What do you do when...?

[andysrc]

I have a close friend who is an alcoholic. She goes to AA and sometimes seems to be doing really well, but has always slipped and began drinking again. I've gotten to the point where I do recognize this as a disease and I know just saying "quit drinking" won't really help. But I do have a question.

When my friend hasn't been drinking, then calls me and asks me to go to the bar, what do I say? I know she's going to go and drink no matter what. If I don't go, I'm worried about what might happen if she goes with the wrong people or tries to drive home drunk. If I do go with her, I feel like I'm just helping her drink, and that doesn't seem good either.

Does anyone have any advice to share?

[cassie]

Hi andysrc
That is tough. Watching out for her is admirable but also enabling. First, I think you need to discuss your concerns with her, as her friend. Be honest about your fears for her. See how she feels. Also, suggest to her that she visit this site. She may get angry with you, esp. if she is still in denial. But friendships survive anger.

I went to a lot of meetings before I acknowledged that my drinking was out of control. I came into recovery from a DUI where others could have been killed. My bottom was traumatic. Your friend will have to find her own "bottom." We all do. Letting her know you accept her as she is and that you only want the best for her is, in my humble opinion, the right thing to do. Am keeping both of you in my prayers.
cassie

[nickkiwick]

Your right, she is going to drink reguardless if you go or not. She needs to feel your support that you love her, but also the reality that your not going to be her co-dependant. You know the dangers of alcoholism and understand that friends don't encourage drug or alcohol abuse that is just that! It's tough when it's someone we care about. I am dealing with a drug addicted hubby and I have a new baby. It's NOT EVER EASY to watch the people we love just waste their lives in such a manner! It's frustrating and scary! I agree with Cassie...she has to hit 'rock bottom' before she will even start to look at her addiction. If your very worried than maybe you could get an understanding with the bartender or a waitress that works there to keep an eye out for her (if she is a regular) or even have her call you or you call her occasionally that way you could still know how she is without supporting her drinking at the bar. You mentioned she was going to AA. Why not suggest you go together and support her that way. If she will go with you that is. Keeping you both in my prayers and thoughts!

[Doraine]

Going with her to the bar is enabling her and you don't want to do that. You don't want to get in the way of her bottom no matter what that is. Letting her know you are concerned for her when she's not drinking is about all you can do. Keep her in your prayers.

[Peggyannvt]

I'd be more apt to help by offering a ride home for her, if she calls and asks for one. Chances are she will not ask. Sometimes just praying, that her Higher Power will watch over her, is the best action I can take to effect someone else's life.

Remember the Serenity Prayer. I am my major concern. I am a project which I can help. I can work on my growth.

Or I can waste my time trying to change someone else. Which is beyond my abilities.

We just had a Play performed in town, which I did not see, but the title was great. "I love you, You're perfect, Now change"

Good luck with yourself.

Hugs :42:
Peggyann

[rainbow]

you are very good friend, wanting to help her out. if she is asking you to go to the bar with her, then you must maek ti clear that you will accompany her but only if she plans not to drink.you are concerend if she goes alone and ends up drinking a lot. but why for she asks you to accompany her to the bar, if she isnt drinking now?