Life Challenges - Sexual Abuse Survivor

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Sexual Abuse Survivor - Is There Hope?
If you are a sexual abuse survivor, you have survived a terrible ordeal and are perhaps looking for some understanding and some peace of mind. I do not have all the answers, but I am a sexual abuse survivor and I can identify with the feelings you are experiencing. I have finally found peace of mind and I would like to share with you some thoughts on how to overcome this unimaginable pain.

Do you know why you're a survivor? Some may call it fate, survival of the fittest, mental or emotional fortitude, or divine intervention. What is it for you?
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Accepting The Past
Sexual abuse survival involves accepting the past abuse - facing the fact that it happened. No matter what type of sexual abuse (whether incest or a by stranger) or how tragic its consequences, acceptance of the past is vital. Accepting the past is an essential step toward not only surviving, but to overcoming.

Examine your past, with a trained professional, if possible. Look at how you coped with the abuse while it was occurring.


What were your thoughts? Did you feel anger, hatred, or melancholy?
Did you blame yourself or perhaps feel guilty (or unclean)?
Did you turn inward, living in your own world?
Did you tell someone? Did that person ignore you?
Did you ignore the abuse and hope it would go away?
Did you pray to God and ask Him to intercede, but the abuse continued?
How did you feel about yourself? About others? Were there trust issues? If so, with whom?
Were there problems with authority?
Were you distant and aloof, perhaps shy - struggling to communicate like other children?
Or did you hide by being outgoing when you were really in a state of denial? Maybe you were afraid to turn inward and deal with the onslaught of feelings and thoughts. Maybe you just didn't know what to do or how you felt.

Not surprisingly, what happened to us in the past is often carried into the present.
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Living In The Present
If you're a sexual abuse survivor, how are things going now? As a survivor myself (incest/homosexual activities by my grandfather), I confess that I struggle with the effects of sexual abuse - feelings of anger, hatred, sadness, guilt, and shame toward my abuser and indirectly toward myself. Sometimes these feelings and thoughts can get in the way, interfering with other relationships. As a sexual abuse survivor, do you experience similar feelings? Do you ever wonder why me, what did I ever do to deserve the abuse? If so, you are not alone.

Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts do not magically disappear. From personal experience and from talking with other adult survivors of sexual abuse, I've discovered we share and exhibit similar thoughts and feelings, yet struggle to find an outlet. As a survivor, I simply want to be heard and understood. I want someone I can identify with. I want to be told that I am okay. When a person has been abused sexually, thoughts like i'm not ok and I will never be okay seem to become ingrained in the psyche. In addition, there are often problems with self-acceptance, guilt, condemnation, feelings of never measuring up, and so on. Those feelings are incorrect. We are okay, and we can live a life of victory!

A proactive approach to dealing with past abuse involves getting help and taking an introspective look at what happened. Tragically, many sexual abuse survivors choose to avoid help. The confusion of unresolved sexual abuse can lead some people to go from victim to perpetrator. Or the survivor learns to cope through self-abuse, like drugs and alcohol or develops an addiction to sex or pornography. Many abuse survivors believe they cannot get past what happened to them.

If the abuse came from the same sex, this may unfortunately lead to later interaction with same sex. If the abuse was perpetrated by someone of the opposite sex, such as a father and daughter, the daughter often seeks to fill this void through promiscuity. She is really looking for love, and has learned that she will find it through sexual activity. Of course, she does not find love, but heartache and sometimes more abuse or even disease. These lies can only lead to shattered hearts and lives.

If the need or void is not dealt with proactively, the abuse often survives in the survivor. Shadows of the abuse live on in various forms, because the abuse victim looks for satisfaction in the wrong ways or places. Having never known genuine love, the abuse survivor can only imitate love in return.

Is there a way to overcome the past? I believe there is. Let's take a look at some possible solutions for healing sexual abuse.

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Sexual Abuse Survivor - Can Life Be Worth Living?
As a sexual abuse survivor, you may be asking, can I really move past just surviving and have a life worth living? The answer is YES! YES you can!

You may have heard the phrase: "If it feels good, do it." Perhaps that is how you have been living your life. You are in a standstill, just doing what makes you feel good, loved, and accepted. Maybe that still involves the abuse or some attribute of the abuse. This does not have to be your life!

Maybe you're already beginning to realize that there is more to life than what happened yesterday. As a sexual abuse survivor, I've known emptiness. I know what it feels like to have a deep need for love and acceptance.

Blaise Pascal, a philosopher from the age of enlightenment, determined that there is a God-shaped hole, or vacuum, inside every human being that can only be filled by God. You may have heard stories of sex abuse survivors whose lives have been changed. Maybe you even know someone like that - and you long to be like them. You want to move beyond just coping with the past - you want to be changed! You long for a life of victory.
Sexual Abuse Survivor - Understanding The Longings In Your Soul
That longing you feel is the hole or the void that Pascal mentioned. Only God can fill that vacuum with His unconditional love and acceptance. What's more - He longs to do just that! God became a man in Jesus Christ and lived among humans, so He can identify with us in our humanity. He calls us His beloved and wants us to experience His love. In the Bible, we read 1 John 3:1, which says, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." God accepts us just as we are when we come to Him.
Sexual Abuse Survivor - How To Move From Surviving To Overcoming
As a sexual abuse survivor, you can overcome! Isn't that exciting news? How does overcoming work? For starters, God promises us that when we come to Him, we get a brand new beginning. In Jesus Christ, we become new creations! 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" The Word of God says in Jesus Christ we are overcomers: "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). God has already done the work for us, and He loves us just as we are.

As a sexual abuse survivor, you have been through a lot. Learning to live as a new creation is like a toddler learning to walk. The toddler takes it one step at a time.

Physically, we remain injured and will carry the scars as long as we live. But God promises He is there and will never leave us. "…Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). He is there when our minds recall situations, and when our mind, will, and emotions are in darkness and despair. When we suffer mental anguish and condemnation, God is there.

As sexual abuse survivors, we'll find it difficult to reconcile thoughts and feelings regarding love and acceptance. Because of our past, we'll know feelings that combat, tear, and rip the heart and soul apart. No one should have to experience what we have been through. But there is hope.

Because God sent His Son to die for us (John 3:16), we can know that we have value and worth. As a sexual abuse survivor, this concept is hard to wrap the mind around - but it's necessary if we're going to move from a survivor to an overcomer.

The essence of overcoming is realizing that love and acceptance are essential to our healing. We can't do this on our own - in fact, it's impossible! Matthew 19:26 says, "…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."