Advice please?

[Jill249]

I would love some advice please. I am just out of a totally codependent relationship of two and a half years. My temptation is to put myself in a situation where I will still be close to this person because I am so addicted I can't pull away. But I know I must make a break and the pain of that is unbelievably bad. If anyone can give me any advice at all I would be so grateful.

Jill

[Chewi]

You know you have to pull away and set up those boundaries and limitations, yet you want to avoid the pain of separation. Aren't you just setting yourself up for more and ongoing pain if you don't go ahead and pull away now?

Are you going or have you tried Al-Anon?--you can get a lot of help and support there. There is an excellent book, "Co-Dependent No More." Best of luck to you. Please continue to read and share.

[sayler]

Hey Jill I'm new also, and have a similar story many relationships that ended badly, yet I knew something was wrong, My most recent was a year and a half, and I came out feeling terrible about myself. I had the option of "becoming friends", but for myself I realized I have some work to do before I can even consider that. How am I dealing, I have immersed myself in making changes, read everything you can, if you have the means see someone about your problems, Work on yourself daily, and don't let yourself get distracted, it is worth taking a little time for yourself, to be able to have a healthier relationship in the future. As far as the becoming friends thing, When I feel completely over it, and can accept that friendship and be fine with it, then I will be ready, if they don't accept that I needed to take this time for myself, then I will be fine with that too. Be there for yourself, be a little selfish, be kind to yourself, build relationships outside of the romantic context.

Couple of good books,

Codependent No More - By Melody Beattie
The new Codependency - Melodie Beattie
Self Esteem - Matthew McKay


Start there if you want others just ask.

By the way, it takes a while, I feel better, after 3 months, I still have good days and bad days but the bad aren't as bad anymore.

Neal

[Jill249]

Chewi and Sayler thank you so much for your replies. Yes I am setting myself up for more pain to avoid this pain I know. Chewi will you please tell me more about Al-Anon? I need everything I can get right now.

Sayler thank you so much you are so right I need to take some time for me right now and the "friends" thing is something that has to be for the future, if ever.

Thank you both so much.

Jill

[Chewi]

Hi Jill,

I am in AA myself, though we all have some cross issues. Not sure if I should have recommended Al-Anon which is more for friends and family of alcoholics and addicts. There is also Codependents Anononymous for other codependent issues. They are 12-step support groups that provide help and support for people facing these problems. If you look at theFforums under "Friends and Family," you will find more info and links for these groups. There are www.codependents.org and www.alanon.org.

Hope this helps!