Fear

[BIG AL]

I was thinking about when I first sobered up I was I think ya 32 yrs old a grown man big guy as I have said before but when I came home from treatment I was scared of everything.I rememeder didnt like to be at the house alone at night with the lights off and I was scared to go to work.Mainley I think becouse I was scared of people.Just fear stricken.Now almost 6 yrs later(september 28th) I find I still have lots of fear.It is not as bad but there.I think this is one of the main reasons I drank is becouse of the fear of it all.I found the drink and it was the secret to life.I could go places, do anything,and be around anybody I wanted becouse of the drink.I have been thinking about this latley becouse we are getting ready to fly to tennessee to vacation and I am scared to death of flying.My thing is I dont want to be old and gray look back and regreat not doings things in life becouse I was to scared(fear) of doing them.Like My company has family day coming up at Feista Texas wich is a park with big rides.I never go on the rides I take the little kids on the rides.I vollunter so I dont have to.But I want to do these things.I dont want to be stiflled.Am I the only one hear who has these problems or is it like that with all yall or some.

[flick]

Hi Al, I think it's quite common for addicts to have fears, often of themselves, and yes that is one of the big reasons why we drink, drug etc., to hide from those fears and to give us confidence, however it is false confidence.

I used to have fears of the dark, I used to fear knowing me, I used to have a huge fear of spiders.....I guess it's about facing those fears, FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, and Face Everything And Recover.

Do you have bad experiences with flight and those rides?.....is there a possible underlying mental health issue related to your fears?........I know when my depression gets bad I have a fear of crowded places and queues.

At the bottom of the fear factor is the need to "feel safe".....to believe that we will be ok. 6 years ago I moved out of the city to the country to hide from an ex, one who beat me severely and was incarcerated for his efforts.....it was the belief of the system that he would make every effort to retaliate towards me so I changed my name, moved and kept a very low profile when in the city for a long long time......I lived in fear of being found....carried a personal alarm on me and my mobile phone every time I walked out into the garden.....there was no way this guy would know where I now lived, but that fear was still with me.......I took all the steps necc to ensure the local police had me on their emergency call out if I contacted them and was notified everytime he moved suburbs by the parole boards.......

Once I began recovery and began to find who I am and rebuild confidence within I began to loose those fears......I hated the way I was living prior to that, always on edge, always looking over my shoulder, fear is very destructive!!!!!......

I guess it's like a toddler letting go of the "apron strings"....little by little, to explore things a little further on one's own.....it builds confidence......sure they might fall over and graze a knee, but knowing there is some security, sense of safeness (by way of a parent) there to return to then they get through........Next time they'll go out and maybe run that bit faster, that bit further, testing things out more......."baby steps", but take the steps Al, try one thing at a time, ........

btw I don't think being a bit concerned about those rides is such a bother, they make me awfully sick LOL LOL!!!

As for the flying there are places to do courses to overcome fear of flying......it too is a common fear.......and I guess for me the starting point would be to ask why do I fear this??.

Wish I could offer more......good luck bro.

[zoomie]

I too have a fear of flying and rides. I asked my doctor for xanax before my vacation,but never used it. I just held on to my husband's hand for the take off and landing. Talking about it is good and letting people know that your flying with the your uneasy with flying. I just went to the amusment park with my kids and I made myself go on rides,but passed up other rides. I did not use to be afraid of rides,but read someplace where people where hurt on rides and that did it for me LOL. I still sleep with the light on and it drives my husband crazy. Goes back to childhood when I use to have to keep an eye out for my mom's BF. He would always strike at night. Too many memories of bad things happening and death is a big fear of mine. Anyway if you could ask your doctor for a low dose of xanax before you fly (I use to drink my way through flights back in the day), pick and chose your rides. I'm afraid of hights too and we just went to the grand canion. I stayed out of harms way and did not get too close to the clifts LOL. The bus driver told us horror stories of people actually falling off the clifts that did nothing but increase my fears. See your not alone in your fears. I think we all have them.

[janbear]

Sometimes fear slips in. For me, its more about how i will handle that fear i am having at the time. Fear of people have lessened for me over time, but wont deny it creeps in occassionally. My own anger is something i fear based on past experiences but the 12-steps and God in my life give me tools to handle those feelings appropriately. So, i will and do have fears. I can obsess over them and let them prevent me from doing whats in front of me, which i've done, or i can use the spiritual principle of courage and move through it, which i've done also. So, Al, you are not alone brother.

[DaveH]

The only people I have met who had no fear, had other problems.......they were liars. Seriously everyone has fears, the program has helped teach me how to face my fears in an appropriate way without resorting to my old "solution".

For me I found that most of my fears had to do with one of two circumstances and sometimes a combination.First there was the unknown, something new; I just "knew" I was not going to like it. I dealt with that by making a decision to begin giving different things/activities a chance. I would often do those things with someone who had done them before which usually made me more comfortable.I was surprised to find out that I like doing alot of things that I would have never imagined, and it really opened up my world. The second big fear was the sense that I was not in control. The program taught me that my feelings of control were mostly an illusion anyway. And I learned to depend on my HP who IS in control.

There is nothing wrong with exercising caution and good judgement but I don't want it to get in the way of my living a full life. And I hope it doesn't get in your way either. Big Al, I sometimes wonder if guys like us have a more difficult time admitting our fears or are just more uncomfortable about them. I have got you beat in both categories ( height and weight) and I think that some folks expect us to be immune to such things. Fortunately these rooms are full of people who allow all of us to be human, admit our short comings and fears and begin growing.

That said it is perfectly fine to not enjoy roller coasters, but you might want to try one before you decide. And flying is stressful for most. I fly regularly and sort of got use to it but I remember my first flights. I always picked out a frequent flyer and watched their reaction. If they looked unconcerned at a bump or turbulence I followed their lead.

I hope you enjoy your vacation. Tennessee is a great state with alot of wonderful things to see and do.

Regards,
DaveH

[sioux]

Hey Big Al....Sioux here. Lots of fears on board, and I'm coming up on 18 years next month. Different fears I suppose. I always figured there were things I should be afraid of that I'm not, and things I'm afraid of that I shouldn't be. Sponsor helps me sort them out, figure out what's right and reasonable, what Steps I should be taking on the others. Most of my fears today don't even have names. Right now my greatest fear is going back to work if I were to ever get a job in the first place. Up until now my greatest fear had been not working. Go figure, but one things is for certain, my Creator gives me courage and strength to do another day, and another job search.

[boleon]

Courage is believing in a power greater than fear.

[Craig A.]

I still have fears, during my sobriety I realize the more I am in life or life in me is when I am aware of my fears. "have a more difficult time admitting our fears or are just more uncomfortable about them."-Dave H. said it good, my sponsor told me the same thing- the difference today is I can walk through them and not run and hide like before. Faith is going forward through the uncharted forest not turning around! Sounds to me like you are facing your fears but don't like the feeling of being afraid, I get that way too! I just remind my self what it says in the 12 & 12 on p. 65 " Since most of us... ---to p 66. after the 2nd paragraph " then where do we stand. " I also realize that as long as I am going on that roller coaster, airplane, or whatever is in front of me I see that fear is only in my head and it is not real it is just a feeling and for me an old tool I used to survive. I do like you do I talk about it and ask for help sometimes I know what I need to do but to be reaffirmed is helpful! You are conquering your fears, you are moving forward in life, just take a good look at yourself and all the evidence is there, we can enjoy life today and realize that fear is a human emotion to be felt not to be a guiding force. With the help from my Higher Power, the steps, and all of you people, life is worth living today- I hoped this helped and God Bless!!!