Tried a step on my own.

[Victoriana]

I tried to make amends to someone and ended up really screwing up in a big way. Someone else got hurt as well. ****.
I feel so useless.

[Joplinfrk]

It's been my experience that it's best to work the steps one step at a time. The 8th and 9th step are best done when you have first forgiven yourself. It takes a LONG time to get there. I have almost a year and a half sober and although I have worked the steps in my first year, I continue to work them again and again. One step at a time. First, master step 1, than 2, and so on and so on.
Give yourself some time, work with your sponsor that's why they are there, to work through the steps with you. You'll get there!

[Jay Bee]

Hey VictoriaNA. recovery is a pace not a race. The steps are in order for a reason. The principles WE apply to ourselfs in steps 1 to 8 helps us with step 9 and the rest of the steps. People dont forget the pain WE cause them , but they will see the change in us. Continue on in your process , stay on the path of recovery. Recovery offers only one promise and that is freedom from active addiction, so give yourself that time to pratice the principles of the program. I like what I see when you be posting , like I've said on your home page , your HP has giving you a GIFT:15:. I just dont see and read your words , I FEEL THEM IN MY SPIRIT. You are very supportive and encouraging to me and others here , so dont feel useless , WE need you:15:. LOL to you my friend

[shydawg]

Hi Victoriana, 1st you need to forgive yourself , you tried doing what you thought was right , go easy on yourself , we try to do the best we can, thats all we can do .. do you have a sponsor?? its suggested that we always talk it over with our sponsor before we try to make any amends , they can share their E,S, H, with us , advise us if makeybe we should hold off or maybe make the amends in another way than the way we're thinking .. I was told that we got to work the steps in order . 1,2,3,4, etc . we learn and grown as we work each one WITH OUR SPONSOR .. ,
Do you have a homegroup?? others that you have talked to about this already if not your sponsor?? it helps when we share with others we dont feel all alone with our problem , others can help , . At my homegroup, b4 we start, 1 of the things the chairperson will ask is " Has anyone have any desire to use or any other recovery related issues they like to share ? " .. Just remember , to trust the process, because it does work .. You're doing Good , keep it up!!!

[zoomie]

In my amends list I was very careful to whom I made amends to. When I was sick I seem to have attracted sick people in my life. So when to make amends to those still sick while I was getting well damaged me and created more drama. The step reads "make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others." I feel you have to put yourself on either the "them or other's list" if it's going to cause you harm. When we where sick we where in survivle mode, we did things in order to servive either our sickness or other's sickness. I once stole a check in order to buy coke from my then husband. I never did get the coke,but he found out about the stolen check and I got hit. I'm surly should not made amends to that person. I got out of the toxic relationship and kept myself from going back. I needed to make amends to myself for being sick enough to get into a toxic relationship in the first place. Now lets say my ex was a saint and I stole from him, then I would need to make amemds to him by offering to pay him back or say I'm sorry for the damage I caused. Looking back over my life I made a lot of bad choices out of insecurity, needs and guilt or just plain servival. IN the program I have changed and to those whom I need to make amends to like my children I do it by staying sober and learn how to talk with them instead of yelling. BTU, a long time ago when I first got sober I did try to make amends to my ex who hit me, it was a disaster because he just ranted and raved and it made it OK for him to hit me in his mind. The next time I got sober 5 years ago, I was very careful to whom I made amends to and did not open myself up to the disfuction and sickness of others. Protect yourself first and asked what part did you play in it and was it all your fault. You should also consult your sponcer before making any such amends. Just remember that the steps where written a long time ago and mostly for men. I'm not saying do not follow the steps,but there are many different reasons we do what we do. It seems like anything goes now days where people's behavior are concered on our part and on other people's part. Don't put yourself in harms way when making an amends if it's going to be dangerous for you.

[DavidNOLA]

What did your sponsor say?

[skyhook]

I tried to make amends to someone and ended up really screwing up in a big way. Someone else got hurt as well. ****.
I feel so useless.

Go easy on yourself.

After the emotion recedes, find the learning lesson.

The steps are a guide...there is much more going on between the lines, than any step ever written. It will get messy...remember this, when some folk in your group start giving you book, chapter and verse, about woulda, coulda and shoulda.

Other than sponsorship/group interaction, theres only a couple steps that require another persons involvement in our process...#9 in particular can be a box of chocolate (forrest gump), so when you get a shart sandwich, its ok...it happens.

Peace to you V

[flick]

:315::42:

[dalin]

Hang in there freind.
I know that in NA,each of our steps start with WE.
After enough time of screwing up my recovery on
my own,I decided to reach out.
You will make it

[BIG AL]

Relax there I tell you the only mistake I havent made in sobriety was to take a drink.As long as you dont do that the rest can be fixed.It took me a long time and several written out copies of my first amend for my sponsor to allow me to make the amends.Dust yourself off and keep on going.Remember our disease tells use we are useless and will never make it.Lots and I mean lots of people stood were you are at and didnt have the guts to even try or attemt to make amends.Sounds like you are willing to go to any lenghts to stay sober.You helped me stay sober today so you were usefull today

[Want2bfree]

(((Victoriana)))

Clearly I am in no position to advise you, but I can support you. Right now in my mind, I am thinking the way I'll make amends (the biggest way) is just to not drink and let others see the change in me. Of course, down the road I may see things differently. I think the person I hurt the most was me, so my first order of business will be making amends to me.

Please don't feel bad that things didn't go like you wanted them to go. The important thing is that you were making the effort to "keep your side of the street clean." I am sorry that person was hurt in the process.