Recovery From Sexual Addiction

[mellotripp]

I had never truly thought I was getting anywhere with my recovery till I was able to abstain from the sexual behavior that I was practicing. Bouts of depression I would experience were temporarily taken care of through compulsive acting out. Today I feel that I have a normal sex drive if I really knew what one is. Age may have made all the difference but yet, I believe it is also the psycic change that I experienced when I was forced to change my excuses for going back out and using and abusing for the necessity to do the will of God as best I could. The peace that I found for my recovery from alcohol and drugs were able to automatically help in my sexual addictions. Thanks, Respectfully Joe.

[clean42day]

Thanks ITL for the information.

The promise of recovery is the restoration of self.

Recovery - for me implies being restored to previous state of being.

for me - since I was sexually abused as a child - I never got to experience what "normal" - natural - or healthy sexuality would have been....being sexualized as a child - predisposed me to act out much earlier than I normally would have. Long before my mind or emotional state could catch up. My sexual experiences resembled exploitative forms of power.....and that was what I thought was "normal". Either I was using people or they were using me = acting out. or I was sexualizing everyone and everything = acting in.
what sex boiled down to for me was a false form of self-validation. so being restored to a state of natural being that never happend was pretty hard to do.

In recovery, we try to find ways to make our sexuality an appropriate part of life.

I had to explore what healthy even meant at the age of 40. I stayed sexually abstinant for the first 5 years of my recovery in order to not "act out" and work on having a healthy relationship with me and my creator without any distraction.

We also acknowledge what we lost, grieve the harm we suffered, and eventually come to acceptance about our past, which opens the way for being present, sexually and spiritually.

during that time I was also in private therapy and belonged to a group of sexual abuse survivors where I grieved for the innocence lost in my childhood and gave myself permission to heal, forgive, let go and learn to sexually mature all over again.

My very first serious relationship in recovery was a huge and scary test. And we got off to a pretty rocky start. all the things that I didn't get to address in thearpy came rushing up to the surface in my relationship dynamic with D. The exact things I needed to work on and work through begged for attention. I triggered quit a bit of stuff in him too. Ultimatlley we had to take a break from eachother, get perspective, and then come back together in a whole new way, with new boundaries, and new agreements on how to redefine "healthy" for us. Sometimes we learn the most from our mistakes and looking back the very first thing I forgot to do - was keep God as my #1 primary relationship. I try not to forget to invite God into everything I do today.

And as we grow in recovery, many of us choose to integrate our sexuality with our spirituality. When we are sexual with love, gratitude, and generosity, sex can be an expression of our highest spiritual ideals.

Today I have healed many of my issues surrounding what is healthy and unhealthy for me. I am, for the first time in my life, in what I believe to be a healthy relationship - with natural imtimacy that integrates all parts of my being and most importantly we honor eachother in a way that does not diminish or exploit our growth as individuals and as a couple.

I am sure there are going to be more challenges - but I feel as long as I keep my Higher power as my primary relationship - there is nothing that I can't go though....heal...or learn through in order to love in a healthy way.

it is a beautiful thing to love someone for who they are - not what they can give or what I can get. And I expect nothing less from my partner than to be treated in honor and respect in return.

This for me is huge progress from where I can from.

We can use our sexuality to express our love, appreciation, and faith.


A suggestion from a friend on how to turn a human realtionship into a holy spiritual one:

Imagine a spiritual traingle: God is at the top and two people are at the base of the traingle. This is a 3 way relationship.
As Each person keeps God as thier primary relationship and they grow closer to thier creator - they are also moving up the poles of the triangle closer towards God and towards eachother.

I just thought that was a really cool visual and an ideal to strive for.

light and love

Gail

[Vision]

Thanks 4 this thread!

I'm a sex & love addict (and a drug addict) and it's so nice to see a thread on this subject!