Relapsed Last night

[trocious]

I was 80 days clean about, and went to a concert with a friend. I saw some girls I used to kind of know so I started to talk and hang out with them. They had a bottle of sprite with vodka. I told them and myself I shouldn't and wouldn't have any, because a drug is a drug. And after all that my disease kicked in and told me that alcohol was legal so it was fine, just like cigarettes.

At this point I took 2 swigs. Just for a little buzz and to see if I could limit myself enough to not drink a lot. Then it was 4. By this point I said **** it, no one can drug test me for alcohol so I might as well get smashed. So I started drinking like the alcoholic I am. I didn't plan on smoking at all, because I have to take a drug test soon. But sure enough, I smoked a bunch of weed too.

Don't know what the hell happened.. I told myself before the concert that I don't even enjoy weed (and I didn't!!). But I still did it anyways...

What to do?

Is it moral to get clean (i.e. drug test passable) and just take like 2 days off my time in recovery? I still need to get my 90 days keytag. I just feel like one night of drinking and smoking a little shouldn't discount me from it..

[sonia n]

Hi Trocious,

So sad to hear about your relapse yesterday:sad:, I pray :195: that you do not go back out to use today and keep it green. Listen honestly you relapsed there is no taking a couple of days off and use when you are in recovery. Recovery is an honest program and all about change. If you want to get a coin go for your 24 hour coin. I will pray for you!!!!

[zoomie]

I agree with the above. In any program of the 12 steps you have to start over. It's hard I know I'v been there,but make these next 90 days the most important ones of your life!

[Jay Bee]

I pray :195:for you also and everybody that's working the program will tell you, the same way Sonia said. Also this is a program for people who want this, if it was a program for people who need this , they would be having meetings in stadiums. The 8 suggestion is a guarantee you wont use, the program teaches us , WE call before WE fall. Many times in our recovery the old bugaboos will haunt us. Life may again become meaningless, monotonous and boring. WE may tire mentally in repeating our new ideas and tire physically in our new activities, yet WE fail to repeat them WE will surely take up our old practices....To improve ourselfs take effort, and since there is no way in the world to graft a new idea on a closed mind, an opening must be made somehow.... WE don't recover overnight. when WE realize that WE have made a bad decision or bad judgment, our inclination is to rationalize it, ( CHAPTER SEVEN, BASIC TEXT). It's time for you to reflect on what YOU can do different this time. LOL to you and everybody else thats in the storm.

[sioux]

Rationalization, our ancient enemy, can keep me stuck in my insanity.

It is called "continuous sobriety" for a reason.

Personally, I have to live with myself, and that's where my honesty begins.

[Chewi]

Sorry that you relapsed. Glad you came here and were honest about it! I had some serious relapse problems in the past year and a half, after having nearly two years sober. I now have six weeks, and that is precious to me because it is continuous time.

You learned something--you find a weak spot--hopefully you won't let it happen again.

Keep going on, one day at a time. You can do it and you can be stronger this time!

[BIG AL]

Man you in the right spot you got that alcholic mind.If you had any doubts about being and alky that post should have answered.We think alike.You have some pride in there that can kill you.Suck it up go get your 24 hour chip and start over.I have had to do that so many times its not even funny.Hang in there .One thing I want to mention is if you go back to a meeting and let therm know.Dont let someone tell you relapse is part of recovery becouse it is not.Relapse is part of your disease.If you dont let them know you drank and you get that 90 day chip you WILL DRINK AGAIN.

[Rockin Big Daddy]

The First Drink

The first thing I learned that day was that if I never took another drink
I would never have another problem with alcohol. . .
I had never thought about the first drink.
I had schemed and stolen drinks, but it was never the first one.
And here I had a very simple problem -- one drink,
and that's all I was able to understand.
- Experience, Strength and Hope, p. 216

Thought to Ponder . . .
The first drink has the last say.:sad:

[Chiperdean]

I do agree with BIG AL with what he said. I have people around me, trying to be understanding, and tell me that if I relapse it is ok, it is part of the recovery. I agree that it is part of the disease and not recovery. I sometimes sit back and think to myself, "Hey, everyone around me understands that people relapse so if I did, then I could get smashed and the next day I could come to and tell everyone that I did it and it won't happen again". This is in no way what I feel you went through, just what I start thinking. (I am not really good with words so I will sometimes try to explain myself more so I don't sound like I am telling people their thoughts). I get this thought about once every 2 weeks or so.

Trocious, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Life gets better.

Shane