Newbie here

[catsum]

Good morning all. I have suspected for some time that I am co-dependant, and while in counseling for another matter, I mentioned it to my counselor. She handed me a book called "Choice Making" for co-dependents and adult children. She was looking for "Co-Dependant No More" but couldn't put her hands on it. While reading the book, the thought patterns of the co-dependant were me...OMG, it was like a lightbulb clicked on in my head. I am in a situation right now that is highly stressful and upsetting, and my thoughts have run the gamut of co-dependency. It's not just during this time that I've felt this way, it's been this way for years but is only now coming to light.
I've been thinking about why I am the way I am...I didn't grow up with alcholics or addicts, but my dad had always been physically and verbally abusive. When I was a teen, he would put me down and say I was fat (I wasn't) among other things. He remarried the spawn of the devil himself and she continued the verbal abuse. She WAS an alcoholic and would vent her drunken frustrations on me. I no longer have a relationship with either of them, and they thankfully took themselves to another state entirely. But the damage is done and I am left with rock bottom self esteem and feelings of inadequacy.
My current situation has not helped these feelings at all, so I am hoping that counseling combined with this forum will help me get better. Thanks for listening.

[yukonm]

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[hummingbird]

Hi Catsum,

I'm new to the forum as well, although have been in Family recovery for about 5-6 yrs.

It helped me to realize that many subsets of society train people to be this way, not just families...

Many "traditional" family structures, of course, have only one person (and possibly codependent/s) in charge--as opposed to the parents performing as a team (more or less--for example, I wouldn't say that pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding are quite "teamwork" LOL--but c'est la vie.)

Various religions/churches are notorious for encouraging codependence, etc.; as is the military...as are the Western public schools and hospitals based upon military-style organization. Its pervasiveness is part of what makes it hard to identify--does a fish know it's swimming in water...?

If you've never seen an amphibian (to extend the metaphor) would you even know there was an alternative to water-based life? (Ugh, now I'm thinking about those ugly predatory, bottom-feeding fish who live under so much pressure, in constant blackness at the bottom of the sea...There's a big, beautiful world out there, but they will never know it.)

Some of us, however, swim up towards the light...some find land...evolve...and eventually learn to fly....;)