why cant i go on to recover?

[patrickst78]

:195::195:Hi my name is Patrick. i been struggling w/ opiates for years. I found myself at wits end many times. When ive hit a bottom or burned bridges and understand its time to stop, i get that part. My problem is after i begin to sober up and a few pieces of my life fuse back together, that when i either sabotage or freak from the unkown. What should i do to avoid tthis lapse in recovery that i always hit after 90days :11:

[Rocket2d4]

It's alot more common than you think. Poeple use recovery
as a revoling door. Detox the body enough to go out of
mess it up again.
Until you get sick and tired of be sick and tired of this cycle
Not until then, you might let go and surrender...

I used to be able to stopped drinking and using for a couple of
months on my own without a living program.

Somewhere in my thick skull, I new recovery ment that
I wasn't going to get high again for the rest of my life.
Yet, I didn't understand addictions or alcoholism.
I had to study recovery alot harder than any college classes
I attended. All the recovery books are bascailly TEXT BOOKS
of a LIVING PROGRAM for a person like me.
Not did i only had to study it. I had to apply it into my life.

Here's a miss conception about the 12 steps for most new comers.
It's a LIVING PROGRAM not a how to stop getting high program.

Maybe you're starting to understrand the concept that you're
powerless over addictions and will power will only gets you so far.

Maybe you might grasp "doing the samething over and over
again and expecting a different result is insanity"

Maybe you're starting to comprehend how hard it is when I
say "don't pick up no matter what"....
That includes people dying on me, relationship break ups,
unemployment, screaming bosses, promotions, or dating.
Whether life gets better or suck ass, don't pick up no matter what.
Hello???...I just didn't used when life sucked ass...
I got totally shiet face on my wedding night and honey moon.
I got really, really wack out of my mind when I went through a deviorce.
Let get honest shell we....I used no matter what. I used just because
it was a Tuseday.

Maybe you might understand when some people say
"hang on to your ass". "Recovery is not for the fainth of hearts"

Maybe you might understand when people say...
"reservations"

Maybe you might understand Accepting that you're an addict
and can not use successfully and you're not cured.

maybe you might understand why people work their steps,
face their fears, work on thier issues, get a sponsor and still
attend meeting after decades and decades of clean time or
recovery under thier belts.

Maybe you might have a deeper unstanding why people
say that they are grateful today that they didn't have to
pick up...even if they have decades of clean time or program.

Maybe you might understand..that I'm truely grateful from
the bottom of my heart that you posted this.
That you save my ass for sharing your experience.

I needed to be reminded all the time. Drinking
and using totally sucks ass. I rather hear you ramble
for an hour in a meeting then to use again.
I don't want to suffer the freanken truama. I might not ever get clean
or staty clean again. Even if I feel some meetings are totally freaken
retarded and I get sick and tired of recovery talk or drunk alogs.

By the grace of god there go I....

Y???...I'm an addict. I love to get F-up.
I hate the freaken consequences, chaos, dramma that comes
with getting f-up.

Even thou I've accepted that fact that I can't use successfully.
I'm either insane, retarded, or have short terms memories when
it comes to chaos and wreackage of getting high...

Here's my answer for me...becuase I want recovery.
I want it more than I want to get high.
I want to stay clean and sober more than anything in my life...

[Will W]

90 days is a rough one. I made it to 90 days and went back out more than once. NOT RECOMMENDED PROCEDURE !!!
I finally surrendered I mean really surrendered . By surrendering to myself and giving up all self will, meaning I can't do this my way, I made it past that point and beyond.
I did 90 in 90. Going to meetings I didn't want to go to. Going to meetings I liked whatever I just made sure I went to a meeting everyday.
I listened, I did not share more than my name for 30 days I would recomend 90 because I realized I knew nothing. I asked questions after the meeting. I learned. I got a sponsor and called him everyday even though he would piss me off by telling me the truth.
I started working the steps from the stepworking guide with my sponsor,taking my time, doing a thorough job. Being honest.
I guess I had to be desperate enough to be willing to do whatever it took no matter what, and I'm glad I did.
Sounds harder than it really was and I still use what I learned back then today in everyday life.
Don't give up you can do it!
I'll pass along the best advice I ever have heard; KEEP COMMIN' BACK !!!

[zoomie]

Welcome back! A lot of good advice has alread been said,but what helped me most was taking it a day at a time. I use to pop speed pills when I was younger. I did go to a rehab back then and it helped me from picking up drugs again. I was afraid that I would have a heart attack if I took any type of speed. I did however go back out and drink after a number of years, for many years. Once I realized I had to stop, people from another site suggested I try AA again. I was too ashamed to face anyone after my years of relaps,but I went anyway. It took a few trys,but I dug in my heels and got a sponcer, did 90/90, read the big book, did step work and made coffee. I also gathered a bunch of sober friends and did things with them. It's a lot of hard work,but it can be fun too. I started to get cravings in my 2nd and 3rd year. I told on myself each time and always kept people up to date with my life so I would not have to go through anything alone. Today I can say i rarely get cravings,but if I did I'd do what I did in the past. When you start hitting the 90 day mark again, you know thats your worst time,so dig your heels in, pick up on more meetings, tell on yourself, pray (if you do), and let the feelings go. Come here and chat away. I love the cyber world. It has helped me when FTF cannot and I can be more honest here. Looking forward to hearing from you again!

[Jay Bee]

After We put down the drugs We are left with a void, We need to fill the void with something positive. Basic text P. 22, Surrender means, not having to fight anymore. We accept our addiction and life the way it is. We do whatever is necessary to stay clean, Even the things we don't like doing.The things I had to do: I had to get involve in the fellowship part of the Program, from coffee maker to chairperson, it help me when I came early and stayed late, but the one that really help me was the 8 SUGGESTIONS, it's a guarantee I won't get high. YOU can't go wrong if YOU practice, their is no fail in PRACTICE!!!

[sioux]

Hi Patrickst78.

I wanted to be sober more than I didn't want to be. I was done being done. I took directions. I was a coffee maker. I trusted that this AA thing was going to work because nothing else had up to that point. I got a sponsor and started taking Steps. I cleared away the wreckage. I sought a power greater than myself that could restore me.

I went to work every day and school too. I cleaned my house and my truck. I stayed away from people that used and drank. I didn't go to bars. I went to AA functions. Sometimes I did things I didn't want to do to stay sober, and was good at that because I did things I didn't want to do when I drank.

I had to change my feelings and my thinking. I had to quit focusing on the things that used to be important, and start redirecting my energy.

Opiates are hard to get off. They take the edge of life. I live life on the edge, and it is hard sometimes, but not impossible. You don't have to do this even if you want to.