Everything For A Reason

[alcoholrehabcoach]

One thing I love about CyberRecovery is that there are always so many different conversations focused on recovery! I think that's wonderful, because I can remember how lost and lonely I used to feel when I was suffering from addictions.

I think it says a lot about the people who come to these forums to share and learn and grow, and I feel both proud and grateful to be a member of this community.

Occasionally, as will happen when any number of people gather to communicate, some folks will end up rubbing each other the wrong way. We all have our own way of looking at things, so of course there is the potential for conflict when another person sees things in a way that is different than our own.

For me, staying sober requires my ability to see things as they are, and wherever necessary, to rise above the drama of my own conflicting thoughts and feelings. If I can't disengage from that drama within myself, and bring myself back to neutral to assess what serves me best, then how can I possibly do it with anyone else?

Now if I was God, here is what I would NOT do. I would not set up a world where everyone thinks and acts the same and there was never any conflict. Instead, I would set up a world where people are free to hurt each other, because only then would they know what it means to Love. If that idea is difficult to grasp, remember that everything is relative. It is often the polar opposite view of something that gives us our perspective. For example, death is a great idea, because it gives us a greater appreciation of life.

If people never grew old, if nothing ever died, if the seasons never changed, if old beliefs were never put to rest, if nothing ever changed, what a stale and boring place the entire planet would have been.

Sharing something of my own personal philosophy, I think one good reason for pain and suffering and death and dying and ignorance and rape and murder and all the horrible things in life, is that all those things make something very beautiful available to each and every one of us:

A state of Grace.


I asked this question in another form just the other day, and nobody took me up on it. So now I'm going to ask it again to see if anyone responds:


What good things have come out of your pain and loss or suffering? What good things have come from your mistakes?


Everything happens for a reason.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Mike, do you feel like your relationship with Admin., is one of co-dependence ?

No. I feel it is one of inter-dependence. The administrators and I don't "need" each other for anything. Each us of us are independent, whole, and fully functional on our own.

The fact that we choose to work together to serve the greater good does not mean we agree or disagree on everything or anything.

All it means to me is that if I want to continue participating in this forum, then I must respect and abide by the rules of the people who are running it. I think it is very healthy and helpful to have people looking out for one another, and I believe the administrators here feel the same.

I don't look at the administrators' involvement as censorship. I simply look at it as people doing their best to maintain certain standards of dignity and respect. I also know it is much easier to complain about the job that somebody else is doing, than take that job upon ourselves, and try to do it all ourselves, in a way that pleases everybody.


Personally I feel the administrators here do not get enough credit for all the work they do. And where others may think I am "sucking up" for some reason or another, I think many people would agree that the quality of our discussions without any moderation would deteriorate very quickly.

[Starlight]

...my ability to see things as they are, and wherever necessary, to rise above the drama of my own conflicting thoughts and feelings. If I can't disengage from that drama within myself, and bring myself back to neutral to assess what serves me best, then how can I possibly do it with anyone else?

Thank you for that Mike. What you said really struck a chord within me... it reminds me how we must at times, remove ourselves emotionally from a situation & look at the facts.

This brings me to the question you asked:

What good things have come out of your pain and loss or suffering? What good things have come from your mistakes?
One thing I have found from my couple of years of sobriety, is to realize the serenity & being able to internalize the truth that "this too shall pass". When I was drinking, every situation was magnified... if something was bad, it was perceived as something even worse than it actually was. I dramatized the suffering in every situation to the point where it felt like it would be stuck there, in high gear, for the rest of my lifetime. To put it simply: my reaction was to over-react.

Becoming nicotine & alcohol free has opened up my life to facing each day with a clear mind & a new way of living. Old ways of handling situations no longer worked with my new lifestyle... and so, not only does my recovery require me to not self-medicate, it demands that I develop new healthy ways to cope with life. What scared me the most about being completely alcohol-free was that I would have to face life "completely alcohol-free" ... what a shock it was to discover that I actually enjoy & embrace this about my life now! lol

The process that I have been going through these past couple years has been nothing less than life-transforming.
"This too shall pass" is how I now try to look at difficult situations, and use that philosophy to look beyond what is in my immediate view. I can now look back at prior events in my life that felt so devestating at the time, and see that they now have faded & have found a peaceful place to live in my soul.
When I'm in the midst of an emotional crisis these days, I try to put it into perspective, and try to find a way to see it as a positive learning experience.

I have come to accept that all things are for a reason, and that there is also a season. This is where I try to find my serenity these days... this is how I try to grow from my pain.

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Wow. Thank you for that Starlight!

Now I'm thinking maybe the reason I wrote that post was to tap into some more of those wonderfully healing vibes that people like you are putting out there each and every day!

WOW! NOW I FEEL EVEN BETTER THAN I DID BEFORE!

Thank you thank you thank you!


:218:

[Starlight]

:)
I have always enjoyed your input here on the forum. I must admit that some of your questions that you ask really make a person delve deep down inside themselves to try & find the answer. Not sure if this makes sense, but I have found that quite a few times I can't answer your question that you put out to us, because quite honestly, I don't think that I have an answer...it's like I can't (or won't??) go that deep to see what I really feel about something. Hard to explain, but maybe you can understand what I am saying. Regardless if I can answer your questions or not, they really do make me think.... and that's certainly a good start in the right direction. :)


When I saw the title of your thread, I had to read it... it reminded me of this beautiful written piece, one of my all-time favorites:

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

[Tom1]

Problems with alcohol have given me the gift of empathy for others who suffer with similar problems, something many of my colleagues lack.

[Chewi]

I believe just a little differently on everything happening for a reason. Philosophers and theologens have argued through the centuries, so I don't think we're going to solve it here. I just want to say that I believe God is good and loving and cannot do evil. He allows evil so we are not robots: we are allowed to choose what we do. Therefore, since we sometimes choose to do wrong, bad things happen. Bad things also happen through pure accident, pure mistakes, forces of nature, etc. God may protect if he so desires and he may not. I do not pretend to understand completley my creator's mind, except I believe it is good.
That said, God promises to work out all things for good for those who love him. So, if you believe all things happen for a reason, this is where we do agree. Because God takes those bad things and uses them for good, for his good and perfect plan, for good life lessons. Don't want to start a debate here, but just want to share what I have learned from Christianity and my life experiences.

That said: the suffering in my life, the bad things that have happened, whether from consequences of my actions, or others, or accidents, these things cause me to be more forgiving and less judgmental. I have empathy for those with addictions, because so do I. I have empathy with those who have cancer, because so have I.
Rather than judging right off the bat, or responding with anger, I try to have understanding of others and try to picture myself in their shoes.
I am far from perfect in this. It is a lifelong process. I have to bring this awareness to mind daily, otherwise it is very easy to slip into old patterns and behaviors.

I am currently recognizing in myself a lifelong pattern of negativity and critical thinking, and really want to work on eliminating that. I never realized the destructiveness of it and how I pass this on to my children.

My favorite person in life is my older cousin who never says anything negative about anyone (even when it seems they may really deserve it!).

This way of thinking also makes me want to be an ecourager of others and to serve and help others when and where I can.

Thanks for the topic and the sharing!