Need opinion

[BIG AL]

I need everyones opinion.Ok I was married before my wife now.With my first wife I had 2 kids wich I pay child support to her for.I also send an extra 200$ a month to her becouse she said she needs more help.Ok her is the kicker she is remaired and had another baby with this man.Who she got togehter with and I had resentment for along time till I did a 4th and 5th step and realised If I was the husband and father I should of been she wouldnt of left me.Anyway I also gave her a JC-Penny card to use when the kids need shoes and stuff.I got the bill yesterday and she had baught a pair od shoes for the new kid with the new husband.What the hells wrong with her is this cool I think not.What do you all think.My wife was mad already becouse she has had this credit card for about a yr and she saw the statement and didnt say anything but a look.Wich you men out there know is very bad.Do yall think it was way out of line for her to buy her child from her nother marriage a pair of shoes on my credit card ment for my kids.:44:

[Jay Bee]

Thanks for sharing, Your HP see everything and inorder for us to receive , WE must become willing to give. I would look at it ,to be something to grow from.THAT"S BIG BOY GROWTH. Try to let go and let GOD, because holding on to resentments can keep us in the hallway too long, and when We get trap, WE allow our disease to think for us. SO put it in your HP's hands:15:. Remember the kid did nothing , the kid is happy right about now. This is what real men do, WE show up to grow up , sometimes WE have to show up for others ,because they dont know how to show up for them selfs. Keep feeding your spirit, your GIFT is coming. So lets turn this(:44:) into that(:169:). LOL to you and yours.

[skyhook]

Big Al,

You are a gem of this place. So real.

Stay cool , this too shall pass.

I got more for you, but am trying to abstain from late night posts, so as not to come across glib or gruff.

Between my wives 2 x's and my 2 x's and our 5 "merged" kids, I could tell yu stories. ( wifes x is psycho, x-navy seal...jeez)

All of our x's would not fit in texas.

The kids grow up and all the coordinating this and that with the x's is over. Then again, thats when the little ones are gone forever, so cherish the time and keep persepctive.

I miss my lttle boy, now a man.

btw: never gave an x a credit card (just headaches :))...brave dude

[zoomie]

Al you are a good man,but people can take advantage of that. Talk to your ex and explain that the card is for your children's use only or she'll be putting more on the bill then a pair of shoes trust me. Women and credit cards are a bad mix and we can justify anything LOL. BTU, I'd have a little bit of resentment too and would ask for the money to pay for the shoes or I'd cancle the credit card. It has nothing to do with the child, it's between your ex and you and you already give her more than most men do for their children. God will provide, you don't have to.

[Victoriana]

I actually had a picture of the exwife dealing with a bunch of kids and paying for the shoes. Handing over one card is easier right? Maybe she then spent the money she "borrowed" from your card on your kids? Who knows.
Maybe the thing to do is just have a nice conversation with her without anger getting in the way. It could be completely innocent.
Just my thoughts.

[sioux]

If it were me and I did not want to pay for the new child's shoes, I would pay the statement less that item and send a note to her or a call telling her I was forwarding the remaining balance for her to take care of.

I am assuming the card is a convenience factor because the kids are somewhere far away that it is not possible for you to take the time to get your kids shoes yourself? That I could understand If not and your kids are nearby, maybe consider spending more time with them yourself and managing these tasks. I am sure everyone would appreciate more time with dad, as the new babe will be wearing off and very thin soon. That way you could cancel the card and handle this yourself, which I am sure she may well appreciate too with her new responsiblities.

[BIG AL]

Ya the kids are 7 hours away and was getting expensive everytime the asked for something I would western union the money to them.Instead I gave my son the card last summer after he left so they could by school clothes and It ended up they stayed with it.I am going to cancel the card monday morning.By the way the kids dad doesnt and hasnt worked for awhile.

[flick]

Hi Al, could add heaps, having been on both sides of the fence; the one paying the ex to support my kids and the one receiving from an ex.

My partner pays out top dollar to his ex every f/night to support his two girls, also now supports in part 3 of my kids, also taking care of me and our little one. Blended families and ex's can be the basis for many issues financially.

I congratulate you for supporting your children as best you can.

Can you not set up a banking account where you can direct deposit any additional monies you may wish to pay for the kids?.....the ex can price items (shoes, uniforms whatever) and let you know then you could transfer the monies through direct into an account for her.

Hope whatever you decide it works out well for all involved!!

[KathyB777]

Okay....IMHO.........resentment breeds contempt.

For your sake (which BTW I COMPLETELY applaud you for taking care of your kids and giving her the cc for their expenses!!!!!)

How about the 6 month rule???...... In 6 month's is this going to matter? What if you assume the BEST in her, as she sounds like this has never happened before, and just ask her? Sometimes, we start thinking too much, feeling too much, and reacting to that.
6 month's from now is this situation going to matter???.....
If you don't take care of it (talking) and cancel the card Monday, yes it will matter as a chain of effects will occur......If you don't cancel the card and talk to her, probably not, as you may just get a pretty decent answer. Assume the best my friend!!! :o)

[Tom1]

13 years ago wife left with two year old son after becoming pregnant from anothe man, not from my drinking (I really wasn't drinking much then)She had been cheating for some time, even decided to get my son tested to see if he was really mine (he is). Anyway, I too had some hard issues with child support going only to my son. She subsequently had 3 more kids with this guy and divorced again.All I can say is I let alot of things slide. While it may have cost me a couple thousand extra dollars a year, the peace it allowed me to keep with her translated to a better experience with my son (he never saw us fight, etc..) Probably the wimpy way out, but I really enjoy the peace, although my current wife wishes I would "be a man" (not her exact words, but she implies it) and politely "tell her off" Dunno, but he grads from 8th grade today, so only a few years left before I can help him directly. God Bless, Tom.

[TexHope]

Thanks for all you do to care for your children! You are a blazing example of how non-custodial parents can be involved in the care and support of the children they miss so much every day. That said, I would totally agree with the prior statements that encouraged you NOT to simply cancel the card! You know it will cause unnecessary drama for all of you. I agree that what your ex did was wrong on many different levels. However, I would suggest you contact her to state (probably for the upmteenth time) the rules for use of the card. You could even put those "rules" in a non-judgmental letter to her. Let her know that you understand that there could have been extenuating circumstances, but that this action was perceived to be a means of taking advantage of your Texas gentleman-liness! That said, let her know that if the card is misused again, her rights to use the card will be immediately terminated. I know this requires that YOU be the BIG MAN...but you are obviously committed to patterning a life of "taking the high road" to your children. Good job, my Texas friend. You make me miss the kind of folks I was blessed to know in my home state...

[dmarie]

Al, as an ex wife who receives child support I honestly think what she did was out of line and that if she really needed help with shoes for her child she could have given you the common courtesy of asking rather than just taking something that wasn't hers to take for that purpose in the first place..but it's in the past. Perhaps take comfort in knowing a child is not going without because of you which is a good thing! Future plans...well I think your decision to cancel the card is a great one because it gives you back control of your own money which you should have. A SUGGESTION: shopping online is a big thing nowadays...perhaps your children (if they have access to a computer) can pick out what they like at JC Penny online and you can pay for it online with your card and they can either pick it up at the store or have it delivered to their house and that way the money never passes through your ex's hands but your children still get what they need! You can do the same with lots of other stores that have online shopping (Kohl's, Walmart, etc.)..not sure what's in your area.

[JDSOBER]

Wow read lots of great replies Dmarie loved your reply and agree but kids are not cookie cutter shape when it comes to trying on clothes and shoes
as is no one is a hem here a tuck there and oh no foot is half inch bigger than it was last time I tried this type of shoe...but the question was ...yeah I think it was wrong for x to buy new shoes for baby and act like nothing happened -no word , no may I please?

waiting 6 months as someone else said thats a bad thing in 6 months it can be a lot worse... it can be trying to buy everything for everyone.

Just because someone is trying to do the right thing and just because they may be alky or addict doesnt give someone else the right to use them.
And it is okay to stand up for yourself and say hey this card is for my kids.
I do agree with not saying it in anger but ya know maybe at least ask for an explanation first before just cancelling the card. even if it is that the new H
has been out of work and not doing his part at least try for the truth and then say you have decisions to make as well and it doesnt go for supporting the NEW H or the New Baby and there is nothing wrong with that you can only do what you can do.

Keep on Keeping on its all a learning experience