt him.
Then his only remaining brother went back out, but this fellow has kept his recovery. It takes a strong program, even with some reservations and resentments to keep someone active and in recovery with the deep issues he has handled. When he has found it necessary to share part of his family experience I always - all ways find him a vital tool to my growth and recovery.
He does however continue to live at home with his parents (dad uses drugs) and is in late 20's (I do not ask - he has never told me what the reasons are that he has not moved out on his own yet even with all his recovery, job, life skills etc,) He has been a trusted servant of that homegroup for over 3 years and done an admirable job as treasurer, he was also responsible for opening up the meeting site.
Here is the problem and where the hating begins. I have over 15 years clean, and have been the secretary and GSR and am currently the treasurer of the other group that also uses this church for our afternoon meetings. I am not only an addict but a "service junkie too". I regularly try to get to at least 2 "new" meetings a week rounding out my week with about 15-17 meetings. I do volunteer work 12-15 hours a week, so I have some balance in my life.
The church made both of our groups no children allowed two years ago. The incident happened when children of members (you are a member when you say you are) but not home group members of the night time (start of the weekend) group used facility property damaged it, destroyed and defaced property and made a general mess.
I was setting up the afternoon meeting the following week and was alone when the beginning of my problems occurred in 2007, similiar to the same problems this last monday. However, another home group memer was there to hear the latest problems presented to our group (one group affecting another group in NA).
In 2007 the person who cleans the church; and is also the receptionist brought to my attention what was had happened at the nighttime group and stated that the church pastor wanted names of people to whom they could talk to about reparations. I understand being a steward of wherever we are allowed to set up a meeting. We (most of the homegroups I belong to - leave the place cleaner than we found it - pick up stray cig buts in the parking lot, take out the garbage, put in new bags etc.) Well, one of the female members of the night time group is also a member of the church (well connected) and she had also had a sharp redressing about the situation. In 2007 the nighttime group had to pay almost $200 for repairs and damage, the female never returned after about two months, and the treasurer (the hater) had to get the funds to the church for the damage done.
When the nighttime group makes rent payments it is in half or quarter year installments and by money order. The facility has no telephone numbers or addresses for anyone who is currently a member of that group except of course me. The monday afternoon group provides the church with the newest meeting lists, and also has accepted being No children allowed. We give the facililty cash, and personal checks getting receipts. At least one or more trusted servant names and phone numbers are available to the facility for our group should they need to contact us. I am the primary contact person in two other groups and am "the key master in 3 groups" so when meetings are cancelled due to problems at the facility they need to let someone know in advance so we can get the message out to the fellowship.
The nighttime group had a group conscience in 2007 when I brought the concerns of the afternoon group to it, after the "trapped by myself confrontation", prior to a letter from the church (which arrived the following week taped to their supplies). I mentioned that they were affecting others and that even if were not their own members that some decorum needed to be established, we do not tell others how to run their lives we show them by modeling good behavior. They (5-7 members of the group conscience) told me to never speak to the people of the church again, especially since I was not appointed by them or even a group of them and that they wanted me to promise them that I would do so. I was simply trying to prevent the HUGE problem that occurred.
The evening group had to close its doors to anyone with kids (kids had to stay in vehicles) (hey in the 50's and 60's when my dad drove 20-30 miles to a meeting I would do my homework with my mom in the back of the VW bug.) no kids allowed into the meeting area. In fact they made it an entirely inside and no smoking meeting, prior it had offered as much as two -three inside meetings and 3-4 outside meetings (smoking). And at the end of the meeting people had to go around and be NA BUTT police.
Well fall and winter came and went and 2008 got nice and warm again, things had changed and those problem kids and their parents had gone on to other pastures. So after 5-6 months evening group conscience started outside again and smoking again, and again on Saturday morning the parking lot is littered with butts (people stomp them out as they talk in groups at their cars). HAVE I MADE THE PICTURE PLAIN ENOUGH YET?
Since the last incident the facility has installed cameras, and they have night time pictures of the children damaging the facility's children playground, breaking equipment and then getting into their mother's car and leaving. The woman does not want to tell the pastor; since she knows this might be the last straw. She wants the group to show up on their own at the factility offices, be responsible, do the right thing, and show some spiritual maturity.
On Mondays our noon meeting has two firm rules we installed for 9 months a year (the months that preschoolers are attending classes immediately prior to our noon meeting) 1) No one enters the facility earlier than 15 minutes before the meeting unless they are setting up the meeting or using the restrooms. and 2) no one stands next to the entry way door until 11:45 and all cars are parked on the opposite side of the lot.
There is a preschool that uses the site prior to our meeting. And the parents start arriving at 11:20-11:40 to take home their infants. Monday homegroup does not want to even accidently drop an "F" bomb, lear at, or act inappropriately, smoke around the kids, or get in the parents way. Those preschoolers are pretty fired up even after classes, and I consider the group to be pretty special in that they (NA members who are not home group members) will come in and set up in 5-10 minutes while I am getting the coffee started etc a little earlier. And the monday group uses an old coffee can placed on my "POS" car trunk to hold butts before and after the meeting and even cigs packs discarded coffee cups and garbage.
So I call this guy, and he says he remembers the lack of unity I caused the last time. He has been an area chair, but now with his new business has cut back sharply on meeting attendance and service. We talk about how much we miss meeting and greeting each other. We talk about the unity of groups and members, and we realize that again the haters will hate. And this time if necessary the police can be called since everything is documented. The warm weather will bring out the parents with children who are unattended and who (the parents) need a meeting more than anything. But they cannot attend many meetings because (do you think their children could have caused it?) they can not go and leave their kids in the car, and they have to have their kids so they can not attend.
And the fellow from the nighttime group, I already know that toleration is the highest form of love he has ever shown me; and this will probably be the end of my being a part of that group (as well as the other fellow with the decade clean). I have no promises to make to anyone, but I do believe in mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual support (concept 12). Just as I find some places too toxic for me (I might go into a restaurant to hear a sponsee sing or play in a band when I am with him and a group and am spiritually fit) I refuse to attend a meeting where recovery was meant to be my reward; receiving instead resentment, distrust, loud vocal outbursts, confusion and talking during my time of sharing or when I am chairing a meeting.
Please any responses out there?::idea:
Peace
What has happened is that there is someone in the one homegroup; who in my esteemed friends opinion thinks that I am the devil incarnate. To that I have a good laugh, after all I am human - not a fallen angel.
Short story long, whenever I can get around this "Hater" and listen to him chair a sub group I get into the group and listen, share, care, talk from my own experience. He has 5+ years of recovery and his experience is deep, but his honesty in admitting that he cannot forgive his father for the death of one of his two brothers is IMHO so obvious it has to hurt him.
Then his only remaining brother went back out, but this fellow has kept his recovery. It takes a strong program, even with some reservations and resentments to keep someone active and in recovery with the deep issues he has handled. When he has found it necessary to share part of his family experience I always - all ways find him a vital tool to my growth and recovery.
He does however continue to live at home with his parents (dad uses drugs) and is in late 20's (I do not ask - he has never told me what the reasons are that he has not moved out on his own yet even with all his recovery, job, life skills etc,) He has been a trusted servant of that homegroup for over 3 years and done an admirable job as treasurer, he was also responsible for opening up the meeting site.
Here is the problem and where the hating begins. I have over 15 years clean, and have been the secretary and GSR and am currently the treasurer of the other group that also uses this church for our afternoon meetings. I am not only an addict but a "service junkie too". I regularly try to get to at least 2 "new" meetings a week rounding out my week with about 15-17 meetings. I do volunteer work 12-15 hours a week, so I have some balance in my life.
The church made both of our groups no children allowed two years ago. The incident happened when children of members (you are a member when you say you are) but not home group members of the night time (start of the weekend) group used facility property damaged it, destroyed and defaced property and made a general mess.
I was setting up the afternoon meeting the following week and was alone when the beginning of my problems occurred in 2007, similiar to the same problems this last monday. However, another home group memer was there to hear the latest problems presented to our group (one group affecting another group in NA).
In 2007 the person who cleans the church; and is also the receptionist brought to my attention what was had happened at the nighttime group and stated that the church pastor wanted names of people to whom they could talk to about reparations. I understand being a steward of wherever we are allowed to set up a meeting. We (most of the homegroups I belong to - leave the place cleaner than we found it - pick up stray cig buts in the parking lot, take out the garbage, put in new bags etc.) Well, one of the female members of the night time group is also a member of the church (well connected) and she had also had a sharp redressing about the situation. In 2007 the nighttime group had to pay almost $200 for repairs and damage, the female never returned after about two months, and the treasurer (the hater) had to get the funds to the church for the damage done.
When the nighttime group makes rent payments it is in half or quarter year installments and by money order. The facility has no telephone numbers or addresses for anyone who is currently a member of that group except of course me. The monday afternoon group provides the church with the newest meeting lists, and also has accepted being No children allowed. We give the facililty cash, and personal checks getting receipts. At least one or more trusted servant names and phone numbers are available to the facility for our group should they need to contact us. I am the primary contact person in two other groups and am "the key master in 3 groups" so when meetings are cancelled due to problems at the facility they need to let someone know in advance so we can get the message out to the fellowship.
The nighttime group had a group conscience in 2007 when I brought the concerns of the afternoon group to it, after the "trapped by myself confrontation", prior to a letter from the church (which arrived the following week taped to their supplies). I mentioned that they were affecting others and that even if were not their own members that some decorum needed to be established, we do not tell others how to run their lives we show them by modeling good behavior. They (5-7 members of the group conscience) told me to never speak to the people of the church again, especially since I was not appointed by them or even a group of them and that they wanted me to promise them that I would do so. I was simply trying to prevent the HUGE problem that occurred.
The evening group had to close its doors to anyone with kids (kids had to stay in vehicles) (hey in the 50's and 60's when my dad drove 20-30 miles to a meeting I would do my homework with my mom in the back of the VW bug.) no kids allowed into the meeting area. In fact they made it an entirely inside and no smoking meeting, prior it had offered as much as two -three inside meetings and 3-4 outside meetings (smoking). And at the end of the meeting people had to go around and be NA BUTT police.
Well fall and winter came and went and 2008 got nice and warm again, things had changed and those problem kids and their parents had gone on to other pastures. So after 5-6 months evening group conscience started outside again and smoking again, and again on Saturday morning the parking lot is littered with butts (people stomp them out as they talk in groups at their cars). HAVE I MADE THE PICTURE PLAIN ENOUGH YET?
Since the last incident the facility has installed cameras, and they have night time pictures of the children damaging the facility's children playground, breaking equipment and then getting into their mother's car and leaving. The woman does not want to tell the pastor; since she knows this might be the last straw. She wants the group to show up on their own at the factility offices, be responsible, do the right thing, and show some spiritual maturity.
On Mondays our noon meeting has two firm rules we installed for 9 months a year (the months that preschoolers are attending classes immediately prior to our noon meeting) 1) No one enters the facility earlier than 15 minutes before the meeting unless they are setting up the meeting or using the restrooms. and 2) no one stands next to the entry way door until 11:45 and all cars are parked on the opposite side of the lot.
There is a preschool that uses the site prior to our meeting. And the parents start arriving at 11:20-11:40 to take home their infants. Monday homegroup does not want to even accidently drop an "F" bomb, lear at, or act inappropriately, smoke around the kids, or get in the parents way. Those preschoolers are pretty fired up even after classes, and I consider the group to be pretty special in that they (NA members who are not home group members) will come in and set up in 5-10 minutes while I am getting the coffee started etc a little earlier. And the monday group uses an old coffee can placed on my "POS" car trunk to hold butts before and after the meeting and even cigs packs discarded coffee cups and garbage.
So I call this guy, and he says he remembers the lack of unity I caused the last time. He has been an area chair, but now with his new business has cut back sharply on meeting attendance and service. We talk about how much we miss meeting and greeting each other. We talk about the unity of groups and members, and we realize that again the haters will hate. And this time if necessary the police can be called since everything is documented. The warm weather will bring out the parents with children who are unattended and who (the parents) need a meeting more than anything. But they cannot attend many meetings because (do you think their children could have caused it?) they can not go and leave their kids in the car, and they have to have their kids so they can not attend.
And the fellow from the nighttime group, I already know that toleration is the highest form of love he has ever shown me; and this will probably be the end of my being a part of that group (as well as the other fellow with the decade clean). I have no promises to make to anyone, but I do believe in mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual support (concept 12). Just as I find some places too toxic for me (I might go into a restaurant to hear a sponsee sing or play in a band when I am with him and a group and am spiritually fit) I refuse to attend a meeting where recovery was meant to be my reward; receiving instead resentment, distrust, loud vocal outbursts, confusion and talking during my time of sharing or when I am chairing a meeting.
Please any responses out there?::idea:
Peace