Why does it have to be so hard?

[fxstsrider]

So I'm at about 3 weeks now and I had broken up with my last girlfriend about a month ago which helped me to realize that I needed help. I called her many names while drunk that I should not have. We've been talking and I thought we were going to try to work it out but she tells me she doesn't know if she has any feelings for me any longer. This hurts bad! I can't live with that! First thing that crosses my mind is to have a drink. Today it's going to be a minute at a time. I just don't understand how someone can tell you that they love you and within a few weeks tell you that they don't even know if they have any feelings for you at all. I just feel crushed today!

[zoomie]

(((((((((((((Dave))))))))))) is sucks to be the one dumped. Drinking will not help her have more feelings for you. I'm proud of you not drinking over it. I was dumped once by the father of my daughter. He kept jerking me around and this other lady around and he picked her. I was crushed too,but I got on with my life (a bit too much LOL). I'm married to a wonderful man that is in the program. Never thought I'd find true love again,but true love is not about feelings, it's about being there for someone all the time in good times and in bad. Chin up and keep posting, we care here!

[Victoriana]

Wow! I'm so sorry. This sort of behaviour reflects badly on us woman. To tell you something like that whilst you are vulnerable is hardly the act of a caring and responsible woman.
I'm so glad you are staying sober though. She can't get you drunk, only you can. Post often, be strong and know that we are rooting for you.

[fxstsrider]

Thanks Zoomie, I need to go to a meeting but I have my daughter until Monday morning and it makes it difficult as I don't have anyone to watch her for me Tonite is gonna be really hard.

[zoomie]

If you cannot make it to a meeting then keep posting your heart out!

[fxstsrider]

Wow! I'm so sorry. This sort of behaviour reflects badly on us woman. To tell you something like that whilst you are vulnerable is hardly the act of a caring and responsible woman.
I'm so glad you are staying sober though. She can't get you drunk, only you can. Post often, be strong and know that we are rooting for you.

Maybe I just don't get women. All of them that I have ever loved have walked away from me like it meant nothing. There have only been 3 including the latest. The first treated me like crap and I stayed and took it. The second (my daughters mom) cheated on me for over a year and now this one. What the hell is it? Do I deserve this? Is that how it's supposed to be? I don't get it. I give them everything they ever ask for and yet I can never seem to keep them. I must be truly screwed up. My mind is just moving like a rocket right now but it's out of my control and nothing I can do. This is where acceptance is difficult for me.

[skyhook]

Even the best relationships are hard enough without the introduction of mood altering agents (alcohol, drugs).

We come to a point where realize we need help.

We recognize that we are not the people we want to be when we use or drink.

We become part of a support group and learn a recovery and maintenance program.

Once we fully accept, recieve and commit to these fundamental truths, it becomes obvious to to see why our relationships are in ruins. Doesn't mean it does not hurt, just means we understand the dynamic that lead to the relational chaos. It is in this understanding, that we begin to find our way out and a better foundation in which to re-build.

Peace to you on your journey of healing.

Let it begin.

[Victoriana]

A lot depends on where you were within yourself when you started the relationship and the same goes for her. Alcohol and drugs alter you during use so when you become clean and sober the real you returns.
If you are sober when starting your next relationship it has a much better chance of survival as it will be the real you and her starting it.
I hope that makes sense of some sort.

[BIG AL]

Dude if you get women you would be the first(no offense).It takes time.If you are anything like me when I sobered up I was scared to be alone I needed to be loved I couldnt make it without my wife.I still dont like to be alone(and I am not).You hurt her while drinkking its understandable she is confused.The ONLY chance you do have of a relationship with her is to stay sober.You drink and pull some abuse you have lost her probably for good.People do walk away fro us at some point when we dont sober up.My wife threw me out kids didnt want anything to do with me,and my dad gave me one day to sleep on his couch.I ended up turnning myself in to the police becouse i was wanted to have a place to stay and get everyone off my back.I thought ill go to jail dry out come out and just drink a little but god had other plans wich he dose for you.To be honest I am still scared to death of being alone.But i am dealling with it better.

[Victoriana]

[QUOTE=BIG AL;140885]Dude if you get women you would be the first(no offense).

:lol: :mrgreen: :lol:

[fxstsrider]

Feeling better today. Took my daughter with me to a meeting last night. I thinks it's better today since it's not ALL my fault. She's young, doesn't really know what she wants and is still in party mode. Probably not the right place for me to be anyway. Thanks to all of you that helped me through the difficulty yesterday.

[zoomie]

(((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))

[MrSoul1970]

Feeling better today. Took my daughter with me to a meeting last night. I thinks it's better today since it's not ALL my fault. She's young, doesn't really know what she wants and is still in party mode. Probably not the right place for me to be anyway. Thanks to all of you that helped me through the difficulty yesterday.

---

Glad to hear it....Like your bike too...I have the Dyna Low Rider 2003 Anniversary HD. Love it...Getting it detailed and back on the road this weeknd...

Live ta Ride!

[sioux]

How it goes...wife or no wife, job or no job we don't stay sober as long as we are dependent on people, places, things for our recovery from alcoholism.

I too had relationship issues when I got sober. However, I had to concede to my inner most self that I was alcoholic under any circumstances, and thus take the steps into my life. I did it because I wanted to recover, not because I wanted people to love me, employers to quit harrassing me, etc. All that other stuff was just a distraction to the real problem...me and my alcoholism were my problems that others suffered from too.

[MichelleW]

It's not easy but I think you need to be careful about relationships early in recovery, because sometimes we don't make the best decisions at that time. I don't know if it's a hard and fast rule for everybody, but in most cases it's probably best to do the work on ourselves that we need to first. There are plenty of good reasons for recovery but ultimately I think it is something we need to do for ourselves, selfish as that may sound.