Starryeyed
06-23-2009, 11:27 AM
It hasn't really been quite two days. It's only six-thirty in the morning, so there's a whole lot of minutes to go for this to be considered day two of not drinking.
Once again, I can feel the power of shame wearing thinner, the drinker in me repeating drinking-moral boosters like; you didn't kill anyone, the woman you pissed off wasn't really a friend, you did apologize, and if I do say so myself you did sound pathetically, very remorseful. And hey, you also said sorry to your host for treating his friend like a *****, unfortunate that he wasn't home(?) and you had to leave a message. Plus, you managed to ride your bike home, regardless of the unrecalled bruisesor any memories what so ever of leaving...
and lastly, you didn't wake up your husband and tear a strip off him like
you normally do... so cheer up! This too shall pass...
Yeah, that's what I'd like to tell myself. Next time will be much better, I won't drink till I black-out, I won't be verbally abusive, and I'll stick with lite beer, and no hard-stuff...
and yes, pigs will fly.
But today, I'll remember how good it used to feel to wake without any remorse or regrets. To wake with only minor ones, like forgetting to take the clothes out of the washer, or not picking up more milk, or coffee.
Regrets, I can smile a little at, instead of feeling the need to cry all the time. Yeah. remember how it felt to be sober, and not how hard it can be to stay that way. To not worry about next months staff barbeque and the hords of free liquor, or this Wednesday when your son comes home from Europe and your husband mentioned having a few beer with him as he tells us all about his trip. Nobody will miss you not drinking, quit telling yourself that. It leaves more for them, they don't mind, really...
Here's to one more day.
Starry:162:
Once again, I can feel the power of shame wearing thinner, the drinker in me repeating drinking-moral boosters like; you didn't kill anyone, the woman you pissed off wasn't really a friend, you did apologize, and if I do say so myself you did sound pathetically, very remorseful. And hey, you also said sorry to your host for treating his friend like a *****, unfortunate that he wasn't home(?) and you had to leave a message. Plus, you managed to ride your bike home, regardless of the unrecalled bruisesor any memories what so ever of leaving...
and lastly, you didn't wake up your husband and tear a strip off him like
you normally do... so cheer up! This too shall pass...
Yeah, that's what I'd like to tell myself. Next time will be much better, I won't drink till I black-out, I won't be verbally abusive, and I'll stick with lite beer, and no hard-stuff...
and yes, pigs will fly.
But today, I'll remember how good it used to feel to wake without any remorse or regrets. To wake with only minor ones, like forgetting to take the clothes out of the washer, or not picking up more milk, or coffee.
Regrets, I can smile a little at, instead of feeling the need to cry all the time. Yeah. remember how it felt to be sober, and not how hard it can be to stay that way. To not worry about next months staff barbeque and the hords of free liquor, or this Wednesday when your son comes home from Europe and your husband mentioned having a few beer with him as he tells us all about his trip. Nobody will miss you not drinking, quit telling yourself that. It leaves more for them, they don't mind, really...
Here's to one more day.
Starry:162: