I'm here because...

[Another Worried Mom]

I'm here because my 18-year old son is using pot. I'm here because I can't stand it any more:

"Everyone uses it" "I'll quit when..."
"I'm not an addict or anything."
"I can't quit cold turkey...I'm cutting down a little at a time--I'll quit."
"I don't need to go to any meetings--I can do this on my own."

Why can't he see that every addict says these same things? I love him, but I can't stand this. He's always been a wonderful kid and we've had a great relationship, then a few months ago he made new friends and you can guess the rest. He went from honor roll to failing in school. We tried talking to him, repeatedly... we waited and trusted and nothing happened. Today, I finally put my foot down and said we're not enabling any more--no more pot smell on anything, or out you go, and you need to start going to meetings at least once a week, starting tonight. It was a fiasco--he decided he'd drop out of school and move out; I called in a friend who is a recovering alcoholic & addict - he talked to him & got a promise from him to go to a meeting with him on Friday (two days from now)...it seemed to help, and then the friend left and you can guess the rest--shame on me for bringing in someone from outside the family, etc. and he left to take a ride...

[yukonm]

I will keep you and your son in my prayers :195:

[bluidkiti]

Hi Another Worried Mom, I am sorry to hear about your son. I will lift him up in prayer.

Are you attending Alanon and/or Naranon meetings? If not then I suggest checking those out. Keep coming and sharing with us here. We are here for you. :42:

[jollygirl]

Hi Another Worried Mom,
I was checking up with you and wondered how things were going...

[Doraine]

We can't get anyone clean and sober. They have to want it. Did you talk to your son about going to a rehab?

[Deeters]

Nothing you or anyone else says will help him to come to his reality of being drug dependent. There is an emptiness inside him or something that he is numbing or it's just a darn habit. I know for myself when I've used it's been to numb or escape.

Until he faces what's eating at him inside or just wanting to be like everyone else and it's now become a habit, you can't help him.

If he lives under your roof, kick him out if he doesn't obey your rules. Maybe life on the street will make him see reality. Eating out of garbage cans isn't fun. Tough love is what he needs. In the end, we may lose our children to death or a life of drugs, but if we enable and tolerate their use, we continue the cycle by the abuse.

Only you can make the decision regarding your child, but I know from experience, allowing my boys who were hooked on meth to live under my roof while I fed them and their habit did nothing to prevent them from using drugs. I simply fed their habit. A comfortable life, mom buys the food, pays the rent, no pain there!

May you find peace in whatever choice you make. Believe me. Nothing you say will changs his mind. He has to want it and feel pain of lose before he might even consider giving it up.

I wish you peace.

Dee

[Blue66girl]

its hard for us as parents to realize that we messed up some how raising our child. some times severly sometimes just a little. i smoked my first joint @ 15, drink 16, line of cocane 20. @ 18 I rebelled on my parents, moved out. they never let me feel emotions or let me be me. it took alot of therapy and reHABS for me to realize it wase'nt there fault and i could forgive them and myself and learn to love myself. I found God in the middle of all this and realized he was,, has and always will be with me....@18 were very confused, let him know you love him, keep comunication open and pray and also give it time..

[Another Worried Mom]

Thanks, Jollygirl. Actually, things are going pretty well. He did go to a meeting, and there's been no pot smell since. There have been more chores getting done, and a grade improvement (but that still has a long way to go)... Time will tell if this improvement continues, but he still has the same friends and doesn't really understand what's wrong with pot--can't seem to get through to him on that... "It should be legal...it's no worse than cigarettes..." etc.

[Another Worried Mom]

Blue66Girl, it doesn't have anything to do with having "messed up" as parents. If anyone is to blame, he is. He didn't try anything until he was 18. At that point, he made his own decisions--he chose to make poor ones. The fact is that sometimes you can do everything right, and still your kids will mess up. That's why you often see two siblings who go in opposite directions with breaking the law, using drugs, alcohol, whatever. Responsibility lies with the individual, as does recovery. Peace.