Family

[BIG AL]

Me and my wife went to eat at local place.As we sat there we sat next to one of the most loving family.They all got along.they all laughed andjust was happy as you could be.I watched as the mom and dad talked and the children interupted and instead of scollding the kids for doinf it they stopped and listened to what the children said.Just seem to be a s functional as ever one family could be.I learned alot there watching them I studied them the whole time they were there.After they finished there meal they sat for atleast an hour and just talked.They were there before we got there and after we left.We usually eat and hurry to get home to do our own thing.They really enjoyed each others company.Is this how it is growing up in a functional family.Did you all come from disfunctional families.I know for us it was abuse severe abuse at the hand of a drunk dad.it made me happy to watch and think how would my life turned out with that kind of love around.But I dont believe it has a whole lot to do with your sourronding it has to do with you and how you feel.DId that first drink set you on fire or what.Just thought I would share this with yal.What you think?

[zoomie]

I'm not really sure of your questions,but the grass is always greener. I lived in a middle class neighborhood and I thought my kids were the worst and my family was the most disfuctional until I got to know my kid's friends. Kids talk and you get to know that their lives are not always as happy as it seems. I use to judge people on how clean thier house was because everyone in that neighborhood house was spick and span and mine was messy,but the kids were not aloud to do anything in the house nor have pets. I have learned to love and embrace my disfuctional kids (and who made them that way anyway LOL) and be greatful for the time we do spend together, learn to spend time with them and talk to them even if it's just to ask how their day went at school. Sence my divorce I do not get to spend every waking moment with my kids,but I try to make sure the time I do spend with them is not full of anger,but is calm even if it is boring. I use to yell a lot,but do not any more. There are different ways of deal with kids in stead of yelling. My drinking made me hung over the next day when my kids were little and i'd be too tired to do stuff or I'd start my drinking around dinner time and could not go do things with alcohol on my breath. Today I can go to those foot ball games, and get up early without feeling sick. I hope this was on topic. I know I'm a better parent and my family is not as disfuctional today with me not drinking.

[Honey Barbara]

Hi Big Al
Zoomie is right. I come form a family that are big communicators,one of those families you sat next to - we love to laugh and chat. There is a lot of love and we really like being around each other. As well as that My mum has a drinking problen and picks fights when she's tired, My dad is a workaholic, My brother just got out of jail for the 3rd time, He's a meth addict. There is no such thing as a true functional family - Big Al - I am not saying that it's hard in those families the way it was for you - But behind closed doors, things can be quite different.
Honey-Barbxxx

[sioux]

Very middle class upbringing...stern, mannerly, probably kinder to strangers than to each other. No talking, no displays of emotions. Much of that change as I grew into a teenager and my father retired early. I remember the day I was heading to school and there was that man sitting at the kitchen table...I wove to him. He reluctantly wove back. The next day I said hello...he said hi. The third day I said can you sign this paper for school, mom apparently has retired. He said sure. We grew into a loving family of three thereafter, but not your average family of course, we drank, smoked, cursed, loved one another differently, cried sometimes, endured a little depression.

The difference I get to make today in my current family life is that I get to share this program with them. We are not perfect of course, but I don't want to wait until the last minute like my father and I did, to have a relationship.

[janbear]

We were dysfunctional, simply put. I started to write all about growing up in my family, but chose to delete. I am grateful today in recovery that some of my perspectives on life have changed. My mom and i today can communicate by talking without yelling. I just realize that the more i seek to "understand rather than be understood" in my family the better off i am. Recovery and God has shown me how to forgive family where i didnt think i ever could. I remember making an amends to my father prior to his death.

My hubby and i commuicate fairly well. It still is different to me to be able to do that, definitely progressing with it, not perfect.

[mmarq56]

Yeah, they seem to be all around happy but what are they like behind closed doors? Maybe they really are like that. Honestly, I don't know what its like to be in a functional family -- if there's such a thing. So, those kinds of people bug the hell out of me. Yes, I'm a pessamist (sp??). Obviously. Sorry I can't be more positive and helpful. :25: