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Rockin Big Daddy
04-26-2009, 09:04 PM
If you are recovering from addictive disease, "relapse" may be a frightening word. You may have "relapsed." Undoubtedly you have been warned about the very real possibility that it can occur. And/or you may have watched - helplessly - as others who you care about have returned to using, perhaps never to regain sobriety or a stable life.

It is right to be concerned about the possibility of "relapse," but the more that you know and understand about it the less threatening it will be to you. There are many mistaken beliefs about what a "relapse" is. People believe these mistaken beliefs, and, consequently, they act as if they were true. As a result, "relapse" prone persons are often subject to misunderstanding and unintentional abuse from others.

Many "relapse" prone people come to believe things about themselves that are simply not true. They punish themselves with those incorrect beliefs and make their situations worse by self-blame. These persons make choices based on those beliefs and sometimes the choices are destructive.

Recently, a story in the news told of a young man who killed himself because of a positive result on an AIDS test. After his death it was discovered that the positive test result was a mistake and he did not, after all, have the disease. His mistaken belief caused him to make a destructive choice.

We all have mistaken notions and dangerous attitudes about many things. Mistaken beliefs about "relapse" can have destructive consequences. The first step in preventing "relapse" is to understand what it is and what it is not. The second step is to challenge your own beliefs about it. If you are "relapse" prone these mistaken beliefs can kill you by preventing you from getting the help that you need. If you are a counselor or an AA/NA member attempting to help a "relapse" prone person stay sober, your mistaken beliefs can feed the "relapse process " and push people closer to the next drink or drug, not because you intend to but because of your misinformation.

Mistaken beliefs about "relapse" create self-fulfilling prophecies. When mistaken beliefs become "truth" to you, you act as if those beliefs are true. These inappropriate behaviors lead you into a "relapse cycle " so that the mistaken belief you have becomes real. This is what we mean by a "setup." You develop a mistaken belief; act as if it were true; the action causes pain and problems; you start addictive use to cope with the pain and problems.

In the chemical dependency treatment field we say that alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease. But we do not always act as if it is. At times we become frustrated or feel helpless when dealing with people who cannot maintain sobriety. Feeling frightened and threatened, we often label those people "unmotivated," "hopeless," or "not ready to recover." What is even more frightening is that when we fail in our own recovery programs, we often call ourselves by those very same names. In time we come to accept these punitive and inaccurate beliefs and act as if they were true.

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/recovery_overview.htm

sioux
04-27-2009, 03:58 PM
I am trying hard to understand this. one thing I know for myself is that no matter what I felt, how I obsessed over drinking, it occured to me that I didn't have to even under those most extreme circumstances.

MichelleW
05-07-2009, 05:17 AM
That is a great set of articles and I'd recommend everyone to read them. I ordered online the book they are excerpted from two days ago. Terence Gorski, 'Staying Sober'. For me, getting sober is the easy part, it's staying sober that is the challenge! It's in the second month that it really hits me hard, but I should have this book by then and be set up with AA meetings and contacts.

Thanks for posting this!

Chewi
05-07-2009, 08:22 AM
Thank you so much for the link and the thoughts. I never thought that I would become a "relapser," but I realize what damage just labeling myself that does. I look forward to reading the site and the book. A couple things trip me up. First is just labeling myself that and feeling the guilt and shame. Second, I lose my AA date of sobriety. I know that should not matter, but maybe it is my competitive spirit or something that makes me crazy when I "lose my date." In reality, I have some good years and months of sobriety in and out of AA and I feel like that should count for something. I know this seems trivial and I cannot hang on to it, but it does become a trap in my thinking.
A third I think is just human nature. I look at myself like the person who falls off a diet by eating a piece of cake. But instead of eating just the one piece of cake, they eat the whole thing. I tell myself, well I drank this weekend, I may as well drink next weekend, too. And that continues until I get sick and tired of drinking again.
I'm sure if I read further in your suggested readings I will read about these same experiences. Thanks so much for your share, because though we know relapse occurs often in recovery, I think the programs don't always deal well with it. What is deadly is the attitude that a relapser will just never make it--it then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy with the person believing they can never achieve sobriety, so give up. We are human and we will continue to make mistakes, so let's encourage each other to continue on and become stronger--toward the goal of what Sioux said above, of getting to the point where we don't drink even when we are at those emotional low points or overwhelmed with bad feelings.

Tom1
05-08-2009, 04:31 AM
I like what Chewi said about thinking about it like you messed up dieting by eating a cake (although I don't think I ever got in a fight after eating a cake!). I am still trying to make 30 days, I seem to get to 10-14 (3 weeks last time) and then drink. Same thoughts occur that Chewie had, might as well quit trying to do this. I no longer focus on a date. I am trying to get back to the "one day at a time" attitude which is difficult for someone like me who likes his whole life planned. Thanks to everyone for sharing, Tom