boleon
08-22-2009, 05:18 PM
One pair of words that appear to be identical labels for the same behavior are courtesy and benevolence. Both are acts of good will and are virtually indistinguishable from an outside perspective. The only difference between the two is a subtle degree of intention.
Imagine the case of two nurses working in the same hospital doing the same job. Lets call them nurse A and nurse B. Nurse A is smart, efficient and courteous. The hospital administrators praise her and wish they had an entire staff of nurses just like her.
She greets her patients with a smile and always acts courteous and professional in their presence. Because she is a very efficient professional doing an important job she is careful not to let any of her patients slow her down with idle chitchat or monopolize her time with trivial requests. She respects her patients but she does not particularly like them. Nurse A takes great pride in her work and believes that she is giving her patients the finest possible medical care. She is happy with her job because she expects to get many pay raises and promotions in the future.
Now lets take a look at Nurse B. She is of average intelligence but sometimes makes mistakes. She is good at taking care of her patients but frequently gets behind schedule because she engages in long chats with her patients. The hospital administrators recognize that she truly cares about her patients but they are frequently disappointed with her performance in terms of patients attended per hour. Nurse B views her work as a vocation more than as a profession so is willing to put patients ahead of pay raises. Nurse B gets much joy from doing her job because she feels that she is giving her patients tender loving care and doing work the for the greater good of mankind.
Both of these nurses are good at their jobs and both do meet the minimum requirements for the definition of courtesy and benevolence. But let us look to see if they both are exhibiting altruistic behavior. Mother Teresa once said, “It is not what you do but how much love you do it with that counts”. Judging by this standard Nurse A meets the minimum requirement for courtesy but fails to meet the minimum for what Mother Teresa would have considered benevolence. That is “acts of good will”. Courtesy without love is merely acting or what is known as perfunctory behavior (going through the motions). Just as faith without works is dead, works without love is morally destitute.
So how can this story be applied to a person’s strength of recovery from substance addition? The answer lies in the power of intention. Nurse B received a sense of joy and satisfaction from her work even when her boss failed to compliment or reward her. This sense of accomplishment will not likely fade over time because it was solely based on her effort and completely detached from material results. Nurse A was happy for a short period of time but it was contingent on receiving periodic pay raises and promotions.
One late pay raise or missed promotion could rob her of her optimism and cause her to give up her profession.
Here again is a pair of words, which are often mistaken for being equivalent nouns. Happiness and joy are both quit similar in that they are feelings of intense gratification. While joy is a type of happiness, it is different in a very subtle way, which can best be described as a nuance because it is almost imperceptible. Joy has a special meaning in spiritually. It is the happiness one feels specifically when giving, helping or inspiring others. In other words, happiness is singular where joy is plural. Joy can only be experienced when shared with another person, group or pet. There is even a bigger benefit from joy compared to happiness that the recovering addict can take advantage of. Where happiness has an elusive quality that can be difficult if not impossible to find in the course of a typical day. Joy on the other hand is readily available to anyone living with other people or living with a pet. Holding a door for a stranger, saying please and thank-you with meaning, even petting a dog or giving a dollar to someone in need can sometimes be enough to trigger a felling of joy in us. (See Mother Teresa’s quote).
Happiness also has a fleeting nature to it and comes and goes relatively quickly. On the plus side, happiness has the advantage of being a source of immediate gratification, but like a flashbulb, burns out in a flash. Joy, on the other hand, does not bring immediate gratification but when the good feeling does arrive, it lasts much longer. It is more like a candle that gives of a dull glow but lasts all night.
For the person who has no drug addition problem, joy may be entirely optional in life simply because they don’t need to take refuge in a chemical substance. However, for someone in recovery joy plays a powerful role in his or her long-term recovery. It helps fill the void that was in their life before using and returned when they became abstinent.
The main purpose of a good 12-step program is to provide lessons and exercises designed to teach a whole new way of living. Typically the first 9 steps are spiritual lessons to be performed only once, to learn spiritual principles, followed by three periodic exercises designed to help maintain spiritual fitness. The overall goal of a spiritual 12 step program can usually found in the last step where it states, “practice these principles in all our affairs”
The word practice implies action. The word principles implies attitudes or rules to live by. The phrase “in all our affairs” implies perfection, or at least striving for perfection. This may sound like bad news to us mere mortals but the good news is that we need only to strive for perfection. Remember, “We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection”. All we need to do really is take advantage of the opportunities that come our way. We need not be perfect. We supply the effort, God supplies the results (detachment). This means more good news, there is no need for us to be super-men in the spiritual realm. Mother Teresa is also known to have said; “There are no small acts of kindness in Gods Eyes”.
Imagine the case of two nurses working in the same hospital doing the same job. Lets call them nurse A and nurse B. Nurse A is smart, efficient and courteous. The hospital administrators praise her and wish they had an entire staff of nurses just like her.
She greets her patients with a smile and always acts courteous and professional in their presence. Because she is a very efficient professional doing an important job she is careful not to let any of her patients slow her down with idle chitchat or monopolize her time with trivial requests. She respects her patients but she does not particularly like them. Nurse A takes great pride in her work and believes that she is giving her patients the finest possible medical care. She is happy with her job because she expects to get many pay raises and promotions in the future.
Now lets take a look at Nurse B. She is of average intelligence but sometimes makes mistakes. She is good at taking care of her patients but frequently gets behind schedule because she engages in long chats with her patients. The hospital administrators recognize that she truly cares about her patients but they are frequently disappointed with her performance in terms of patients attended per hour. Nurse B views her work as a vocation more than as a profession so is willing to put patients ahead of pay raises. Nurse B gets much joy from doing her job because she feels that she is giving her patients tender loving care and doing work the for the greater good of mankind.
Both of these nurses are good at their jobs and both do meet the minimum requirements for the definition of courtesy and benevolence. But let us look to see if they both are exhibiting altruistic behavior. Mother Teresa once said, “It is not what you do but how much love you do it with that counts”. Judging by this standard Nurse A meets the minimum requirement for courtesy but fails to meet the minimum for what Mother Teresa would have considered benevolence. That is “acts of good will”. Courtesy without love is merely acting or what is known as perfunctory behavior (going through the motions). Just as faith without works is dead, works without love is morally destitute.
So how can this story be applied to a person’s strength of recovery from substance addition? The answer lies in the power of intention. Nurse B received a sense of joy and satisfaction from her work even when her boss failed to compliment or reward her. This sense of accomplishment will not likely fade over time because it was solely based on her effort and completely detached from material results. Nurse A was happy for a short period of time but it was contingent on receiving periodic pay raises and promotions.
One late pay raise or missed promotion could rob her of her optimism and cause her to give up her profession.
Here again is a pair of words, which are often mistaken for being equivalent nouns. Happiness and joy are both quit similar in that they are feelings of intense gratification. While joy is a type of happiness, it is different in a very subtle way, which can best be described as a nuance because it is almost imperceptible. Joy has a special meaning in spiritually. It is the happiness one feels specifically when giving, helping or inspiring others. In other words, happiness is singular where joy is plural. Joy can only be experienced when shared with another person, group or pet. There is even a bigger benefit from joy compared to happiness that the recovering addict can take advantage of. Where happiness has an elusive quality that can be difficult if not impossible to find in the course of a typical day. Joy on the other hand is readily available to anyone living with other people or living with a pet. Holding a door for a stranger, saying please and thank-you with meaning, even petting a dog or giving a dollar to someone in need can sometimes be enough to trigger a felling of joy in us. (See Mother Teresa’s quote).
Happiness also has a fleeting nature to it and comes and goes relatively quickly. On the plus side, happiness has the advantage of being a source of immediate gratification, but like a flashbulb, burns out in a flash. Joy, on the other hand, does not bring immediate gratification but when the good feeling does arrive, it lasts much longer. It is more like a candle that gives of a dull glow but lasts all night.
For the person who has no drug addition problem, joy may be entirely optional in life simply because they don’t need to take refuge in a chemical substance. However, for someone in recovery joy plays a powerful role in his or her long-term recovery. It helps fill the void that was in their life before using and returned when they became abstinent.
The main purpose of a good 12-step program is to provide lessons and exercises designed to teach a whole new way of living. Typically the first 9 steps are spiritual lessons to be performed only once, to learn spiritual principles, followed by three periodic exercises designed to help maintain spiritual fitness. The overall goal of a spiritual 12 step program can usually found in the last step where it states, “practice these principles in all our affairs”
The word practice implies action. The word principles implies attitudes or rules to live by. The phrase “in all our affairs” implies perfection, or at least striving for perfection. This may sound like bad news to us mere mortals but the good news is that we need only to strive for perfection. Remember, “We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection”. All we need to do really is take advantage of the opportunities that come our way. We need not be perfect. We supply the effort, God supplies the results (detachment). This means more good news, there is no need for us to be super-men in the spiritual realm. Mother Teresa is also known to have said; “There are no small acts of kindness in Gods Eyes”.