InRecovery40336
08-11-2009, 03:07 PM
I was so sick. "Sick and tired" of being sick and tired. I was ashamed and when I would try to quit, I would get so sick that I would use again to feel normal. I didn't understand how I let myself get to this point in my life. I was smart, well educated, career oriented, wife, mother, sister, child, friend, and now a new grandmother. I was tired of lying. I didn't like lying but had to so I could use. I didn't believe in stealing but basically that was what I was doing to support my habit. How much lower could I go? I wanted to be like people who were happy but not "high". How could I do it. I reached out and I found a state-funded Rehab Center. They couldn't get me in for a few weeks, would I change my mind before then? I showed up for check-in flying high. The first day wasn't very memorable because I wasn't dope sick yet. The second day was bad, the third worse. I wanted to go home. I didn't have to be there. I wasn't court-ordered, I didn't have child custody issues. I wasn't like those other addicts, I didn't use their drugs of choice and/or their method of delivery. I found out that we were alike. I needed to go home to use. Those other addicts helped save my life. They told me that they felt the same way and it would get better. They talked to me, held my hand when I cried and sometimes even made me laugh. I stayed and it did get easier. I remember waking up one day and feeling great, and guess what?, I wasn't high. It was the "pink cloud" phase and I loved it. I developed recovery skills in Rehab. I was hungry for knowledge on my disease and I wanted to beat it. My Recovery is now my responsibility. I am alive today and 8/6/2009 was my 9-month clean mark. I love being in Recovery. It isn't always easy but definitely a better way to live. I feel so good that I want others to know they can do it. If I can do it, anyone can.