Update

[SugarScars]

Hello, Everyone!!

I hope everyone is having a great day ... or has had a great day! I'm about ready to go to bed, but before I do, I wanted to jump on here and say "thanks" for all of your support and to give an update on recent events.

Oh, wow ... so much has happened!

Well, first, I ended up getting a raise. Why? Because I asked for one! I feel very proud of myself. I'm attempting to keep taking care of myself through the process of active manifestation. "Playing the tape out", if you will, to yield desirable results. So far, so good. There is still a lot of room for improvement, though. I'm still not 100% satisfied with my life at this point. For instance, I need to work on my novel, finish my artwork and brush up on my atrophied piano skills. Not to mention submit my poems to various competitions ... ah, *sigh*. Somehow I just lost my motivation for all of these things.

I'm down to 2.5 mgs per day for Suboxone, which is great, but it hasn't been a downhill ride. I also let my gym work-outs fall to the wayside, so I need to get motivated to take better care of my body. I'm still not smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol (with the exception of a few minor slip-ups when old friends have come to visit me) or doing any drugs other than Suboxone (I'm taking less per day than prescribed!).

Overall, life is pretty fantastic. I've cut down on my NA meeting attendance because I didn't feel like I was growing there anymore. My personal journey is taking me elsewhere. I was starting to feel stifled in meetings and ... honestly ... it just wasn't working for me anymore.

My sponsor, since day 1, has rarely ever returned my phone calls and I pretty much only ever talk to her voice machine.

I finally found a wonderful therapist that I can turn to in times of need and who can probably help me quite a lot ... I hope.

That's all, I think. Thank you for letting me share.

Love,
Sugar

[Rockin Big Daddy]

:162:Today's thought from Hazelden is: Learning new ways Once we make a connection with our Higher Power, the ongoing problem is to hold on to it. Repeatedly we slip into our old ways of thinking and behaving. If not curtailed, eventually these will lead us back to that first fix, pill, or drink. We need only a word, thought, or familiar situation to get caught up again in an old habit. We have to discover (and rediscover) that the old way of life has become impossible and the new one essential. We do this - and do it again - by praying, meditating, and working the Twelve Steps of recovery. Ask yourself - Am I living the program? Higher Power, help me avoid being smug and complacent in my new life. Remind me that old ways of living have become impossible for me. :1:

You are reading from the book:

[SugarScars]

Thanks, RockinBigDaddy. My higher power is Art and I'm trying to stay connected with it. I'm working on affirmations and visualizations to get me to that place of prayer in my mind where I am freely creating and in touch with myself and the universe. It's a beautiful thing.

I would work on the Twelve Steps, but my sponsor won't let me. In fact, I'm pretty sure that my sponsor hates me as I'm defying much of the didacticism she ascribes to. It just goes to show that you can't generalize, though. Life isn't black and white. As addicts, we tend to think only in black and white. We need to learn to see the shades of gray.

I would keep going to meetings, but many of the people there do not welcome me and punish me for feeling good about myself. It's a sad reality. Luckily, I'm learning to recover on my own.

Thank you for your support.