Void

[carolmc]

A bit about me....im a chronic binge drinker goin from anything like 1 week to 7 mths without drinking.God knows hand on heart i have never tried to give up drinking honestly..I have 3 children and a grandson and im still searching for i dont know what....i have a house a job a car and reasonablly good health..........so what is wrong with me????:confused:what am i searching for???:confused:

Does anyone else understand the void i am talking about??:162: im still here and sober just short of 2 weeks now.

CarolMc

[sioux]

I can say that when booze was out of my life I felt like someone had taken away my best friend, my right leg, my mind bender, you name it, I felt lost, scared and alone. What was I searching for? Relief mostly.

I found some relief in reading the 12 x 12, going to the one meeting a week I could get to, talking every day to my sponsor and getting to know her and letting her get to know me, trying to keep food down. I'd give up on sleeping.

Great news though, I found hope in those two weeks turning into two weeks and one day, and one day more, and another day...I kept coming back.

The relief turned into only slight belief as I started in on taking steps 1, 2, 3 and working on taking 4 & 5. I had to do something...and I really had nothing to lose.

Keep coming back.

[BIG AL]

I can tell you I know about the void.It is (as the big book talks about)the sense of ease and comfort that comes at ounce with the first drink.We need to get that sense from somewhere else other than a drink or will will seek out the drink again for it.I dont remember what page that saying is on but maybe someone can help me with that.One thing I can tell you the drinking will continue and escalate till you have no house,job,etc.Its not about getting sober its about staying sober one day at a time.

[Chewi]

Congratulations on your almost two weeks!!!! Keep up the good work and keep coming back!

Yes, I agree, it is relief; it is that sense of ease and comfort. With an addictive personality, I am always seeking, too--if it is alcohol, I want more, chocolate, I want more, coffee, I want more, a good party, don't want it to end, looking at catalogs and stuff, looking at houses and floorplans etc., etc., and so on. I can obsess and overdo all these things.

I mistakenly used alcohol to help me cope with things. Then it became associated with everything. When I quit, I had to find another way to cope. The fellowship of AA and the tools it gives me helps me to cope without obsessing -- about alcohol and other things as well.

That relief and ease and comfort now comes from true serenity -- acceptance of the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Rather than obsessing over things and seeking things to make me feel better for a brief period, I try to seek this balance so I am on an even keel through all things. I also pray to try to stay in God's will. I also try to carry this message to others who suffer.

Not perfect yet by any means!!!! One day at a time, spritual progress, not perfection!

[yukonm]

I don't believe in coincidences. I read your thread earlier but couldn't find the words to respond to that feeling of emptiness. Later this evening I received an email from an online recovery friend. I'd like to share it with you here:

When we come into AA a "seed" is planted by God through the ones who have came before us. We come in tired and broken looking to fill a void. We may call the void hopelessness, depression, suicidal, and so on. A void that once was temporarily "filled" through drugs and alcohol, but they stopped working without consequence. We tried every imaginable way to fill that void until we finally admit defeat and walk into the rooms of AA. Fornutately for us, we find there is something that can and will fill that void without consequence but it takes willingness to do things we don't want to do, and may not believe will work for us.

Whether our ego blocks us from the truth on the surface, in our Hearts we realize the truth behind the message/seed being carried/planted by others. We may feel alone and hopeless believing no one knows what we've gone through, but when we hear others tell their story, a spark of hope is felt because we relate. We hear our own story through the lives of others who came before us. Right then and there the seed of hope is planted.

Unfortunately... the glimpse of hope isn't enough to keep us from returning to the insanity of believing we will be able to control it this time because we know better. So we may try again, and find out the truth for ourself that the void can no longer be filled by our own will. So once we are able to go through enough pain again, we put our pride to the side and walk back into AA with Willingness to do what it takes to fill that void. By the help of God through the ones who came before us, we are able to have that "seed" planted and through Honesty, Open-mindedess, and Willingness it begins to grow. So long as we feed and water the seed, the growth is immeasureable.

We find that the void is like the center piece of a puzzle. There's only one "piece" that will fit. We may try to force other pieces into the void in the center but they don't fit no matter how hard we try. We finally find the "piece" that fits...the God shaped piece, and it fills the void perfectly! The puzzle is now complete. Where once we felt empty on the inside, we begin to feel whole, complete. Where once there was confusion and madness, we feel an indescribable sense of Peace, Joy, and Love. The true beauty of it all is being able to be one of "The Ones Who Came Before Us". Being able to be a Channel of Gods Love and plant the seed in others. There is nothing more beautiful than that.

Hope this finds you all well!

God bless, love to all, Mike :) ..

[Rockin Big Daddy]

Footprints
by Margaret Powers

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scene from his life. He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him he noticed that many times there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it was at the very lowest times in his life.

He questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."