Moving on in sponsorship

[Jay Bee]

I've made alot of decisions sense i came into recovery, but the toughess and heart felt decision is to move on in sponsorship. I network with alot of men & women in the fellowship, but my sponsor help me with the uderstanding about finding my program. Now it's hard to get in contact with him, i call and leve messages, even go to where he's at sometimes, he say's right now is'nt time, it's been 4 months, when is it going to be the right time. Im starting to feel like im stuck, also his sponsor told me he don't even call him, now im really going into my head, wow that's not him. I understand, that he's is human, and maybe he has alot going on, but sponsorship is a two way street, i feel he should let me know what's going on with him, IT"S BEEN 4 MONTHS, WOW. MY QUESTION is: DO you think it's time to move on, or should i stick and stay ?:21:

[yukonm]

Hi Jay Bee,
Have you mentioned to your sponsor that you are not getting what you need from him? You already know that your recovery is your responsibility and if you need to get another sponsor to move forward with your recovery then that's what you should do. For me, stuck is not a good place to be in recovery. As a matter of fact, I am never stuck......if I'm not moving forward (even itsy-bitsy steps) then I'm slipping backwards. Of course, always pray and meditate and ask for God's guidance and let your current sponsor know that you are seeking another sponsor and why. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[BIG AL]

Jay Bee I like you.I think you got a good head on you shoulders for sobriety.You have helped me a whole bunch.In my opinion it sounds like you are puttting to much stake in your sponsor,Your sobriety doesnt rest in him its is based on your spiritual condition.I would say give him some time.You are exact in saying he is human.To many peopel(including myself )are willing to jump ship on a man if you dont extract what we need from them.Maybe what he needs is some unconditional love from you if he is hurting.Me and my sponsor are freinds wich means something to me now that I am sober.I learned that through good times and bad we are there for each other.Not becouse he has dope or beer like I did when using.Love never fails bro.Love him through this and you will come out a better man becouse of this.I doubt very seriously you will drink in the meen time you ar pretty stabile it seems to me.See what comes of it.I know it hurts when you are having a hard time and on top of that people start to walk away like when they did to us when we were drinking.If it doesnt work out later on you gave your best shot.one thing I can tell you a investment in people yeilds a high return for you bro.Give it more thought.

[dalin]

Pray about it.
Give the man a break,but do keep your options open.
Network,reach out and stretch your recovery.
Pray.

[Rayzilla]

Jay Bee,
Pray on it ask your higher power for an answer just remember you can switch sponsors and your sobriety comes first

[skyhook]

Jay Bee,

After you have prayed and thought it over, take him to lunch and speak freely of the things that concern you. Identify those things that are affecting you or ways you have been disappointed in the relationship.

Lay it out in non-judgmental way, and get his input on everything. Fairness would argue he needs a chance to hear your side. You all agreed to certain conditions going in, and you certainly should be able to do the same now... either regrouping or going respectfully in different directions.

Once you've prayed and had the meeting, I believe you will get better insight on how to proceed.

Peace.

[yukonm]

Hi Jay Bee,
After reading eveyone else's responses, I too agree that you should pray and then talk it over with your sponsor before making a decision. As I don't have any experience with this my first reply was totally based on emotion. I know with God's direction you will come to the correct decison. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

[Jay Bee]

Hello my cyber famliy, Thank you all for your feedback, I needed to hear someone else's take on my dilemma. I've prayed to get a better understanding, i've ask GOD for a tea spoon of his grace and mercy, to help me with me. Recovery happens in the moment for me, and you all have giving me and answer i've been searching for. Agin thank you all:15:, My sponsor and I will have a sit down tomorrow (YES), and i did'nt say anything to him about what i was thinking on doing. He apologize, and said, let's get up to date with my stepwork,:153:, now that's the power of prayer, that's GOD working in our life's, and ALL I HAD ASK FOR WAS JUST A TEA SPOON FULL OF!!!

[BIG AL]

You are a good man bro.

[Jay Bee]

Thank you bro., you are too, CONGRATS:85:...

[skyhook]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXsj8wg9D4o&feature=PlayList&p=00E07216F2AC7C86&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2

[Jay Bee]

:153::eek:, Skyhook, Im happy right where I am at:15:. Thank for the option, but I PASS.

[BIG AL]

Now thats funny I think I would rather have my sponsor to.

[skyhook]

Now thats funny I think I would rather have my sponsor to.

Happy 6 years Big Al !

[sioux]

Whatever you decide, great, but I want to share something I heard in a meeting last week that I thought was really interesting. The man had 30+ years of recovery and he said "I have the best sponsor in the world. Everyone should get the best sponsor they can possibly get. If you don't have what you call a good sponsor, find the best one possible and don't look back!" Yes, enthusiastically, he said that. I actually have what I call "the best sponsor in the world" in my opinion because the relationship meets my needs. If I didn't, I'd take this man's advice and find the best one I could get.

[Jay Bee]

Thank you all, for your support & replys. I will stay with mysponsor, because HE IS THE BEST PERSON FOR ME. WE are just alike, he help's me, and he say's I help's him. We both learn a valuable lession about each other, WE ARE NOT: complete; nor free from faults, or nor we well-suited. I am happy to say WE came to an understanding, WE are here for each other, So I put him, ON A 90 IN 90, and call me for 30 DAYS, guest what, HE said the same thing too ME:15:. I LOVE MY SPONSOR, YES I DO!!! They say WE all get a turn, i guest this was one of mine:eek:. I Thank GOD and all of you, and other's help me to stop running, because when i run, I never know when the race is over. Thank you for allowing me to share.

[boleon]

... Now it's hard to get in contact with him, i call and leve messages, even go to where he's at sometimes, he say's right now is'nt time...


This alone tells me he is not a good sponsor. Even if he is good at everything else, you need someone who is "there when you need them".

[Jay Bee]

This alone tells me he is not a good sponsor. Even if he is good at everything else, you need someone who is "there when you need them". You have the right to your opinion, only because i did ask the question, and this is an open form. NOW, my response to your answer is: He is human, We are not perfect, sometimes we as humans put others humans on a high PEDESTAL, looking up at them as if they dont have nothing going on wrong in their lives. Im not saying he's right for the words he use or his action, But in RECOVERY we look for the Solution. The solution for me was to pray, then put some action behind it!!! I can NOT find a solution if im running!!!

[sioux]

Just so you know Jay-B this was such and interesting post to me that we shared about sponsorship in my homegroup yesterday and it was one of the best meetings we have had in a very long time down there.

We sure can get off the beaten path at times in meetings and in general I suppose, so this basic suggestion really lead to some interesting discussion, most of which was positive.

One thing I gathered overall from the meeting was this: people that have solid working relationships with their sponsors have solid working relationships with their Creators, and stay sober and grounded in emotional sobriety.

Those that didn't, couldn't, wouldn't, had a really hard time looking at and making the connection to their sporatic bouts of sobriety. It was quite an awareness moment.

[sonia n]

Hi Jay Bee, :17:

I am glad that you are going to meet with him and discuss with him your concerns see if this situation can be worked out. But I also have to be honest and tell you that you calling him and reaching out with no response is not good :sad:. We all go through things in life and it is nice when you can be able to reach out to your sponsor and talk, do your step work and meet up at meetings sometimes. I am not saying for you to turn your back on him but also keep in mind that this is your recovery. Keep in mind if things do not change you need to move on. DO NOT WAIT ANOTHER FOUR MONTHS

I work in the field and I have seen some things with sponsorship that is not cool and what I tell my girls when they call their sponsors and do not get a response they need to talk to them or see you later. I have been asked to sponsor and I tell them point blank I can be your temporary sponsor if I am overwhelmed and have alot going on. Having a sponsor very important in this process of recovery. Part of recovery is working our steps.... This is a :42: program. WE CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE!!!!!

I :195: everything works out!!!

Sonia :169:

[Jay Bee]

Back here to give a update, and a new solution. I really had to take a look at the whole picture, you see , I had to get in touch with what's really going on. Im not talking about with him, im talking about me, why i really dont, when i should move on. Yesterday was rough for me, the job where i work had layoffs early in the morning, and i was one along with the other five that got it, and i was ****up, I call him and did'nt get and answer, went to a meeting, and share on burning desire, he came in when im sharing about what happen, then he say's , THAT WHEN YOU SHOULD CALL!!! I lost it, Character Defects made BAIL:mad:!!! (Enough is Enough), The Solution: Yesterday meditation smack me right in face:15:: (Feet of clay) "One of the biggest stumbling blocks to recovery seems to be placing unrealistic expectations on...others." Wow, that my wake up call:15:. It's time ,my recovery is important to me, and it is my responsibility, to put one foot in front of the other, it time to move on. :cool:LOOKIN FOR A SPONSOR!!!

[yukonm]

Hi Jay Bee,
I will pray that God sends you a new sponsor soon. You know when enough is enough and you gave him an opportunity. Good for you to take care of your needs. I don't have to remind you that prayer is our most powerful tool.

[sioux]

You are wise to allow yourself and your life to come to it's own conclusions. I suspect you are very solution oriented.

I need a sponsor that is going to call me back within an hour if necessary and I've been doing this for awhile. Romance and finance...you never know when you are going to entertain a drink over these two things and everything in between.

I don't think your character defects got you into trouble; they got you motivated to get out of trouble.

Now find the BEST SPONSOR IN THE WORLD....yes, state your expectations and find someone who can and will meet them.

[BIG AL]

Bummer Jay.You gave it your best shot.I am sure god will direct you to a new sponsor.You can walk away with your head up that you didnt give up.Sometimes people are in our lives for but a season.And yalls is over.

[DaveH]

Jay Bee,
My life is always made a bit easier when God reveals to me in a direct way what I should be doing. It sounds like your HP used the direct approach for you too. It has always helped me move on with confidence knowing that I am in God's will. I trust it will be the same for you. I agree whole heartedly with Big Al's observation regarding seasons; sometimes folks are there for a season or for one specific purpose.

I look forward to reading who God puts in your life. Enjoy the journey as your HP reveals the next "right thing".

Blessings,
DaveH

[Jay Bee]

Hello Family, Agin i have to thank all of you's, that gave me some insight on my dilemma about sponsorship. I been doing some traveling to different meetings, and two other states, seeking a sponsor. I have talk to some men, that told me they would, BUT, here's the thing, Everybody sounding too good in the rooms today, and I believe thats how i got trap off the frist time, by asking him to sponsor me because he sounded good. Im going to continue to pray to the GOD of my understanding for some Guildance!!! Agin I thank GOD, and all of you for the direction:15:(((BIG HUGS)))

[Jay Bee]

I have a sponsor, his a no non-sense dude.... He has 22 years clean, he has work all 12 steps 4 times. I believe GOD put him in my path, and now i must start the work from the beginning, starting from the SYMBOL OF NA, and this is something different....I like different today :15:. I thank GOD for putting this man on my path, and (((HUGGS))) to everybody here ! I will pray that I will never have to return to this Thread :195:.

[BIG AL]

Its cool to be teachable.Good to hear bro.God is great.

[yukonm]

I am happy to hear that you have a new sponsor.

[sioux]

Things are about to get different, yet again, and I am happy for you. Of course your Creator would put someone in your life Jaybee, because you are seeking to stay the course.