Boy meets girl on aa campus

[johnclmt]

:42: This is a topic that I have not seen on this website. I am an active member of AA since 2005 and by that I mean that I go to meetings, have taken the steps and now assist men in taking the steps. Have two service comittments and fellowship with sober folks. All was smooth for quite a while until I began dating a great sober gal from one of my homegroups. She has almost 9 years and is even more active than I am. The whole thing has me really freaked out. My emotions are all over the place and at times I am filled with fear and anxiety. I feel like I did in my first weeks sober. Serenity, out the window. The best only that I can do is not react to my crazy thoughts and not say half the things that pop into my head. To put it simply I am a mess. And what about this thing pms? Scary! I need some encouragement here. I could definety see why I drank over feelings like this, because they suck!!! Any guidance would be greatly appreceated.

john m. - san diego

[psylence]

:42: This is a topic that I have not seen on this website. I am an active member of AA since 2005 and by that I mean that I go to meetings, have taken the steps and now assist men in taking the steps. Have two service comittments and fellowship with sober folks. All was smooth for quite a while until I began dating a great sober gal from one of my homegroups. She has almost 9 years and is even more active than I am. The whole thing has me really freaked out. My emotions are all over the place and at times I am filled with fear and anxiety. I feel like I did in my first weeks sober. Serenity, out the window. The best only that I can do is not react to my crazy thoughts and not say half the things that pop into my head. To put it simply I am a mess. And what about this thing pms? Scary! I need some encouragement here. I could definety see why I drank over feelings like this, because they suck!!! Any guidance would be greatly appreceated.

john m. - san diego

I would hope with 9 years of her life dedicated to a program that teaches you so much about self control, that she would have enough control over herself and insight to not do anything that would enable you to use again.

I see 1 major pro and 1 major con to this

Pro- She has been sober for 9 years and could really be a solid part of your own foundation of your sobriety. She may be able to help you and get closer to you than any sponsor or other member ever could. Which is is all fine as long as your relationship is running smooth, which leads directly into the con.

Con- If things go south between you two and if you intertwine your own sobriety with the success of your relationship, you may do something you regret.

As hard as it may be, I think you need to separate your intimate relationship with her from your recovery relationship. You almost need to see her as 2 different people. My mother was involved with AA and NA for most of her life and every relationship that was started in a recovery program ended in failure with one of or both persons using again.

I am not saying not to give it a chance, just be very careful and take things slow. Be honest with her about your fears and anxiety.

Keep your mind and goals on the big picture....YOU :1:

[Victoriana]

I completely agree with psylence here. Take it very, very slow and get to know each other and each other's differences really well before becoming serious. This could be the best thing that could happen for both of you, equally it could be a disaster in the making. This is not the same as a relationship blossoming between two non addicts. There is your sobriety to be kept at the fore front. So just go slow.
What is this pms thing? :lol: Mark it on your calendar and next month remember something you need to do in another state at that time! :lol:

[zoomie]

I met and married a man from AA. We both work our own program and talk together about any issues. We both messed up a ton in our lives,but knowing that we are more careful what we do and what we say to eachother because we both have been through so much. Just take it easy and nice and slow. My husband enhances my program and I hope I enhance his. Being in love when your sober is a beautiful thing. On another note, there are sick people in the program and you have to becareful of who you deal with.

[flick]

What is this pms thing? :lol: Mark it on your calendar and next month remember something you need to do in another state at that time! :lol:good response :wink::lol:

if you can't get to another state be prepared to buy chocolate on demand, if she's looking dark learn to step sideways in a hurry, be there with a hug if she's looking down/sad and NEVER mention her weight unless she asks you, in which case ALWAYS tell her she looks wonderful!!!!
Oh and my biggest tip; NEVER during pms look at another woman for too long or more than once if you can help it LOL :mrgreen:
btw I presume you are talking about her's and not your own pms:eek:.....my man has his own; gets edgy and a little anxious:21:....don't know why:wink::mrgreen:
My emotions are all over the place and at times I am filled with fear and anxiety. I feel like I did in my first weeks sober. Serenity, out the window. The best only that I can do is not react to my crazy thoughts and not say half the things that pop into my head. To put it simply I am a mess.May I ask what it is you are fearing and anxious about?

I have read and know of quite a few recovery r/ships working out well, and as Zoomie mentioned you can enhance one another. Zoomie and her man and a great example!!

And first and foremost I suggest focusing on your on Serenity!!!!

[johnclmt]

Thank you flick for your input. I am anxious that things will not work out with us.

[sioux]

Welcome to life and all the gifts of sobriety. We don't live in meetings or make service work a vocation (at least I don't).

I know dating for me in early recovery was a phase I missed out in my teen years. Same feelings and emotions that I drank over rather than endured, enjoyed, got through, whatever was required.

Now fast forward, we are adults in recovery. Go for it. Enjoy every terrifying, romatic, horrific, exciting, uncertain moment! You are sober and in recovery. I consider it a gift that I could even be a part of a healthy relationship given who I am and where I been. It's where we're going that matters now.

[DavidNOLA]

Thank you flick for your input. I am anxious that things will not work out with us.

And if they don't, then you have the WISDOM to know the difference that when things don't work out for us it is not the end of the world.
All a part of living life on life's terms.

[DavidNOLA]

As Bill Sees It

Light from a Prayer

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

<< << << >> >> >>

We treasure our "Serenity Prayer" because it brings a new light to us that can dissipate our oldtime and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves.

In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.

1. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962

[metthewb]

All good points.