Vanilla extract

[okid]

Hi Mike...just needed to post and get some feedback. I am visiting my sister (up north on a short vacation from Florida) and yesterday was my birthday. My niece and my 4 year old daughter wanted to make me brownies to celebrate and I was taking pictures of them baking when I saw my niece put a teaspoon of vanilla extract in the mix. I know it has alcohol, but figured I have eaten plenty of desserts, cookies etc. in sobriety that have been made with it, and had no problem - either because I couldn't taste it or because of it cooking out. When it was time for my "brownie cake" I was caught up in the moment and excited to try what they made (my daughter's first time baking). While cutting it into pieces it was very fudgy and my niece remarked how their oven wasn't working well and it might not have cooked all the way. I hesitated for a moment and thought "oh, I'm being ridiculous - this is fine - I'm not going to let something so silly bother me or keep me from tasting something they made special for me. So, I took a few bites and that was that. Well, this morning I woke up and my head is going in circles and worrying about it, beating myself up, etc. I did not taste any alcohol nor was I intending to get drunk on a brownie, but my head is going "well, you should have refused it, not taken a bite, etc - you slipped, blah blah blah. I know that this is my diease f-ing with me but I just needed to share about it. I know now that I have to be more cautious in the future and perhaps avoid eating anything that might be triggering to me, but would anyone consider this a slip? My sponsor says no, just one of the lessons we learn along the way in sobriety. I normally am extremely paranoid about this stuff - asking waiters in restaurants if there is alcohol/wine in anything, but never thought much about desserts and vanilla. I just celebrated 6 years in recovery and would hate to think I blew it with a brownie! Any experience with this?

[alcoholrehabcoach]

Hi Mike...just needed to post and get some feedback...my head is going "well, you should have refused it, not taken a bite, etc - you slipped, blah blah blah. I just celebrated 6 years in recovery and would hate to think I blew it with a brownie!

You haven't blown anything. If anything you have given yourself another great reference for how far you have really come, and another opportunity to learn the essential lesson that:

"Nothing has any meaning except the meaning you choose to give it."

So what meaning could you give situations like the dreaded brownie incident that truly serves your heart and soul, instead of continually messing with your mind? What's the flipside of wondering if you blew it?

If you like, you can tell me your definition of sobriety and I'll show you where you are struggling.

[Leadfoot]

I was a slave to alcohol. I refuse to be a slave to sobriety. If I can't eat a brownie am I truly free?

[hummingbird]

Although finding a group of Baha'i friends (who do not drink) helped wean me off of the social drinking I used to occasionally do, I also found the literal interpretation of "no alcohol" where cooking is concerned a bit heavy-handed in my particular case.

There is no chance that I'm going to curl up with a bottle of cooking sherry, for example; or go on a bender with vanilla or cough syrup--though I understand that many folks may indeed be so tempted. If there were someone who might be led astray in this way living with me, I might consider locking up the medicines and cooking ingredients (!) but I have to say that for me (an ACOA, but never an A) discernment is enough.

The Baha'i Faith did help wean me off of even the perception that entire glasses of liquor were going to do me any good. For me, not going Cold Turkey was rational and sensible, but then I've never been an A. For an A, I can see that if any amt. of alcohol would make them anxious, then it would certainly be cruel if all the food/drink on offer was somehow spiked.

(It might be like thinking that food had been processed on equipment which had contact with nuts, if I were allergic to nuts??)

There is a passage in the Bible which, paraphrased, says that although Christians should be able to eat "even" formerly disallowed things like pork, that if doing so would cause their brothers to be led astray, in kindness they should refrain from inadvertently testing them in this way.

Anymore, even half a glass of wine just makes me go to sleep, so I gave up drinking even that small quantity. However, because I've never had an alcohol addiction, I will still have things like liquor-flavored coffees when I go out, or cook with sherry if the recipe calls for it.

I only do this for the flavor, not to consume the alcohol, though.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

Take care in those brownies,it's your recovery.Don't wreck it over brownies,you can get vanilla flavor from vanilla beans,no alcohol,stronger vanilla taste.

[zoomie]

Give it a rest! It was only a tea spoon, not the whole bottle and it was made with love not with the intention of getting you drunk. From my understanding alcohol does cook out of things even if it's under cooked. And a tea spoon for a whole brownie cake is not going to get a person even a tiny bit tipsy or maybe it's wishful thinking! I'd be more worried about hurting your familie's feelings about the whole blown up thiking of relapsing from eating a brownie cake. I would think about why I made a mountain out of a mole hill and posted it on a message board. Now if you wanted to drink the vanilla then I'd be worried. Maybe you had that thought and transfered it on to the teaspoon? I bake cookies all the time and I use vanilla because it calls for it. I have a whole bottle on my shelf. I never gave drinking it a thought because if I was going to drink, it would be my drink of choice.