rage

[alwayshopeful26]

Hello, I am very new to any cyber support but I feel very alone. I have been a grateful member of al-anon for a couple of years and now I am in a relationship with a rageaholic! He has been to a therapist twice and feels he got it. Whatever that is. After about 2 months he had an explosion. I am truly not suprised as this is all work. My program instincts tell me to move on but I am committed and I can only deal with myself. I have looked for local rageaholics meetings and have found none. Can anyone relate. He doesn't drink except an occasional and has never used drugs and except for this problem he's a very sweet man. thanks

[yukonm]

I just wanted to welcome you to CyberRecovery and tell you that I am glad you found us. Please take time and browse around the friends and family forum, you will find that you are not alone. Someone should be here shortly that can relate. Glad you are here.
http://i657.photobucket.com/albums/uu291/yukonm/welcomeblinkie.gif

[patrickst78]

welcome to the forum, your in the right place when u say your a member

[zoomie]

I too raged until I found out that I needed medication to help me and my problems. I also knew my gig was up and it was unacceptable to rage. No one needs to be around anyone that rages,there is no exscuse because there is lots of help out there now days.

[BIG AL]

I have to say that I was a real sweet man in between bouts of rage.Especially when I broke my wives wrist or when I broke her ribs.Or maybe the time I chocked her out.I can tell you its the amount one drinks that matters or how often it what happens to them after that first drink.Maybe you hubby isnt a alky but rage(coming first hand here) is dangerous.One time about 1yr sober my son broke a water pipe playing baseball.When I came home my wife told me about it.I ask were is he at?She said he is hiding becouse he is scared you going to get mad.Talk about a blow to the heart.I called my sponsor and told him I think I have a anger problem.He asked me what are you going to do about it?I said I will just have to control it.And he said oh just like you controlled your drinking.Wow what another shot.I cant control my anger.It takes help.Sometimes professional help and it does take time.It takes only a few second to do some damage to someone real damage.I am not proud not proud at all to have been a abusive husband.It haunts me to this day.Mainly becouse my dad bruttally beat my mom my whole life and I swore I would never do that to my wife.Low and behold like father like son.Be careful If we dont take care of eachother who will?

[Rocket2d4]

there's nothing wrong with feeling angery.

Anger is one of the most natural human emotions.
Ti denial anger is also living in denial.

If a person is not allowed to release or express
emotions then stuff their emotions...
whaaallaa..on gose with depressions , temper tamtrum,
drug abuse or in some cases a walking time bomb.
it's from fualty programing or oldways of thinking.

Any ACOA knows how it feels like to walk on eggshells.

Stress, anger must be release.
in recovery people learn how to relaese anger in a positive
manner not to hurt anyone or themselves.
Not to be judge or redicue if a person wants to curse god
out or scream at the top of thier lungs.

[BIG AL]

A man one time told me Rocket2d4 that we are most closest to god when we are angry with him.LOL.Anger is a natural emotion.Rage is different.I still have lots of anger some still toward god.Mostly becouse he doesnt answer my selfish prayers.I kick and scream like a baby when I dont get my way.God I rememebr being a walking time bomb.Anger is alot of work it takes its toll on the body to.

[Rocket2d4]

A god of my understanding dosn't gives a rats ass how pissed
of or at rage I get...
A god of my understanding dosn't really gives a rats ass what
some old man said...what's true for him dosn't ring true for me.

What's new and profound for the old man is yestersday old
behavior patterns and thinking to me...

The heck with that...my sponsor's god won't help me.
My god of my undersrtanding helps me....

I get pissed off at my god all the time...At least i communicate
to my god honestly and truthly how i feel and think.
When I can get honest about this...it loses it's grip on me.
I'm no longer living in denial. The truth shall set me free.

It's honest open communications.
I don't pretending like its yabe ya be doo great all the time...
Lets hold hands and sing cumbayaaa...everything is okay
becuase I'm on a spritual high..
heck that's the same as getting drunk and high pretending
everything is just woo hoooo hunkie doorie.
And get emotional phobia, numb out and stuff their feelings.
that's like me taking my will and my life back again,,,,trying
manage it again...

I accept and ackowlege my rage. I give it god.
It's applying the principles in all my affairs.
I accept and ackowlege my alcoholism and turn it over to god.
I simply don't react to my alcoholism or my anger as i used to.

Life is not always pefect...I'm keeping it real.

Something can set me off tomorrow or five minutes from now.
I'm not cure of alcoholism as I'm not cured of anger or rage.
I'm still capiable of picking up a drink or a rage at any moment.
I can accept this. It's a daily living program. One day at a time.
5 mins at a time. If i make mistakes or an ass out of myself
sometimes...I forgive myself. I ask my god to help me.
I'm not afraid of being wrong or making mistakes today.
If i hurt other people..then I have to make amends..
At the sametime I'm not going to hold or carry the emotional
baggages around anymore either.

As a matter of fact I'm still pissed of at god at the moment.
If people don't like that..they can take it up with god...
I communicate with my god...God told me it was okay for me
to be angery. God accepted me as I am all of me.
if i'm freaken mr. spiritaul guru..perfect, or white as snow..
God would be unemployed...lmao

I was a very very angery and rageful young man when I first
got clean and sober. I know recovery is possible.

[BIG AL]

You sound like you are fixin to go into a rage:4:

[zoomie]

I too know the power of Healing and no human power or control from me could fix my rage. My higher powers are in form of an antidepressent and mood stablizer LOL :)

[Rocket2d4]

You sound like you are fixin to go into a rage:4:


see...that's why new people run like hell from meetings.
It's becuase of stupid ass remarks like that.

I'm not a newbie. you don't have to agree with me.
However you should STFU before you make any comments
about me or keep you own opinion to yourself.

keep coming back it gets better...
work it.. apply it. don't preach it to me.

A god of my understanding...


AA knows very little.
You know very little...

It's old behavior patterns you're doing.

When you grow up , you can apologize to me.

[zoomie]

Rocket we treat eachother with respect here. If your angry with someone take it to a PM, not on the board. The topic was about how someone can live with a rageaholic,not how to be one.

[Rocket2d4]

Rocket we treat eachother with respect here. If your angry with someone take it to a PM, not on the board. The topic was about how someone can live with a rageaholic,not how to be one.

That's right...

So treat me with repect and digtiny.
I don't appricate your sarcaism.
Don't try to out smart your disease.
Don't preach to me like I'm some little retard.

I don't do double standards, that's old behaviors.

I think your reading too much into this.
It's just something I wrote in a post of my
experince strentch and hope.

I don't belive you read the post that I wrote
and comprehend the recovery process in it.
You don't have to agree with me.
However don't assume anything or jump to conclusion
or that you're somehow better than me or superior
than me just becuase you have a different perception.

You can judge me all you want...
However it is still your perception.

You don't have to like me
I don't NEED you to like me or approve of me.
However, repect as you say you practice...
Show it to me.

How is that of me being rageful?

[zoomie]

I do not think I'm above you, just a moderator trying to do her job. Like I said before, if you have issues with a person take it to a PM. Your way off base with your accusations and your post. Your try to come off as a hardass and your just making yourself look like one in my book. Now lets all try to get along OK.

[sioux]

alwayshopeful, my experience with the rage person in my life was that it had to end or I was getting out of the situation. It is too much to endure. I had read an article by a well respected physician suggesting we have a nation of men that are depressed and unable to get a correct diagnosis because their symptoms are different than women, who are often over diagnosed with depression. Men have different and often overwhelming stresses that we would expect them to blow their stack over; that is not necessarily true.

One of those symptoms was rage and for a host of interesting and what I found plausible reasons. Armed with some information I approached this person and suggested they get to the doctor and talk honestly. He ended up getting a diagnosis that he could accept, and medication that has helped immensely.

Until that happened, he couldn't accept being an alcoholic, a program of recovery, or turn to a power greater than himself.

There are relapses, and there are no cures, but there is maintenance that is possible when the medication is a priority. Often people get to feeling better and don't take the meds; they can't or won't accept a lifetime of medication and then the one day at a time issues comes up.

There are past and present medical conditions too that can cause uncontrollable rage. For instance, a young man who was injured in the head severe enough as a teen could suffer damage that isn't recognized because no one notices that he "never grew up." There is a specific name for this, but if you are an alcoholic at you ate a steering wheel as a young man, and everyone thought you were a cute and funny rogue, and you still are doing the same things at 30 you were as a teen, including engaging in rageing behavior, there could be a problem that may never be diagnosed.

For some of us it's a characer defect or a survival tool that worked at one time. Some of us can abandon these behaviors and learn how to process anger in ways that are productive and a stepping stone for change. Some cannot ever see past the ability to get what they want out of others without using rage. That is where I believe there is a serious problem; mental, physical, maybe a little of both.

I have engaged in rage all my life. It is the very thing that lead me to recovery. My fear was I was going to kill someone. Actually it was my goal if I get honest. It is a sense of power. In recovery, it produces the same effect of getting high for me, but the come down is so nasty.

I have found relief in the step work and in accepting situations I cannot change. I call someone, I share about it, I go for walks, I've been to anger management and actually used a few of the tools like splashing water on my face.

For the real rageaholic, these things are impossiblities, even if one does not pick up a drink. People with rage often do not want to educate themselves about their situation. Counselors are not always great at identifying something they don't live with. It is hard to address.

When I went to this person with the information it wasn't well received at all. When I threw them out of my life, they were ready to listen. When I made them stay out of my life, they got help. Sometimes people need to see in black and white what their behaviors are going to cost them. It wasn't until I was satisifed that all the other steps were taken to get it under control.

A good marriage counselor will not work with a couple where one or the other is drinking. I remembered that at this juncture in my life. I would not work with someone that was sick, so sick, that they were a real danger.

And yes everyone gets angry. Sometimes angry people say and do things they wouldn't normally do if they were processing their anger in a way that doesn't hurt others. Anger should not be punitive. It should be something that takes us from one point to another without damage. Anger has helped me to make changes in my life.

Rage is part of my insanity, and when I am practicing sanity I practice self-control.

Blessings to you -- I hope you find the courage and strength to do what is best, safe for you and yours. Sorry this is so long, but a cause near and dear to me.

[BIG AL]

You sure make yourself sound like a newbie.I thought we were having a nice chat with a joke or 2 in there.wow who would of thought you would get alll bent out of shape.Well the big book does say we are sensitive people.I am done with this thread I have been insulted.LOL OH YA RESPECT IS EARNED NOT TAKEN LIKE A BULLY.

[Rocket2d4]

Rocketed to the 4th denimsion into the spirit of the sunlight.

Manipulation or diversion tractics dosn't work on me today.
A manipulator will never admit to being wrong or out of bound.

You can justifty your drinking or try to minimize
your behaviors all you want...You have a chioce.
If nothing changes nothing changes.

Your internal conflicts and insecurities has nothing to do with me.

I'm possitively cleare my life dosn't center around your thinking.

There's rule 62.

It dosn't have anything to do with being right or wrong
and chosing peace instead of being right.

Don't let me rent space in your head especailly if you have OCPD

These are all just living tools.

[BIG AL]

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: :eek:Can we just be freinds

[BIG AL]

A big I am sorry for the folks who were following this thread and the starter of it.I didnt realise it was being taken so serious.I thought some joking was going on till I realised people were taken this to the heart

[zoomie]

Big Al don't worry about it! It just goes to show some are sicker than others!

[MrSoul1970]

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Anger-Management/forum

[zoomie]

Great link Mr. Soul!!!