Meeting are starting to make me uncomfortable !

[Jay Bee]

Hello CBR famliy, I love the recovery process. I go to meetings for the process of acquiring knowledge, understanding on other peoples experiences and to share my own experience on how the program works for me. I have 1107 days clean & sober, because i made that decision to learn about the Disease of Addiction. With the help from my sponsor and other members of the fellowship, I'm learning on how to apply the 12 steps , 12 traditions and the 12 concept in my life. Before I get into the uncomfortably about the meeting, Do you agree ,the NEW COMER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON THERE? I say yes too. The uncomfortably im having is ,WE are not making the new comer feel welcome any more, people are having side conversation,talking on cell phones. (I have a good one for you), In some meetings they will ask , is their any NA news; Meaning you may use that time to share about something that involves NA (RIGHT), One person share about his sponsor had a new born baby:153:and this is a person with multiple years. The burning desire part of meeting, turn into , if you have gratitude and a collage degree you may take that time to share. People with time come to meetings late, when the meeting is going on they want to hug everybody.It's like Im looking for something to be wrong all the time now. It's like I can't here the message any more, Now I wounder if the NEW COMER see what I see. There is much more, I just dont know how to put it in words. Any feedback will be appreciated:15:. LOL to everybody here:282:

[skyhook]

Anytime you get any group of people to meet regularly to advance a common goal or vision...time , familiarity, repetion,comfort and competing agendas will dilute the product. Any group, anywhere.

There are many ways to deal with this, to keep the meetings with a feeling of the unexpected. fresh and on task.

The thing is, the meeting are not the meat. To me, they are like the huddle to remind everyone what the play is, regroup and prepare to execute a plan. Unfortunatley, not everyone will be on the same page, so its important not to be caught off guard when it happens. These are the lookey loo folk, who are testing the waters and not quite ready to completely enter in. Its ok, seed is being planted.

The meat happens after meetings, during the week as the players try to carry out their respective assignments. The late night phone calls, the unexpected visits, the exhortations for courage , seeking guidance from our higher power...rebuilding of our character when no one else can see us. Anyone can put on any face they wish for a meeting, but out there in their world, thats where the fruit of the meeting will be realized or not.

Meetings, whether 12 step, PTA or Elks are normal if they get zooish moments.

Peace

[Victoriana]

Thanks for this thread Jay Bee. It just so happens that I got annoyed at a meeting myself last night. A newcomer (first ever meeting and completely terrified) was ignored and I, still new myself, was the only one to go over and talk to him. :24: I enjoyed the chance to welcome someone and talk in depth with him but I felt that the people with time were not only rude in ignoring him but really inconsiderate to his feelings and his struggle.I can only hope he continues to attend meetings.
I guess it all comes down to what we take home from meetings. Fortunately there was a very good speaker last night and the new chap was quite impressed.
I know how you feel. On my first meeting I was 13th steped, 8th meeting had my cell phone stolen. :44: I keep going though because I need to. I need the sharing and the support of the people that are there for all the right reasons.
Stay with it as the meetings do seem to go through phases and evolve.
Be well, be strong. :42:

[MichelleW]

I've had little to do with the recovery community until this year but in all that I've read and seen so far, gee some people really do get side-tracked from the primary purpose don't they? (Unfortunately I feel like I've become mixed up in these things myself at times, with negative effect usually.)

Because of past experiences going to church etc I'm always wary of putting someone else on a pedestal, or believing that they are infallible, though I will respect their background and knowledge. If someone leaves me with a bad impression I try to remember that they are not representative of AA as a whole, and there are bound to be people who do not seem so well adjusted because we're all at different stages on the path of recovery. I will try to see and take what's good and helpful as they say, and leave the rest. People have spoken to me and introduced themselves in my first few meetings, though I think it'll probably take a few more meetings to get a full welcome.

Unfortunately I think it's a general trend these days that we are perhaps less genuine and hospitable with others.

[BIG AL]

One thing you have to remember is yu ar dealling with sick people.Selfish,selfcentered,and sick people.Its not always what you take from the meetings it what you leave that counts.Souns like also that there is no-one to stop the chatter around the meeting like the chairprson.I wouls like to hear what you find positive about your group.Its there if you look.Also try to relax and not try to take everything so seriously you sound like you are close to a heart attack:mrgreen:.Yu may need to get to a group conscious meeting and see if yu can make some changes.good luck with that .:wink:

[DavidNOLA]

I was feeling the same way for a spell back in February.
Then I was reminded that "First of all, we had to stop playing God."
So when I catch myself playing God with meetings today or judging others about what they are sharing on, I try to catch myself and think of the positive things that the person I am judging has to offer. Or I say to myself it is fantastic that this person is sharing with the group.
I dont always follow this. But we seek spiritual progress not spiritual perfection.
Rule 62 is another thing I always keep in the back of my head.

[Jay Bee]

Hello CBR Famliy, Let me start by saying thank you to all, for the feedback. Our primary purpose is to say clean and carry the message to the addict who still suffers; Im still that addict. That's why I take my recovery seriously. At any giving time I still think about useing , or putting on a ski mask , then go out there to cause harm to others. Going to meetings in the beginning of my recovery ,I've learn about taking off the mask, also I was told to shut the **** up and sit down , take the cotten out your ears and put it in your mouth. The things that was making me uncomfortable was , those same people that give me that advice , are not practicing their own suggestions. Now about playing GOD,.... Tradition five:"Each group has but one primary purpose- to carry the message to the addict who still suffers". Do you agree, (yes) (no) (maybe)? So if their is no atmosphere in the rooms , then their is no recovery. The person who share about his sponsor new born was an outside issues:15:, had nothing to do with Narcotics Anonymous. LOL to everybody here :282:

[sioux]

I have been sober a little while and will share my personal thoughts with you.

I am still struggling at times, and one of the things I have yet to overcome is disruptive behavior in meetings (of your choice - mine is AA). I cannot continually recall my attention when people are up and down, phones are ringing, people come in hugging and HI! Hi! HI! Everyone through the lines to their seat while someone pulls out an intergaltic size bag of reeses pieces and rattles that through the meeting passing it around, and someone is pouring coffee because they think if they bring the pot noone will get up and get it, on and on it went....all this going on while two newbies were detoxing terribly. I ended up leaving because I just cannot keep recalling my focus, not to mention the empathy I felt for the person trying to share while all this is going on.

Typically I go to meetings where there is strong structure...the meeting revolves around a book study, the format includes things like no phones vs. silencing them, please stay seated, and limited sharing time and topics. I just don't have the time or energy for mayham, and I realize that I am not in control, and that there are sick people, but sick people that attend these kinds of meetings, I would think, want help. That's what I wanted. I liken it to barroom behavior. I know where to get that, what I want is to be in a group of people that are willing to share about recovering from alcohlism, not KKKA, and yes I actually heard this once.

I had to sit on my hands when I got here not to hit anyone, and sometimes I find that I have made little progress. When that happens, I am off to a new meeting somewhere else.

[MichelleW]

Sometimes I have to wonder whether it is 'deflecting' behaviour, which us alcoholics are pretty good at. And it can take a number of different guises. Anything to avoid the main issue or cover our own nervousness/insecurity sometimes.

[Jay Bee]

Thanks to all , who gave me feedback:15:. Skyhook, will take your suggestion:(REGROUP AND EXECUTE A PLAN) :153:Its that simple:15:. I will pratice and apply my first step a little harder,(POWERLESS) when it comes to other people. Thank you:1:

[janbear]

Jay Bee, My sponsor has several times had to remind to that i am powerless over other people. When i can acceptance where I am at, its eaiser to accept others where they are at. I am not always very good at that. I am grateful its about progress and not perfection. Glad you shared on this brother.

[Jay Bee]

Thank you Janbear, It is a about progress and not perfection :1:. For now on I will pratice on keeping that up front. GODS will not mine, I come to believe , if a true sense of value is to be mine , it must come through service. I love the recovery process . This is a question for those who care to answer it, How do you feel about the process? LOL to all and to those on their way here:15:

[Juanzo]

I've been sober 60 days and at first was a little confused about the behavior of some of the "old-timers", ie. rude comments, sexual innuendos, side talking etc., etc., However...thanks to my higher power..He has shown me that all the inerrant behavior is really just me in their form. I cannot judge them, but I can receive pearls and nuggets of wisdom from them and newcomers if I'm open to learning. No more judging....we live in an imperfect world in an imperfect body and mind. I just want to continue getting sober. Thanks for listening and I am glad to be here with you. We're all in this together.

[zoomie]

Hi Juanzo, welcome!

[dalin]

just realise that oldtimers can get lost in this thing too.
nO ONE GETS RECOVERED,at least in NA we are in recovery.
We dont fully recover untill were in the ground.
I have been where you are.
Please accept these addicts as addicts,cuz we all still
screw things up.
At least I do.

[Craig A.]

Good comments, what comes to mind is judging others. Self-righteous attitude, if I was to be looked at I would be guilty without a second chance and what does it all mean anyway. How does it affect my sobriety if someone annouces something I don't agree with or see. If I am workong a program of any kind I am accepting of outside circumstances. Then if it truly is bothering me what am I doing about it, did I bring it up to that person or meeting as a whole, do I go to a different meeting, learn ways to accept people for who they are not who I want them to be or act. I see thatr some of my actions will make other people feel uncomfortable, if I offended someone I apoligize and try better if it is cause they don't like something I did it is their issue not mine. It is very important and crucial to pass it on, welcome the newcomer and help him/her feel at home but my sponsor would always remjnd me about humility, we are all eqully important, oldtimers and newcomers, if we had too much or not enough where would this program be! I thank God there was old timers in the meetings where I went, I got a lot of wisdom/stability from the old timers and a lot of energy/connectedness from the newcomers. I remember that the 12-step program helps me to stop drinking and start living. Everybody works their program differently what keeps me sober just might get you drunk! Thank you for the topic and God Bless you in your journey!!!

[dalin]

If I am not the problem,there is no solution....
So it is about my attitude,and how I see things.Mostly in my recovery I
wanted to be judge and jury of anyone that did not live up to my expectations.
When I lowered my expectations of my brothers and sisters in recovery,
and accepted them as God has them,I learned the truemeaning of surrender
and forgivenes.
All of NA's steps start with WE.
Together we can.

[Ourshirtsrock]

Hello CBR famliy, I love the recovery process. I go to meetings for the process of acquiring knowledge, understanding on other peoples experiences and to share my own experience on how the program works for me. I have 1107 days clean & sober, because i made that decision to learn about the Disease of Addiction. With the help from my sponsor and other members of the fellowship, I'm learning on how to apply the 12 steps , 12 traditions and the 12 concept in my life. Before I get into the uncomfortably about the meeting, Do you agree ,the NEW COMER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON THERE? I say yes too. The uncomfortably im having is ,WE are not making the new comer feel welcome any more, people are having side conversation,talking on cell phones. (I have a good one for you), In some meetings they will ask , is their any NA news; Meaning you may use that time to share about something that involves NA (RIGHT), One person share about his sponsor had a new born baby:153:and this is a person with multiple years. The burning desire part of meeting, turn into , if you have gratitude and a collage degree you may take that time to share. People with time come to meetings late, when the meeting is going on they want to hug everybody.It's like Im looking for something to be wrong all the time now. It's like I can't here the message any more, Now I wounder if the NEW COMER see what I see. There is much more, I just dont know how to put it in words. Any feedback will be appreciated:15:. LOL to everybody here:282:

Thanks for this post Jay Bee! I have often felt this way too. I certainly don't want to sway you in a certain directions but in my case , I switched to another fellowship because in my area most of thel NA meetings were all about "The Show" . Who can look the best, get the best, sound the best...etc...etc... And in My case DRUGS were my biggest problem, but I find recovery in A.A.

I've learned a few things along the way. One is ... I am responsible! When the newcomer comes and I am responsible to reach out to them, and not just by sticking my name and number on a schedule book that was passed around. Second, I would start by changing up meetings or getting more involved with the group business meetings. We have a very successful meeting in my home town in the sense that people there have certain unwritten things we do like ...when someone leaves early, someone always goes after them to find out if they are ok before they leave.

There are always going to be certain people and annoyances at certain meetings, sometimes it helps to switch up and sometimes getting more involved in a group you really like can help also!....

great post !

[Mycool]

What appear to be faults in others may actually be reflections of our own emotional afflictions.-- Geshe Dhargyey

[Victoriana]

This thread has really made me think. Thanks for starting it Jay Bee.

[sonia n]

Hello Family,

I am very greatful that I can pick and choose my meetings. I feel very bad for the new comers to have too be in this type of situation as well as you. When I first came into recovery 91/2 years ago I went to several types of meetings and I have to say honestly that I should be attending NA meetings because I am an alcoholic as well as a drug addict.. And I have seen this behavior from where I am from in alot of NA meetings.. I choose to go to AA meetings cause I want what the old timers have.. For me in the beginning I was told to seat in the front, keep my mouth shut take the cottons out my ears and put them in my mouth and that is exactly what I did. I have been going to AA meetings for years by choice..I went to an NA meeting a month ago to try other options and nothing changed so I got up and left and called up another recovering addict and asked if I was wrong in doing that and there comment to me was "NO" that I have a choice of different meetings to go to and that if I go to a meeting I should not be uncomfortable that I should feel good about it. So what I have realized is that people including myself have character defects and that this program is not about perfection but about progress. However, I thank GOD that I am aware of my behaviors and own up to them...One of my sayings is "IF YOU CAN"T HELP AN ADDICT, DON'T HURT ONE." So I stay away from the negativity. I DO NOT WANT THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE, SO I WILL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO FOR MY RECOVERY. I pray :195: for people... Thats all I can do whether they hurt me I would hold resentments and I do not like how It makes me feel so now I just pray for them and for those feelings or whatever I am feeling to be lifted away... YOU AND ONLY YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!!!! DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!! :17:

[Jay Bee]

Hello CBR Famliy , My sponsor always reminds me , if a have a stickey situation that is bothering me .....We need to look for a solution. (I SURRENDER.) The Followships is not JAY BEE'S ANONYMOUS my sponsor told me this :15:, He also pointed to my 6th and 7th step on how I let the little things get me outside of myself. I say to GOD , MYSELF and to my CBR FAMLIY . I SURRENDER:15:. This is a very good website , your feedback help me take a look at things.... I THANK EVERYBODY FOR Their LOL AND SUPPORT:15:.

[greenflash1775]

I only have to accept the things I cannot change. If you don't like it call a group conscience and change your format to include a "Primary Purpose" statement. If people aren't hip to that then you should find another group. We don't have many meetings on the rock and there are a LOT of newcomers so it's incumbent on those who know how it's done to set the example. There have been instances where newer members have prattled on about their day and how much they drink or use. They are reminded in the format and after the meeting if necessary that we all know how to get drunk and high; we share about solutions and recovery.
My personal favorite is anyone (old timer or new comer) who begins their share with "I don't know what the topic is but..." at this juncture I think that person should just give everyone the finger, fling dung at the chairperson, and hand out 8X10 signed head shots. Everyone knows someone like this.
The point is that it's a we program of action and if you don't like something about the way we're getting it done, try to change it. However, accept the fact that you may be unable to effect the change you desire and be prepared to either suck it up or find a new group. I get to go to meetings all over the world in both AA and NA sometime recovery is better in one than the other and that depends on the strength of the group.
God can move mountains, but you'd better bring a shovel.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

I have learned that if you don't like a meeting or the format you can always change meetings.I experienced that in my second year of recovery.I would hear the same stories of using,But a lot of the addicts were froma local detox,rehab clinic.I like step study groups more now the longer I am clean.If I was getting bored with the meeting ,I would sit up back and read IT WORKS AND WHY or the BASIC TEXT or JUST FOR TODAY.The most important thing is to KEEP COMING BACK,IT WORKS IF YOU WANT IT.

[Jay Bee]

Ok it's me agin , it was'nt meeting's , it was a meeting:44:. The meeting I am the chair person / secretary at . This is not my home group , I volunteer for the position because no home group member's of that meeting would step up. Home group member's at this meeting dont even attend the group business meeting's but they sure have alot to say in the meeting , they say this is their home group , but their is no participation in the business:sad:. Now Im renting space in my own head about dropping the commitment. I know it's wrong , but something just dont feel right. Now this is where you all come in at , I need some suggestions to look at that will help me with the decision i have to make....I've talk to my sponsor and he told me to pray and meditate on it....I did , then I said to myself , let me bring it to my people's here:15: LOL to you all. Thank you for reading this.

[sioux]

Seriously, if it is in G-d's hands and you step out of the situation, it will suceed or not. As my dear friend says "AA works in spite of me, not because of me." I try to remember this when service work seems like a chore. If I can't give freely and joyfully because of this, that or the other thing, I need to step down. I guard my sobriety date.

There's another place out there where you can be useful and productive. It's a quest.

Blessings: Sioux