on line Rage-aholic/ Rage-anon meetings

[rozspozs]

Hello Recovery Family,
I have been sober, clean, and a dedicated AA member for over 18 years. I just completed a Big Book Step Study, which directed a searching and fearless inventory right from the Big Book. My ignorance thought those questions merely rhetorical, and not my inventory focus for years. NOT!! As a result I am not longer able to avoid the fact that I was raised by a Raging Father, and am a type A Virgo, critical Rager myself. The more things I have been willing to have removed over the years have left anger as OBVIOUS, painful, and no longer a place to hide. I am looking for an on line meeting specifically for recovery of anger from both sides of the coin.
I have spent time working on anger before, BUT since I had never done a thorough house cleaning, it always came back with a vengence. The wound has to heal from the bottom up, I just plastered a band-aid on the top, a smile on my face, and believed that the roiling resentments would not seep through. I am ready to recover... could you point me in the right direction?

[Craig A.]

Thank you for sharing, I can relate. For this alcoholic/addict I need face to face contact, someone who can hold me accountable, someone I trust and can talk to, I need human contact on a regular basis, I love this site it has enhanced my sobriety! These steps work if we work them and they do become painful, but this is the pain of healing just like a wound would hurt until it heals! I am an andry person too, I was a rager I would blow up and attack at a moments notice, I would hold everything in and one day when it exploded hope that you weren't the person standing in front of me at that moment! I used anger as a wall to keep people from knowing the real me or lettting me see me! Here is something that helped me see through my anger, "anger was the car and fear was the engine that moved my car!" Anger was just the car something was moving it! Fear of losing something/somebody, of not getting what I want or some kind of fear! I'll get depressed and I see that, that is anger turned towards me. I need forgiveness and love sounds weak but those are the best tools when I am stuck in anger. When I do a 4th & 5th step with someone who has done them, we are able to discuss my behaviors and actions and see where they came from, then I can work on them and ask GOD for help to change them! When I read-- resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.B.B.p64, also heard people relate that I knew that was something to keep up front! I also need God in my life to work on myself what I mean by that is I have to be connected on a regurlar basis! I hoped this helped and God blees you on your journey!

[tharpa]

[FONT="Garamond"]hi Thanks for your post mentioning BB Step Study. I've done the steps that way and took 6 yrs on my 4th ..... most of that on resentment turn-arounds.
I had a lot of fears too, and they were very related-connected, as it turned out. Being a buddhist, I was afraid I'd never get the "God thing"as they say. But eventually, the actions of praying ( as best I could manage) and meditating ( as best I could manage) brought me into a wholly different focus about self & other.
Along the way I ran into the teachings of Shantideva, an 8th century monk, who wrote about "Patience as the Antidote to Anger". Trying to understand what he was talking about eventually seems to have taken affect. Like the fading away of "the Drink Obsession" I found my anger response to be coming up less and less frequently.
When I started using Trust and Reliance on God, TROG, to reduce/eliminate my fears, anger got less from those sources too.
I can give you the buddhist references if you want, here's one such:

oops they won't let me post a url ---- google: ( Berzin Shantideva Patience) should get you there real quick.:D

he also talks about such goodies as rejoicing when you spot your habitual reactions in the process of traking form in your mind. I find that stuff very very liberating. :29:

thanks again,
Tharpa

[tharpa]

(1) Whatever generosity,
Offerings to the Blissfully Gone (Buddhas) and the like,
And positive deeds I've amassed over thousands of eons -
One (moment of) hatred will devastate them all.

(2) As no negative force resembles anger,
And no trial resembles patience,
I shall therefore meditate on patience,
With effort and in various ways.

(3) When the thorn of anger lodges in my heart,
My mind doesn't feel any peace,
Doesn't gain any joy or pleasure,
Doesn't fall asleep, and becomes unstable.

Sounds uncomfortable to me!