New and Want to RECOVER!!!

[rpnsandy]

:195:
Hi. My name is Sandy. I've been co-dependent my whole life but it seems to be getting worse and worse.
I've been with this guy for going on 5 years. I broke up with him a little over 2 years ago but never really left. We still talk almost everyday and are intimate now and again, I think we love each other. But our "relastionship" is far from healthy. I'm basically addicted to him, obsessed. And he's super distant and dosen't want to get close, which triggers my obsession and controlling and feelings of abandonment. But at the same time he dosen't want to let me go either. I try to stay away but feel such a compulsion that I Can't. I can't seem to be with him in a healthy balanced way either. I feel like I'm going crazy.

It seems to affect other areas of my life too. I basically feel crazy all the time. I have a lot of anxiety and feel angry and irritable. I kind of feel like I'm losing it. Is this normal?

I go to AA and have been in recovery there for a few years but right now this feels like the thing I need to focus on because it is totally controlling my life. i've been seeing a therapist too but I need more support, probably daily. I actually feel really anxious just writing this.

Please write me.
:162:Sandy

[skyhook]

Sandy,

The good news is that you remain the best equipped to assess your life and the dynamics of it. There is something incredibly empowering when we truly enter into responsible charge of our life.

Recovery reminds me of my son who is 23. Watching him grow into a caring and engaging young man has been quite a process. He is coming to a place in his life where he is beginning to embrace manhood, as he slowly (and sometimes reluctantly) releases the coping strategies he learned as a teen-ager or earlier.

He has found that these things don't really work for him today. As a man, he feels unarmed employing the same strategies he used as 16 yr. old. I relate so well to what he is going through. I recognize the courage it takes to loosen his grip on these things...things that hold him back from the new and exciting chapters of his life...pages yet to be turned.

I relate to it because, I know that it was not some magical, transcental moment that lead him here. It was simple angst and that nagging feeling that something is just not right; a freedom to acknowledge it even if it meant not really knowing what the next move is.

Watching him walk this out, I have noticed a pattern of him finding new ways of experiencing life (social changes, school, hobbies). Its not throwing a switch or instant, but it does give him better perspective and courge to begin letting go of yesterdays strategies...little by little.

Consider the rock climber. He too will go to any extreme to be sure that the extended hand hold above his head is secure and tested. This enables him to step up to the next foothold...with confidence. It is this process that he is able to leave the previously important foothold...behind him.

The fact that we're sweating it, just lets us know we're engaged and committed to the process.

Peace.

[Chewi]

Welcome and thanks for sharing! Look around and read some other posts. Have you also tried Al-Anon? Have you read "Co-Dependent No More?" I don't know a lot about this area, but know these can be starting points. Since you are in AA, you are already aware that this obsession is not healthy for you either. I hope you find the help and support you need.

[hummingbird]

The fact that we're sweating it, just lets us know we're engaged and committed to the process.

Peace.

Whew! I need to read that today.

When I'm stressed by other situations, the anxiety often gets triggered by my child. I tell him that it's "A Mom thing," not just me freaking out on him, LOL.

But at least I'm conscious of what it must sound like to him...And this week I was able to take a deep breath, exhale, and just try to let my child-focused anxiety go--to chill, in other words. Really helpful to get out of that familiar rut and try to let my "little one" get on with the job of growing up, heh. :29: