Why me?

[whynotme_56]

I've been trying this recovery thing since 1985 and I only have gotten 1 year once and I'm working on 2 this time. The closer I get to that date, the more I want to celebrate.

I'm so tire of going back out and losing everything and everyone. I just don't want to be homeless and high without a true friend, ever again.

It seems that the people in meetings I go to is getting boring and saying the same old thing, day in and day out.

Why me? Why couldn't I've been born with that gene that hates the taste of alcohol and crack.

Well, I got that off my chest and I feel alittle be better. I know my heart is with all addicts that's trying. But when I get this way, I jump on the ones I love. Forgive me, but sometime I just have to vent to get better.

Love you:4:

[Midas]

Welcome aboard, whynotme56! Don't get too wrapped up in the "poor me" attitude. You'll be pouring yourself a drink before you know it.

[Rockin Big Daddy]

I did not know that it was physically impossible for me to drink moderately.
I did not know that my body's drinking machinery had worn out,
and that the parts could not be replaced.
I did not know that just one drink made it impossible for me to control
my behavior and conduct and my future drinking.
I did not know, in short, that I was powerless over alcohol.
My family and my friends sensed or knew these things about me
long before I did.

[Just42Dave]

welcome

[zoomie]

Hi and welcome!

[Jay Bee]

Hello Whynotme, Welcome:62:...please keep coming & keep posting

[skyhook]

Welcome to this Forum,
you have found a place full of faith, hope and experience and people who truly care about your struggle. Dig in and you will be richly rewarded.

A good and longtime friend of mine was always the happy socialite since starting as a teen drinker. 35 years later, and after not listening to the warnings her body gave, her liver began to shut down. I did not know it until recently, but she was also saddled with Hep C from an early age, which, like alcohol, also attacks the liver.

3 yrs ago, doctors put her on a medical program to extend the life of her liver, while placing her on a donor waiting list. I knew enough about the medical realities, that candidates for new organs are screened and the lists paired down to only those with the best medical odds of success. Candidates with a high liklihood of organ rejection, lose out to those with better odds, so donor programs and funding can show positive numbers of success. Harsh reality, especially since my friend has Hep C. It was unspoken around our circle of friends, that she was a token candidate, at best.

During this season of her visible and declining health, her husband, the church and friends bathed this situation in prayer, believing that God had a plan for her life and they committed the outcome to Him.

Last year, following an emergency trip to her specialist, they were informed (not suprisingly), that her liver was a few days away from failure. It was a long ride back to their home that day, and it had come down to a donor...their last hope, with time running out.

2am that very night, they recieve a phone call from the medical center, that a liver had become available with her name on it, and could they get to the center within 2 hours ( a 90 mile drive), because she had been selected for the liver.

My friends husband, shared with me that the ride to the medical center was the most joyous and heinous moments of his life. He was torn by the irony of the journey...was he spending the last few moments with his wife (transplant procedures are not a slam dunk) and if so, why drive so fast ? Or were they on the brink of the greatest miracle they could have ever have hoped for?

The 22 yr. old liver donated that night to my 50 yr old friend, saved her life.
Against all odds and at the last concievable moment, God fashioned a miracle which was designed just for her,,,so unmistakable that the only thing missing was a neon sign flashing words like "you have just entered a miracle zone".

My friend, and many of us who know and love her, have not missed the fact that the calamity of her liver failure, was a direct result of her own choices in life.

But, in the end, Gods grace on her life is what resonated. She now has committed her life to helping transplant candidates and their families prepare their lives for the possibilty of transplant and the rigors of after care necessary for monitoring and maintenance.

In the context of the OP, I am not sure how this story applies.

I feel that with Gods help, we can find our miracle ANYWHERE on our journeys timeline. Two keys: (1) None of us are worthy of His grace and we do not need to prepare ourselves to recieve it...and (2) He has a pattern of fashioning miracles to wrap perfectly around the person; they are unmistakable in their craftmanship and they fit just right.


Peace

[Rockin Big Daddy]

One of the interesting things that it says is that just because you are not drinking does not mean you have recovery. Working the steps allows a person to work on their behavior and their beliefs. When this is an ongoing
process..which means you are never done, you are more positive, connected to your world and your Higher Power.:85::idea:

[Rockin Big Daddy]

:11:The Big Book has all of the guidelines not only to find the solution, but to find my way to my Higher Power, and learn to live sober. I do not have to relapse if I am following the
Big Book, the suggestions given to me by you people, and prayer to my Higher Power.


Friends are quite angels who lift us to our feet when
our wings have trouble remembering how to fly!

[jobongos]

hi , and welcome , sounds like we have very similar story .. yet i can say i have finally surrendered and found out that if i was bored with what they were saying, then to either say something interesting , or to find a new hang .. but i need the fellowship , to practice my program , ... and i know , i hate all the rhetorical speak too , but it is not as boring as listening to another doper whine about being kicked out of home while we fighting over the last hit in a crack house.. get in where ya fit in ....................

[McDaniel N.]

Hi Welcome
Here`s a little something I came across.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

:103:

[Deeters]

Whynotyou? It happens to the best of us. No alcoholic or drug addict is unique. Life happened, we chose drugs or alcohol as our way of dealing with life. It was you who made that choice. Just like me.

Whynotyou?

[CD BUCKBERRY]

whynot me 56,Just keep trying,you don't need to celebrate your cleantime other than with other N.A.members.If you do you will be back to day one again.Keep Coming Back,It Works If You Want It.

[Deeters]

Why not you? We are all human and find ways to deal with life whatever that is. Why notyou? Why not yoy?