Help with alcoholic mother...

[Ladyv]

Hi-i wasnt sure if this was the best place to ask for help really on the forum but it kinda seemed relevent.
Im 29 years old and living at home with my mum who is an alcoholic. I have lived elsewhere before now but she seems to want me to live with her so she has someone here for her.
I suffer with depression and also have BPD so things are hard for me on a day to day basis. I have no job and have only recently tried to get back to studying.

She has driven alot of our family and friends away with her drinking and as a result i have very little people to talk to for advise and just to chat. I have found that most of my friends dont know how to be there for me and have become distant over time and just not speak to me now.

She has health problems and wont get help from a doctor-she very often is sick when she goes to eat-as well as eating nothing during the daytime-she is very skinny, and often cant control her bowels. It drives me crazy that she cant see what alcohol is doing to her and listen to me when i tell her its worrying me so much.

She gave up drinking about 4-5 years ago for about 3 years-the doctors at this time told her that she had to stop or she wld need to have a liver transplant-she stopped-but began drinking again after a friend gave her a glass of wine.

I just feel like im trapped and have no help-finding that its hard for me to have a relationship with anyone too as she tries to spoil things and make it hard for me to be with them. I have been to see my doctor and he says there isnt much i can do and i just need to get support from friends.

Please has anyone got any advise?

[zoomie]

I really do not have any advice. If it was my mom though, I would some how put her in the hospital. Find out if there are any laws in your country if a person is not in control of themselves if you can mandate them to a detox or hospital. For yourself I would try alanon. It's a place for people that have alcoholics in their lives. Come here and post and get support. I'm so sorry for your situation. I took care of my mother who was dying from breast cancer. Although not the same thing, it was still had to watch her life slip away. I'm sure it is hard for you too. ((((((((((((Huggies))))))))))

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Hi-i wasnt sure if this was the best place to ask for help really on the forum but it kinda seemed relevent.
Im 29 years old and living at home with my mum who is an alcoholic. I have lived elsewhere before now but she seems to want me to live with her so she has someone here for her.
I suffer with depression and also have BPD so things are hard for me on a day to day basis. I have no job and have only recently tried to get back to studying.

She has driven alot of our family and friends away with her drinking and as a result i have very little people to talk to for advise and just to chat. I have found that most of my friends dont know how to be there for me and have become distant over time and just not speak to me now.

She has health problems and wont get help from a doctor-she very often is sick when she goes to eat-as well as eating nothing during the daytime-she is very skinny, and often cant control her bowels. It drives me crazy that she cant see what alcohol is doing to her and listen to me when i tell her its worrying me so much.

She gave up drinking about 4-5 years ago for about 3 years-the doctors at this time told her that she had to stop or she wld need to have a liver transplant-she stopped-but began drinking again after a friend gave her a glass of wine.

I just feel like im trapped and have no help-finding that its hard for me to have a relationship with anyone too as she tries to spoil things and make it hard for me to be with them. I have been to see my doctor and he says there isnt much i can do and i just need to get support from friends.

Please has anyone got any advise?


LadyV,

I know what its like to feel trapped in a situation where it seems there's nothing one can do. I know how that feels because not so long ago I was "trapped" in a co-dependent relationship that cost me 15 years of my life and immeasurable loss and suffering.

And through that experience I discovered that the only thing keeping me stuck was my own limiting beliefs. The way I was looking at the things that were happening in my life, and the meaning I was giving to all those things that were happening.

There was no doubt I was in a co-dependant situation that was causing me lots of pain, but the story I was telling myself was that there was no way I could do anything about it because it involved people in family. People that I cared about and didn't want to hurt or abandon.

One thing that helped me start moving in a healthier direction was a question a friend oif mine once asked. He asked:

"When you are flying in an airplane, who's oxygen mask do they say you have to put on first in case of an emergency? Yours or your child's?"

The answer is you must take care of yourself first. You are no help to anyone else if you are dead or freaking out.

Right now you have an emergency. You have a life and death situation going on. In fact there are two lives at stake. So I'm not going to bulls*it you. You have a hard road ahead with many tough decisions to make.

And the first choice is, you can choose to go down with your mother, in which case both of you are lost. Or you can choose to save yourself, and then you can at least give your mom a fighting chance.

The other thing you can choose is to deny that is the case, and just continue letting other people control your life and make your decisions for you.

If you decide you are going to start by taking better care of yourself, then write back and tell me some things you really want. The first step is to be clear about what you want.