Looking for help

[Laina]

I'm new here, I'm 27 from philadelphia and I am addicted to almost anything i can get my hands on. I take pills daily and drink till the point of blacking out. I've been through detox and rehab but i never had any clean time. Even when I'm in detox i cant help but to get extra medication off the other people. I feel like I'm out of places to turn for help. My friends and family are tired of my behavior and it just feels like everyone has given up on me. I cant hold a job, i cant wake up in the mornings like a normal person, i'm just barely exsisting at this point. It scares me because i live alone and get very lonely at night and take so much stuff that I'm afraid something will happen to me cause there is no one here to watch me. I get myself into alot of bad situations trying to get stuff and just dont want to live like this anymore. I want to be sober but i honestly dont know how. I've been using now on a daily basis for the past 10 years. I feel like I'm in a hole so deep and there is no way out. I'm hoping reading the stories of people who have been through this will help me pull myself out somehow.

[Jay Bee]

Thank you for sharing Laina ,YES WE are ,MY sponsor had told me ,If i am a new comer (KEEP COMING), If I am an OLD TIMER (KEEP COMING) OR If I am a SOME TIMER (KEEP COMING). I kept coming until I SURRENDER and now the work begin's . SO please KEEP COMING, communication with other's just like us help's us to become (WE). WE LOVE YOU :295:

[flick]

:46:((Laina)), so glad you've joined us and are reaching out for support!!! I hear you say you've been to detox, and re-hab, have you tried going to AA meetings, N/A meetings, getting a sponsor and working the Steps?....

I went through re-hab for my drug addiction quite a few years ago, went to group therapy etc, got me off the drugs, helped my life a heap, BUT I was still drinking and smoking pot....hadn't accepted that they too were having such an impact on my life and those in it. Three years ago I joined here, yep have had some relapses with the drinking, yep, pretty slow doing the Step work, but, am now attentive in it, have a sponsor and God in my life, and many many wonderful friends and family here on line....

When I reflect upon where I was a few years ago as to where I am now, I am soooooo very grateful for the life I have today..."there but for the Grace of God"...He saved my butt a few times, mostly from myself, but saved it He did, wouldn't be here to tell the story otherwise....so, yes I strongly suggest working the programme!!!...

You will then want to wake up, you won't feel that lonliness, you will have a life, and a life full of joyous moments and blessings!!! Trust me!!!....I know where you are and to be perfectly honest I'm much happier being here where I am!!....and I don't say that in a nasty way either, just want you to know that "If you're willing" you too can change!:42:

[zoomie]

Good morning. Because your using again, you may need another detox. How many chances does a person get? As many as it takes until you die. Don't give up! Even if you have to go away again to another rehab, it's OK because this time it might stick. Can't say that being sober is all fun and games,but it sure beats feeling like crap everyday. I do hope you will take suggestions from us. We are well meaning people with recovery on our side. Looking forward to reading more of your shares!

[DaveH]

Laina,
Your story reminded me of one I heard told a long time ago. A man falls into a deep hole and cannot get out. He yells for help until someone hears him. The first person who hears him is a doctor. He walks up to the edge and looks down. He then proceeds to write out a prescription and drops it into the hole saying this will help. The next person who hears him is a pastor. He does the same thing, he approaches the edge, looks down, and then write a prayer. He too drops it into the hole saying this will help. Finally a friend hears the cry for help and approaches the hole. He looks down and then jumps down into the hole. The person trapped in the hole looks at him like he's crazy and says great!!!, now we are both trapped. His friend responds, that's not true. You see I have been in this hole and I know the way out, take my hand and follow me. Laina, the point here is if you make yourself available by going to meetings, you will find a friend too, one who knows what it feels like to be trapped in a hole. And they will show you the way out. That is how it worked for me, and countless others. You are not alone, there is hope. Don't despair, I am confident that God has someone waiting to show you the way out. You are in my prayers.
Regards,
Dave H

[flick]

Excellent share Dave, thank's from me.

[MrSoul1970]

Thats a great story Dave, thanks, I need it too.

Laina...I think I know what u are going thru, and yes it is scary..I've toned it down, but I am Not fully recvored yet' ( I still pop percocets or snort them and drink wine every nt..just not as much..BUT NO GOOD AT ALL , I KNOW IT). As I've mentiond on this board, my firend just came back from his 2nd detox...he was doing 5-7 grams of coke,500-1000 mgs of Oxy/Roxy,2-3 stock of xanax and 3-4 big scotch a night. He just came back and is clean, I am going to work with him to help him and most importantly at this point to help myself. Just a piece of advise I've heard from several people about meetings. AA meetings are generally ''safer'' according to a couple friends and a Dr. Apparently, there are parasites at some NA meeetings that literally look for people to ''sell to'', when in fact they are not clean at all. I just heard that AA is less likely w/ this and serves the same purpose. This comes from another one of my best friends, an UNBELIEVABLE guitar player that was doing ) I think) 10 bundles of heroine + a bunch of crack for 6-7 years before he decided enough was enough. He is an awesome guy. I just havent talkd to him in a little while, BUT I NEED to. He is a realist and defly a tuff love guy.
Anyhow, I know u feel alone, but you're not. At least this place is here.Like they said, keep coming back,as do i.

I'm also from Philly origninally, does some of your despair have to do w/ the Torcher of being an Eagles Phan?? LOL? They Certainly have driven me to throw up booze on myself...ARRRGGGG!!!!!!

Anyhow..I hope you feel better and at least try to start toning it down if not getting yourself to a real treatment center.
I know how you feel. It SUX! But here is Hope, i am beleiving that lately.

Take Care.

[jollygirl]

Welcome to the board Laina! I don't really have any other advice to add, I thought Dave's was really awesome (I'm taking it for myself too :) ! ). You'll find a great support system here and by going to meetings. I am mostly a pill head myself but I have found a great amount of support at my local AA group, finding the right group for you is key for your recovery. You have to find a place where you feel safe to share and to go to, I go to mine 8 times a week right now (I'm still early in recovery, only 21 days sober). You can do it!

[Rockin Big Daddy]

I'm new here, I'm 27 from philadelphia and I am addicted to almost anything i can get my hands on. I take pills daily and drink till the point of blacking out. I've been through detox and rehab but i never had any clean time. Even when I'm in detox i cant help but to get extra medication off the other people. I feel like I'm out of places to turn for help. My friends and family are tired of my behavior and it just feels like everyone has given up on me. I cant hold a job, i cant wake up in the mornings like a normal person, i'm just barely exsisting at this point. It scares me because i live alone and get very lonely at night and take so much stuff that I'm afraid something will happen to me cause there is no one here to watch me. I get myself into alot of bad situations trying to get stuff and just dont want to live like this anymore. I want to be sober but i honestly dont know how. I've been using now on a daily basis for the past 10 years. I feel like I'm in a hole so deep and there is no way out. I'm hoping reading the stories of people who have been through this will help me pull myself out somehow.

Read page 417 and 86-88 in the Big Book! I am glad:85: that you are here! Just don't use today and worry about tomorrow later. Prepare a gratitude list and focus on the positive... just for today.

[yukonm]

Laina,
Thank you for coming here and reaching out. This is a safe place, where people will support and encourage you on your journey. I don't think any of us will say that it is easy but I can say that I don't have to do this alone and neither do you. Welcome!!

[MrSoul1970]

Hey Laina, are u still checking in ?...Didnt see you respond to any replies...Hope u are feeling better.


GO EAGLES!!
LETS GO FLYERS!!
GO PHILS!!!

[dreamer07]

Hi Laina,
Being addicted is like living in hell. It took me alot of times in and out of the rooms before I learned how to get sober and stay sober. I had stay away from my addicted friends, the unsafe places I hung out, and had to give up a husband.
Difficult---excrutiatingly.
But it was worth it. I have alot of peace but most importantly hope. Unfortunately, no one can do it for you. Just keep coming to the rooms until the miracle of "getting it" takes place. You'll be in my prayers---you're worth it.

[Stogi]

Hi Laina!!! Glad to have you here with us.There has been some great advice gived to you here. Just don't give up. Give into the program. Take it one day at a time and keep it simple. We all have slipped and struggled with our addictions, that's why we are here. You are not alone.

[MrSoul1970]

oops..i meant to reply that Lainia has not been back here since she 1rst logged in....