Do we really need a sponsor after we've worked the steps

[mmarq56]

I plan on keep doing my steps, 10th 11th & 12th everyday. I'm in a big book workshop and we are doing the steps very slowly which is good because its thorough. But why do I need a sponsor now? I can't get a hold of her anyway, I've had that problem for 2-3 months now. I can see talking to other women everyday and asking them for advice which is what I do anyway. I don't feel I need a "sponsor" it does mention "sponsor" in the book anywhere so why do I need to do stuff thats NOT in the book? Doesn't it say somewhere if we follow the suggestions IN THE BOOK, we have a very good chance of staying sober?

[BIG AL]

The book says we can only get this from another alky.Just becoused we get through thew steps dont mean we got this thing.Personally I want more than a good chance of staying sober.I know we always think that we are different from others and sounds like you some how think that all the stuff doesnt applly to you.This is not a good place to be becouse we do what the others did before us.A sponsor seem to have worked for you so far.Why stop something that is workking.One reason we keep a sponsor is its someone who gets to know us who can see through our B.S.And can call us on it if we get crazy.I know we can get into a pattern were we call dif people till we get the answer we want instead of the answer we need.I know I need a sponsor my sponsor has become my freind we have breakfast or lunch about 1 time a month and we talk regulary on the phone.

[dalin]

my best thinking,even after 15 years is pretty sketchy at times.
I talk to my sponsor every week,or every other week.
Our talk is diferent than it was my first few years.
Mostly about accountability,and aplying principles today.

[Jay Bee]

Sponsorship is the heart beat of the program. We can't do this by ourselfs. I did'nt like my sponsor at frist, I had animosity toward him in the beginning , In the beginning I use to bring some of the most outrageous , non-sense to him, and all he could say is to me is ( what are you going to different next time) use to piss me off:15:. Now I am greatful I did'nt move on. I understand now that he was able to see something in me , that I was'nt able to see in myself. We have build an relationships on honesty and trust . He is forever reminding me that , Im helping him just as much as he is helping me. when thing's do'nt sit right with me, it is my responsibility to address the situation in a loving and caring way , my sponsor taught me that , and the list go on about what I've learn from him. I can not do this by myself and if I was to do so , guess what, I would have a fool for a sponsor, (MYSELF). Sponsor are human too, they are not perfect and when We see something in them , it is are responsibility to bring it to his attention , in a loving and caring way. In the past my sponsor always said , What's up with that step work , now he's telling me to slow down , it a pace not a race , it's about progress , not perfection , SO REMEMBER , EASY DOES IT. Also We never finish step work , We do 1 to 12 then start all over aging.

[zoomie]

I had a sponcer who died after I did my steps with him. I now have a new sponcer I do not feel the need to go over my earlier steps. It's nice though to talk to someone about how my life is going and get soem sound advice. I too only talk to her once in a blue moon because she is busy all the time,but when I do talk to her she gives out great advice. My sponcer now says we "walk the steps together"meaning that she is not a pedistal (sp) and we guide eachother.

[Victoriana]

I'll do anything to stay clean and sober. If that means having someone that knows better than me............so be it. She has seen it all over her years. If she says jump, I'll say how high. To be honest my sobriety is all that matters so I'm not kicking at fences, just bring on anything that will keep me sober.
In the end it won't do you any harm to have a sponsor and it could do a lot of good. People still relapse after doing the steps and having someone there to pull the reins in occasionally is a big help.
I no longer worry about my pride or false dignity. My real dignity lies in staying sober.

[sioux]

The thing about having a sponsor is that we have at least one person to run those fabulous ideas we come up with on our own by. Check out the 10th Step in the 12 x 12. In fact, you will find much mention of the value of sponsorship in the 12 x 12.

My view is the book Alcoholics Anonymous is our basic text, or AA101 if you will. The 12 x 12 is th "how to book" or AA102. And we don't go it alone anymore. For me, when I am in going it alone mode, I will deceive myself. My obsessive mind will convince my body that what I am about to embark on is drink worthy. The Big Lie I call it. Which comes first, wreckage or the drink? Doesn't even matter to me. I've been around long enough to see first hand what you are talking about. It's dangerous ground for me, and I am not willing to even take that chance.

And, in general, if we were to all give up our sponsors, how would we carry the message or get the newcomer through the steps so they could go out and do the same thing? This is the crux of how our program works. We can't keep what we don't give away comes to mind.

My thinking is that this Program is a spiritual way of life that requires action, and better people than us, including Maxius Arilious (forgive spelling), a great military mind, knew the value of having a spiritual advisor.

[mmarq56]

And, in general, if we were to all give up our sponsors, how would we carry the message or get the newcomer through the steps so they could go out and do the same thing? This is the crux of how our program works. We can't keep what we don't give away comes to mind.

When we use many people in the program as "sponsors" we can carry the message, as I have several opinions from people with quality time and many years. So, why do I need one person to run my "ideas" by when I have 10 or more? Do you understand where I'm coming from? Use the program people that are close to me, as sponsors. Why just one person? I've even heard of people using the meetings as their higher power, it wouldn't work for me, but I can see how some people have to think in the beginning. Anything but anything not to drink or use. It is a "we" program and that's why I have several so called "sponsors" since I can't get a hold of my one sponsor. I have a few "spiritual advisers" also.

[DaveH]

I kept my sponsor for several reasons; Most folks I know with 20+ years have a sponsor, I need someone in my life who knows everything about me so I can't "hide" behind a facade, and he has become one of my best friends. Please understand, our relationship has changed over the years, I don't call him as often with questions, but I will still run things by him when I am reacting strongly about something. Interestingly enough, he often does the same thing with me today. I do have a friendship with him that is like no other. And for that I am blessed. Best wishes as you sort through this question.
Regards,
DaveH

[BIG AL]

If your here I assume you an alky or addict.Or you wondnt work the steps.If you have the alcholic mind its not to your advantage to drop your sponsor.Why?becouse the alcholic minds tells us we dont need sponsor ill just use the group or i have spiritual advisers.You need one person to go to to run things by becouse by nature we are liers and manipulaters.And we do it to get our way in all situations.Mostly we dont even notice we are doing it.Most times we do.If you want to have a smorgashboard of peopel to go to till you get the answer that suits you thats cool.I can tell you its not the way things are done in AA and you are not unique.This is how it has worked for many many yrs.Bill W the fouunder of the progarm had sponsor.They all did.So do it your way.Maybe stay sober for some time maybe go out drink kill yourself or someone else.Do it the way the people who layed the road before you stay sober one day at a time live and help others live.It seems like you have made up your mind to go at it your way So I pray your way works.I know my way got me in bad shape.I wouldnt trade my sponsor for anything he has become my best freind.Maybe there is a deeper problem.Maybe you dont want people to get to close to you becouse they might hurt you.And they will. We deal with that to people are people they are not gods they fall short.Be Blessed

[sioux]

You ask some very good questions. Here's a little dity from an oldtimer with 40 plus years that shared a story with me when I got sober about the importance of having a sponsor.

When he first got sober, he wanted to know if he could go to the bar. Lots of his AA fellows were going to bars, so he asked around and got a lot of "opinions" on what other people do. Some said yes, but only on certain days, others said yes, anytime they wanted, they wen to the bar. Some said no, you don't got to a *****house to get a kiss (he's a bawdy old man, but I love him nonetheless), and on and on it went.

Finally he got this answer...."read page 100 and make up your own mind."

That was the man he elected to be his sponsor, and by the time he was spiritually fit enough, going to bars was no longer an area of interest to him.

So I guess the gist of the matter is this....I can ask the same question to a dozen people and get a dozen answers, mostly suited to what I want to hear. I can ask my sponsor, and I get experience, strength and hope to make up my own mind.

Peace: Sioux

[dgswilson]

I asked someone to help me work the steps. I didn't ask him to be my sponsor. I talk to him probably twice a month. I have two or three people with 25+ years that I talk to about twice a month. Sometimes once. That's still a steady "stay in touch" rate. Sponsors were needed to get people into AA meetings. You had to have one to get in.
We have to have someone to do step five with. I haven't heard a lot of success stories from anyone not getting help with the steps. In the end, for me, it's really my job to stay the course. One of the people I talk to says, "Most don't make it, so we have to do more than most". He's been sober over 40 years. One thing I do now that I never did before is talk with people I don't particularly like. I do it because I decided to be there, to be responsible when others reached out.

[McDaniel N.]

Sponsor helps in many ways for ME. Need a kind ear, talk about my problems, Trusted Friend, and The Program works both ways. These are what my sponsor is teaching me. I want what he has so that I can "Pass it on."

[Leadfoot]

My belief is that a "Sponsor" takes you through the steps. Nothing More! As the Big Book is a textbook, the Sponsor is the Teacher. I believe the Sponsor should cut the Sponsee loose after step 5 since the truth is that our sobriety is dependant upon a Higher Power. Not a Sponsor.

This is from the 5th step on Pg75 after the 5th step is complete. Nobody ever said that the 5th step had to be taken with your Sponsor either.
The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe
I believe that this arch that we built is the entrance to the Broad Highway
More from PG g75
Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last.
If we need a Sponsor, are we truley "Free"?
This is from Pg100 where you are now "The Sponsor"
Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.
In my thinking and from what has been passed is that you and the new man must walk on the path to spiritual progress until he is ready to be cut loose on the Broad Highway to walk hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. Just as you were on Pg75
Any advise I get as to any aspect of my life should be from God, not a fallible human being. I advise anyone that needs advise on anything other than the specific program of AA, which is the 12 steps, should consult Dr. Laura

[McGowdog]

Dr Laura! Bah!!!!!!!!

I think Dr. Laura and Howard Stern ought to "hook up." They deserve each other.

I agree with Leadfoot and DGSWilson totally and completely.

My experience? No sponsor. Result? Recovered alcoholic.

I have a healthy group to go to once per week and we do steps yearly.

If there's someone new, I'll gladly take them through the steps. I do 5th Steps with somebody in the group. Sometimes we swap 5th Steps... so I 5th Step with everybody in the group.

I looked the word sponsor up in the book Alcoholics Anonymous and it's not in there. Closest I could find was this; "Sponsorship; (no direct reference)

[DaveH]

Great topic, interesting because of the variety of responses. If you are interested in the history of sponsorship in AA you may want to check out the history of AA in Cleveland. So many were struggling early in the movement that it is believed that it began there and the term is credited to an early AA person in that area. Because it worked, Bill W included the term in the 12&12. I too am a big believer in the BB of AA. I am also a big believer in the 12&12 and sponsor or some form of the word is listed 20 times. It is also listed in the personal stories of the BB. My experience was no sponsor, 3 months dry and back out for a time. Got a sponsor and have been recovered or in recovery(call it what you will) for quite a few 24 hours. If you don't need a sponsor, I celebrate your sobriety and freedom with you. If like me, you need a sponsor to light your path, please get one. You may end up with a friend for life, I did.
Regards,
DaveH

[DaveH]

Sorry, I should have included this in my last post. If you ever get an opportunity to visit Akron and Dr Bob's home, please do.
Regards,
DaveH

Though there is no true references to the word sponsorship with in the first 164 page of the AA Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" it is mentioned in several of the personal stories that are contained later in the book. The early history of AA tells us that even Bill W. had a sponsor who's name was Edwin T. Thatcher who was born 1896, and died in 1966.

Bill Wilson was constantly amazed at the growth and apparent success that Cleveland was having in sobering up alcoholics. He visited there every time that he went to Ohio. Bill later wrote in A.A. Comes of Age:

Yes, Cleveland's results were of the best. Their results were in fact so good, and A.A.'s membership elsewhere was so small, that many a Clevelander really thought A.A.'s membership had started there in the first place. The Cleveland pioneers had proved three essential things: the value of personal sponsorship; the worth of the A.A.'s Big Book in indoctrinating newcomers, and finally the tremendous fact that A.A., when the word really got around, could now soundly grow to great size.

Clarence was a dynamo. He wanted the best for himself and "his boys" in A.A. He refined the art of A.A. sponsorship to the point that Nell Wing, Bill Wilson's secretary, commented to the author that Clarence was probably the "one man responsible for sponsorship as we know it today."

Sponsorship has since become one of the foundations of the recovery programs for of all the 12 step fellowships and one of the greatest blessings of membership. With it we can help one another to succeed and arrest the disease called addiction one day at a time regardless of the nature.

[mmarq56]

If people just say "I have a sponsor" just to not get into this controversy? I do, I have a sponsor, she's just not available much of the time. So that's why I'm using the program people as sponsors. My "sponsor" has over 23 years of sobriety, and like I've heard over and over again, its not the amount of time -- its the quality of sobriety. You could have 3 months but if you're seriously working a good program better than say the 23 years person, then maybe that person could make a good sponosr. People in this program put to much into how much time someone has. That doesn't matter, what I've seen (I had almost 5 years in this program at one time) is quality is better.:25:

[sioux]

Qualifications that I looked at when selecting a sponsor is someone who has what I want, or has the experience of what I am embarking upon.

My current sponsor has strong experience in all the arenas of life that are important to me...a long healthy relationship, an undeniable spirituality that has seen her through a string of problems I expect I will encounter with children, bosses, employees, neighbors.

She has had 32 years to practice this program in all these area. That is why I picked her...because of the merits of her practice, her experience, her strength...that is my hope.

And she makes time for me. I am important to her. We work this program together. If she were not able to spend time with me, talk on the phone, take the steps and talk with me, I'd be looking to supplement this relationship as you describe, until I could settle on someone that had what I wanted, including the time to devote to the relationship. I have had sponsors that didn't have time, and not to their discredit either. It just happens for a multitude of reasons, the primary reason being am I willing to go to any length to stay sober today, including actively pursuing the journey of finding another sponsor.

I have had to let sponsees go because of time constraints. I find it better to be up front with them, and introduce them to people I know that they may consider potential sponsor candidates. Of course it is up to them, but I feel it is best to be up front with people in AA at all times. That is how I would want to be treated.

[skyhook]

...catch a man a fish and feed him for a day
teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime.

I think Sponsorship should be seasonal and part of the early stages of a Sponsee's recovery ( I mean healing :)). The early stages could last a few months or a lifetime; each must figure this out for themselves. Sponsor's who promote the lifetime achievment process/award aren't doing anyone a favor, except themselves.

Many Sponsors remain friends with Sponsees afterward, which can be a natural byproduct of their formal time together.

[BIG AL]

You could be working harder at 3months than someone at 23yrs.Why becouse you dont know.I wouldnt bet my sboriety on someone with 3 months.Come on lets get real someone with 23yrs sobriety got there for a reason becouse they already did what they guy at 3 months did.They have lived it.This is not complicated you work the steps with a sponsor and live the steps when we get some of our crazy ideas about life we call sponsor run it by them and see what they think.The big book also tells me to step up to the bar an try some controlled drinkking.Any takers on that.Might happen if you think that a bright light is going to part the sky everyday and give you tha answers to the living problems that stay with you even after you work the steps.God uses people.

[Joplinfrk]

I went through the steps during my first year and although I am grateful for that, I do think I went a little too fast. That said, my second year sober I'm focusing even more so on my emotional sobriety and really working those steps. I couldn't have done it alone though, but that's just me.

[bc69]

A Sponsor can continue to help us with "and practice these principles in all our affairs", but if we continue to co-depend with the Sponsor, we have stopped growing up.

Having a Sponsor helps put a lid on things, when a lid needs to be in place, and take it off, when things need to be served up ... but in the end, I take responsibility for any outcomes due to my actions, and am growing considerably "on my own".

I currently use friends in recovery to check things out with, especially the Gay Group of AA folks, as I trust them more than the general, oftentimes abusive, Lynchburg community.

Still cannot let justifiable anger and resentment turn into Self-Righteous Indignation, and start acting like the right-winged Christians are behaving around me and my city. They seem to have taken over one of the AA groups I attend ... and I am choosing to mostly just watch. Evidently they need to feel like they are in control. Whatever keeps them (Clean and) Sober ...

At least they haven't continued to quote passages from the "Big-ger Book" as they call it ...

[McGowdog]

...I do, I have a sponsor, she's just not available much of the time.

I know how you feel. I had a sponsor once... I think. There was a guy who said he'd be my sponsor about 5 years ago and he's denied it ever since.

[janbear]

I personally still have my sponsor after i worked the steps. Like dalin, my sponsor helps me with accountability. I was with her just the other day and she saw something in me i didnt and she called my attention to it and i did something about it. Thank God i am teachable. That is my personal experience.