Feeling uncomfortable around certain people

[mmarq56]

This lady comes to the meetings that I am attending and now she's coming to "my" meeting, I secretary a Thursday night speaker meeting, and she's just annoying ... when I make a mistake in announcements (misspeak something), she'll breath heavy and make faces, like she's hoping for me to make mistakes, she's whispering to whoever she's next to and sits right in front. No feeling of supportiveness from that one at all. I tried to look at other people that I know are my friends and that are supportive of me and want to see me do well as this meeting's secretary. I am attempting to rebuild this meeting as it has dwindled throughout the years. It is known for being the "oldest meeting" in our area and its called the "Pioneer's Speaker's Meeting". I just feel uncomfortable around this person, what should I do? I know -- what others say and do is a projection of their own reality and not mine but I still feel very uncomfortable around this person. I don't want to quit being secretary just because ONE person is hateful. :mad: Any suggestings???

[Leadfoot]

when I make a mistake in announcements (misspeak something), she'll breath heavy and make faces,
Tell her immediatley that if she has a problem with that she should put you in her first column and your human errors in her second column and she can she can figure out what it affects on her own time.

Then you can do the same thing.

[Jay Bee]

I can truly identify on what your talking about. In the beginning of my process , i could not understand how and why people disrupt the atmosphere in the meeting. Now, me coming around for sometime now....I was able to do a frist step: Having the understanding Im powerless over people, came to the understanding, that there are no BIG i and no little U in the program....We have members in a WE followship that are here for Image Time:15:: (meaning ) always think they know everything , always in the need for someone to see them, not saying they are not recovering, but the one's i've ran across, never work a step sense they been here. Now all I can do, is work my program to the best of my ability and pray for that individual, that they fine their program. This mite be something you dont want to hear, but it's the truth.POWERLESS !!!! We live by SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES today , some people dont understand that. You stay on your path to recovery and let that individual stay on the tracks, just sit back listen for the train whistle to blow. LOL to you and thanks for sharing:15:.

[Craig A.]

Well you know you can't control people, places, things, and situations. My first suggestion is to pray for her everyday for at least two weeks. What she is really saying is it sounds to me she is jealous of you some how or way. She does not know how to handle itso she is acting very unhealthy. I don't know about you but in my past I got on peoples nerves too, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not knowing it. I try to remember what my sponsor told me, everybody has a wound that they have ( alcoholism, defects ), some peolpe know how to properly ( in a healthy way ) heal their wound ( work the program, therapy, medication, whatever that individual needs to do ), while others don'thave a clue ie they put salt on their wounds which make it worse then they react unhealthy and aggressive ( sometimes passively aggressive too ). It truly is a shame that she is acting that way but trust me in private she traets herself that way too, so you are not alone.There are several ways you can handle this, first and foremost pray for her ( well being and anything you would pray for yourself ), second do a mini 4th step ( keep the focus on you, so you can see your triggers ), privately after the meeting talk to her ( this may not stop her but at least you will be taking care of yourself and standing up for yourself, you will be bringing this into the light, make a general annoucement about treating others in a respectful manner, or keep holding it in and keep that resentment fresh! Remember we are all humans and we fall short all the time we need to take care of ourselves and thriugh that process we mature and then we can handle situations that baffle us!These are the times when God blesses us to grow in His image and ways. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing, talking about it, asking for help, what a beautiful way of life we have. Remember one thing we treat others as we treat ourselves so image what she does to herself when no one else is looking ( pure torture, cause she can do nothing right ), I say this because I did the same thing and it is very painful, I finally openned up to my sponsor and he is guiding me to love myself!I hoped this rambiling helped God bless and take care!!!

[yukonm]

I can only share with you my experience. I also had one person in particular that kinda got my goat at the meetings. I prayed for him everyday and guess what!!!?? I changed. My attitude toward him and his actions changed. I realized that I cannot control what he does or how he thinks but I can decide how I want to react to him. Now I truly care for the guy and look forward to seeing him at the meetings. Prayer is a powerful tool.

[BIG AL]

Beat her at her own game.Tell her you are having a hard time learnning the ropes and was wondering if she has any suggestions about what you could do.Some times we have to humor folks.My mom use to say you get more flies with honey.It sounds funny but swallowing your pride and cutting her off and making her think she is in charge may be small price to pay for your peace of mind to rebuild a group that is going to save lives.Remember when we are trying to do things that are spiritual in nature like drag people out of the fire.The enemy will use others to try to stop us and tear us down.Dont l:Det it stop you momentum.I like this song I been hearring on k-love.It goes stand up stand up stand up stand up when its all crashing down.

[zoomie]

A few years back I had one lady cut me off in the middle of my speaking and tear me apart. I ran from the room I was so embarrassed. I got my sponcer and he told me to go back in the room that I earned my seat. (BTU this lady was my old sponcer and I fired her). Anyway, I went back into that room gave her a few choice words of my own and I kept attending meetings. A couple of years later she came up to me and made amends. I made amends too because I was resentful of her for a couple of years and snubbed her. I still feel uncomfortable around her and do not speak when she is around,but she has cancer now and is frail,so now I feel sorry for her. Too I was a smart ass when i first came in and had lots to say because I felt I was number one LOL. Now I know I'm just a small fish in a big pond and listion more than i speak. Maybe I needed to be a bit more humble,but I sure wish she would have takin me aside and talk to me instead of embarrass me. Maybe you should take this person aside and ask if you have do anything to offend her and thats why she makes faces. I would not do it in front of others because it could get embarrassing for you too.

[sioux]

I don't have a problem with people chewing me out to my face, it's the people behind me at the water cooler that freak me out the most. Why is that?

How do you even know it's about you to begin with? One of the first things I was told was to quit trying to read minds, body language, cues. My hypersensitivity was frequently wrong, and it was more about me and the importance I placed on what I thought others were thinking about, saying about me...me, me, me.

Sometimes they were talking about me. Mostly they were not. I'm just not that important is the sad truth.

[mmarq56]

Thank you ALL for your good input. I will follow all of your suggestions. I'm starting with praying for her. I saw her on Saturday and if LOOOKS could KIIIILLLLLL -- I'd be dead. Someone else told me to treat her like a sick friend and that's the attitude I'm taking towards her. Thanks again, I think I'm gonna make it ... I mean as secretary to this meeting. I have 4 months to go but I'm not counting...lol