"St' Partick Never Drank" [Archive] - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

MrSoul1970

03-18-2009, 09:29 AM

Good morning Mr. Soul. it's great to wake up not hung over after such a night as last night. How did you do? Today will be a good day. It's 45 out already! It's trying to be spring here. Yesterday we got up to 55!

Good am to you too zoooomie...I did ok...No hangover at all....3 guiness w/ some corned beef spread over a few hours and lots of water....
Compared to my usual St Pats Day...It was like 95% les then usual...But YES!...Waking up w/o hangover is Defly great and worth Not over indulging...

Unfortuntly , my wife is still an absolute mess,mentally,and it akes all my support and strenghth to be there for her. She is so convinced she has one of these auto-immune diseases...I BEG her to stay Off the dam internet, because she reads the most horrible shht and just destroys herself mentally. I'm praying very hard for her well being and part of it is Me being there in mind and spirt for her..NOT drunk...Of course I Want to guzzle at times, but i havent recently and I want to continue...But right now my focus is on her. She has anpther drs appoinmt on Friday, I'm hoping they can giver her Some type of reassurance...althoo, as ''luck' would have it..HER Dr is on vaca friday tthru next week, so she will be meeting w/ a backup which is rarely a good thing. But hopefully he/she can calm her to some degree.

zoomie

03-18-2009, 10:06 AM

I agree the internet can be a bad thing when looking up medical information in some cases. It's good that you can be there for her though while she goes through this. Good going on cutting back on your drinking. Yesterday was such a trigger for most people. Water is a good way to flush out what ails you. Just have to ask though, have you set a quit date? A lot of people when tappering down set a quit date. Mine just happened. I was going through a period when I thought I was dying too. I asked God to either let me live or let me die. LOL nothing happened except for a small thought of going back to AA again and to quit drinking. I went to AA the next day and have over 4 and a half years. Not saying you should go to AA,there are other ways to quit,but for me after my rehab stay they stressed AA until it was no longer an option. It's free and easy to get to. I'm not hard core AA,but I go and met some really nice people in there. I do have a sponcer. A very nice older woman who is a teacher. As kind as can be and very spiritual when as I'm not very spiritual any more. I more rely on Doctors than a God to help me through my tough times. LOL, I know this is a Christian Web site,but i'v been here for years and years before it became known for it's wonderful Christian base. Besides I find Christians more nice and not strange as far as being on the web. Tammy the old owner took me under her wing when I was new and struggling and a pain in the ass. I had gotten kicked off a few web sites in the time period for arguing and not fitting in. She made me a moderator of all things and trusted me with people. Christain people are like that and I owe her a lot. So there are many people here at CR from all walks of life. It's a nice safe place. OK I know I'm rambling. I just woke up an hour ago and felt chatty again. I do hope your wife will find peace on Friday. Then you two are going away for a little RandR right? Have you bought your wife any flowers to boost her up? Maybe write her a little something from the heart. Just some thoughts. Hubby is taking me away for the day on Friday. Too much drama at my house for the moment and it will be good for me to get away for the day. We all need a get away now and then :)

MrSoul1970

03-18-2009, 10:33 AM

Um, no I havent really set a quit 'date' so to speak...Just an overall lifestyle change with the Spring here now. In ocober I went 17 days without drinking at all, mind you I was having my Fall Vertigo and it was bad, but I was able to not drink at all...so I know I can...My friend who is a West Coast Rehab cenetr in san Diego..( Its a Beautful place..He's been very successful in business so he can afford it...Its an "Executive Detox' faclity...72 hours of medial detox, like they hook up patches to your head and basically try to erase youbrainwaves in your opitae recptors or something. Its only about 3 weeks...1st the procedure,then 2 weeks of support,exercise and meetings...This guy(and I'm sure everyone knows one) was/is a Horse when it came to partying..the lines he did were like the size of a Mans Thumb...Before he left, he was back up to 13-20 Oxys a day(40's and 80's)--but somewher around 700-1200 mgs a day + almost two 8 balls+ 2-3 Sticks of xanax to sleep...not to mention washing it down w/ patron or johnny walker like it was water...ANYHOW, he'll be back in a week or so, and I look foward to having a sit down w/ him and hoping he can give me some guidence as well...He also has the Dr that is local that I can see, and maybe I will goto some meetings w/ him. So thats as close as i've come to setting a 'quit date'

Anyhow...back to work...I'm meeting my little girl at Chucky Cheese w/ Mommy for her friend's BDay party rt after wrok...I'm actually really looking foward to it..This is her best friend in class...Brendan..Born on st Pats Day and the red hair and freckles to boot. he is adorable and I'm pretty sure my Addy Jane has a 'crush on him. She's Only 3 1/2...Boy am I in Trouble! ..LOL

Well, have a good one zooomie, if I dont talk to u again today...
Take care.

zoomie

03-18-2009, 10:51 AM

Love Chuck's place! Lots of fond memories with my kids there. Sounds like you have some sort of plan. Just becareful you two don't pick up together. He needs a strong friend too. I'm off to study. You have a great night!

MrSoul1970

03-18-2009, 11:01 AM

THX....U2

zoomie

03-19-2009, 08:29 AM

Good morning Mr. Soul. I hope you and your family had a good time at Chuck's place! I for one went to bed real early and got a wonderful night's sleep. Only one more day and hopefully your wife will get good news and you both can relax. How did the drinking go last night? Still down to two or three? Don't worry about going to meetings and still drinking. A bunch of people started off that way. I'm just glad you might give them a try.

MrSoul1970

03-19-2009, 09:06 AM

Good Morning zoooomie..Chuck's Place was crazy..never been there pretty intense but my lil girl had a blast....so just a doll...My parents were up for the night and honestly I drank more wine then I intended...not sure exactly , but more then 2 or 3, so...not gonna lie...but feel guilty about it actually...My dad and I opendd a couple diff bottles to do, like a tasting...we didnt finsh them by any means...but no one to blame but myself....Beleive me, I have a whole huge book..I call it "Useless Excuses"....anyhow...aside from the Dr.s , we'll be going away for that R&R from Friday till Moday,so I will defly be chliing out w/ the drinking, My wife only has a beer or 2 if any and so will I,Maybe None, That'd be nice. Being as we're bring yoga dvds anbd meditation cds...Thats really what the time away is for..MUCH differnt then our previous outtings...

Anyhow...My mother is extremly religious and not in a cooky way..( no offense to anyone, I say it more as a joke,) But She is a Winderful giving woman. She actually teaches a class converting ,usually adults, to Catholism and Christianity. We spent alot of time last ight talking about religion and She read aloud some of her favorite passages. In doing this, She was trying to also set my wifes mind at ease and spoke of Her previous experiences w/ bloodowrk and just the complexity of women's readings and often misdiagoses that can occur.She also recommnded a book called The Shack( I think). I havent looked it up yet.

All in all...Nice night in general, but disappointed w/ the fact that I had a couple 2 many. My fault, can't blame my rough day at work or overall stress, it happens to everyone so...Back to the game plan tonight..Hey MAYBE I wont drink at all...Its not Beyond the possibilty. I want to feel fresh for our time off too, willNOT overindulge if at all.

I'll be around..ttu later zooooomie

zoomie

03-19-2009, 10:19 AM

I remember one night getting ready for a big PTA gig that I was in charge of. I thought I'd only drink one or two trying to do the last minute preperations for the big event. I ended up drinking far too many to where I was still "drunk" the next day. I was running to the school with a box full of donuts the next morning only to fall flat on my face in the box of donuts. It was real embarrassing to be the head of a PTA event and still tipsy from the night before. I did not set out to get drunk,but I was drunk all the same. I left my husband in charge of the event and went home to lay down and try to shake the cob webs from my brain. I never was a fall down drunk,but that morning I was LOL. It was just one of many reasons why I stopped drinking. It seemed that I always got too tipsy on night that I should not have and drinking when I should not have. I do not have many "war stories" to tell in my older days of drinking. In my youth I was wild and crazy going to Hollywood to the clubs there and making a fool out of myself,but then again so was everyone who went to the clubs. I cannot say my youth was not fun, I had some pretty wild times,but as we get older the wild times seem to go and we are left with memories. I have deep respect for people that can grasp religion. My mother in law goes to church just about everyday and so do my husband's aunts. My mother on the other hand was once into witch craft and thing sof that sort and it made for a pretty freaky childhood LOL. I did up and go to church when I was real little by myself and then agian at 13 to 14 and even converted. I'm at the point though where I'm questioning if there is a God or not. I say prayers just incase though. I do have my children go to vacation bible school every summer. I feel guilt that I do not make them go every week,but at least it's something. Don't worry about messing up last night. Many of us do have faulse (sp) starts. It's important though to think about why you drank too much last night and understand that being an alcoholic, you cannot control at times how much you drink. That is why we need help from one another. I know that I can drink and only drink one or two most nights,but it's the nights that I do not only drink one or two that count in my abuse of alcohol. Besides I'm on medication and it's a no no to drink on medication. You catch a buzz faster than if you where not on it,so it's really like drinking a six pack when you only drink one or two. OK I'm off to get my daughter who is sick today. My car is acting funny,so i hope I do not get stuck someplace LOL. Some days I'd really like to catch a buzz,but I know that it will only make my life worse if i did. My husband (he is my new one) is a full blown alcoholic (never did drugs though). he has not drank in many years and was sober when I met him. If I drank then he would drink and he is a black out drinker. Our lives would be crap. One thing that hold me true to my not drinking is my love for him. My ex husband though let me drink and joined me in drinking. He was my biggest enabler as I was his. I knew if I stayed with him, I'd still be drinking and worthless. Today however, I'm going to school and will graduate in May hopefully if I can pass accoutning. I work. Only as a waitress,but it's good fast money and it's honest. My ex and i share joint custody of the kids, we get along for the most part. My older kids who are into partying give me a hard time,but we can only live as an example to them and if they are in trouble we can help be there for them. OK enough got to blow dry my hair. Have a nice day and try to not drink just for today if you can.

MrSoul1970

03-19-2009, 11:09 AM

the ''why'' is that I was thirsty. ( LOL)...kidding, nah, it got away from me...It was kind of rushed start to the nt, after the CC party,had to get dinner ready for the family, I'm the cook and I enjoy it, but I downd the 1rst glass pretty quickly w/ my dad, and before I knew it...bewteen dinner and just conversation, I took a look at what was left and realized that I had too many..That and I was feeling pretty buzzed, so I guzzled a bunch of water...ate some popcorn etc and talkd about religion w/ my Mom and Wife.

I'll do better over the next few dazee....

Have a good One zoooomie...if I dont talk to u , enjoy yhe weeknd...i may check in the forum from the hotel we're staying at ,or i can check from my mobil too...

Take care.

zoomie

03-20-2009, 07:06 AM

Good morning Mr. Soul. I'm off to the casino for a little R and R. Have a good and relaxing weekend with your wife and do not forget to post the news on your wife and how the doctor's visit went. I'm sure she is going to be fine! I only go to the casino 2 or 3 times a year. I never win LOL,but I like to play the games. I'll be on and off here all weekend. I work at night on the weekends,but I usally pop in before bed... have a good one!

zoomie

03-23-2009, 06:58 AM

Good morning Mr. Soul. I hope you had a great weekend! Mine was OK. We did not win,but we never do LOL. We had fun anyway. I hope your wife's test came back good!

MrSoul1970

03-24-2009, 09:16 AM

Hi zoooomie, I'm back from my "RnR" with my wife. As far as her test results..its just gonna be a long road of one specialist to the next over a couple months. They tried to reassure her that the elevations were only slight and no outward signs are present, but she wasnt comforted to much..They have reommend'd that she see a Pulmanry Dr,a Cardiologist,and an Endo. Dr. I went thru the same thing about a year ago when they found small nodules in my lungs, but after months of just Waiting to see the spech., another CT Scan,PET Scan and then an Endoscomy they ruled out anything serious( which would have been at worst stomach or lung cancer) and basically called the lung thing 'slightlyl asmatic and the endo(which i knew) was just my Hiatle hernia being inflamed again. So net net, I am hoping after all the upcoming tests for her that the same type of results come back and Nothing to lead these drs to beleive that she does have an auto-immune disease,namely schleredoma. Parying obviously and all we can do is wait.

As fae as outr time away, it was a couple days 1/2 from home..nice double suite,with ocean friont view and a couple very good restaurants..It all went well except for late friday nt, I started experiening another panic attack that lasted from11pm to 3 am...heart pounding..nautious etc...I am prone to these and have had them more frequently again lately. It sux..have to be strong for Her,mysel and my children. I'm not over drinking at least, but I'm no where near 'totally clean. Beleive me, its been at the tip of my tongue to tell her certain things about me that she is unaware of, namely the extra pills(percocets)I've been popping...It hasnt gotten any worse, but its still there and ubtill I can go thru a real detox program, I wont be totally clean, I know that. I also know I Can Not lay that burdon on her right now,nor my family. I got myself into this mess and I have to get out of it myself. if things were different, I could 'go away'. But right now i simply cant. So I have to continue to taper and make sure nothing gets worse. I fight the urge to overindulge evryday,and I refuse to go backwards. Of couse this secret is completely unhealthy in every way, But until all her tests come back and we see where we are..I just have to get thru this moreso on my own, and talking here and and talking to my friend when he gets back from rehab...should be this week I think.

Anyhow..I'm glad this place is here and thanks for checking up on me zooomie..

zoomie

03-24-2009, 02:02 PM

Bummer about having to go yet to another doctor to get some sort of results,but at least she has someone checking up on her to make sure she is ok. Glad your R and R was nice. Bummer about the attack though. I had a mini one today in class. Lack of sleep and the room was too hot. I'm glad you can come here and get support,thats what it's all about! Glad you are not going backwards,so forward we go... weeeeeeee! I found when I first got sober I was on a pink cloud, I was very happy,then the past caught up with me as far as emotional. It's all a process on how we get well. Well I'm off to a meeting for my job. Stupid really,but i'll get fired if I do not go.

zoomie

03-25-2009, 07:58 AM

Good morning Mr. Soul. I hope the night was good to you! Are you still down to two drinks? Pretty soon you'll be able to go down to one then none,but all in good time. I need to study for an exam I have tomorrow yuck. Actually it's a course I'm good at,but I did not study over break. Now I have to cram LOL. I only have 7 more weeks left to go and then I'm out of school. I'm pretty sick of school and working at the same time. I do not have much free time. I'm hoping to get a job in an office some place that will pay me enough money to help live and send my older kids to college. I was a stay at home mom for many years until my divorce. I went to college before,but it was so long ago that I remembered nothing and so I had very little job skills. If I had it to do all over again, I'd be working and sending my kids to day care LOL. Well have a nice day. When is your friend coming home? It will be good for you to get FTF contact with someone that understands and can help you. Although I do worry about both of you going astray with him being so new and all. But I'm sure you will not let that happen because you want to get well. I'll be checking in from time to time. I only have one class today at 12:00 and my ex is taking care of the kids today. Don't work too hard!

MrSoul1970

03-25-2009, 11:05 AM

Hi zoooomie, thanks for checking in on me...my anxiety has been off the charts w/ all the stuff I am dealing w/ with my wife....but my guilt and what I've done to MYSELF disgusts me....My friend comes back today, I probably wont see him until next week when he returns to work, I am sure he will be spening the rest of the week w/ his family since he has not seen them in 3 weeks.....The Weight of this secret is as Dylan says.." sometimes my burdon is more then I can bare..its Not Dark yet, but It's Gettin There...".

I will be talking w/ my buddy and hopefully seeing his local Dr. on the d/l and trying to work this out myself, like I said, I caused it. I can use any excuse in the book....My biggest one is that my wife and I were best bets friends..we did nothing apart....from following jam bands(and oviously partying there) from NJ/NY to California at one point and Alabama and Maryland, the list goes on...But no more..and thats fine I suppose..Its not the greatest enviornment for me to be in until I can hold my head high again..clean and undependent..Iam a pretty darn good musician...mostly acoustic stuff, but I can pick up any song by ear in seconds. I used to play out and then had a real good jam cover band..Allmans,Dead,Widespread Panic,Eagles,Zep., allthat stuff...but I gave it up for her...once we started trying to get pregnant(and the 1st one took a year,probly due to all the pot I smoked)...She basically told me.."I didnt marry a rock star..etc..not the life I want..etc.."...Meanwhile(even my family were like, 'Um, yeah ya Did actually)..I mean, I work on Wall Street( not a big wig..low level trader),so it wasnt my Profession but defly my hobby...ANYHOW, I gave up the band(we had a nice follwoing,would get bout 200 hundred friends to our shows). I rarely even play out acoustically solo anymore ,unless its for an event, like charity concert etc.But I'm asked all the time and I decline, I dont even mind that much..Taking care of my family and getting a good night sleep for work are my prioriites...Unfortunately..as things went on between us....The drinking got alot worse...and then the pills to 'numb the pain' of losing my best friend ,in theory. All poor excuses for a grown man...but I've self medicated for 20+ years so why would that be any differnt.
Anyhow...my ramblings are probly incomplete( if u can beleive that.. ;)))
Gotta get back to trading...Take care and thnx again for the check in.

zoomie

03-25-2009, 11:40 AM

I remember when I first met my ex husband and he was fun. The fun times stopped when we got married. I guess it's due to the kids,but I got tired of hearing the same old jokes day after day. I thought we would grow together,but we did not. My husband now is a little older than me and I'm really not looking for fun any more, just a best friend. I think I used up all my fun in my youth LOL. I do hope once your clean and sober and have a little time you would go back into playing music even if it's a weekend thing. It's so important to have a outlet. I know this may sound harsh,but you got to let your wife deal with her stuff too. Maybe she is over dramatizing things and your taking the brunt of it. Then again her worries may be justified. It's so hard to tell. I spent 11 years worring about my mom's health before she died. She was an amazing woman,but it sucked the life out of me because I worried so much. Now I worry about my kids,but I kind of let them go down their own path because I have a life too and I need to live it. Speaking of life, I have to get to school. One thing at a time Soul man to work on. Don't be so ashamed of your drinking and drug problem. It happens. Your a good man wiht a big heart. Now we just have to get you clean and sober so you can believe it yourself!

MrSoul1970

03-25-2009, 11:49 AM

I know this may sound harsh,but you got to let your wife deal with her stuff too. Maybe she is over dramatizing things and your taking the brunt of it. Then again her worries may be justified. It's so hard to tell.

I am...thats what i do...my wife is a good woman and wonerful(sometimes a little toooo over the top w/ 'protecting,organic eveything etc..but loving and har working for the children)....but, yeah I Am taking on alot...Honestly, my parents have been fed up with the way I take on everything reagrding her for a while...they can see that's eating away at me...
BUT, I'ma big boy and in the end I am responsible for my decisions.

Have fun in school zooomie( if thats possible...gosh, i hated school,well the class part of it..lol...the socializing and partying were Great thoo..LOL).

zoomie

03-25-2009, 01:51 PM

Just remember that your wife is lucky to have you to lean on,but it's important for you to have someone to lean on too. School was Ok. It was accounting and I'm bad with number LOL. I do not have many friends at school being I'm older,but it's nice to see the younger kids and talk to them. My 18 year old goes to the same school and my son went before her,so it's kind of neat for me anyway to see my kids in the hallways. I'm off for a nap and more studying. I usally get A's on my test except for accounting,so we shall see how I do on this next test because I did not study too hard for it.

MrSoul1970

03-25-2009, 02:03 PM

but it's important for you to have someone to lean on too.

well, thats why I'm here I guess...I can always lean on my mom, but she too doesnt know the Degree of my issues...but she knows, that I'm hurting and there for me....she sends me Psalms and other things all the time and says a novena for me everyday...Mothers Always Know.

Enjoy yer nap!

zoomie

03-26-2009, 11:16 AM

(((((((((((((((Mr.Soul))))))))))))) glad you have your mom and us too. I'm sick right now with the flu, it hit me yesterday. I missed a test,but I'm sure I can make it up... Have a good day, I'm off to bed again then to get the kids.

MrSoul1970

03-26-2009, 11:43 AM

((((((((((( zoomie...<<<< HEALING FLU VIBES>>>))))))))

Yuk, That Sux!...hopefully u can at least rest up,lay in bed and watch re-runs on the tube or whatevr u like....I used to like getting sick sometimes cause it was an excuse to lay in bed,watch tv...have someone tend to me...( well, and take bong hits all day..lol))...But hopefully u get bettr soon..Chieckn Noodle soup/broth and saltines if u can stomach it..sometimes, i can nibble on pretzles when i'm down w/ flu/cold/sickness....Hey Treat yourself to a real coke, not that diet stuff!!..That or ginger ale should help the nausea...I remeber when i was a kid they used to have 'coca-cola' cough syrup i think...i forget what it was exactly for...

I was Mr Mom today before work...my wife had her mamo and it came back all good, so thats nice...Unrelated to the otehr issues ,but at least that one is out of the way for a year...she sounds a little bettr today...She went to cardio dr yday and did ekg--allgood there,but back for echo later today, so hoping all is well there too.

I hope u feel bettr soon!

((( More Healing the Flu Vibes ))))

Take care!:1:

zoomie

03-27-2009, 06:06 AM

(((((((((((((((Mr. Soul)))))))))))))) your flu vibes for getting well worked. I stayed in bed all day yesterday and only got up for a few hours to go to work to check my schedule and take care of the kids at their Dad's house. Hurray on your wife's mamo! I need to get one too, it's been a couple of years. I think I quit smoking. I was too sick to smoke these past couple of days,so I might as well stay stopped if I can. Well got to go hop in the shower. I'll be back on later. Have a great morning!

MrSoul1970

03-27-2009, 10:29 AM

Happy Friday zooooomie, suns out today in NJ, gonna be 60 dgrees and its pizza night...! Glad your feelin better..See how My Killer FLU Vibes work!!

and YES..Get your Mamo!....Its a Must , No reason not to.

U have a Grateful mornin' too...ttu later.

MrSoul1970

03-27-2009, 10:38 AM

oh, by the way, i spoke to my friend yestrday, he's flying back on saturday, they kept him an extra week because he was going thru bad withdrawls from the suboxen that he was on...( which he defly didnt want to begin with). Anyhow, spoke briefly,he was w/ his drug counsler,couldnt talk, but said we'd have a 'sit down' when he gets back next week. I hope he's ok..
two 8 balls, 15 oxys40/80's ,3 sticks of zanax a day/night + hard booze is alot to get clean from in 3 weeks....

I will not enable him...We're work buddies anyway, w dont hang outside the office.

zoomie

03-27-2009, 10:50 AM

Mr.Soul it's 48 here in Albany NY and I'm hoping it will hit in the 50s. Happy Friday to you too! My kids have pizza every Friday,so it's always pizza Fridays although I'm taking my 12 year old out to dinner tonight and she might pick chinese (hoping sence I'm not a big fan of pizza every week). I'll call my doctor next week for a mamo promise :) And... I'm hoping you'll call the doctor too once your friend gets home. I'm day two of stopping smoking and I'm climbing the walls. I still don't feel 100%,but it's better than I was yesterday. I need to buy hard candy for my cravings. I have patches,but I'm trying to do this cold turkey. Funny I have two packs of ciggys out in the car, I do not plan on smoking them,but it makes me feel "safer" because they are out there. I was wondering why you do not post on weekends and I remembered that your trying to keep your journey from your wife ( at least I think that is why you do not post on weekends). You'll tell her after you quit I'm sure. My husband knows I quit smoking (or trying to). He is going to stop too soon. Cheers to a good weekend for you. Now remember try not to drink or at least stick to two. Remember we are cutting back and you do not want to go backwards. If you get ready to drink more, you really should come here to "chat". Try it first before your pick up. It really does help.

MrSoul1970

03-27-2009, 11:29 AM

it makes me feel "safer" because they are out there

how true..the psychology of it all....I know ,as far as my weed used to go, or pills now, or even wine/beer...I actually will do less Knowing that I am stocked up, but If i am running low( like w/ pot always..i'd scrape the resisn from the bowl before I'd actually smoke that last bud,before I reloaded,then of cousre the 1st joint would be a Monster, but then I felt 'safe and not jonsing just knowing that it was there. With percs, if i am runnign real low, i jnes and want to do them evry 10 seconds, but when i get more...i'm good w/ doing lless and spreading it out...Sometimes, with wine, I even open a bottle the before i goto bed JUST in case i have a bad nt sleep and want a quicke...which I Really never do, no lie..but..Its the knowing that its there...Crazy...My other good friend, x-band mate...the BEST guitarist I've ever played with. He is Amazing..but he had a 6 year heroine/crack addictiion and was sober for 8-9 years...Now he literally can have a few beers and has never done more then that, I know its rare, but hes a disciplined smart guy, i think he may turn 50 this year...have to call him, Anyhow, he called my addictions..''our suits of armor"(which I'm sure is a common NA,AA term)..But it certainly applies....He is another one that has asked me to ''call him''...I haventy in a while..been soo busy, but I think I will, maybe today. I told him a year ago what was going on w/ me, and he was the one that said..Because I am ''functional' and keep it to a minimum so to speak...i may never actually hit bottom and in essence,its harder for a guy like me to besome totally clean. I tend to beleive him...But that does Not mean I think I can't, I'm just mentioning what he said...Hes an awesome awesome friend, I need to call him.

Anyhowzzz...thanks 'zoooomie'...ttu later.

MrSoul1970

03-27-2009, 02:19 PM

hey zooomie, i tried to send a reply or new message to u, but there is nothing in my ''sent'' box...maybe i'm doing something wrong..

again

:5::5:

zoomie

03-27-2009, 07:46 PM

Mr.Soul, sometimes the site acts up or something. I got your messages thanks. I don't know much about the works of this board (behind things). I'm just an up front person LOL.

zoomie

03-30-2009, 07:48 AM

Hi ya Mr. Soul. I hope your weekend went well. Mine was Ok. I just woke up late and have to get ready to go to tutoring for accounting. Have a great day if I don't come back on! Oya, your friend is due back in town your going to meet with him this week right? More friends in recovery the better!

MrSoul1970

03-30-2009, 10:00 AM

Morning zoooomie, yeh, my buddy is back,,in the office,small office ,only a few in the office...talkd to him briefly, he lloks bettr, alot to talk about...will be beack later w/ more...jammd up at work rt now.....not in a good way..I HATE Mondaze.....

zoomie

03-30-2009, 10:50 AM

LOL Mondays are not my favorite either... Glad your friend is better and that you got to talk to him if only for a short while. Hope work slows down for you some! TTFN

MrSoul1970

03-30-2009, 02:39 PM

I'm rockn home 'zooooomie'...zero goin on...talkd to my friend, its gonna be a long road...talkd for a while...we'll work togethr...maybe i'll check in later...thnx..have a good nt.

zoomie

03-30-2009, 09:12 PM

Recovery is a life long process my friend. Sure it's a long road,but so worth it. I think I change everyday and grow or I hope I do. I'll be up all night studying for a test. I like my A's,but we shall see with this one. Have not really made the time to study a lot. Hope you have or had a good night. O'ya, broke down and bought ciggys. I'll quit once school is over with. I think our of all addictions quitting smoking is the hardest. Hows your cutting down doing? Are you sticking with your plan? OK time to hit the books...

MrSoul1970

03-31-2009, 10:15 AM

God morning' zoooomie, good luck w/ the studies..Like I said..a Big Ole YUK!...I'm in the process of taking practice tets online for my "Continuing Education" to maintain my Series 7,55,and 63 liscense...evry 2 years , they retest...but its basically past/fail,,,u cann only run outta time actually and each section, if u dont score well enuf, they present a new scenario until u get enough rt. Anyhow, its annoying, but the pratice tests are almost identical to exam, 100% in format......so its sooo slow at work now, i'll be taing those all day on line...just nothing going on biz wise..which Sux cause i'm 100% commssion,zero salary etc, so I Have to be here, but i'm not guarnteed one penny...it has its good points and bad i guess....
as far as my 'sticking to my plan, I've been real good, Untillast nt, i had a couple too many...got out of work early, so had lunch 2 beers, but had some wine when i went home too..so Not feelin happy about it today...I dunno, maybe seeing and talking to my friend had the opposite initial affect on me...But I will be back on the program today..NO Doubt. I slipped, but I'm getting back to the plan. I'm not hungover at all but I am soooooooooo tired today...had alot work around the house last nt and then i had to do all the morning chores and take my little girl to school, my wife had another Drs. appnmt this am, havent talkd to her yet.
Anyway, at least your admitting the 'ciggy ' thing and not hidiing it. My wife was a chain smoker(beer pounder and coke hound a whle back-which she/we pretty much quit in '98)..But as far as smoking, she went cold turkey as soon as we got pregnant w/ our 1rst...She is a very very strong willed person, I admire her for that.

ttu later zooomie, have a good day!

zoomie

03-31-2009, 11:52 AM

Sorry about your slip. It's going to happen because that what addiction is. We promise ourselves that we will not over do it and we do. I use to love to drink and clean the house. Now that I stopped, I do not do house work like I use to,so my husband does it LOL. I got a 92 on my test. I'm surprised because I felt like I did not know many of the answers. Guess I knew more than I thought I did. No way could I live off of commission. I'm not a big seller plus I'm not motivated enough. You must be good in order for you to live well. I'd like to be a 9-5er one of these days. Right now it's school, kids and work... I use to love working nights too because If I woke up hung over, I could always rest up. The things I love about being sober is that your never hung over and your not as tired much. Sometimes when we are going to give something up or thinking about it, it makes us do the thing more, just like when you drank more than you entended to Last night. Your friend problbly triggered the thought process of having to give up your pills and booze,so you drank more. I use to do that with eating. I'd say I was going to diet the next day and pig out,then only to not diet. Wish I was strong willed like your wife. I put down the beer, next (once school is out) it's putting down the ciggys. Well got to go back to school. I had to come home ot get my 18 year old so she can go to class too. She popped 2 of her tires hitting a curb and now she needs all her tires replaced because it's an old mercaides (sp) and the wheels are hard to find in just 2. Damaged her rims too dumb girl. Lucky her grandparents are paying for it :) Talk to you later and don't beat yourself up too much over your endulgence, it will happen again unti you quit. That is just the nature of addiction.

MrSoul1970

03-31-2009, 12:21 PM

Hey Congrats on your test..a 92 is dam good!

Yeh, I'm not sure why or what happnd last nt...My mother was up for a visit,she lives outside of philly....she doest drink, but talkd for a while after my wife went to bed....was real close to comin clean w/ her...But I think what happnd is an overall problem. I do Everything fast..It comes from being a trader(which the way I trade u have to be extremely quick,100% accurate and immediately decisive on price and stock feel etc. Regardless, i Inhale my food, I guzzle water all day and I clean fast,cook fast etc. My mom is Always telling me to slow it down..But That would go to show why I Drink fast...so I think I didnt really focus on how much I was drinking, I was pouring 1/2 glasses and I purposely use a smaller wine glass...but sometimes it goes down like shots and it went real well with the Pasta. Ya know it wasnt too long ago that i was able to go Sunday thru thurs w/ No drinks, but then i would sometimes binge on those in house concerts I play for, um, MYSELF( LOL.) Big audience!!...I did tell my mom how fd up would get on those friday nts...after my wife went to bed..and way overdrink,smoke etc and then listen to how the ''show'' got progressivly sloppy. I KNOW I can go back to Not drinking everyday, i know i can...So, I'm gonna try,not making any promises,but all I can do is , my best.

have a good day zoooooomie!

zoomie

03-31-2009, 01:54 PM

I hear ya on doing everything fast. Me too except when I'm tired like i am right now LOL. I think that is why I use to love speed cus I could do more and drink more on it. You only have to make promises to yourself in your recovery. I do mine one day at a time because I cannot promise that I will not drink tomorrow or next week or next year. I might get fed up with recovery. I hope not,but you never know thats why I make a promise to myself everyday that I'm not going to drink just for today. It's worked so far. Ofcourse I do things to safe gaurd myself like go to meetings, talk to other sober people, go on line... You'll know when your ready Mr. Soul, your almost there. Well i think I'm going to get 10 minutes of shut eye before the kids and before work. I have to study 4 chapters in 2 days. I just wonder how I'm going to do it all LOL.