What should i do?

[Sam282]

My dad is dumb-****!!! Hes the most screwed up person iver ever heard of. My mom is the most clingy, insecure back-boneless fluff of a person ever.. she says there isnt a problem, yet is miserable and doesnt do anything has no friends, wants to die. A dumb-****. My father only cares about himself and makes life into a screwed up miserable sadistic game for all of us that revolves around himself. I want him dead, because of what he is like.. And what he has done and takes no responsibility.. AS A GAME, A JOKE!!

Everything will be fine for a couple of days and i will be fine, happy that there are no problems.. then he will come out of his room after being in there all day acting like he has been feeling severely sorry for himself (nothing even happened??!!?) And he is acting like he is pissed and hates his family, and he starts tearing us down.. what a dick.. we didnt even do anything to this ******.. We dont have anything more than he does.. he is ****ting all over us for nothing, we are worse.

Ive tried for a few years now to get out of the house. on and off. Ive tried to talk about it to my mom many many times. when ever i say the slightest thing to him, he wants to fight.

I would like to think he fits these descriptions.. he does, but he is worse:
Emotional abuse symptoms.. cant post urls.. oh well.. why? Whatever. anyways

He is ALOT more like this, infact he fits it to a tee:
Dissocial_personality_disorder

He has been in trouble with the law but managed, as screwed up as he is to avoid it, mostly.


What bothers me the most is that i cant seem to be transparent to it. Whenever it happens, it makes me crazy.. i cant control it. I am usually pretty mellow. And for the past 3 years ive basically dedicated all my energy to trying to be invincible to this, unafected by it.. i dont feel sorry for myself at all, im way past that.. i seriously just want nothing to do with it. It seems like there is a complex here that is dependant on me being involved in it. He seems like he deliberately has to have me in pain to be able to fullfill some sick complex. I have tried almost everything, not just reacting, ive really intelligently and thoughtfully tried to find every way out of this, to have nothing to do with it.

It seems like he has to be hurting you because of some extremely sick twisted sadistic complex.. without him i am totally fine. Whenever i start doing something that would make me independant of this crap thats when he flares up, BAD. Last night i mentioned i was going to start excercising again because i drank to much. I used to do weightlifting and it made him crazy.. he was always saying that i needed to eat junk food and i wasnt healthy.. it was good for me. He used to throw my vitamins away and try to get me to drink. I knew it was wrong, i just dont know what to do its makeing me crazy. Whenever i have a good selfesteem, cause something good happened that day he SYSTEMATICALLY tears me down when he notices it.

It is really causing me severe functionality problems at my job etc.. It seems like he wants to kill me. I dont know what to do.. Should i go into homelessness?

He's a massive alcoholic.. he has no responsibility. he has never taken any responsibility for anything he has done.. he defends it.. he acts like hes a worshiped god. He has no empathy or awareness of other peoples emotions or hurt at all.. just like a real psychopath with dissocial personality disorder. I just dont understand how anyone can be like this and have no awareness of it. Its tearing me up.. im almost homeless and am 100 percent sure that its because of this.

Its destroyed my life, i know no one.. i have no where to go.. my family doesnt see how serious it is but they hurting bad, they are like in a vegetable state. I have nowhere to go.. what should i do?

[Booky]

It is really causing me severe functionality problems at my job etc.. It seems like he wants to kill me. I dont know what to do.. Should i go into homelessness?

He's a massive alcoholic.. he has no responsibility.

Its tearing me up.. im almost homeless and am 100 percent sure that its because of this.

Its destroyed my life, i know no one.. i have no where to go.. my family doesnt see how serious it is but they hurting bad, they are like in a vegetable state. I have nowhere to go.. what should i do?
:24: Your profile says you are 28 so that is old enough to be getting away from your parents home.

At that age it no longer matters that your father is one way and your Mom another way - because the only point is that you need to move out of there.

I have been knocked into being homeless before and it really is not all that terrible.

If you have a car then keep one window open or cracked so the air will circulate, and the other window cover with a dark color towel so you get some privacy. And do not park where the police will wake you up. And it is Spring time now so the weather is nice, and at local Parks in daytimes you can cook food on the grills.

And if you do not have a car then a tent can work wonders, and there are stores that sell a new tent for cheap if your money is tight.

You say you do have a job so if you do not have some real money stashed some place then you have been screwing your self because a job is NOT for spending all your money.

And on Monday morning you can go to your local Social Services and get all kinds of assistance but ONLY if you are in fact homeless. They will tell you where all the shelters are and the free food places and more.

People moving out of an abusive house only when there is a place to go is really a luxury that is not easily available to many people.

You say your alcoholic dad seems to want to "kill you" so being homeless and living under the stars is a better option.

Only in my opinion of course.

:162:

[zeus]

Thank you Sam for sharing,

I can certainly relate to the questions and pain, "what should I do" etc. I know emotions are energy and to much stored energy locked my thinking up. What helped me was not getting advice but having someone just validate my feeling and listen to me...allowing me to decompress. Seeing how it worked for them their exp., strength and hope.

I had/have a life time of stored emotions and thr relationship with my first Higher Powers (parents) started me off a bit handicap in the trust area.:8: As I do/did this reachingharing I gain clairty. I love people that tell me "I think you already know what to do" "perhaps you already have the answer".

As I gain a sense of self acceptance and learn to trust my own intuition I have realized I do already know what to do but it was my insecurity and self doubt that locks my brain up with confusion. I suppose support is the most important thing in my life today...."healthy" non-judgemental, caring people that will listen and perhaps tell me how it worked for them. I also came to the realization it takes a little time... for me to regain trust and truthfully I have been hurt by a few in recovery... but there are wonderful validating people out there too.

I was told to the share stop/check method. Share a little see how they respond, see how it sits with me, their response...then if it is ok share a little more...I can be retruamatized by unheathy others in recovery that haven't quite got it right themselves yet...recovery does attract sick people..sometimes I am too trusting...over share with the wrong people etc...but I am learning.

As I constantly try to get the message over to my children and internalize it myself...I tell them "please, just try not to add to the confusion". Learning to sit with pain...learning to just "sit" period has helped me alot.

An oldtimer once told me I can always do Step 11 before I do the others steps...that saved my life. I started practicing simply sitting still...even if it was just for 2 minutes a day...coupled with support from others..."heathy" others I am making progresss. I had lots of stress issues.

I realized my past emotions can lock me up. I had to release some of that energy....use my voice, risk coming out of isolation, finding support...but it is working. I had to learn to really live one day at a time...I also had to realize my parents were sick people too...and they had sick parents too.

That doesn't mean that I deny my pain but it helps me understand them some more.

I love what John Bradshaw says in regards to how I feel you have portayed your dad. If we have a tooth ache all we think about is our tooth. We are tooth centered. If we have a ruptured sense of self we are self centered.

I can be very self centered...egocentric too it is because I do/did have a ruptured sense of self...my partent did not have the accessiblity to recovery we have today...actually over all our society is getting healthier but I have heard over and over...it is the pain...we had to get to the pain...feel the pain before we grew.

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth...I wish someone had told me sooner. Maybe they did maybe I wasn't ready for the truth. I think you have made a good start...the clarity will come if you seek it and don't do like I did for years run from reality of pain. Pain shared is pain lessened...growth is pain.

Learning who's pain is who's and staying in my own bubble of protection but not completely isolating and finding support had done wonders for me. Refusing to step into anothers "sick" bubble and understanding they "are" sick helps me alot....but they are only human and would not be the way they are by choice...for the most part...it is neural wiring...and past experiences.

One of my ex-wifes sayings I find true, "Apples don't fall to far from the tree" My parents did help make "me" sick....contributed alot. They still can and I am 46. I can only change me as I change I see them differently.

Oh, yeah one of the most important things that helped was for me to "educate myself" on the dynamics of these codependency type issues, family of origin issues, human relations issues, group relations, etc... then run a few questions by others to see if I understand what really is going on...who's isues are who's etc....

Part of my growing stronger is realizing I can do this. I love this paradox I recently heard in regards to recovery: I can't do it alone-I can only do it alone.

I hope you can find a little space around your pain.:42:


Thanks for listening
zeus