shydawg
07-11-2009, 01:36 PM
Relapse Doesn't Have to Mean Defeat
I came to my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting exactly ten years ago today. Since that time I have started my clean time over four times. I relapsed each time because I would set myself up by not talking about day-to-day problems. This would eventually cause enough stress and pain that I would either get injured or sick. Instead of dong what was suggested by other addicts, like letting someone else know I was taking a mood altering drug, I would get secretive and think I could control it. I realize today that I never fully surrendered and took a First Step. You would think after the second or third time I would figure out what I was doing wasn't working, but no, I would raise my hand in a meeting and be harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.
My new clean date is October 15, 1990, and this time I am doing something different. It was pointed out to me that my way was not working and maybe I should try someone else's way. I am in a "relapse prevention" program for a month and I am so grateful for the support of the friends I have made in the last ten years. Also, to my Higher Power, for giving me the willingness to take the First Step and surrender to this disease of addiction.
The most important things for me to do today are to share openly and honestly with my sponsor and the fellowship, and put my trust in God and remember I have a choice. I must remember not to "play God" and think I know what is best for me.
Today I can begin to break the cycle of relapse by following the spiritual principals of honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. The shame is not in relapsing, it is in relapsing and not coming back. Narcotics Anonymous is my family and I have other addicts in my life that love no matter want. Thank you family, for not allowing me to buy into defeat and to "keep coming back." P.E. California
Taken from The NA Way Magazine: January 1991
I came to my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting exactly ten years ago today. Since that time I have started my clean time over four times. I relapsed each time because I would set myself up by not talking about day-to-day problems. This would eventually cause enough stress and pain that I would either get injured or sick. Instead of dong what was suggested by other addicts, like letting someone else know I was taking a mood altering drug, I would get secretive and think I could control it. I realize today that I never fully surrendered and took a First Step. You would think after the second or third time I would figure out what I was doing wasn't working, but no, I would raise my hand in a meeting and be harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.
My new clean date is October 15, 1990, and this time I am doing something different. It was pointed out to me that my way was not working and maybe I should try someone else's way. I am in a "relapse prevention" program for a month and I am so grateful for the support of the friends I have made in the last ten years. Also, to my Higher Power, for giving me the willingness to take the First Step and surrender to this disease of addiction.
The most important things for me to do today are to share openly and honestly with my sponsor and the fellowship, and put my trust in God and remember I have a choice. I must remember not to "play God" and think I know what is best for me.
Today I can begin to break the cycle of relapse by following the spiritual principals of honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. The shame is not in relapsing, it is in relapsing and not coming back. Narcotics Anonymous is my family and I have other addicts in my life that love no matter want. Thank you family, for not allowing me to buy into defeat and to "keep coming back." P.E. California
Taken from The NA Way Magazine: January 1991