What a jerk I am to judge in here

[TaylorLeigh]

While my husband, friends, family and I know I have some problems with alcohol (namely limiting my consumption and at scarce times behavior) and have for a few years now, I do NOT consider myself an alcoholic. I understand to be alcoholic you don't have to live on the streets and have lost everything but at 29, I HIGHLY doubt a few shaky mornings, some blackouts and drinking frequently make me an ACTUAL alcoholic... the real deal alcoholic.

The problem is I almost resent people then who call themselves an alcoholic on recovery sites who are less adversely impacted than I am by alcohol or who drink a couple of drinks and stop and just because they do it every night they call themselves an alcoholic. If this were true, it would automatically make me one and that is something I cannot stand for.

I like alcohol too much and I use it as an escape but Lord knows I'm not a 'real alcoholic'. I would just benefit from cutting back or stopping. Is this resentment I have toward self proclaimed alcoholics normal or am I a jerk who will be detrimental to this forum?

[hetiheti]

what actually is a real deal alcoholic - while i can say my name is hetiheti and i am an alcoholic, i am already getting ready to say the big BUT .... not really, i don't wake up in the gutter, i don't drink at breakfast etc. etc. etc. so i have had a few issues with that as well - because i do not truly think of myself as an alcoholic - i just know i can't control "it" - "it" controls me!!!! does that make me an alcoholic - yes, i think so.
anyway, 1 week today, hip hip horray - and i am doing ok.
hang in there taylorleigh - at 29 you have so much more living and loving to look forward to - enjoy your life - aroha, hetiheti :17:

[zoomie]

You can call yourself anything you like,but if alcohol is controling your life it's time to learn how to manage it. You can stop all together, you can limit, you can just stop for a time or what ever. If coming here helps then it helps, we are always here. No one can tell you what to do or call you an alcoholic, only you can,but we can make suggestions being this is a public forum. I call myself an alcoholic when I go to those AA meeting. I call myself that to fit in. I drank more than others, some of the others drank far more than I. But I do know that if I did not go, I would still be drinking and I would still have problems because of my drinking. I never had a black out,but that does not mean I did not have the shakes. I only drank in the mornings like 5 times out of my many years drinking and that was because I was at parties and was waking up with the parties still going on. I never hid my drinking (but I did hide the last can of beer for my self). I always had a partner that drank like I did,but hid the emptys incase a neighbor would pop in for fear that someone would see how much beer my husband and I actually drank. I never got a DUI because I would either let someone els drive or I would not go any place after 5:00. God forbid one of my kids would have gotten hurt. I could go on,but you get it I'm sure.

[skyhook]

While my husband, friends, family and I know I have some problems with alcohol (namely limiting my consumption and at scarce times behavior) and have for a few years now, I do NOT consider myself an alcoholic. I understand to be alcoholic you don't have to live on the streets and have lost everything but at 29, I HIGHLY doubt a few shaky mornings, some blackouts and drinking frequently make me an ACTUAL alcoholic... the real deal alcoholic.

The problem is I almost resent people then who call themselves an alcoholic on recovery sites who are less adversely impacted than I am by alcohol or who drink a couple of drinks and stop and just because they do it every night they call themselves an alcoholic. If this were true, it would automatically make me one and that is something I cannot stand for.

I like alcohol too much and I use it as an escape but Lord knows I'm not a 'real alcoholic'. I would just benefit from cutting back or stopping. Is this resentment I have toward self proclaimed alcoholics normal or am I a jerk who will be detrimental to this forum?

Excuse me, but I am the leader of "Detrimental Jerks" around here and have not seen your application to join the "DJ" group. If i had, you would have been denied access based on your honest and heartfelt post.

Keep coming back and asking the tough question. Peace.

[clean42day]

While my husband, friends, family and I know I have some problems with alcohol (namely limiting my consumption and at scarce times behavior) and have for a few years now, I do NOT consider myself an alcoholic.

Well following that logic - if you have problems now with people telling you you have a problem with alcohol - and you continue on drinking.....guess what? at the very least you are going to have problems with your relationships and at the worst you will deny your drinking patterns and continue drinking yourself right into full blown alcoholism. If your not an alcohoic - step over to the local bar and have just one drink....then get up leave and don't have one for another year.

alcoholism is really is not about the consumption or the quantity that you drink....it is about the loss of the qualtiy of your life, your relationships, the slip in priorities....the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial unmanegeabiltiy. is drinking becoming so important that you must defend it in spite of your own value system?

I wouldn't call you a jerk - but I can see some the same defenses and rationalizations that I had in you when I was new at this too.


but at 29, I HIGHLY doubt a few shaky mornings, some blackouts and drinking frequently make me an ACTUAL alcoholic... the real deal alcoholic.


I can tell you - that many of us here had the same thought - the same idea of the typical street corner drunk. That is the media's image - the real alcoholic is behind those scenes -mothers in homes with children - drinking to sleep at night...the upper middle class housewife - who hides it well and everyone thinks is the supermom of the neighborhood - but she is lonely - stressed, or boared out of her mind and uses alcohol to cope. The investment broker on wall street who buys everyone rounds for lunch meetings just to look good on the outside.....what if the STREET drunk was actually the exception and not the rule? How would your justifications and rationalizations change?

the point is this.....blackouts really are not fun.....when your unconscious - what could be fun about that :eek:....is that some kind of claim to fame - I drank myself unconscious and passed out? Being embarrassed about my behavior while drunk? -= yeah that was so much fun I am going to go out and do it again - do you see the insantiy of that? :idea:

I like alcohol too much and I use it as an escape but Lord knows I'm not a 'real alcoholic'.

If you go to an AA meeting you will find people who had the exact same thinking process as you....Don't kid yourself - your age, consumption, and quantitiy have nothing to do with being an alcoholic....nor how you compare to the next guy - or womans drinking patterns. you will definetly find similiarities - maybe enough of them to make you curious.

but I can tell you this from perosnal experience in my own life.....I used alcohol and drugs to escape also - to cope - to take the edge and pain away - and after time and years went by - it got worse - I got worse and I became alcohol/drug dependent - after that it no longer took away my pain - it became the CAUSE of my pain and almost destroyed my life.

if your really not an alcoholic or alcohol dependent - then you won't have a problem quitting for a year and coping just fine with life on life's terms and finding other solutions that work to help you. escaping and avoiding problems never solves them - it only distracts us long enough so the problems continue to grow and we become overwhelmed and then claim to be victims of our problems....when we had the chance to address them - we didn't - we drank instead.

and no you could never be detrimental to the forum - you have just strengthened my recovery and confirmed for me that the disease is still alive and well and trying to destroy young lives one drink at a time, one justification at a time.


I really do hope you stay around and give yourself a chance to get to know a better way to live.

I also hope you stick around enough to make some new friends.

light and love

Gail

[billybob]

I like alcohol too much and I use it as an escape but Lord knows I'm not a 'real alcoholic'. You said it all right there if you use it to escape reality and to forget some of your day then yes I would have to say ( Hello My Name Is BillyBob And I Am A Alcoholic )
This is good though it makes me remember ME back then stay and thread away some more you may learn some GOOD things .

[Chewi]

I heard something really good in a meeting today -- that this is the only disease that is self-diagnosed and self-treated. That means it's all up to you.

How I can relate. I have been fighting and relapsing, because I just couldn't commit to the fact that I was alcoholic. We all have to decide for ourselves, but boy, you have to be a real good liar to be one. Because you are always lying to yourself that you are not.

I have decided I do want to quit and have decided to commit -- that means stop being so stubborn and start listening to people -- and actually let them help me!

Hope you stay around, and you can't be the head jerk when we are all jerks already! ;)

Thanks for sharing!

[TaylorLeigh]

Thanks. I understand how this must look, but you have to know me to see. Yes, I feel I'm steering off course somewhat, but I'm going to be a dentist in 1.5 yrs. I'm in my 3rd year of dental school now. It is stressful. My husband and I both agree that this is likely just a result of stress and being in a LOT of debt. It will resolve itself when I have money and a job and a family.

Anyway, I can't debate my habits with a bunch of recovering alcoholics because it will make no sense and always be seen as rationalizing. I want to stop because I drink too much and never get the effect I used to. I can finish an entire bottle of wine and not get that elated, sitting on cloud 9 feeling I used to get. Now I get sad and depressed and always hold out hope that it will come back... if I eat less, if I drink faster etc. Point is though, I could stop if I truly wanted to. I did so for a week when my husband asked me to with little trouble. Maybe wanted it 2 of those days but had no trouble denying myself. Thanks for the analysis though. I don't want to stop because I'm an alcoholic. I'm not. I want to stop because it's a waste.

[Tom1]

Hey Taylor.I have struggled with the "alcoholic" term for years.I guess I, like you, had a vision of what this is supposed to be. When I was your age I was a paramedic and a chiropractor with a busy practice, went back to medical scool in my mid 30's, and now finishing residency in internal medicine while starting to set up another practice ( I am now 42).I may be repeating this but want you to know I have been where you are (hundreds of thousands in debt, professional school TWICE).I never drank daily. Never missed work.I drank/ drink for all the reasons you stated.I especially drink after the 30 hour shifts I work, especially when I am doing critical care and come home physically, mentally, and spiritually drained.I TRY to only drink once a week, now am up to 2 weeks. I never had shakes or any signs of withdraw. I am here because I have gone to many AA meetings, just visited a professional etoh recovery program (in my hospital duties, not a pt). I see what can happen so I am TRYING to quit.It CAN take you out, as it did many of the docs and nurses I just met, in the prime of your life. You do NOT have to use the title alcoholic if you do not want, it is just a name. That being said, if you cannot go a signifigant period of time without it, it does have a hold (physical, mental or spiritual)on you and you need to break that hold. I am here for that reason, and go to meetings (although often uncomfortable that my "story" isn't very impressive), I always walk out seeing what could happen to me.Trust me, the stress WILL NEVER GO AWAY. Private practice is only worse. Making good money is worse. You are perhaps at the LEAST stressful part of your career NOW!!!Please keep coming here, there is more wisdom from these kind, giving souls than I have found in any of my 15 years of college/ prof schools and have met some of the wisest "uneducated" people at the meetings I have gone to, you just have to humble yourself and realize that all the books we have read and tests we have taken are nothing compared to the wisdom that our fellow brothers and sisters have gained through their experiences. God bless you Taylor, it is so exciting to be where you are, you have so much to be thankfull for. Tom

[sioux]

I was both terminally unique and a jerk, something I am still at times.

I wanted someone to tell me something so I could argue how different I was from them. G-d I did not want to be like the loosers I saw sitting in AA.

I wanted to rationalize. I wanted other people to accept my socially unacceptable behavior. I needed to flock with birds of a feather. Didn't happen in AA, and that made me upset.

They said join us on the path to wellness...we will not join you as we have already been where you were at. Are you kidding me? If you could only see me, and there they were looking right in my eyes.

Good news...you get to decide if you are alcoholic or not. We don't diagnosis anyone.

Step up to the nearest bar and have another. Maybe a case of the jitters, or not, will be what you need to decide for yourself.

[skyhook]

There are people with broken lives who simply could not stop drinking.
There are people with broken lives who were self proclaimed alcoholics.
The consequences could care less about terminology.

Everyone had a different process and everyones bottom point is different because of varying pain thresholds, for one.

Taylor, there is no one in this Forum or in your world real world, who knows your truths...except you. Trust your instincts. There is a reason you are reaching out and courageously asking questions.

Peace to you.

[Rockin Big Daddy]

Is there a Step that says, " I think....."