I Need To Stop Playing The Victim Role - Please Help!

[BuddyL33]

Over the past few years I have come to realize that I am extremely co-dependent. I favor the victim role in the drama triangle over all. I tend to drift to the victim when things in my life don't go the way I want them too.

Most recently it has really been effecting my marriage. So much so I am worried that my wife is near her wits end with me and we could wind up in divorce. This is something I really want to avoid so I am seeking out any and all resources I can to make the changes I need to myself so that I stop playing the victim.

I have come here because I feel I really need to talk about my problem and my wife is tired of talking about it. She pretty much won't talk about it with me anymore and says I need to help myself, so that's what I am trying to do.

I have noticed that when people make "you" statements towards me I really tend to victimize myself. Just the other day I was carrying around our new 13 week old baby and he threw up. My wife sighed loudly and instantly I went to the what the hell am I doing wrong mentality. It's like I am so afraid of being wrong and I hate it. I want to change so badly. I want to become a better person and I want to have the marriage my wife and I deserve.

If any of you have any suggestions for tools I can use to conquer this issue in my life. Thanks

[Chewi]

Thanks for sharing. I am not sure why you believe you are co-dependent. I ususally think of that as being someone who is co-dependent with someone who is dependent (addicted to) on alcohol or drugs. Maybe you just mean you need another person in order to be the victim yourself. There is an excellent book, called "Codependent No More." You also may want to try counseling, with or without your wife. Also, anyone with a new baby is under A LOT of stress.

I am no expert on this subject, but hope this helps a bit.

[BuddyL33]

Thanks for sharing. I am not sure why you believe you are co-dependent. I ususally think of that as being someone who is co-dependent with someone who is dependent (addicted to) on alcohol or drugs. Maybe you just mean you need another person in order to be the victim yourself. There is an excellent book, called "Codependent No More." You also may want to try counseling, with or without your wife. Also, anyone with a new baby is under A LOT of stress.

I am no expert on this subject, but hope this helps a bit.

Co-dependency is centered around the Drama Triangle. The three roles of the Drama Triangle are the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. Co-dependent people typically favor one or two roles over the other. I used to very much be the rescuer, but I seem to favor the victim role. As the victim I cause my wife a lot of stress and drain her of a lot of energy.

I may have to check out the book you are talking about. I understand what my problem is and am in no way denying that it exists. I simply need to get a handle on my brain so I stop gravitating into the Drama Triangle.