Balance

[janbear]

What is your definition of "balance" in recovery ?
Why is learning when to say "no" important to finding balance ?
What do you do when you get all out of whack and you need to regain some
balance ?

[MichelleW]

I have difficulty with balance in every area of my life and am concerned that as a sober person I will merely transfer my sick, excessive thinking onto something else. I tend to take everything to extremes, I don't do anything by halves and tend to have a very rigid, black and white, all-or-nothing view of things. I keep hearing that's fairly common with addicts.

Now I have to start learning to cultivate an appreciate for the shades of gray or in between. I know I have to be cautious about certain obsessive trains of thought, whether or not they're about drinking. It's really in the serenity prayer, learning what I do or don't have control over in my day to day life and when it's best to let something go. It's very difficult for me to let go of my control over something though often very liberating when I do.

[DaveH]

Hmmmmmmm, I thought about this awhile. I suppose my definition of balance in recovery would be something like " the ability to respond/attend to life matters appropriately". Like everyone else here, I am much more than a recovering alcoholic, so by nature my definition of balance is pretty fluid. Maybe a better definition is living the serenity prayer rather than just reciting it.

Learning to say no for the right reasons and more importantly, saying no and not feeling guilty was an ability I did not have prior to working the 12 steps. Trying to practice the principles in all my affairs has helped.

And when my balance gets out of whack (as it sometimes does) I counter it by first getting on my knees. Today I recognize that when that does occur, it is because I have started to wander away from my HP. I am blessed to have folks in my life who will call me on it too.

Thanks for the questions, it was a good thing to think about and a great reminder of the importance of balance.

Regards,
DaveH

[sioux]

Balance: physical, mental/emotional, spiritual stabilities. That's all there is to it, but man, when one is out of whack, the rest are about to tumble for me. Three things!

When I walk, I pray, and when I make that spiritual connection, I feel all is well, no matter what the situation is. I can do this at the gym if I make time for myself, or while I am housecleaning, or sharing with sponsees or group time. I make these PRIORITIES.

The rest is juggling also known as daily living. I manage as best as I can, and I make lists. The list are not written in stone; if I cannot reasonably complete my goalsl, they get moved to the next list. That's how I stay out of procrastination or "sloth in five syllables".

And learning to say "no" is not nearly as important as following through and not feeling bad about it. I have only "x" amount of expendable energy for all the tasks I must accomplish in my life, and I need some of that energy on reserve for Sioux too.

[MichelleW]

Those are some excellent ideas Sioux and I'm going to attempt to put them into practice. Spiritually I know I'm out of balance lately, and you're right, it does have an effect on all other areas. Right now is a quiet Sunday, I'm spending some time in meditation/prayer/reading. I just haven't made the time for these things lately, though I know how important they are, because I let other things derail me i.e. haven't said 'no' enough times.

I think though that sometimes I let myself get into situations that are tense and negative, perhaps unconsciously at times, just to give myself the 'excuse' to drink. It's hard to turn old habits like that around. I just have to learn to stop it early before it all snowballs.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[lotus]

Thanks everyone, very insightful.

Sioux I like the part about not feeling bad about saying "no". As an ACOA, the guilt and shame part for me have been a learning curve. Taking care of myself and setting healthy boundries is a new process and actually considering my thoughts and feelings in any situation is new, rather than being a Martyr and getting my needs met (sometimes) in unhealthy ways.

The gym, Alanon, AA, connecting with my wife and kids, meditation/prayer are all a part of some kind of stable pyramid for me.

Thanks,
Lotus